Title: Destroyed (10/?)
Rating: M
Content: slash, violence, unpleasant things that will be revealed throughout
Characters: Raw Roster, main characters Randy Orton, Evan Bourne, John Cena
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue
Distribution: ffn, lj, anywhere else ask first
Summary: Evan has a terrible secret, Randy and John are determined to help him, but Evan knows what's at stake should anyone find out. Set around current Raw storylines (loosely).
Evan couldn't believe John's plan. He got John and Randy to go through it two or three times before he accepted that it was what they thought would work best. He wasn't in agreement, but accepted that it was the most likely solution. It meant a hell of a risk for John though, and he definitely wasn't happy about that.
John could see that Evan was getting increasingly strung out by the situation and, knowing how stressed Randy was about everything, decided to take matters into his own hands. He knew how frustrated Evan was, how powerless he felt and how angry he was, and knew there was one surefire way of dealing with that. He made Evan grab his gym bag and demanded that he give directions to his local gym. Evan acquiesced, aware of what John was doing and appreciative. He wasn't up to full training because of his shoulder injury, but he could aim a few well aimed kicks at a bag, and work out some tension with a good long run on the treadmill.
John watched the younger man, seeing the tension drain out of him as he took out his frustrations in the most constructive and positive way. Evan would be good for Randy, and Randy's persistence when it came to people he loved would help Evan to realise that he didn't have to fight every battle on his own. It made John happy to see his friends finally act on their feelings, but that only magnified his own solitude. He was never so isolated as he was right now, and he wondered where he would be left when the whole situation with Nexus was over. The thought of being left with nothing was not one he wanted to contemplate, but it was a scenario that could well happen should things not go according to plan. Randy and Evan would have each other; who would John have?
He put those thoughts to one side though, as Evan was looking so much happier and he didn't want to ruin that. They picked up a takeout on the way back to Evan's home, as well as a few beers, determined that the evening would be fun and that the Nexus would not extend their hold any further. And it was fun. Jokes and conversation flowed and Evan was so animated it was hard to believe he was the same person as earlier. Randy sat and watched in wonder, smiling as he realised that his Evan was still there, that he hadn't been broken completely. Locking eyes with John he mouthed a silent 'thank you', John just nodding in response, and for the first time in a while he believed that they would all get through this.
One part of Randy wanted Evan to accompany him to the PPV and Raw tapings, and the other wanted to keep him as far away from Barrett as possible. He didn't want to admit to himself that at least a small part of him feared that Evan would return to Barrett. He certainly didn't want to admit that thought to Evan, but somehow it came out, and the hurt in Evan's eyes was something that would haunt Randy for years to come.
"You don't trust me." Evan's words were abrupt, as if he was trying to hold himself together for long enough to find something to hold on to.
"I do," Randy was struggling to articulate how he felt, and with every word felt like he was making things worse.
"No you don't. You don't want to think it, but there's a piece of you that thinks if he threatens me again I'd sleep with him to keep myself safe." Evan turned away. He felt like he was stupid to think he could ever make this thing with Randy work. It would always be shadowed by what he'd done.
"You're right." Evan turned in surprise at the words. Randy walked over to him and gently caressed his cheek, keeping the younger man's gaze. "You're right. There is a part of me that is afraid that if I wasn't there for you, you'd go back to him to keep yourself safe. But like I said before, I understand why, I'm just having trouble dealing with it actually happening. And I'd blame myself for not protecting you just like I blame myself for not protecting you back when it first started."
Evan sighed, nuzzling his cheek against Randy's hand, needing the physical contact, "the difference now is that I have you. I... wrestling is all I've had, for many years. If he'd have taken that away from me, what would I be? I feel like I can say no to him now because I have a strength I didn't have before." He stopped, realising exactly what Randy had just said, and then reached up and pulled him into an intense kiss, breaking contact only when both were gasping for air. Evan shook his head as the full impact of Randy's words hit his heart, "what do you mean you blame yourself?"
"If I'd have told you how I felt, you'd never have ended up in this situation."
"Easy to say," Evan shrugged, "but he was after you, he'd have found another way of getting at me, in fact it would probably have been easier for him if we'd been together. Please don't blame yourself."
"How can I not when I see how much you're hurting?"
"Because you are the only one who can ease the pain."
Randy closed his eyes and held Evan close to him, trying to believe what he was being told. Evan's warm embrace and the feeling of his body next to him soothed the demon within; the nagging doubt was still there but it's insistence was slightly less, and hope replaced it.
"I don't want to be there," Evan murmured, "at the PPV, and Raw. But I don't want you to do anything stupid. I know you want to hurt him but you need to remember what John's putting at risk, ok? Revenge will come, but it needs to be when the time is right."
"I won't put John at risk. I'll stick to the plan," Randy would be eternally grateful for the role that John was going to play in their scheme.
"Can I ask one thing?" Evan bit his lip, "can both of you come here straight from Raw? I don't know how he's going to react when he finds out that you know what he's been doing, and I don't want him goading you into anything..." Evan left unspoken his fear of reprisal from the Nexus leader, but Randy understood his concern.
"We'll come straight here. I won't let him hurt you again Ev."
"Please don't make promises when you don't know if you'll be able to keep them." As confident as both John and Randy were in their plan, Evan knew that things were far from over and could potentially get worse.