AN: Happy (belated) New Year! I'm so sorry, I tried to update before the new year but the words just came out bleeehhh. I cut this chapter short because of that, but I hope everyone had a happy holidays. And for those who didn't, please have some virtual cookies and milk from me *wraps you in warm blanket*
I keep feeling like I'm writing Nina realizing the 'reality of her situation' over and over, but I just don't know how to express that when she finally feels chill and comfortable, she forgets that everything is not okay in the world. That she doesn't live in a time of peace and people in this world are weird and insane and have the ability to control the freaking elements and the people she watches on tv can kill her at the drop of a hat no problem. its just, ack!
PS, even though I don't watch Legend of Korra, I can't help but feel so incredibly happy with the finale I read about on Tumblr. *spoiler alert* Korrasami is canon. Korra and Asami, two awesome female characters, are canon bisexuals. I'm freaking out! *squeals*
Special Thanks To:
Himeno Kazehito
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FallenAshe
Insomniac-with-coffee
Nomurai
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dream lighting
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The Fire Rain Alchemist
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animagirl
Sister of the Crimson Dragon
RandomCitizen
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Kyoki no Megami
Demonic Jeirin
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-x-
Guardian of Fire
Chapter 10: Homesick
-x-
I want to go home.
I watched the officers forcefully take Jet away and suddenly it dawned on me. Maybe it's because I've been so preoccupied with Titan. Maybe it was because I was still in the mindset that this was all a cartoon, and so long as I kept Titan and I safe and fed, we could find the Avatar and that would be that. But the anger and hatred flashing in Jet's eyes the moment he laid them on me, I realized that the world is currently at war. It's not something to entertain people on TV, it's not a history lesson that I have to trudge along through school. Jet sees us as monsters because his family was slaughtered by firebenders. I live in a world with prejudice worse than skin color or religion. I live in a world where people burst fire from their hands and manipulate water with their movements and - Oh, stars.
My stomach lurched and all the blood drained from my face. Had people known that Jet wasn't as crazy as they think he is right now, I thought, stepping back into the safety of the tea shop. What would they do to us?
Iroh urged me to come back inside to talk. But I couldn't. I couldn't stop staring as Jet was hauled away, his legs dragging and kicking. And looking at the kind old man who was and will still be a mentor to many important people . . . I couldn't hold back my shame; I'm acting like a frightened child! Iroh didn't have to help me, Zuko didn't have to defend me. Whether we've gotten to know each other over the past few weeks or not, I'm still a complete stranger to them. I can only be so lucky that they've helped me thus far.
And my stupid, creepy little fangirl crush on the firebending boy . . . this is ridiculous. He's a person now. A real, physical, person. With a life and a past and secrets and feelings.
Titan curled into my chest, calm and exhausted. A little too calm for my liking, thus reminding me that even Titan's dad was rough with him when he was in trouble. The thought of Titan getting smacked around, even by his own father, made me tighten my hold around him. No one will touch him. My cringe as Iroh reached to put a comforting hand on my elbow made him hesitate to move further.
"There is no need to be afraid any longer, the boy is gone." he said. His voice and calming words made me feel homesick. So, so, homesick.
"I need to go," I muttered, backing away from him. He took a cautious step forward and, as if whatever fate up there smiled down on me, the gathering crowd began to disperse. Bodies moving in fast-paced movements to get home or find some other interesting event out in the streets of the night. I blended in easily, scurrying away just as Zuko approached the tea shop and my body flipped on autopilot. I need to leave. I need to walk away and use whatever force hides my presence to my advantage. I can hear Zuko's shouts for me as I drifted further and further away. I can see the dark spikes of his hair poking above the moving crowd every time I snuck a glance back. He can't move as fast as he'd like, not with all these people.
I gulped, keeping myself in my robotic-like trance to stop my urge to run. I don't have the stamina to run and hold Titan's weight at the same time. I need to stay calm. My legs pushed me forward, fighting against the urge to collapse from its sudden soreness and my heart pounded in my ears. I concentrated on my breathing, twitching at every sound and click from the corners of the district.
When I made it to my door, my free hand fumbled for the apartment key and it dropped with a loud clank! Too loud. Way too loud in my ears.
A hand shot out to it before I could reach it and I nearly fell back.
Zuko stood there, his face pale in the street lights and his expression blank and unreadable. I gulped, subconsciously clutching Titan tighter.
"You shouldn't have run off on your own." He said. His voice is so even and smooth. How is it he sounds so much like the voice actor in the cartoon? Looking at him now, not as the cartoon, but as a real, human man, the two versions sound and look so alike. Did I actually fall into a cartoon? Or did I fall into another world that somehow manifested itself into a cartoon in my world?
What do I do? What do I say? Will Zuko leave me alone if I simply ask him? Will he leave and never turn my way again? I feel like I owe him so much.
Do I even want him to go away? I mean, throwing the shame and embarrassment I feel aside, wouldn't it be in Titan's best interests to stay by Zuko's side? Eventually he will run into Aang and the gang, but could I wait that long? Could I trust Titan's safety in his hands?
My robotic-like trance beginning to subside, I averted my eyes away from his piercing golden ones.
"I think its time I left," I finally said, not quite sure what I meant by them.
I shouldn't have settled here, I wanted to say. I got too comfortable. Please don't ask me anything. I need to find a way to my family.
But the words couldn't find their way to my tongue. In a quick motion Zuko managed to open my door and I automatically walked inside as he followed. The plan was already forming in my head; to pack the things I could carry on my back and sneak out during the night. Of course, that didn't include a certain fire nation prince actually trailing after me.
He shut the door, and I took my time to make my way to Titan and I's little makeshift sleeping corner (the cot provided was proven to be unsanitary a while back. Yuck.)
I tucked him in comfortably, but didn't leave his side. His breathing was quiet but comforting, and I ran a hand over his hair before leaving a lingering kiss on his forehead. He's always been quite warm these days. Is this because of his firebending?
I almost forgot Zuko was even there until he spoke up again; his footsteps to my side were silent, and he knelt next to me.
"Where do you expect to go?" he asked, his voice quiet. I shook my head.
To find the Aang. Home. To my family. Somewhere where Titan will be safe.
I fought back a wave of exhaustion. "I don't know."
"I won't stop you, Nina." he said.
Now is sooo not the time to freak over the sound of his voice saying my name.
"But you won't get very far."
"Gee, thanks," I mumbled, not able to help the offended tone in my voice. I've been able to make it this far just fine thank you very much!
. . . shut up.
"I mean," he stressed, sitting semi-cross legged beside me. "Not with him. He hasn't been trained to control his . . . firebending."
I chewed on my lip. Talking to Titan about playing with his new fire abilities was on the top of my list when he woke up.
"I can help you." Zuko continued. "I can help teach Titan to control his firebending."
I rose an eyebrow. And how the hell does he expect to do that?
"And how do you expect to do that?" It's not like he can just set up a firebending training center in Ba Sing Se.
"I don't like that you kept the truth from me and my uncle. That you were lying to us."
Now, technically I wasn't lying! I just . . . withheld the fact that Titan could make fire pop out from his chubby little fingers.
He continued before I could protest. "But I know a thing or two about keeping your identity a secret. What it means to hide who you are to protect yourselves."
My breath hitched, and my mind ran through our conversation several times over to make extra sure I didn't screw up somewhere. Zuko isn't Zuko to me. He's supposed to be Lee: a refugee with no more importance in this world than me!
Did I slip anywhere? Did I say anything that could tip him off?
I said his name. Back at the tea shop I said his name. But did he hear me? Did Iroh? Is that what Iroh wanted to talk about.
It was the only explanation. What could've been so important to talk about? The fact that Jet (rightfully) accused Titan of being a firebender? I mean, for all Iroh knew the boy really was crazy.
A part of me with the survival instincts grew weary. It begged me to leave and to never turn back. What if the other villagers believed there was something to Jet's claims, and investigated? What if Zuko and Iroh saw Titan and I as a threat to their semi-peaceful new lives and decided to take action using 'Lee's' empathy as a trap?
The other part of me, the reasonable I'm-the-good-instincts-and-judgment, part of me, didn't want to leave. Maybe because of my ridiculous fangirl-celebrity crush on him, or maybe its because despite this not being a cartoon world, it was still the same world I grew up watching. I watched Zuko learn and grow from becoming the series main antagonist to becoming his official firebending teacher. This boy before me was going to grow into a man who would become the Fire Lord alongside the Avatar. Deep down I couldn't help but feel like I could trust him.
But he's still in that in-between stage of growing. He has not yet fully learned who he is and what he was meant to do. He is merely working himself as a refugee in order to survive like I have.
"I can't let Titan into the hands of the fire nation. I've seen what they do and teach the children and how they're treated and I just," I gulped. I ran a hand through my baby's thick brown locks and tried to push away the thoughts. Zuko grimaced, as if he never thought about how the children were treated in the fire nation.
"I can help you." he said.
"Why?" I sighed. "What could you possibly gain from helping us?"
"Why?" he chuckled to himself, as if the same question burned his mind when he followed me. Then he stopped short, frowning. "I don't know. Maybe it was because I had the chance to help a lot of people, but I never acted on it."
He shifted, looking from me to Titan. Finally, he hesitantly reached out for me. I reflexively flinched away, but kept eye contact.
"Do you- Can you trust me?" he asked, his voice in a breathy, husky whisper.
I thought of his friendship with Sokka forming over the boiling rock; I thought of Katara and how he helped her confront her mother's murderer; I thought of his coronation as the Fire Lord, and how he walked out to create peace with Aang - from enemies, to the most trusted friends.
I thought of all this in the span of a second, and my lack of hesitation of my response surprised me.
"Yes."
The corner of his lip turned up slightly. Holding his hand up between us, a ball of fire lit up in his palm.
A/N: Jeesh, Nina, would you make up your mind on what you want to think? A part of you trusts Zuko with your whole heart, the other, paranoid part of you says to run the other way . . . damn, you're getting hard to write! T_T
I'm very, very sorry for any spelling mistakes, 's Document Manager seems to have taken the spell check off and I don't have another program to do that for me. I hope everyone enjoyed and I'm sorry for all the seriousness, things will definitely lighten up next chapter! Will Nina reveal any of her secrets to Zuko? That was going to happen this chapter, but I just couldn't find a good place to bring it up without just throwing it all in there so randomly.
Please review and tell me what you think! What you want, what you don't want, any cliché's I should (try) to avoid? I don't go with them all (this is my story after all, things are planned) but I do take them into consideration as I write and change things around my timeline!