Reviewers - thank you. Reviews mean the world to me, honestly =)

And my beta - again, thank you for correcting my absolutely awful typing as I'm sure it was!

Flockfighter95 - Thanks for the idea but I've actually finished writing this already so you'll just have to see how it pans out my way =P Like your ways of thinking though...

Jolie71- I'm very sorry about your ulcer, but I bet you secretly loved my contribution to it ;)

And yes everyone who commented, Bella is very much in denial, but shes about to start sort of getting over it, soon, I promise. However I know her denial is beginning to confuse some people and I'm sorry for that but its the way she is :P Can't change a wilful, stubborn girl without a good Edward there to do it... ;)

So also... I had a PM asking me why she doesn't try to escape. Well basically because she doesn't. Logically she has never been to Doorn, or any of the Lone Islands before except on any official tours she's taken so she has no clue who anyone is or where she would run to. Also, something is stopping her from even thinking about that - her mind is a little precoccupied with a certain something or someone else... ;) However, hold on till chapter 16 or 17 ish times(depending on how the typing works out). Thats all I'm saying.

Babydolcullen - Tanya will certainly make an appearance, but not for a few chapters yet, just stay with me. Bella is currently working on admitting it to herself, but you shan't hear them say it to each other yet, a lot happens between now and when they finally fully admit everything. I love my chapter where they admit everything though, it was one of the first ones i actually wrote. It made me smile. Cause I like a lot of cheddar and mozzarella in between all the angst (although I do love the old angst as you can tell. And even after they admit it there is more angst. Because, hey, everyone loves the angst!). ;) Though for that again everyone will have to stay with me.

Also guys - read the quote on this chapter. Its my favourite one so far. When I started looking for quotes it was the first one I found and I love it. (L) Cause I'm really a rather pathetic person and quotes make me happy... (As do reviews btw for anyone whose considering it... Just thought I'd get that in there! Can't blame a girl for trying!)

Chapter 10

"Know that when I hate you, it is because

I love you to a point of passion that unhinges my soul."

-Julie DeLespinasse

"You have to come with me for a while," Alice said quietly, coming up behind me and putting her hand on my shoulder.

It was late the next morning; I had sat at Edward's desk all night. He hadn't come back.

I rose, wordlessly and followed her, entering again the room in which I had gone upon arriving here for the first time, before I had met Edward.

And even here in Alice's room he was still here. His presence, his sweet, intoxicating presence filled every nook and cranny. It filled everything. It filled my entire world. No matter how I tried to forget him and pretend that he had never existed, that nothing that had happened had happened, I couldn't.

He had held out his arms to me and my pride, my foolish pride, had stopped me from going to them as I wished to. Because I hadn't wanted him to see me weak and vulnerable. Because I hadn't wanted him to see me cry.

And because I wasn't entirely sure that I had gone to him I would ever have been able to leave.

I didn't know what I felt for Edward. But I knew I felt. I felt more than I had ever known it was possible to feel. And I hated it. I hated him for making me feel this way. This intensely.

It was crazy. It was insane. I'd known him 12 days! A mere 12 days! But he controlled me. I felt connected to him in a way I never had felt before about anyone. I felt the need constantly to be close to him. I thought of nothing but Edward. I wished for nothing but to have him always by my side. I wanted his hand in mine. I would rather be a slave and have Edward than be Isabella Swan without him.

And no matter how I tried to phrase it, no matter what angle I came at it from, having Edward didn't mean more of the other night. Having Edward meant more of last night, more of him reaching out his arms to hold me.

And I hated it. I hated him. I hated the control he had on me. I hated that no matter where I looked I only saw him. Even in my own head, even when I shut my eyes, he was still all I could see.

And most of all I hated myself for ruining everything. I hated being Bella because I had felt for him and had ruined it. And even more than that I hated being Isabella because Isabella excused what I had done. Isabella was the reason for what Bella had done, why I had refused to be vulnerable. Isabella was the reason I tried, over and over again, to stop Bella from feeling. From feeling the way she did. From feeling anything.

Alice and I bathed and she gave me a new dress before we spent the day sewing braiding onto a dress that she wanted to wear to a ball she was throwing on Saturday night, two nights away.

"What is the party for?" I asked her as we worked.

"It is Jasper and I's third year of marriage."

"You got married when you were 15?!"

"Yes."

"Didn't your mother and father think you were too young?"

"I don't think so, but then…" she trailed off, looking at me awkwardly.

"What?" I asked, completely clueless as to why she was looking at me so oddly.

"Well, I'm not sure if I should say this, given you and Edward's argument. It may upset you."

"An Alice- Edward and I's argument hardly bothers me."

"Yes it does, Bella," she said, softly, "You are very good at covering it up and putting on a brave face, but I can tell you are upset."

"Alice, I am not upset!"

"You are. You're just stubborn. You stayed up all night last night waiting for him. And he's stubborn because he never went back. And the two of you are just as bad as each other. Neither of you will be the first to admit it, but you are both upset by this!"

I'm not upset. I'm broken. I've been pulled apart and even if they gathered up all the pieces and put me back together it still wouldn't be right.

"Edward isn't upset."

"Edward has never shouted like he did last night. Never. Edward is stern and tough and strict. But not a shouter. And he never reacts to the way people make him feel. Only to things they do. Not how the things they do make him feel."

I had to admit it; I had never heard Edward shout the way he did last night. But that just made it worse, I had pushed him to a point no one else ever had. I had ruined it all. Completely. Utterly. There was no hope. He would never care for me now. He would hate me forever. And that was fine, because I hated him. But it wasn't fine. It wasn't fine at all.

"Never mind Edward and I anyway, what were you saying about you and Jasper?"

"Well… It's just… Jasper is my everything. He is more me than I am me and I am more him than myself. Jasper is my soul mate. The point in my existence. I knew as soon as I kissed him that I never wanted to be without him. I am dependant on him for my own existence, Bella. Without him by my side, nothing means anything. Life with Jasper has reason, purpose. Without Jasper, I would cease to be."

I had to look away from her huge eyes then, because I knew exactly what she meant. I knew exactly how she felt. It was incomparable, inexplicable and irrevocable. And it was impossible. Because I hated him. Hated him and everything he was more than words could explain.

"And without you, my love, I too would cease to be," Jasper's voice came quietly behind us and I jumped.

"Excuse me," he muttered at me, noticing my jump, "You two must come – dinner is about to be served."

"Have I to come to dinner?" I asked, surprised. And slightly terrified, because Edward would undoubtedly be there.

"I don't have the patience Edward does to pick out something I think you'd like and have it made for you," Jasper said, his eyes connecting with mine and attempting to answer the questions mine were asking, "So, yes, I think it would be a good idea if you were to come to dinner."

"I am not really dressed for dinner."

"They do not dress for dinner here the way we do in Narnia," Jasper smiled at me, offering his arm so that he could escort me, whilst Alice trotted along beside us.

"Yet another reason we should move," she said loudly.

"I do wish we could, my dear, you would love Narnia."

"Yes well, if things don't go to plan and Edward ends up getting married to that awful girl we may have to," Alice said her eyes on me. I blinked, not understanding.

"You can hardly call her awful Alice, you've never met her," Jasper laughed at her.

"Yes well she sounds awful; I don't know how they bring up women in your Narnian court but honestly…" Alice smiled up at him, sighing.

Edward was meant to marry someone from the Narnia court? I couldn't have heard right. My brain didn't function after the word Edward was mentioned. It couldn't think after that, only feel. Only feel pain. I couldn't have heard that right… If I had heard that right the pain would get worse. And I couldn't take it. I couldn't take any more pain.

We were nearing a room that's door lay open, revealing Emmett and Rosalie inside, seated at a table designed to hold about ten, and I was glad, for Alice and Jasper's eyes lit up when they looked at each other and I felt as though I was being stabbed when I intruded upon their moment.

We sat down, myself with Emmett on one side and Alice on the other, Jasper sitting opposite me, next to Rosalie. I smiled at Jasper. Tonight would be awkward enough without having Edward directly across from me.

Upon that thought Edward came striding in to the room and threw himself down next to Jasper. My heart jolted and I had the urge to throw myself across the table at him, and to run away and be sick, but my legs had turned to jelly and I could not have walked unsupported for either option.

Edward completely ignored me, pulling his napkin off his plate and setting in on his knee before demanding,

"Where are mother and father?"

He was looking at Emmett. Straight at Emmett. Even though I was sitting next to Emmett his eyes did not even touch me in passing.

"Father has been called to Narnia, and mother has gone with him," Emmett answered him, clearing his throat and pulling his napkin onto his own lap as slaves, I presumed, came forward with trays laden with food. Far too much food for six people.

"Why has father been called to Narnia now?" Alice said her voice pitchy and tears welling in her eyes, "It is Jasper and I's anniversary ball on Saturday, then it is your birthday after that and the ball for that will be a week on Saturday! A voyage to Narnia will take at least 4 days so he shall most likely miss both parties unless he reaches Narnia and turns right back around immediately!"

"Hush, Alice," Emmett said, not unkindly, to his tiny sister as her voice continued to get higher and higher, "Father has been called away on important court business."

My ears pricked up at this.

"Two ladies of the Narnian court have been killed whilst voyaging in the Lone Islands. They think it has been the work of the Calormens; the two went missing at some time during the night between leaving Felimath and arriving at Doorn. Father and a few of the other men have been requested to help find them. Neither of the two involved should have at any point been travelling without male accompaniment, so it's been a well planned kidnapping."

"Father spends half his life at the Narnia court!" Alice exclaimed, still sounding as though she was about to cry.

"Is Edward's betrothed amongst them?" Rosalie interjected.

"Amongst all two of them?" Edward laughed at her whilst Alice and Jasper both glared, "No, Edward's intended is safe. Until she meets Edward of course and he flat out rejects her."

Edward's betrothed was a woman of the Narnian court? I had heard right earlier then. And his father spent half his life at our court? I must know both of them then. I couldn't think who could be their father; none of the men at court bore any resemblance to any Edward, Emmett or Alice. I had never noticed anyway. Most of the men were not good looking. As for his intended? Who could it be? There was Lauren but she was supposedly intended for the Lord Tyler. And there was Lady Angela, but she was far too young to get engaged, she was only 14. But then Alice got married when she was 15… Possibilities whirled round my head and my stomach hurt from thinking that I would possibly know who would take him from me. Not that he had ever been mine. Not really.

"I may not reject her," Edward said, his voice emotionless.

"Oh but you shall though, Ed!" Emmett laughed heartily, oblivious to Alice and Jasper's dirty looks, "She sounds like a right rotter! Spoilt brat that likes to get her own way all the time. Thinks a lot of herself. You'd be as well marrying Tanya!"

"Humph."

I cried out slightly as my leg became the victim of 2 sharp kicks under that table that had been aimed at Emmett, though who they came from I was not entirely sure.

Edward was going to say yes to whoever it was? I couldn't think about it though. It hurt to think about it.

"So exactly when will father return?" Alice asked her voice slightly calmer.

"Well they are gathering everyone in Narnia at Cair Paravel just now and then they intend to start searching Doorn then Felimath and then Avra. If the women aren't found, there's to be a war. So basically father's return will be decided by whatever happens."

A war? Well of course there would be a war if they thought we'd been kidnapped. What if they didn't find me here though? Would Edward go to war? And would he come back? What if he got married before he went to war, as many did? I couldn't bear it.

And what if they did find me here? Could I convince them that Edward hadn't kidnapped me? If things came out about how he beat me and about the other night – he'd be dragged through the streets and hanged. Though perhaps, if his father were a man of the court, they would behead him. The dignity of a beheading. At least if he went to war he had a chance at dying with honour. No, if they found me, I would need to convince them that Edward had saved me. But he had so much honour, so much dignity, and so much pride. Would he lie to save himself?

And suddenly I was furious! Why should I pretend he saved me? He was ignoring me! He hadn't looked at me once all dinner! And anyway, it may be easier to see him beheaded than to see him every day in court, married to another. Some horrible sounding other.

Edward filled his plate and stabbed at various bits of food. I watched him from the corner of my eye, trying not to be obvious. It wouldn't have mattered if I had been though. He didn't look at me once.

As soon as he was finished he threw down his fork and stood up, striding from the room as determinedly and purposefully as he had entered.

And I loved it, the way he strode about looking haughty. And I loved his quiet reserve. And I loved the way his green eyes flashed at me to rebuke me. And I loved… I loved… Well, anyway, I couldn't stand it that he could belong to another.

"Well… that was…"

"Quiet?" Jasper supplied to his brother's unfinished sentence.

"Hmm," Emmet agreed, inclining his head, his jovial laugh gone, he was now smiling at me rather gravely.

"I would have used silent. Edward has always been quiet. Until recently. Then he became slightly more normal, which for anyone else would be the equivalent of them becoming hysterical. Then he went fairly subdued the past few nights. Tonight, however, he was silent. Absolutely silent," Alice said, her eyes boring into me the entire time she spoke. As I looked up I realized that they were all staring at me except Jasper, who was pretending to be interested in counting his potatoes.

"Alice!" His voice chastised his wife as he seemed to sense my discomfort.

Her eyes fell to her plate and Jasper continued to eat, needing no more than a sharp tone of voice to effectively rebuke his wife.

The other four started to converse again, over the mysterious two women who had been kidnapped and more than once I saw Jasper's eyes flit to me.

Jasper had suspicions, I could tell. But Emmett, Rosalie and especially Alice were too preoccupied by the thoughts of war with the Calormens and the two parties that their father would miss to notice the possibilities that sat next to them at the table.

I was too exhausted, too drained and too empty to join in. What would I say if I did join in though? Hi, I'm here, I'm the one who's missing? When Rosalie had suggested I was a spy Emmett had said that Gliftin hadn't the brains to plant a spy, would they believe he could kidnap me? And they knew I shouldn't have been without a male escort – would they believe that I had just gone for a walk that morning? Every slave who looked remotely Narnian would most likely try and use the excuse. And even if they did believe me – then what? How would they react to me? Would it achieve nothing but to push Edward further away from me? Would it mean he always spoke to me the way etiquette demanded that he should? Would I never see that angry flash in his eyes? Never hear him threaten to give me a sound beating if he thought I needed it? Never see him tease me and hold things he knew I wanted above my head so I couldn't reach them? Never see the warmth in his eyes that he tried to hide?

Keeping myself together whilst Edward was there had been almost impossible. Keeping myself in my seat rather than launching myself across the table had been hard. All I wanted to do was go to him and fall to my knees and place my head in his lap and beg him to forgive me and never let me go.

And I hated that he affected me like this.

I hated Edward.

And I boiled up inside every time I thought about this Narnian that he might marry. It was all I could do not to let the rage consume me and go storming out the room after him and jump on his and tear his hair out and scratch his eyes out and punch him repeatedly over and over and over again. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to hurt him so much that it caused me to tremble in my seat.

I wanted him to feel as hurt as I felt.

'I may not reject her' Edward's voice played over and over in my head, and his expression started to become teasing, then taunting, then leering. And in my head I commanded vile, horrible Edward to stop it. But he didn't, he just kept laughing. And I wanted to claw his face off.

But I stayed in my seat, mustering every ounce of strength I had to keep me still, to stop my face from betraying my emotions. To stop me from running to his chambers and kissing him and punching him and telling him he was an ass and begging him for forgiveness and asking him to hold me close and never let me go.

"Bella?" Emmett's voice intruded on me and my conscious returned to the table and registered the four pairs of eyes that had been on me.

I blinked, "Hmm?" I enquired, generally, trying not to be too obvious about the fact I had just blatantly zoned out and ignored them all for – well, long enough that dessert had been served and everyone else's was finished whilst my bowl was still full, my spoon clutched in an iron fist.

"Sorry… not that hungry," I mumbled, attempting to put the spoon down quietly and managing to do it with a loud bang instead.

"Well, that's nice, but I asked if you enjoyed riding?" Emmett said his eyes amused.

Oh. "Yes, I like riding," I nodded. How embarrassing. My father would be having a fit if I made that mistake in front of him.

I looked quickly round the table before lowering my eyes to the apparently fascinating carpet. Emmett looked amused, Rosalie irritated, Alice worried, and as for Jasper, well, the look on his face suggested that he was assessing me. For what I was not 100% sure.

"Well, we shall have a horse saddled for you then. For now perhaps you should go to bed, you are exceptionally white. Even for a Narnian. Are you sure you're quite well?" There was genuine concern in Emmett's eyes and his suggestion that I should go to bed reminded me forcefully of the way Edward ordered me to go to bed, whether I liked it or not. Edward…

No, Emmett, I'm not well. Not at all.

"I'm absolutely fine," I said, pasting on my brightest smile, "Forgive me; I'm just a little tired." I rose gracefully from the table and then all of a sudden realized I had laid it on too thickly for a quiet, informal family meal. Jasper's eyebrows were almost lost under his shaggy fringe, Rosalie looked as though I was insulting her and Emmett looked at me as though I was slightly insane.

"We shall go to bed then," Alice said, standing up and taking me arm, saving me from making more of a fool of myself. I followed her, automatically nodding to Jasper, who had risen as I had. Emmett seemed slightly baffled, by my behaviour or by Jasper's actions I wasn't entirely sure. It was normal custom in Narnia, for a man to stand as a lady did.

I could feel Jasper's eyes on my back the entire way as I left the room.

And I could feel Edward's presence. And I hated him.