Title: Flame beneath ashes - Chapter 10: The choice's hour
Summary: AU. After the events of Countrycide, Ianto was retconned and allowed to start a new life in London. Intervening accidentally in a burning building, it's a very different man Jack meets four years later. But can Ianto really escape his own destiny?
Rating: T
Characters: Ianto Jones, Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper, Owen Harper, Toshiko Sato, Myfanwy, Original characters.
Pairing: Jack/Ianto, Owen/Tosh, Gwen/Rhys (mentioned), Ianto/Lisa (past)
Genres: Alternate universe/action/romance.
Warnings: Violence, swearing, sexual situation (nothing graphic), character's death (temporary)
Spoilers: Spoilers for seasons 1 and 2. Exit wounds and Children of Earth are only mentioned as incidents and Miracle Day, of course, never happened
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Notes: As ever special thanks to my precious beta reader badly_knitted, for her support and good advices. Once again, I had to split the chapter in two, so, sorry, but the explanation about Ianto's amnesia will have to wait until the next chapter.
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Chapter 10: The choice's hour
Jack had a good reason to choose Café Ambrosio for their meeting. Though Ianto surely didn't remember it, the place used to be one of the young man's favourite spots when he had started to work for Torchwood Three and it was also his exclusive supplier of the team's coffees, until he managed to convince Jack to invest in an ultramodern Italian coffee maker.
The price of the device nearly amounted to the cost of a car, but Jack had been forced to admit that in Ianto's hands, it had revealed itself to be more than worthwhile and that the nectar it produced was beyond comparison.
Sadly, after the Welshman's departure, the precious machine had finally ended up abandoned on a corner of the kitchen's counter. In spite of their best efforts, none of them had been able to make it work properly or to generate anything other than an abominable sock juice or a thick mixture, only good to serve as tar.
Reluctantly, the team had gone back to Café Ambrosio for a while, but it didn't have the same charm. Although delicious, their coffee wasn't as good as Ianto's. Unable to reach such a level of perfection and in order to have at least one good reason to complain, they had finally resolved to fall back on the awful instant which Gwen kept in reserve in her drawer. The beverage itself was clearly disgusting, but the level of caffeine was ok and was all that mattered.
When Ianto pulled up in front of the coffee shop, Jack was already there. He had arrived earlier, before the place started to fill up with customers and had sat at a table in the background, where he had a clear view of the street without being seen from the outside.
After he had left Ianto's hotel room the night before, his first intention had been to visit one of his usual dens of vice and try to drown his painful loneliness in alcohol and meaningless sex, but it had only taken him ten minutes inside the Neon Club to realize that like Café Ambrosio's coffee couldn't compete with Ianto's, nothing the club had to offer was enough to give him the oblivion he was looking for.
Unable to go back to the Hub and his cold and lonely bunker, he had finally decided to spend the rest of the night standing on one of his favourite rooftops, musing about the events of the night and what action to take, weighing the pros and the cons and basically torturing himself even more, until the sun eventually expelled the darkness and found him with more questions than answers.
Being so close to his former lover, both physically and emotionally had shaken him more than he had expected and he wasn't sure that he wouldn't have preferred shouting and anger instead of his strange acceptance. At least it would have left no room for hope, because this tiny spark of hope was actually what hurt the most. He could have taken the hate and the rejection. He had done it once and could do it again. He was used to being hated and rejected. At least it would have been loud and clear, like a bullet to the heart.
Instead of that he was now trapped between his selfish desire to have Ianto back in his life, if not as lover at least as a friend, and his determination to protect the young man and thereby himself by keeping the Welshman as far away from him as possible.
Maybe, with any luck Ianto would have made up his mind and decided that he didn't want anything to do with him and his past, and he would go back to London to resume his current life.
Maybe the page could finally be turned. Not without pain, of course, but then maybe Jack would finally find some peace. Because, even if Ianto didn't clearly remember the events, it was absolutely ridiculous to hope that he might still want him, knowing Jack had ordered and perpetrated the execution of the woman he loved and whom he had put so much effort into trying to save.
After all, Ianto couldn't have been clearer about this than during Gwen's silly game, when he had said that the last person he had kissed was Lisa and thereby denied everything that had happened between them. Only his advanced state of intoxication combined with the shock of the revelations could explain his strange behaviour the night before. It was the only rational explanation because otherwise it would mean that maybe... maybe…
No. I won't take that path. No way.
Snapping out of his musings, Jack watched Ianto as he gracefully got off his motorbike and took off his helmet, squinting at the brightness of the sun before donning his sunglasses.
As he walked slowly towards the coffee shop, Jack didn't wait for the young man to join him and motioned to one of the waitresses to order two more cups of their special Ethiopian blend.
Ianto lingered at the entrance for a brief moment, scanning the area in search of Jack, before a slight smile lightened his face when he spotted the leader of Torchwood sitting in the back of the room, motioning him to join his table.
A pang of jealousy hit Jack as he noticed the amount of appreciative looks the young man collected from a lot of customers, both female and male whilst he swayed between the tables to join him. Moulded in his biker outfit, unshaven and dishevelled, he was simply breathtaking.
Breathtaking but out of reach, Jack reminded himself.
"Hey," Jack greeted him with a grin.
Ianto lifted his hand and returned the smile sheepishly, before slipping onto the opposite seat.
"Hey."
He took off his sunglasses and put them on the table. Jack noticed that his eyes were slightly puffy and red-rimmed, but other than that, he was relieved to see that he seemed to be fine. The fact that he had come to the meeting and was willing to talk to him was already more than Jack had expected and he was grateful for that.
"How is the head?" asked Jack, not knowing how to start the conversation.
Ianto merely shrugged.
"Still sore, but it's getting better. I stopped to buy some Paracetamol on my way."
Jack nodded.
"Good, good. Did you…" He cleared his throat. "Did you get some of your memories back?"
Ianto shook his head with a sigh, fiddling nervously with his sunglasses and unable to look Jack in the eyes.
"No. Nothing."
"Okay."
"Are you sure?" Ianto couldn't help but ask.
Jack looked at him quizzically.
"Sure of what?"
"That it's okay. I mean… Shouldn't it have at least triggered something? Last night, you said that Gwen… That's her name, right? Broke through retcon just by writing some words on a book. I mean… After last night and the fight in the park, I should…"
"Yeah, yeah. I know. But each person is different. I don't think that you should be worrying about it."
And I don't think it's such a bad thing that you didn't remember. Some things are better left buried, Jack told himself.
Yet, seeing the troubled expression on Ianto's features, he added:
"Listen. I think I have an idea of what's going on, but I need to check with Owen first. Just to be sure. Okay? I promise I'll try to figure it out as soon as possible, so I can give you answers…" He put his hand on his heart. "Scout's honour."
Ianto nodded with a faint smile and at the same time, the waitress came back with their coffees.
"I took the liberty of ordering for you. I hope you don't mind."
Ianto took a sip of the hot and dark beverage and let out a moan of pleasure.
"Wow. That's really good."
Jack smiled.
"It used to be your favourite blend, when you were with us."
"I've been here before?"
"Very often, actually."
"I don't remember."
Ianto shook his head, before taking another sip.
"It's creepy, you know."
"What?"
"I know almost nothing about you and yet you seem to know everything about me. Even things that I don't know myself. Sometimes, I feel like I'm…"
He stopped just in time before the word 'naked' slipped out of his mouth. So far, Jack hadn't made any comment on his slip-up from the night before and seemed to be keen to forget it, so no need to remind him.
"What?" insisted Jack.
"Nothing. Forget it," mumbled Ianto, burying his nose in his cup.
Aware of Ianto's sudden discomfort, Jack decided not to push further and they sat in an awkward silence for a while, until Ianto finally spoke again.
"Well, I suppose this is the moment where I ask the fateful question: what do we do now?"
"It depends."
"On what?"
"On what you want to do now."
Ianto looked at him with disbelief. He wasn't prepared for Jack to give him the choice. Amongst all the scenarios he had constructed since he had woken up this morning, it was really the only one that had never crossed his mind.
"Seriously?"
"Never been more serious, Ianto. What do you want to do?"
Ianto took a moment to gather his thoughts before answering with a slightly unsteady voice.
"Well, I know it must seem crazy and maybe also rather presumptuous given the circumstances, but..."
"Come on, Ianto. Tell me," pressed Jack.
The young man cleared his throat.
"I want to be with you again."
Jack's heart skipped a beat, but he managed somehow to keep his expression blank. Misunderstanding his stony face, Ianto hastened to add:
"I mean, I want to work for you again."
Jack dropped his eyes to his cup of coffee to hide his disappointment and sighed.
"Are you really sure?"
"I..."
"What I want to say is that you have a life in London, now. A good life. Something you can be proud of. You said it yourself when we were at the hospital. You have a good job and good friends. If you come back, you take the risk of everything you worked so hard for over the last four years."
Ianto stayed silent for a moment as he tried to put his thoughts in order and find a way to express what was in his heart, without rambling like an idiot. He didn't know where he'd go with that, but even if Jack finally refused to grant his request, it was essential for him to make him understand how he felt and the reasons for his choice.
When he spoke again, it was with a calm and steady voice, weighing each word carefully.
"For the last four years, since I woke up at Saint Helen's after my so-called "accident", I haven't spent a single day without feeling like a puzzle with a missing piece. Do you have any idea how that feels? Do you know how frustrating it can be to know, here, in your guts that your life, as perfect as it seems to be, is only a parody of what it should be? To feel a hollow in your chest that nothing can fill, no matter how hard you try?"
Jack slowly nodded. He remembered only too well the bitter sweet feeling that had followed his return after the Year. He should have been mad with joy to be back. He had his life back and his team was safe. What more could he have asked for? And yet, he hadn't been able to get rid of the empty feeling that had overwhelmed him from the moment the Tardis had slowly vanished into thin air.
Ianto stared at him, searching for a sign that he was understood, then carried on with a chuckle.
"But last night... Wow! Last night was something else. That fight in the park, it was so incredible and so… thrilling. And at the same time, it seemed so… normal. I don't know how to explain it, but for the first time in four years, I felt alive, Jack. Really alive."
Jack held back a smile. Ianto didn't need to explain anything. He already knew what was going on in his head. He had suspected it, when they had discovered Ianto's daredevil lifestyle, only to be confirmed in his assumptions when the young man had thrown himself into the middle of the fight without even batting an eyelash.
Chasing aliens was a drug and once you had a taste, nothing could compare to it. Torchwood operatives died. If they were very lucky, they retired. But they never, never resigned. Amnesia or not, Ianto had it in his blood and nothing would change it. He had caught a fucking dinosaur with him in a warehouse, for God's sake! What could compete with that?
Ianto drained the rest of his coffee and shook his head.
"Sorry. I know I sound like a petulant child throwing a tantrum. Maybe I'm asking too much, but I want it back, Jack. I want to feel alive again."
Jack reached out and patted the sleeve of his jacket with a smirk.
"Hey, calm down. I didn't say anything yet."
Ianto's head jerked up, his eyes shining with hope.
"Does that mean 'yes'? I can come back to your team?"
Jack shook his head.
"It's not that simple."
Ianto's shoulders slumped and he sagged in his chair.
I should have known better. It was too good to be true.
"So it means 'no'," he whispered.
Jack shook his head once again and pushed his empty cup aside.
"Neither."
Ianto glanced at him, puzzled.
"Sorry, but I'm lost."
Jack couldn't help but chuckle.
"Maybe, if you let me talk, you wouldn't be."
"Sorry," apologized Ianto, biting his lower lip nervously.
Jack let out a sigh and leant back in his chair.
"Honestly, I don't know what to say. This is not exactly what I expected. I really thought you'd choose to go back to London. God, I didn't even expect you to want to talk to me after all I told you last night."
He paused, crossed his ankles under the table, his hands buried in the pockets of his coat as he stared at the ceiling, doing his best to keep in mind that Ianto was only asking for a job. Just a job. Nothing else.
"You know, I liked working with you. You may not remember, but you were great at your job, really. You were certainly one of the most promising agents I have ever worked with. Maybe, if you had had more time…"
He stopped again and looked Ianto straight in the eyes.
"I would be more than happy to have you back on my team, but I'm not sure it's such a good idea. What if it takes too much of you again? Even if you don't regain any of your bad memories, what if it triggers something else and you reach the point of no return again? I don't want you to suffer again, Ianto. You deserve better."
Ianto didn't respond immediately. When he did, it was with a quiet voice, his eyes locked on Jack's.
"Do you remember when I told you my grandmother believed that everything that happens to us has a reason to?"
"Yep."
"I still think she was right. Our paths didn't cross without reason at the hospital. I'm a different man, now. I know I can handle it. All I ask is a second chance. If I screw up, you can always fire me and send me back to London. I won't make a fuss. I swear."
Jack sit up straight and looked at him thoughtfully, trying to find any hint of doubt on Ianto's stubborn face.
"No second thoughts?"
Ianto shook his head firmly.
"You asked me. I gave you my answer."
Jack sighed and rubbed his face wearily.
"Anyway, this is not a decision I can make alone. I have to talk to my team first."
"What? But why? You're the boss. You can...," protested Ianto, unable to hide his desperation. If Jack's co-workers had their say, it was more than likely that he might as well pack his stuff and go back home. They hadn't seemed really thrilled to see him the day before.
The sharp look that Jack shot him silenced him immediately.
Shut up Jones, Ianto scolded himself. Now, you really sound like a petulant child.
Pressing the palms of his hands together, his fingertips resting against his forehead, Jack exhaled slowly through his nose and closed his eyes.
"Listen, what you want me to do is exactly what I did when I hired you the first time. I made a selfish decision and the least that can be said is that it didn't turn out so well. In the end, you paid the price and I don't want to make the same mistake again. If you have to work together again, you need to trust each other. Do you understand?"
Ianto nodded reluctantly.
"Sorry it's not what you wanted to hear," sighed Jack.
"I suppose it's better than nothing." Ianto shrugged. "What… What if they don't want me? Will you wipe my memory again?"
Jack gritted his teeth.
"Not if I can avoid it, but it's a possibility."
"Okay."
Jack felt his chest tighten at Ianto's resigned tone.
"Hey. The game isn't lost yet. I can be very convincing, when I want to be."
Ianto couldn't help a tiny smile forming on his lips.
"No doubt. You almost convinced me to go back to London, yesterday."
"And you're still here," sighed Jack with fake annoyance, as he stood up and left enough money on the table to cover their drinks. "Come with me. It's time to see if I can do a better job this time."
Ianto grabbed his sunglasses and hurried to follow Jack towards the quay. As they reached the disused Tourist Office, he couldn't take it anymore. The doubt had nagged at him since he had woken up and he needed an answer before he went further.
"Jack?"
Jack turned around and looked at him quizzically.
"Yes?"
Ianto was shuffling from foot to foot, obviously uncomfortable and Jack wondered for a second if he had suddenly changed his mind.
"Um. Can I ask you a question?"
Jack frowned.
"Of course."
Ianto felt a flush spread through his cheeks as he forced the words out of his mouth.
"You and me… we... were something, weren't we. I mean… it's not just my imagination?"
Jack gaped, taken aback, then a veil of sadness passed through his eyes as he ran his fingers through his hair.
Of course, it would have been too easy.
He took a deep breath, before answering.
"Yes. We were."
Ianto's heart skipped a beat and he remained silent for a moment, trying to process what to do or say now that the cat was out of the bag. He felt a lump forming in his throat and tried to swallow it, in vain.
"Was it... was it something… good?" he asked in a hoarse voice.
Jack pressed his lips together and took another deep breath, closing his eyes.
"I don't know, Ianto. Honestly, I don't know."
With that he turned around and opened the door a bit more brutally than necessary. Once inside, he switched on the lights and pointed out a couple of plastic chairs lined against the wall.
"Make yourself at home."
Not waiting for an answer, he headed towards the far wall and slid open the secret door leading to the Hub.
"I'll be back soon," he said, and with a last glance over his shoulder, he disappeared behind the wall.
To be continued.