10. I Don't Get You. I Can't Forget What You'd Forgotten All Along.
(Don't Cry Out - Shiny Toy Guns)
Ishizu hadn't seen him like this since he was a child, since before the initiation he was forced to go through with. She could barely understand the words coming out of his mouth, and she was almost afraid he might drown in all those tears he was shedding. He shook like a leaf and his eyes were bloodshot. Marik screamed deep, gutteral screams into her shoulders and clung to her.
"I don't wanna do this anymore! I can't do this anymore!" he sobbed, coughing here and there, driving himself ill.
She held him tightly, rubbing his back and fighting back tears of her own. "Shh, now. It's okay, Marik, it's okay. Everything's gonna be alright, you'll see. Things are gonna get better, I promise, baby brother. I promise, okay?" she started to cry. She just couldn't handle seeing him break down like this. Ishizu just wanted her Marik back. She wanted that smiling, optimistic, family-loving little boy back.
"Everyday is exactly the same, Ishizu. It's all the fucking same and I can't take it anymore. I feel like I'm gonna collapse and crumble. Like I'm empty and I'm supported by some fucking twisted miracle. And I fucking hate myself and I feel sick in this skin! I just want to rip it off!" His throat was growing hoarse and his breathing was now complete sobs. Marik's head was pounding from all the crying, but this felt good, somehow. He looked to his sister whose eyes were now just as bloodshot as his own from the sorrow seeping out of them. "Please, just let me go. Let me go so I don't have to feel so bad about leaving."
She shook her head. "No! I will never let you go! You're my brother and you and Rishid are all I've got and I love you!" Ishizu wiped away the tears and attempted to compose herself. "I'll never let you die, especially not by your own hands. We have to stick together, okay? Promise me we'll stick together! Promise me, Marik!"
And he cried again, coughing and hacking halfway through. He cried into her shoulders and continued to cling to her for dear life. He cried until he couldn't hold his eyes open anymore.
And everyday really was the same. It was quiet and boring and lonely. Often times he almost fell asleep in the shop when the old lady didn't have any work for him to do. He felt like a fish out of water; unable to breathe and panicking on the inside while people watched without a care.
The shop bells rang but he didn't turn his head. The familiar clicking of heels followed not far behind, and they seemed to skip merrily. Nearly in a panic, the elderly woman of the shop raced out from the back room and ran to the customer's aid, and Marik shook his head tiredly. It just wasn't worth all the hustle.
"... Marik?" That voice was so painfully familiar now, and he was just waiting for an attack of words. Questions, demands, blabbering-anything. He turned his head and saw exactly who he expected.
"Hey." He didn't look at her when he answered. He knew he was in trouble still, and he was even a little embarrassed to have been caught at work. A boy working in a flower shop wasn't exactly something he was terribly proud of. The poor old woman was left completely in the dark and was afraid she may have lost her dear customer to his background.
Merit folded her arms, grimacing at him. "I was really lonely in the States. I wanted to get your phone number so we might stay in touch, but you ditched me. I really could've used your friendship the past couple of weeks, Marik..."
His head dropped. People were really good at making him feel guilty. Or maybe that was just his personality. "I'm sorry, Merit. It really wasn't anything personal, I swear. And if it means anything anymore, I really could've used your friendship, too."
She glanced at him several times in her pouting, fighting with herself on whether or not she should forgive him. Of course she would, but she hated that he won her forgiveness so easily. She would have to play it off a little bit to make him suffer or something. "Well... that doesn't quite make up for it," she lied, "so you'll just have to work a little harder." By now, this had become more of a test to see if he really did mean what he said.
Marik almost laughed. "What do you want me to do?"
"Mmm," she thought, "take me to dinner."
How uncomfortable. "Where?" he sighed, not excited in the least bit.
"Your house. And Ishizu and Rishid have to be there, too. I want to meet them and I want to see what your house looks like."
He raised a brow. "You've already met both of them based on what my sister said, and you've been to my house, too."
"I didn't get a proper tour! And it was only for a short time that I got to see your sister! Do you want to be my friend still, or not?" She was getting a little abrasive now, which meant he had better say yes or else.
The elderly woman smiled a bit. "Well, isn't that cute. You've got yourself a date. And to think you're always moping about, I didn't think a girl would ever go for you with such a depressing personality."
They both rolled their eyes. "It's not a date. She's just weird." The woman gave him a knowing look, and he knew he wouldn't be able to fight her on the issue no matter how true his excuses may have been.
Merit waited for Marik to get out of work. He had only had about an hour left, and she didn't mind sitting around the shop. She had been planning on shopping there, anyways, and the little rendezvous with Marik was completely on accident, though convenient. Merit and the old lady chattered together, making fun of Marik here and there. It was as cute as it could be, and as obnoxious as possible for the poor boy.
"I'm so excited for dinner at your place, tonight!" Merit skipped along beside him like she always used to as they headed towards the Ishtar home. It was as if she had never left or had conflict with him at all.
Marik sighed, grimacing at the night ahead. It seemed just as he was getting used to one routine, change instantly came about and made him start all over. It was getting tiring, especially with his special psyche. And, not that he didn't like Merit, because he very much did, but because of her incessant ramblings, he felt a headache coming on, so he shoved his headphones on and listened to something a little more calm and soothing. Merit, of course, was extremely offended and began yelling to high heaven, but Marik just smiled and let the music drown out her ridiculousness.
Eventually, the pissed teenage girl ripped the phones from his ears, scraping the tips of them and nearly causing them to bleed. They entered the household arguing like children, and to Ishizu, it was almost a heartwarming sound. Not because Marik and Merit were yelling, but because the quietness in their empty home had been snuffed out by it and filled up the rooms with the sound of company. Company was not something her home had ever experienced, and deep down, she was giddy as a schoolgirl.
Ishizu came running to the front door to great the teenagers. "Merit? I didn't expect to see you ever again!"
"Yeah, I never expected to really be back, actually. But with enough convincing, I talked Mom and Dad into letting us come back home early. The States was wretched on me, honestly." Almost instantly, the girls took to talking non-stop much to Marik's relief. He crashed on the white couch nearest the door and fell right to sleep. He had been so exhausted, lately. Like he just couldn't keep up with the hours in the days as they came.
The couch seemed to be floating in a dark, abysmal void. A place that had been on the other side of the universe, where the stars couldn't reach. He felt like he were out at sea and the couch began to spin around and around so smoothly. It was something Marik thought he might have been enjoying, but something just felt so terribly wrong. How did he get here?
And then a purple smoke protruded from his mouth. He was choking on it as it squirmed from deep within his belly. This smoke wasn't just a gas, but it was a physical being that was wretching its way out of Marik's very insides. He felt tears in the corners of his eyes as his gag reflex continued to fight the purple beast.
Marik watched as the monster began to form in front of his eyes. He was a ghostly white with a razor jaw, malicious eyes and bloodied claws, and Marik saw himself looking back at him. He was still choking on this demonic reflection of his soul, still suffocating as it held onto him tightly. He just wanted the demon to let go, let him be something worthwhile, but the beast showed no signs of retreat.
"Marik, dinner's ready!"
His eyes shot open but he didn't dare move. He stared at Merit wide eyed, who was creeped out by his reaction to being woken up. Marik looked calm on the outside, but his insides were trembling and his skin was so cold.