I build each one of my days out of hope
and I give that hope your name
Lanie bites her lip. Her best friend got shot a matter of weeks ago. Is calling her stupid too harsh? She shrugs to herself. Probably. "No. Not what I'm saying. All I'm saying is that you need to relax and let yourself heal. And you're not going to be able to do that if you're second guessing yourself all the time. Castle invited you to the Hamptons with him because he cares about you. All you have to do is let him take care of you. The rest will take care of itself."
There's silence for a moment, and Kate speaks again. "Lanie? Did you really think I called to tell you I slept with Castle?"
Lanie bites her tongue a second, before replying. "I was kind of surprised," she admits. "After all, you just had surgery."
Her name is a curse on Kate's lips, and the ME grins. She's made Kate laugh, and that's the best she can hope for.
"Go, Kate. Go have dinner with Castle, and relax- concentrate on getting better, and enjoy summer at the beach, okay?"
When Castle wakes up the next morning, he pulls jeans on over his boxers and rummages around for a clean t-shirt. The best he can find is emblazoned with a Superman logo on the front. Okay, he can live with that, although there aren't quite as many clothes here as he had thought. Maybe the housekeeper threw out some of his when she took Gina's discarded things?
He's not sure what he's going to find when he leaves his room, but as he walks down the hall toward the stairs he sees that Kate's bedroom door is open, so she is obviously up and about. Dinner last night had been an awkward affair, and afterwards she'd fled upstairs right away, leaving him in a cloud of confusion with just the washing up for company.
Now, however, there are soft noises coming from the kitchen, and he follows the sound downstairs to find his muse scowling at his coffee machine with a murderous glint in her eyes.
Turning to him with a wry smile, she greets him softly. "Morning."
"Morning." Castle beams back at her. He's relieved she's still here, and even more so, he's glad that she's here and smiling. He leans back against the bench, watching her reach for the jar of coffee and pull two mugs from the cupboard above the machine.
"I just learned how to use the coffee machine at the precinct," she tells him. "You couldn't have gotten the same one for your house in the Hamptons?"
His blue eyes twinkle. "Want me to buy you a new one?"
Kate laughs and steps aside. "Maybe just teach me how to use this one?"
Castle nods and moves forward, brushing against her, hyper alert to the fact that she hasn't leapt back at the touch. "It's just like the one at the precinct, really. See? It's just a little smaller- one cup at a time works best, and the buttons are all in different places." He reaches past her to open the tin of coffee grounds and their fingers brush. For the second time in as many minutes he expects her to jump away, but she doesn't; the hint of a smile twitches on her lips.
"I was really tired last night," she says, and he thinks that's a kind of apology. It's completely unnecessary, all things considered.
"Feeling any better this morning?" he asks, and she nods.
"Yeah, actually. I slept really well."
"No nightmares?"
"No nightmares," she confirms, as he hands her the first coffee.
He makes himself a coffee and points to the doors that lead into the garden. "Shall we drink these outside? Then real breakfast, and a proper tour."
Kate starts to follow him out, but she stops when she spots the figurine on the kitchen island, putting her coffee cup down to pick it up and examine it with both hands. "What's this?"
Castle chuckles. "I kind of- took it? Yesterday. At your place. I wanted you to have something of yours here- just something little."
Castle's watching her keenly for a reaction, and she bites her lip, hiding a shy smile. "Thank you." She runs her finger along the elephant's trunk, and puts it back down, reaching once more for her coffee. "That's really sweet." She grins and bumps her hip into his in a move that is both intentional and intimate. He swallows and she laughs. "It's also a second degree felony."
Still smiling, Kate follows Castle down to the edge of the property, where a couple of white chairs overlooking the beach are set up, already plumped with cushions. "How's the pain?" he asks.
"Better," she tells him. "I'm still taking- well, not much- I've finished my course of antibiotics, and now it's just painkillers. I think I can switch to ordinary Tylenol now.
He eyes her suspiciously, and nods. "Okay. But you're not going to over-do it, right?"
She laughs. "When have you ever known me to over-do it?"
He makes a face, conceding a lost cause. "Well- you won't over-do it much, right?"
"Right. I promise," she says softly. They look out over the beach, and she breathes in the fresh air, so different to New York's plethora of smells. She wasn't lying. After the long drive, followed by the phone call with Lanie, she'd been a mess. Now, though, she's had a proper sleep, and she feels much better. She doesn't think she's going to be sorry she agreed to this.
"So what do you want to do today?" Castle's voice shakes her from her thoughts and she considers.
"I want to walk. Along the beach."
"Uh-huh." He nods. "We can do that."
Kate looks at him, unsure how to explain the next part. If they'd had this conversation last night while she was tense and overtired, it would probably have consisted of a curse word directed at the man she- the man she appreciates for taking care of her- she corrects herself. "Castle- if you want to walk with me today, that would be… nice. But- you know me, right?" He nods, and she continues. "I don't want you to worry about me. Sometimes I'm going to want to walk along the beach alone. And just generally… be alone. And I can't have you following or worrying every single time."
Castle doesn't look at her when he speaks, just gazes out over the water. "I can… leave you alone. Sometimes. But I can't promise I won't push, and I definitely won't promise to not worry about you."
"Okay," she agrees. He'll push, she knows that. But there's a part of her that recognises that he tends to push when she needs it most. "I can live with that."
Kate does go for a walk after brunch and a tour that overwhelms her; and Castle holds himself back and pretends to be fine with the idea of her going off on her own. He wonders whether calling some of his neighbours and asking them to 'just hang out on the beach, maybe walk a bit' would be going too far, and regretfully realises that it would, given Kate's reaction when he tracked Alexis using GPS. He does stare after her as she makes her way down the beach and watches until she rounds the corner and walks out of sight. He sighs before going back inside and booting up his laptop.
Before he sits down and opens his files, he takes the time to call Gina, feeling awfully virtuous as he declines to trade barbs with his ex-wife in spite of her goading. Instead, he calmly fills her in on the abridged version of the last few weeks' events.
Gina, to her credit, is generous, verbally extending his deadline without making him grovel, although she reminds him that until she meets with her boss, it's not a done deal. He agrees readily, knowing she doesn't have the final say and he does need to get another few chapters to her as soon as possible. At the end of the day, though, he's the one doing the writing, and if it's not ready, it's not ready. They can sue him for breaking contract (they've threatened more than once before; empty threats every time) but they can't physically force him to write.
He sits down with Nikki at last- the bare bones of the story are there, but there's so much more he needs to add. The dedication, too- he'd figured on this one being for Kate like the others- he'd figured on all of them in the series being for Kate, truth be told, but there's someone else that this one belongs to. Even though writing the dedication is usually the last thing he does, he adds a page to the beginning of the file for Roy.
To Castle's surprise his fingers fly over the keys. The times he'd made himself turn his computer on while Beckett was in hospital had led to the consumption of quite a few glasses of scotch, and no corresponding increase in his word count. If anything, it would have been the opposite, but he'd long had the rule of not deleting anything in a sour fit of anger. He'd learned the hard way that it was a sure-fire way to lose the good stuff too.
When he finally looks up it's to Kate standing before him almost two hours later. Her hair is pulled back in a messy ponytail. Her cheeks- for the first time since before Montgomery's funeral- are pink, and there's a warm smile on her face. She looks alive in a way that she hasn't; less haunted, perhaps. He's glad he'd stopped being an ass about following her around when she wanted to go on her own, because a walk in the sun has done her good.
"Hey," she greets him, drinking thirstily from a water bottle. Sweat drips down her brow, and he allows himself to get lost in the idea of cupping her face in his hand, and wiping it away with his thumb, just for a second, before he brings himself back.
"How was your walk?" he asks. She's almost unsteady on her feet as she steps over to the bench by the window, and only now does he realise how hard she's pushed herself.
How did a mere walk become this much work for someone as fit as Beckett? Castle remembers seeing Kate after a work-out at the precinct. Each of the few times he'd seen her in sweats and a tank top had been a treat. She was hot when she was sweaty, and he'd wanted her. "No time for dirty talk," he'd told her once, the whole while thinking that making time for dirty talk would be more than worth it. This version of sweaty Kate, though, is agony to watch, and he stands up, ready to catch her if she needs him. "I think I overdid it," she says, but the smile is still playing on her lips as she sinks into the window seat, and he sits beside her.
"You wanna go upstairs and rest?" he asks her, but she shakes her head.
"No. I just want to sit for a minute. Then I'll take a shower." She casts her eyes to his laptop. "Are you writing?"
"Uh- yeah. Gotta get back to Nikki, you know?" He's almost apologetic, which is silly, but he feels a bit funny discussing Kate's fictitious counterpart with her. Much as he gets a kick out of teasing her from time to time, he's also a little uncomfortable. Truth be told, he always has been, and they've never talked about the series in any great depth.
"What's she up to?" This is the most direct Kate's questions have ever been, and he considers his answer for a moment before he tells her.
"I'm… rewriting a lot of the stuff I had down. I had some ideas, some scenes all set to go- but I need to change a whole lot of it up."
"Like what?"
"Um- like I already had a fair bit about Montrose in this story, but I'm adding a lot more, that's becoming the main story instead of just the B plot."
"Oh." Kate's silent for a moment. "Is Nikki- does Nikki get shot?"
He shakes his head. "I- Kate, do you want to know? I mean, really? Because I'll tell you, but only if you really want to know."
She chuckles softly. "Warning me about spoilers, Mr. Castle?"
He laughs too. "Kind of. I guess." He shrugs.
Kate's hair is escaping its ponytail, and she sweeps the stray hair out of her face. "I guess I don't really want to know. I just… I don't want Nikki to get hurt," she admits. "Is that stupid?"
"No. God no. And noted. I'll take care of Nikki, I promise."
She visibly relaxes. "Who are you dedicating this one to?"
Castle remembers the last time he was asked that question- he'd wanted to dedicate one of the last Storms to a friend from college. That hadn't gone down well with Gina. "Um-"
"Because-" Kate stops. "Sorry. It's none of my business." She leans back against the pillows. "Just go back to writing. I'll just sit here a bit, if that's okay."
Castle nods. "Of course." He stays where he is a moment longer, and then brushes his fingers lightly across her knee as he gets up. She doesn't acknowledge the touch one way or another, just closes her eyes and rests her head against the window frame.
He sits back down at the desk, but the moment is gone. Castle's used to writing with Alexis in the house- he's even become used to writing with his mother around- but sitting this close to Kate and writing Nikki is too much for him, and he reluctantly shuts down the file and closes the lid on his laptop. "Montgomery," he says suddenly, turning back to her. "I'm dedicating the book to Roy."
He thinks he sees her recoil, ever so slightly, before she schools her features. "It seems right," she agrees, and he runs his hand through his hair.
"Given the circumstances, yeah."
Kate eventually goes upstairs and showers, and rather than write more, Castle goes upstairs too, hovering for a minute outside her bedroom door while pretending to make sure the paintings in the hallway are all straight. He's concerned about her and after her shaky steps he thinks he's earned the right to worry. In reality, though, he thinks that he's mostly just tormenting himself by thinking about her in the shower as he paces.
Sometimes, when he really wants to torture himself he reminds himself that he actually has seen her naked before, although she'd kill him if she realised just how much he'd seen when he'd quickly snuck a look while she was shivering in the tub. Of course, the joke was on him, because the perfect lines and curves of her limbs and torso are now imprinted on his brain forever.
When he hears the water turn off, he makes his way back downstairs before Kate can come out of the bathroom and spring him. The timing couldn't be better because the doorbell buzzes, and he happily accepts the package that the FedEx delivery guy hands him, signing with a smile. Awesome. Time to get everything set up then.
He's nearly done when he hears light footfall behind him. "What's this?" Kate asks.
Castle grins. "Did I ever tell you that I'm a world champion… in building blanket forts?" He's set the den up nicely- drapes are blocking out the afternoon sun, and a stack of blankets and cushions populate the sofa. It's already late afternoon and he'd kill for a glass of wine, but he thinks Kate's painkillers probably preclude alcohol. Instead, he's going to make tea, something light in caffeine.
She gives him one of her patented are you for real looks, which he takes as a good sign. "Uh-huh."
"No, really," he insists. "I put the aircon on, as well, so we don't get too hot under the blankets."
Kate rolls her eyes at him, and he smirks. "And look- there's a package for you on the kitchen counter- you might want to check it out."
"Since when do I get mail here?" Kate asks, but she turns and heads back into the kitchen to find it.
She carries it back into the den and he laughs at her trepidation. "Open it," he tells her, and she does so reluctantly, breaking out in a smile when she slides a fingernail beneath the tape and opens the box to see the mystery beneath the Amazon packaging.
"How many seasons did you get?" she asks, sorting through the stack of DVDs incredulously.
"Uh- ten or so. I wasn't sure which ones to get, but I thought the first ten years should start us off nicely." He points to the DVDs at the bottom. "And I got a couple of others on a whim- I don't know if you like this kind of thing, but it's good."
Kate nods, biting her lip, but not hard enough to repress a smile. "Well, I kind of like Sci-Fi, so yeah, I could watch a Space Western."
"I'm going to make us some popcorn- you choose which season of Temptation Lane you want to start with, okay?" He watches as she settles into the sofa and flips through the DVD covers, before turning back to the kitchen.
"Which season is Martha in?" Kate asks when Castle comes back, balancing tea and popcorn on a tray.
He makes a face. "Hopefully none of the ones we have here. And if we do happen upon a scene where she and Lance- ugh" He squirms uncomfortably. "Some things you just can't unsee- but we'll be skipping those episodes."
"So let's start at the beginning," she suggests, before something else catches her attention. "Hey! Where did you get those mugs?"
"What, these old things?" Castle chuckles. "I may have liberated them from the precinct break room by accident a while ago."
"How do you accidentally steal kitchenware from a police station, Castle?"
He shrugs. "Just… kind of happened. And it was hard sneaking these out under my jacket," he whines.
"And you want credit for taking them?" Kate rolls her eyes and reaches for one of the NYPD mugs. "What kind of tea did you make?"
"Peppermint," he tells her. "It's what I felt like. But I should have asked what you wanted- I have a few different kinds."
She looks at him for a moment. "Peppermint is perfect," she tells him at last. And it is. She inhales deeply before sipping, suddenly transported back to her childhood. The opening bars of Temptation Lane play- a theme song that hasn't changed in more than a decade, and here she is, curled up under blankets, sipping peppermint tea from an oversized mug.
"Kate?" The concerned voice brings her back, and she looks up, almost surprised to see the man beside her on the couch. "Are you- okay? Is this too much?"
Kate looks at him, surprised. "Hmm?"
"You're crying," he tells her, his brow furrowed.
"Oh." Kate wipes her eyes, surprised to find her lashes damp. "Oh- I didn't realise."
Castle reaches over, wiping one last tear from her cheek, more tenderly than she would have believed possible. Kate freezes at his touch, and he seems to realise it's too much. He pulls back, spilling his tea in the process. "Damn."
Kate leans in instinctively to pat at the damp patch on his jeans, but stops herself before she does something as stupid as touch his leg. "Did you burn yourself?" she asks, looking up, surprised to find Castle's face mere inches from her own. Crap. She ducks away before she can stare too long at his mouth and do something she might regret.
"What? Uh- no. I'm fine." He reaches a tentative hand to her knee, and she nods, letting him stay close.
Kate takes a deep breath and wipes at her eyes again. "My Mom," she says at last. "I just- I miss her."
He nods, and she puts the mug down on the coffee table and leans back, letting herself relax against him. Castle, for his part, takes it in his stride and stretches his arm out, resting it lightly over her shoulders. "You making a move, Mr. Castle?" she teases, surprising herself with her boldness.
Castle's eyes twinkle and he pulls the popcorn up from the table and settles it between them. "Not at all, Detective Beckett," he says. "Just making sure you can reach the popcorn."
Kate swallows, another tear threatening to escape. He keeps doing that, and she knows he doesn't mean anything by it, but she can't- not now. It's not- it doesn't feel like her. He's been calling her Kate more than ever before, every so often he slips and she can't handle it. "Kate," she whispers.
"What?" Temptation Lane has been playing in the background all the while- she doesn't mind missing it, it's not the kind of show that requires a whole lot of concentration- but he reaches for the remote and hits pause. "Kate? What is it?"
She shrugs, feeling silly. And cue the waterworks; she groans in frustration. She hates this. Whether it's the last of the medication she's still on, or just a "normal" side effect of being shot, she hates how easily the tears have been coming in the last couple of weeks.
"Hey…" Castle's cupping her face in his warm hands, and she's shaking her head.
"I- it's silly."
"It's not silly," he insists.
She takes a deep breath. "I feel- I feel like Kate. I don't feel like Beckett, or Detective Beckett. I feel… like I'm hiding out from my life, being here with you, and I don't know how to be Beckett out here. I want to care about what's going on at the precinct, I want to want to solve this-" Kate presses her hand to her chest- "But I'm so- tired. Getting up each morning is taking so much effort, and I just-" Kate shakes her head. "Castle- I just- can we just watch some more?"
"Shhh… Kate" His arms are suddenly around her and she lets herself fold in under his shoulder. He reaches for the remote again and presses play. "Of course. Let's watch."
A/N: MANY thanks to Ky for the read through/beta, as well as the other FB girls 3 And to Berkie for her help! ;)
Every read and review is mega appreciated, and in case anyone is wondering, the working title of this one in my head was "the one where Castle steals a bunch of stuff".