Space

Daryl left for a hunting trip the next day with Shane. He was gone before I woke up.

Things continued normally around the farm, though there did seem to be less fighting without Shane, and things were boring for me without Daryl. I had nothing to try to solve.

I was counting the days (Lori said he was gone two days usually) and hours until he'd get back, and only got worried when I woke up the third morning without him at the farm. I wasn't the only one.

"Spose we should go lookin' for em'?" Hershel asked at breakfast.

He didn't say who he was talking about, but everyone knew. No one had talked about their absence, because if they did they they'd be expressing the concern that wasn't welcome. They didn't want to acknowledge the elephant in the room; they didn't want to see what was right in front of them.

Shane and Daryl had been gone for too long.

I wasn't sure if them going out together caused more or less concern. Shane was a wild card and you never knew what he would do next. Something could of happened; they could have gotten in a fight….

"I'm sure they'll be back soon. Today, probably." Rick said. No one said anything more. What Rick said was right. He was always right.

I did what I normally did all day, and even let stopped for a while to watch Abi and Carl do there school work, which was really only them doing a few math problems in the dirt and Lori reading a chapter out of Of Mice and Men.

"Why doesn't George like Lennie?" Abi asked me as we walked together to the edge of the woods, plastic buckets in hand.

"He doesn't." I told her. I bent down and picked up a fat yellow flower at the trunk of a tree. "He has to take care of him because he loves him too much, even if it doesn't seem like it." I placed the flower in her hair, which was ignited by the sun. The red in her brown hair gleamed like it was on fire.

We made our way farther into the woods, and found our way to the stream. Lori sent us out for more laundry water because she didn't want to have to go all the way to the lake, well, she'd sent me out. But I felt like I could use an extra hand. We sat on the bank, in no particular rush to get back. It was just after lunch and the sun was still high in the sky. The branches that hovered above us shaded and cooled our sweating bodies.

"Bellie, who are you looking for?" Abi asked me, suddenly.

"No, one."

She giggled. "Liiiiar."

I laughed. "Why would I be looking for someone?"

"You keep looking around today. You keep staring at places."

I guess my notice to Daryl's absence wasn't as secretive as I would have liked. If the others noticed, they would know. They know there'd be no way I'd be looking for Shane, and that I was hopelessly waiting and searching for Daryl. But what would that even matter? So what if I liked Daryl? It wasn't a bad thing. I only worried that maybe they'd think I was distracting him or something.

I pinched my arm, cutting my delusional thoughts off. Daryl Dixon doesn't have girlfriends. Especially ones like me.

I filled up my bucket and made Abi do the same and began heading back to camp. Abi's water splashed and spewed out of her bucket as she giggled telling me about her day with Carl. I took her bucket from her and told her to tell me more.

"We went down to the barn and Carl told me his friend was in there once."

Sophia.

"Oh yeah?" I asked cluelessly.

"Yeah, he said that he was really sad. And then he called me a baby."

"Why'd he do that?"

"Because I fell down and I tried not to cry, but it didn't work."

The camp came into view through the trees.

"Why didn't you come get me?" I asked.

"Because I'm not a baby."

I smiled to myself. "I know you're not, Abi."

She smiled. "Mr. Daryl doesn't think I'm a baby. He said that I was stronger than him when I got my hand hurt."

I pinprick of excitement ran through me at the mention of his name. "He's nice, Mr. Daryl."

She beamed. "Bellie you should get married!"

I nearly choked. "No, Abi."

She jumped up and down. "You have to! He could be like my daddy and you could be like my mommy!"

Her words made me incredibly sad, and nearly drained me. I would have told her that we had a mom already, and a dad too, but that wasn't true. It wasn't true even before they died. My mother had…zoned out once this all started. She didn't care for us, but in a way I couldn't blame her. It wasn't her fault this was happening to the world. The only thing I could blame her for was giving up.

I was Abi's mother now. It was up to me to protect her and to raise her. She was my Lennie. And I was absolutely fine with that. There was no one I loved more on this earth than her.

"I'm going to tell him, Bellie!" Abi yelled, running off straight ahead toward camp. If Daryl had been there I would have dropped the buckets of water and ran after her. It would beyond mortifying if she told him, but instead I walked calmly behind her, smiling.

My smile was short lived.

As I got closer to camp while Abi sprinted in front of me I made out the unmistakable figure of a man holding a crossbow.

Ah crap.

I should have been relieved to see him, but that wasn't the case now. Abi was way to far ahead of me to even attempt to catch. I picked up my walking a little bit and almost considered turning back as Abi got to Daryl. I saw her jump up and down in front of him. He rubbed her hair and caught the flower that almost fell out. She then pointed toward me while saying something. I could feel my face get hot.

Daryl didn't laugh or smile as he looked up at me. His gaze held mine until I looked down quickly as a splash of water hit my foot. I walked slower.

I hoped Abi would finish talking to him and run up to me and Daryl would go into the house but she continued talking until I made it all the way there.

"Bellie!" Abi said from Daryl's side. "Mr. Daryl's back! You don't have to keep looking anymore!"

I wanted to run and hide when I saw the look Daryl gave me. It was stern and questioning. I could tell he'd been out in the woods. His stubble was grown out and his face was shadowed with lack of sleep and dirt.

"I have to go give Lori the water." I said, trying not to make eye contact with him.

"At least say hi!" She nearly yelled.

I scowled at her then looked to Daryl. "I'm glad you're back safe."

He nodded. "Me too." His voice was cold and his eyes were small.

Neither of us said anything more. I wanted to remind him of our almost playful conversation three days ago, but it seemed like a lost cause. I smiled at Abi then walked away.

I lay in my tent later that night after everyone had gone to bed. We'd eaten a big meal from the deer Daryl and Shane had brought back. I made sure Abi was asleep and slipped out of my sleeping bag and crept out of the tent. Dale was on watch tonight. He waved to me as I walked past. I found my way to Daryl's tent easily, because his lamp was still on and illuminated his tent from the inside out. It was a further back toward the woods from the rest, so I wasn't concerned about waking everyone else.

"Whatcha want?" Daryl asked before I could 'knock'.

I cleared my throat. "It's uh, me. I was hoping we could talk."

His usual grunt sounded as he rustled around in the tent then pulled the zipper down. I was almost disappointed to see him in a shirt.

"Bout what?"

"Can we go somewhere else?"

"No."

I sighed. "Please."

He scowled a little. "Is it important?"

"Yes."

"I don't believe you."

"You don't have to."

He gave me a look that might of made me feel like shit two weeks ago, if I hadn't been used to it by now.

"Kay." He said, leaning back to flip off his lantern. It dimmed out and he stepped out of the tent.

We were both quiet as we walked away from the camp down the gravel road to the barn.

All day I had thought of what I was going to say, what I was going to do, but it seemed to all disappear now that he was standing next to me. I wanted to get it over with. There could only be two possibly outcomes.

I stopped suddenly, but he kept going. I took a deep breath.

"Daryl, why don't you like me?"

He came to a stop, but didn't turn around immediately.

I tried again. "You… hate me one minute but next you seem okay with me."

He actually laughed a little before turning around.

"Sorry, is it required that I like you?" He asked sarcastically.

"No. I guess not." I said in obvious defeat. He snorted, and sudden anger pulsed through my veins. I couldn't let him get the best of me.

"But maybe if you could get over yourself for half a second we could actually get along." I called.

A surprised scowl came across his face, followed by an arrogant look of annoyance.

"You're a hypocrite." He shot back, almost laughing.

"Maybe I am. But at least I know I need other people to survive."

"Yeah. We all figured that out when you begged Hershel to stay stead of goin' off with your boyfriend."

My nostrils flared.

"I did that for my little sister, not me."

He laughed. "Don't lie to yourself, Arken. Ain't a good look on you."

"I'm not lying to myself."

"Then don't lie to me."

We stared at each other, one of us angry, the other amused.

"So you dragged me out here while I could be sleepin' to ask me that. Thought you said it was important."

"It was."

Half eyebrow arched for half a second. "Why?"

Because I'm hopelessly attracted to you, and you draw me in without even trying and that scares me shitless. And because I haven't felt this way around a guy since the first time Dean kissed me when we were 16, but even looking at Daryl put that moment to shame. And lastly because if I don't figure you out I think I might die trying.

"Because I want to know."

"Well why do you wanna know? You don't even know me."

"Maybe.." I took a shallow, nervous breath. "Maybe because I want to know you."

He didn't move. "What if I told you I don't want you to know me?"

"I'd ignore you."

"I think you already proved that I'm impossible to ignore."

"I can manage."

He ripped his eyes from mine after a silent moment and stared back at camp. "We should get back.".

"No." I said quickly. "Not this time. There are still things I need to say."

He looked back to me, his eyes searching me, menacingly. "Then say 'em."

I swallowed. How do I put this?

"I think that we should be friends.. and like, spend time with each other. And stuff."

He laughed a little. "That might not be a good idea."

"Why?"

He smirked. "One thing leads to another.."

"I don't understand."

"I wouldn't want you fallin' in love with me. I'm like a magnet, ya know."

I should have been at a loss for words, or at least been annoyed but of course I wasn't.

"That shouldn't matter because you don't like me anyways."

He smirked again. "You're right."

Ouch.

He almost smiled as he started walking past me. I was desperate for words, desperate to make him stay, so I blurted what was on the tip of my tounge.

"What if I make you like me?"

He stopped and turned around slowly.

"Goodnight, Arken."

"No. Stay."

His eyes challenged mine. "Make me."

I think dumbfounded would be an understatement for what I felt at that exact moment. His dare knocked my thoughts clear out of my head and I didn't know what to say next. I wished I were one of those witty girls who always knew the right thing to say, the right thing to do. The tough ones with big boobs who worked on cars and knew how to seduce men. Somehow I knew he'd fall for one of those them in a heartbeat. But I wasn't. I was gentle and uncoordinated and not all equipped to survive. We were polar opposites, he and I.

As I stared at Daryl it occurred to me that I'd never met par with the boys I dated. I was never good enough, in my mind. But they stuck around for a reason. Too bad Daryl wasn't anything like Dean, or I'd have him around my finger.

But then again, if Daryl were like Dean I wouldn't be here right now. There was something about Daryl that wasn't like anyone I'd ever met and that's the reason I was here, the reason I was so hopelessly drawn to him.

Maybe I could be good enough.

"You should kiss me." I said, suddenly, but almost fearlessly.

Daryl eyes narrowed. "What?"

I took a step closer. "I'm telling you to kiss me, because that's what I want. Hell, maybe that's why I dragged you out here in the first place."

His eyes grew dark as he stared down at me. "No."

He was barb-wiring his words again.

"I know you want to, Daryl." I said, sternly. "I know you do or you wouldn't still be here."

"You don't know anything, little girl."

"I do, though. Because I'm right."

"You're wrong."

"Don't lie to yourself, Daryl. It's not a good look on you."

I expected him to smirk and walk off, but he didn't. He didn't move at all.

"You told me to make you stay and this is how." I moved to him faster than he could move away, but left a couple inches in between us despite the nagging need to get closer.

"You're not what I expected." He said, slowly. His voice was rough and cold, but it didn't drive me away.

"You're exactly what I expected." But nothing I've ever seen.

"You don't want me, Arken. You're lonely."

I searched his pale blue eyes."You don't know what I want."

And suddenly he put his lips on mine. I stood there, shocked for a moment before his gruff mouth moved against mine and his coarse stubble shocked my skin. He grabbed my waist roughly and pulled our bodies together. My hand tangled his hair as I made the instant realization that this was the best thing I'd ever felt.

Before I could count to three, he pulled his lips off of mine and he pushed me off of him a little, wiping his lips.

"We should get back."

"Don't-don't shut me out again." I stammered.

He didn't say anything as he turned to go back to camp. I just stood there, watching. I felt like I could cry.

"So, what? Are you just going to act like this never happened? Like you didn't actually feel something for once?"

He stopped, but didn't turn around. I didn't say anything, just waited for him to defend himself.

"You don't have to be so dramatic." He said, a little annoyed.

"I'm not."

He turned his head a little. "Are ya comin' or are you just goanna stand there all night?"

I walked forward to him, reluctantly. He waited for me to catch up then started walking with me by his side.

"So…" I began. "What does this mean now? Like with us..?"

He gave me a sideways look. "Nothing."

"Oh."

"Don't look so damn disappointed. What did you expect?"

I ground my teeth together. "You're right. I didn't expect anything from you."

My voice was angry and obviously offended. Damn.

"Night." I said, harshly as I sped up past him.

He didn't call after me or stop me, and I went to bed that night feeling utterly moronic. Of course Daryl would be like this, I mean what did I expect? Daryl didn't care about anybody but himself, especially not me. No, but that wasn't true. He put his life on the line every day for the group. I'm just upset that he doesn't want me.

I had asked him to kiss me and he did, but things were supposed to change. He was supposed to realize how much I actually liked him, and how we could be together or whatever.

God, I felt like an angsty teenager.

I wasn't really one for giving up, but if Daryl didn't want me I wasn't going to waste my time. If he didn't like me then that was that. Daryl was unchangeable and untouchable. He wasn't going to just warm up to me. Maybe I shouldn't have overlooked Dean so much. At least he'd been there for me.

At least he'd wanted me.

I drifted off to sleep, Abi passed out by my side. I stared into the darkness of my tent and listened to the crickets' song cut through the night air. The whole thing was stupid, really. Being upset over a guy in the world we lived in now. We were supposed to be surviving, not hopelessly chasing after the opposite sex, in hopes for something that wasn't guaranteed to last, or at least didn't have the odds of both people surviving very long in its' favor. But it brought almost a sense of normality, and if I closed my eyes for long enough it almost felt like things were right again. As crazy as it was, Daryl fixed things that he tried to destroy. My trust, for instance. He took my mind off things I couldn't control just by glancing my way. I hoped it wasn't all for nothing,

I fell asleep crossing my fingers.