"Celebrity Jeopardy: Total Drama Style"
Rated T for Crude Humor
Disclaimer: Don't own Saturday Night Live or the Total Drama series.
Chapter 10: Lightning, Anne Maria and Brick
(Jeopardy! theme music plays.)
Alex Trebek: Welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy. I thought we were done with this Total Drama business, but seeing as though I have 13 more buttwads to do, I feel like I wanna go on a killing spree. With that said in mind, today's contestants are Lightning, Anne Maria, and Brick.
Brick: Um, that's not my name, Trebek.
Alex Trebek: Dare I ask why?
Brick: Look at my podium.
Alex Trebek: (embarassed) Oh, good lord. Apparently, Brick just changed his name to "S**t Brick".
Brick: (pointing at Alex) Bow down before S*** Brick!
Alex Trebek: Yeah, I'll do that when I'm dead. Let's just go to the categories. We have Potent Potables, Don't Fart, Hamburgers, Sports Teams, Butter Your Own Hand, and Don't Press Anything.
Lightning: Oh, man! I got this in the bag! Okay...I'll try...mmmmmmm...too hard...I know, let's try...um...I think I'll go for...
Alex Trebek: Been in this country long, Lightning? You know...maybe I'll let Anne Maria start.
(She buzzes in.)
Anne Maria: (shouting) What is Potent Potables for a quarter?
Alex Trebek: Anne Maria, that's not how the game's played! You have to choose a category, and you have to let me read the clue so then you can buzz in the form of a question.
Anne Maria: What kind of s***ty game show you run here?
Alex Trebek: Apparently the kind you find in a disease-infected toilet. Find one in jersey if you can. Maybe, I'll let Brick-
Brick: (cutting him off) S**t Brick!
Alex Trebek: (fuming) Urrrrrgh...fine. S**t Brick?
Brick: I'll take Don't Press Anything for $1000, Trebek!
Alex Trebek: Finally, someone with dirty balls...the clue is don't press anything. Don't buzz in, don't say anything, and you all win.
(There is a good silence for 4 seconds, but someone yelps and presses his buzzer on accident.)
Alex Trebek: Lightning, you just lost.
Lightning: Sorry, man. Anne Maria pinched my ass.
Alex Trebek: How family friendly of you...
(Anne Maria buzzes in.)
Alex Trebek: Anne Maria, you also lost.
Anne Maria: But I wanted to answer the question.
Alex Trebek: Didn't I tell you the clue?
Anne Maria: I'm sorry. I was thinking of Lightning's ass. I'm a bit lonely.
Alex Trebek: No wonder...the correct answer is nothing, because Brick-
Brick: S**t Brick!
Alex Trebek: Whatever! It's because S**t Brick actually had the audacity not to buzz in. For that he gets a dollar.
Brick: King S**t Brick is most pleased!
Alex Trebek: Wonderful. Lighting, you choose.
Lightning: I'll take "Hamboobers" for $400!
Alex Trebek: Wait a minute, wha-
(Alex Trebek turns over to the category board and sees that there was white tape that says "oob" over the "urg". Replacing the word Hamburgers with "Hamboobers")
Alex Trebek: That's not the name of a category. You just put a red marker over the urg and replaced it with oob!
Lightning: No I didn't.
Alex Trebek: Yes, you did!
Lightning: That's your opinion, pal. Someone framed me!
(Lightning throws the red marker away without Alex Trebek even looking, throwing away the evidence.)
Alex Trebek: Fine. Anne Maria-
(Anne Maria buzzes in.)
Anne Maria: I'll have a "G"!
Alex Trebek: (fuming) What did I just say?
Anne Maria: I thought this was "Wheel of Fortune"?
Alex Trebek: (angrily) It's...Celebrity...Jeopardy!
Anne Maria: You are so retarded...
Alex Trebek: Thanks for the compliment. Okay, the clue is...this is the vegetable you put on a burger.
(A picture of pickles is shown. Brick buzzes in.)
Alex Trebek: Oh, good lord. S**t Brick?
Brick: (Smiles, but forgets) I forgot.
Alex Trebek: Wonderful...
(Lightning buzzes in.)
Alex Trebek: Lightning?
Lightning: What is boobs?
Alex Trebek: (fuming) No! Why are you thinking about boobs so much?
Lightning: I like Anne Maria's. You can tell she's not wearing a bra.
Alex Trebek: I had such expectations for you...
(Anne Maria buzzes in.)
Alex Trebek: Anne Maria?
Anne Maria: Um...what is...Lightning's ass?
(Alex Trebek bows down in embarassment.)
Alex Trebek: (muffled) What in the hell happened to my life?
Brick: (Scottish accent) Bring on the category, my lad!
Alex Trebek: (angrily) Don't remind me! Since everyone of you was born without a single soul in your devil-infested hearts, we'll just go right ahead to Final Jeopardy and your clue is "Something". Just write something!
("Final Jeopardy!" theme song plays. The camera scrolls to Lightning [who is too busy staring at Anne Maria's butt], Anne Maria [who was busy looking at Lightning's 'package']. and Brick [who is still thinking].)
Alex Trebek: You can just write something. It doesn't have to me a wrong answer. i can be a right answer. It can be anything offensive or something that could get me fired. Just write something.
("Final Jeopardy!" theme song is over.)
Alex Trebek: Okay, now that my horrific nightmare of hosting can finally be over, we'll start with S*** Brick...who's eating his own pen...
(Brick is munching on a Jeopardy pen.)
Brick: Want some, Trebek?
Alex Trebek: Basically, I don't wanna even know where you got that...and quite frankly, I don't care.
Brick: I got it off a monkey's anal bum.
Alex Trebek: (shudders) And maybe...I wouldn't care what you wagered, so that let's go to Anne Maria.
Anne Maria: I'll take the physical challenge.
Alex Trebek: (Sighs) For the love of God, Anne Maria...this is "Celebrity Jeopardy", not "Double Dare". But anyway...let's see what you wrote down.
(screen reveals: "uu")
Alex Trebek: The letter 'W'...we'll you did write something. So...I guess we'll accept it.
Anne Maria: It just came to me.
Alex Trebek: Kinda of a weird 'w', but let's see what you wagered.
(screen reveals: Lightning's ass.)
Alex Trebek: Lightning's ass...how I didn't see that coming.
Anne Maria: I'm just so lonely...I need someone to hold me...ohhhh...
(Anne Maria goes to Lightning, and he comforts her.)
Alex Trebek: Why do I sense something wrong here...? Okay, Lightning. You're last, so...let's see...what you wrote down.
(screen reveals a medium sized picture of a weird volcano.)
Alex Trebek: You wrote down a volcano...how weird of you...
(Lightning starts to snicker.)
Lightning: Don't you wanna know what I wagered?
Alex Trebek: Well...I don't know why you're snickering like that, but...all right, then? What did Lightning wager?
(screen reveals to be a picture of Lightning putting Anne Maria in a compromising position.)
Alex Trebek: Lightning, do I have to ask what you drew there?
Lightning: Have you ever seen a hot Jersey chick do a backward crab imitation and you see one milky tip coming from a ribbed, throbbing pickle? That's actually me drilling her, just like at the end of this show! Pretty crafty, huh?
Alex Trebek: How perverted from the two of you...I hope the sex tape we had here on Celebrity Jeopardy gets lost through my mail. That's all for-
Brick (o.s.): Kneel before your master! I am King S**t Brick! I will ruuuuuuuuuuuule yoooooooooou!
Alex Trebek: Fine, whatever! That's all for Celebrity Jeopardy, May all of you eat your own s**t. (angrily) Good night!
(Trebek walks off the set pissed off.)
That's right! This time, I'm bringing back this fic, but this time with the new characters from "Total Drama: Revenge of the Island"! Next up, we'll be doing Mike, Zoey, and Jo! Read and review until then!