Chapter Ten

Day 14

Today marked two weeks that we had been here. It seemed like a lifetime ago. My world was a drastically different place than it had been just 14 days ago, I thought as I nibbled disinterestedly at a banana walnut muffin. Jacob was outside, checking in with the pack. Sam was nervous; he seemed to think the Volturi were getting ready to make some kind of move, in a 'calm before the storm' kind of way. So he was having Jake check-in twice a day.

The longer the Volturi hung around, lurking quietly, the tighter the tensions in La Push rose.

Sam was pretty intuitive, I'd discover later.

"Bella?" Jake called for me outside. I set my muffin down, and walked out the door.

The sun shining in a perfectly blue sky was such a dichotomy to the chaos that was going on behind the scenes in our life.

"What's the matter?" I asked him warily. His head was down and he was running his hand through his hair. I didn't think I wanted to hear this.

"Come on," he took my hand and started walking, leading us down toward the water. We stood together at the edge of the lake.

"What's the matter?" I asked softly, trying to steel myself for the worst. But I'd already endured the worst – what was a little more death and mayhem, right?

"Your dad's in the hospital, Bella."

I started to pull away from him, to run away so I couldn't hear anymore, but he held me firm. "He's okay," he assured me.

"Was it a heart attack? I gave him a stroke, didn't I?" My hand flew over my mouth as it distorted with guilt and grief.

Jacob shook his head. "He was put into the hospital for exhaustion. I guess he had kind of an emotional breakdown. He'll be fine. He'd stopped eating and he wasn't sleeping, and they put him in the hospital and ran tests after he collapsed at work. Physically, he's okay, but emotionally… he told my dad he blames himself for your disappearance."

"What? Why? Why would he blame himself, Jacob?"

He stared at the ground, not looking at me as he answered. "He told my dad that if he had stood his ground when you came back from Italy and forbid you to see Edward like he'd wanted to, you'd be home, safe, right now."

I shook my head, stubbornly. "It's my fault! Not his."

"Geez, Bella, you sound just like him. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. At least I know where you get it from now. It's neither of your faults." He looked out over the lake. "Shit just happens sometimes."

He studied my face for a moment. "Can I ask you something, Bella?"

"What?"

"I know you're really worried about your dad, and I know you feel guilty that you had to take off without letting him know, and you ask about him all the time… but you've never once mentioned your mom. I mean, she must be out of her mind with worry, too."

I pursed my lips, thinking of how to explain it to him, without making Rene or myself sound cold. "My mom will be fine. I'm sure she's worried, but… she'll be fine. She has Phil and she has her stuff and her life. I know she loves me, but she's not an 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' type of person. She's more of an 'out of sight, out of mind' person. What I'm trying to say is, she'll be worried. And then she'll be over it – she'll find ways to distract herself."

"So you're saying she won't torture herself with guilt for the rest of her life like you and Charlie will?" He grinned half-heartedly at me.

"Yeah," I wince-grinned in return. "Exactly." I shook my head. "Why couldn't I take more after Rene?"

He pulled me close and kissed my forehead. "Cos that's what makes you, you."

I sighed. "But Charlie's going to be okay?"

"He's taking a leave of absence from work. He's going to get better. And before you know it, we'll be going home… and after he shoots us, he'll be great."

We chuckled. If we didn't laugh, we'd both cry.

~~``intoxicating``~~

Jacob was fishing and I was stretched out on the blanket in the warm sunshine trying to read. The sun felt amazing and was a welcome mood lifter; hell, I'd take anything at this point. I had to read every sentence at least 3 times to fully comprehend it, but I was making slow but thorough progress. My heart wasn't really in it, but it was distracting.

Jacob reeled his line in slightly, then pulled it out and flung it far out across the lake. "Have those two done it yet?"

"No."

"What's the hold-up? I thought Raoul was leaving the next morning?"

"I haven't really gotten much further than where you read the other night," I admitted. "My brain is a little slow-going this week," I added dryly.

"Well, from where Raoul's head was at the other night," Jake grinned. "Pun intended, I'd have figured they'd have had at it by now."

"Wow," I rolled my eyes. "You're such a romantic. Had at it?"

"Bells," he smirked. "I could have said much worse."

"True."

"So I'm curious – what are they doing now? Why don't you read to me?"

"I'm not reading it to you, Jacob!" I snorted.

"Than at least tell me what they're doing." He took a step back and reeled his line in just a little.

I sighed. "They're skinny-dipping."

I glanced back at him and then back at the page, to re-read the previous sentence a second time. "He keeps trying to – "I started giggling at the absurdity of re-telling it.

I tried again. "He keeps trying to… " I snorted before breaking into laughter again.

Jacob began laughing at me laughing. I composed myself and tried for the third time.

"He keeps trying to… " I collapsed onto my side in a fit of giggles. "POKE her under the water!"

"Raoul, Raoul, Raoul," Jake snickered, shaking his head. "What's Lavinia doing?"

"She keeps letting him come in and rub up on her in the water and then she pulls away and swims off when he tries to… "

I didn't know whether it was the sun or this conversation, but it was getting warm.

"She is such a tease," he said, reeling his line in slowly again.

I turned back to my book. I'd only gotten through three sentences before I felt Jacob flop down beside me on his stomach. I glanced over at him and he was smiling at me.

"What?"

"Let's go skinny-dipping."

I rolled my eyes. "You know, Lavinia and Raoul are a very bad influence on you. This is why they don't allow children to read porn."

He rolled onto his side and moved his face in close to mine, his eyebrows furrowed. "Do I look like a child to you?" he said seriously.

I took in his broad, chiseled chest and shoulders, and his strong, muscular legs. I inhaled a quick, tight breath knowing now what lied between those thighs.

"No," I croaked and cleared my throat.

I blamed the sun as a blazing heat spread through me. I'd have to find something else to blame my now elevated pulse rate on.

He jumped up suddenly and held out his hand to me. "Come on."

I didn't respond right away.

"Come on, Bella. I'll shut my eyes, alright?"

I got up slowly, unsure about this. It wasn't that I didn't trust him, but this felt like asking for trouble, to me.

Jacob almost had his shorts off before I realized what he was doing, so I turned around abruptly. He yelled back over his shoulder at me as he started for the water. "You can look if you want. I have nothing I'm ashamed of."

I turned back around when I heard the gentle splash of water. His shorts lay haphazardly on the ground where he'd dropped them.

He was about thigh deep in, and I saw a glimpse of his firm, tan rear-end before he submerged himself completely. How he did that without shrieking like I always did was beyond me.

"Don't look!" I yelled.

I pulled my shorts and my top off as quickly as I could. Maybe I'd just leave my bra and panties on?

"All of it, Bells! S'only fair!"

How did he do that? I swear sometimes Jacob Black could read my mind.

"Don't you trust me?"

"No!" I hollered. "Sneaky condom buyer," I added under my breath.

"I heard that!" Of course his stupid werewolf ears heard me and he laughed.

While his back was still to me, I peeled off my under-clothes at breakneck speed and flung myself at the water like I was attacking it. I screamed bloody murder till I got myself completely wet. I could see Jacob's shoulders shaking as he snickered.

"Can I turn around now?"

"No!" I dragged my arms through the water, propelling myself a little further out. I put my foot down, craning for the bottom with my toes. I could stand up in this spot and by just bending my knees slightly I kept my upper body covered up to just under my neck. Jacob was about 15 feet away.

"Okay."

He turned around with a grin.

"Did you think that was funny?" I asked him. "You think my discomfort was amusing? Huh?" I sliced the water with my palm, spraying water at him. He was too far away from me to get, so I began flapping at the water, creating bigger splashes.

He laughed, splashing me back. Of course, his splashes were tidal waves compared to my measly ones.

He reached a hand out for me, once we'd stopped. "Come closer, Bella." He smirked. "I won't poke you, I promise."

I took a step closer to him, closing our gap to about 10 feet.

"Okay, you'd better stop there," he told me seriously. "Any closer than that, and this thing may reach you. And I promised, no poking."

I rolled my eyes. "Pfft. You wish."

His dark eyes widened incredulously. "Did you just insult me? Ooooh, I've punished people mercilessly for less than that!"

I giggled, backing up as Jacob came toward me, trying to keep the grin off his face.

"Okay, stop!" I yelled as I backed up into dangerously shallow water. I was practically sitting on the ground now and the waterline was just below my shoulders.

He reached out and grabbed my arm, streamlining me through the water at a higher speed than I could ever skim through it. He pulled us both out into the depths, keeping me at arms' length away from him the whole way.

He got us out to a point where I could touch bottom, but still keep myself comfortably covered. We smiled at each other, the sun streaming down on our heads and our bodies softly floating weightlessly alongside each other.

"I really want to kiss you right now," he told me.

I wanted to as well, but my ever-present logical mind jumped ahead and instantly told me 'no', that the ramifications of that would be dangerous.

"Just a little one, Bells? Please?"

I always had a very hard time telling Jacob 'no'. What could one little kiss hurt, I asked myself?

It could hurt in that I knew neither of us was really talking about one little innocent kiss.

I nodded my head, tilting it at the same time as I reached across the foot or so between us, allowing Jacob to kiss me.

Ohhhhh.

His heat in the freezing lake was like a flame, drawing me to it. I fought the urge to pull myself closer and wrap my body around his.

His lips were so soft and so perfect as he stole not one, not two, not three, but four kisses.

Thief.

Why had I denied myself this for so long? Was it because it was Jacob that the fear was conquerable? It was there, but my desire for more with him was always greater than the fear. I leaned in, stealing yet another.

Intoxicating.

"Bella." I heard the warning in his tone. But I didn't heed it.

"Kiss me again, Jacob."

I could see his expression as he warred with himself. What he wanted to do against what his conscience told him was the right thing to do. Thinking of me and then thinking of himself. I knew that he knew as well as I did that once we started this, there was literally nothing between us to stop us.

"No," he pulled back. "I want to, but… I'm glad you trust my self-control… but… I don't," he finished lamely.

My body tightened as his words brought to mind other conversations with another person and their self-control. Anger coursed through me, surprising me.

"Just shut-up, Jacob and kiss me. Let me handle your damn 'self-control'."

He looked surprised, but he kissed me again. We were still keeping our distance, but this kiss was deeper, and my neck was craning to press my mouth hard against his.

I sucked his bottom lip into my mouth and then dipped my tongue into his mouth, finding his and brushing them against each other, tasting, teasing.

The current was lapping the water around us, in a strange conspiracy to bring our bodies closer. I felt my nipples slide across his chest and I knew he did too, when a moan from deep within him purred against me.

"Bella," he groaned.

I arched my head back, and my chest floated up to the surface and my breasts bobbed above the water like an entrée served before him.

He feasted like a man who hadn't eaten for a year. Sucking at the nipples and squeezing the plump, chilled roundness with his hand.

My feet were no longer touching the ground and my lower body bobbed up against his. Promises were broken as his erection poked against my pubic bone. But I didn't care.

Apparently neither did Jacob at this point. He reached around my waist and pulled me up against him.

I felt the sun on my face and the heat of his torso against my belly and his mouth warm against the wet chill of my breasts. I wished I could stay right here in this moment forever.

"Bells," his hand slid down to move my pelvis away from his for my own protection, but his fingers accidently brushed against the fine hair on my pubis. Instead of pulling away, his fingertips lingered on it, curling his fingers through the short hairs.

"Agh, Bella. I want to touch you. Can I touch you?"

My arms were around his neck now and I'd raised my head and collapsed it against his shoulder, my feet back on the ground. I felt like I was going to hyperventilate. I nodded my head against his neck.

His hand slid farther down, his finger gliding over my slit before dipping its way through my folds. My body was wet from the water, but I was slippery wet between my legs with excitement. He slid his finger back and forth, figuring things out, getting his bearings.

I felt him penetrate me with his finger, moving it in and out. I moved my hips against his hand, his palm brushing against something good. I was about to protest when he removed his finger but he brought it up higher, and began circling it around and over my sensitive nub. He was using two fingers now, gliding around it, then slipping it between his two fingers and squeezing it lightly between them, his hand in constant, gentle motion.

The sensation was getting more intense, building, as every motion of his fingers sent an aching sweetness through my whole lower body.

"Oh, Jacob," I panted. My body was moving against his hand. "Oh god, that's so –" I was cut-off as my mid-section convulsed and my breath was taken away as I climaxed in delicious waves. It seemed to go on and on and I held onto to it as long as I could.

Jacob removed his hand and I looked up as he brought his two fingers to his mouth and licked them.

The last two times Jacob had made me climax, I'd felt satisfied and content afterward. This time it was like a hunger was awakened in me and I wanted more, but I didn't know what. I felt a little frantic as I clung to him and pulled my body in as tightly against his as was humanly possible.

"Jacob," I murmured. "I want… I want… " I didn't know what I wanted. I tugged on his neck and lifted my feet off the ground, wrapping my legs around him. I could feel him, hard as steel against my stomach.

"Bella, no." He tried to gently move me away from him. I knew my actions weren't helping him any and he was thinking of me as he tried to pry me off just a little, but I was like a barnacle, suctioned to him.

"Jesus," he moaned helplessly. "I want to be inside you. Help me out here, Bella. Please, back off just a little, honey."

I wasn't in a helpful mood. I scooted my body up his, using the water to buoy me higher, so my wet folds enclosed around his shaft.

I ground my hips against him, my wetness working with me, gliding him up and down. He gripped my hips and moved me up and down along his length.

"We can't do this," he panted. "I don't have a condom. We're too close. I don't want to take a chance, honey. If I get you back home and you're pregnant, Charlie will kill me. He's been through enough."

There's nothing like someone talking about your parents to kill a mood. My legs loosened and I let them lower slowly back to the ground.

I reached for him and gripped him in my hand, pumping him under the water. He kissed me, his hand on the back of my head, holding me in place. A minute later, I felt him pulse in my hand and he groaned against my lips as I felt his release.

I stopped moving my hand, but kept it wrapped firmly around him, while he continued to kiss me, still holding me against his lips. Slowly the kisses grew less urgent and gentler and we broke away to catch our breath.

We stood in the water with our arms wrapped around each other, my face resting on his chest and his cheek against my hair, for a long time. No words, just breathing, our heartbeats aligned. I wanted to hold onto this moment of serenity with him as long as possible. I never felt so peaceful just being with someone.

"I'm sorry, Bells. I really didn't mean for that to happen. That wasn't my intention when I suggested we…"

"When you suggested we get naked and go swimming?" I snickered. "What did you think would happen, Jacob? Are you that naïve?"

"I thought we'd swim and splash around a little. And maybe, you know, I'd get to see something," he grinned.

"Like I said earlier, that's why children aren't allowed to read porn."

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you really thought we'd both take our clothes off and not end up fooling around? I mean, Jacob, that's really gullible."

"I tried to be good!" he exclaimed, pulling me back to look at him.

"You're right," I looked down. "You did. I'm sorry. I just… I just wanted… I lost control."

"Maybe you shouldn't be allowed to read porn," he teased.

"Maybe I shouldn't," I agreed.

"Well, hey, I did get a good peek."

I swatted him and tried to pretend I was mad, but my smile was too big to get away with it.

"Bella?"

I looked up at him.

"I really want to kiss you again," he grinned.

I brought both hands under the water and splashed him, backing up as he retaliated. We swam and splashed the way he originally intended us to the rest of the afternoon.

~~``intoxicating``~~

"I think we scared all the fish away, Bells."

He came into the shack that evening empty-handed.

"Yeah, well, that was some pretty scary stuff we were doing," I murmured, looking to see what we had left as far as canned foods.

"It wasn't scary."

"You're kind of scary, Jacob." I grabbed a can of stew to heat up for us.

"I'm scary?" He sounded offended.

I turned around and looked at him. I had just been babbling, but I was surprised that he was surprised that he could be a little scary to someone who didn't know him.

"You're a little intimidating, Jacob. Not to me. But if someone didn't know you… "

"Like a catfish?"

I snorted. "Yeah, you're a big guy. You're big, and you're tall. And you're… big."

"You said that."

"Well, you're big all over."

He wiggled his eyebrows. "All over?"

I tried to keep a straight face. "Uh-huh."

"And that's scary?"

"Yeah," I giggled. "That's scary." I pushed him gently back away from me.

"Does my… size, scare you?"

The innuendo was killing me. We both knew we weren't talking about his height anymore.

"No, my boyfriend in Phoenix was bigger than you."

"You didn't have a boyfriend in Phoenix."

"Oh yeah."

"No, really, Bella. Does my being big scare you?"

"Jacob!" My cheeks were burning. "I don't want to talk about this."

"Okay," he put his hands up. "You know I'd do anything not to hurt you, though. Right?"

I swallowed and nodded. "I know," I whispered.

He smiled, satisfied. "I'm gonna go put the fishing poles away."

I couldn't shake the warmth in my cheeks as I went about warming up some stew for our dinner. We'd stocked up on some canned goods since it didn't look like the Volturi were going to be leaving anytime soon.

It was starting to get dark outside and I was just lighting some candles when Jake stepped out to check in with Sam for the second time today. I didn't even bother to get my hopes up that Sam would tell us it was safe to come home anymore.

Although, I had to admit, I was not as desperate to get home as I had been two weeks ago.

I got out the deck of cards thinking maybe I could let Jake kick my butt at poker when he came back. I no sooner shook the cards out than Jacob flung the door of the shack open and ran in, breathless. His eyes zeroed in on me, comfortable on the sleeping bag.

"Grab your stuff, Bella! Take what you need and leave the rest. We've got to get the hell out of here."

He was throwing stuff into his canvas bag as he spoke. Jamming his clothes in and running around the shack, grabbing things here and there.

"What happened?" I jumped up and grabbed my backpack, making sure the envelope with the money was in there, and then began shoving things in around it.

"What's going on? What's happened, Jacob?"

"We don't have time, Bells. I'll tell you later. Just pack!"

He dropped to the floor and rolled the up the sleeping bag, the blanket securely inside it. He rushed outside with it and his bag and began attaching them to the back of the bike.

My heart was hammering in my chest as horrible scenarios flitted through my mind; the wolves in pieces, my father beaten and bludgeoned. I shook my head, hoping to dispel the visuals there.

I zipped up my backpack and pulled my heavy jacket on just as Jake strode back in purposefully.

"Got everything?" He looked around the room as he picked up my backpack, scanning for anything important we might have forgotten.

"I think so." I stood looking around the tiny room. I'd resented this place when we'd first arrived and couldn't wait to leave here and return home, but now…

A piece of my heart broke as we had to leave here so abruptly. Jacob and I had been through so much here, discovered so many things about each other. And through it all, with Jacob, I had grown to feel safe here.

Jacob took hold of my hand. "Come on, Bells."

I stood stock still in the middle of the room. "I don't want to go," I whispered.

"I know," he said softly. "We have to." He smiled sadly at me. "Maybe we'll come back again someday."

I liked that thought. It made me feel better. Gave me something to hope for. I nodded at him.

"Come here." He put my backpack down on the floor and pulled me to him. I threw my arms around his shoulders – shoulders that must sometimes feel like they carried the weight of the world on them. I couldn't help thinking, thank god they're so strong.

He took my face in his hands and kissed me; softly and gently. Almost like he was saying goodbye to me. "We'll come back," he whispered in my ear.

He tugged my hand and we hurried out to the motorcycle.

"Do you know where we're going?" I asked him as I got on behind him.

He shook his head. "We're just going for a long ride. Hold on tight, honey."

I looked all around, trying to take a mental photograph in my head. The moon was shining down, reflecting off the lake, and I chastised myself for not noticing how beautiful it was here this whole time we'd been here. I turned my head as Jacob rode down the path.

I was even going to miss the outhouse. Okay, maybe not.

I stared at our lake as we rode till it finally disappeared from sight.

Jacob eventually hit the highway and we drove for miles through the night.

~~``intoxicating``~~