Disclaimer: All rights to CW...I still own absolutely nothing
I needed a little more building to prep things for what I have next so I hope you all aren't to bored with the last couple of developing chapters. I just wanted to say thanks for such wonderful and supported reviews! I look forward to hearing people's thoughts on my writing so please, PLEASE drop me a review if u keep coming back...for those who have liked and made this a favorite...I am truly humbled! I have great things coming up so please stick with me!
Chapter X
With Raven doing the final systems checks on the drop ship it had been decided that it was time to wake the others. Clarke had decided to make herself busy in the infirmary, citing that she needed to make sure the supplies that Krass had asked for were all prepped and packed properly, even though Jackson had already said he packed it.
Bellamy, Madi and Indra had gone to wake everyone and then was going to bring them to the bridge to explain the situation and show them the planet, then let them get some food while he broke the news about Monty and Harper to Echo, introducing her to Jordan. After all that, it was the final prep time as launch was going to be in two days.
Clarke had buried herself for almost the full day with packing, and repacking supplies, cleaning and reorganizing the shelf and stock in the infirmary when the doors hissed open. Clarke was bent down behind some boxes, but hollered from where she was, "It's all ready to go in the morning Jackson, we could probably take it to the shuttles cargo bay now, though." She said assuming that was Jackson who had come in.
An uncharacteristically soft female voice answered her back, "Hello Clarke." And she quickly stood up from where she was crouched down to see Octavia standing just inside the doors. She was standing tall and proud, but completely devoid of all her makeup and Bloodrena armor, her eyes darting around the room cautiously.
"Octavia." Clarke said slowly, unsure of the girl standing in front of her. For the first time in years it appeared to Clarke that she seemed lost, almost smaller, as if the years hadn't actually aged her, but stripped away everything that had made her what she was and left her with nothing. "What can I do for you?"
Octavia took a couple steps into the room, then hesitated, her emotions tumbling across her face for a split second, then resolving. "Bell said I should get some sleep. But….." And fear flickered through her eyes.
As wary as Clarke was of Octavia after everything she immediately recognized the look. Octavia had dreamed while in cryo, and it hadn't been of a green, lush planet that they first landed on. It had been of ghosts and deeds done while trapped in a black hole underground. "Not tired after a 125 years sleep?" Clarke chose to say instead.
A small smile tugged at the corner of Octavia's mouth. "Something like that." And she relaxed slightly taking a couple more steps into the room. "Could I do something in here? It seems relatively quiet and away from everyone else." She said hinting towards Clarke not being around anyone for the whole day, and people not really wanting her around either.
Clarke couldn't help but laugh at the slight jab, feeling a bit of the fire of the old Octavia simmering still in the girl before her. "It's not really interesting, but I have a pile of blankets over there that need to be folded and put into a crate." She offered taking pity on her.
Octavia nodded, shoulders dropping as she relaxed a little further with the offer of something to do even though Clarke could have sent her away, and she started working on the waist high pile of blankets that were by one of the exam tables.
Clarke noticed how she naturally positioned herself with her back to the wall, facing the rest of the room, so she could see everything each time she rose up with a new blanket. As she settled into a routine of folding and packing all the blankets Clarke moved packing the last bits of items watching her out of the corner of her eye.
After about an hour of silence of work, Octavia finally locked eyes with Clarke, "How did you do it?" She asked tentatively, and Clarke almost thought she heard slight awe in Octavia voice with the question too.
Clarke stopped her packing and looked over at Octavia with confusion, "How did I do what?" Unsure of the direction she was going with her question.
"Survive. How did you survive?" She asked setting down the blanket she was folding and looking earnestly at Clarke. It had been a very long time since Clarke and Octavia had any kind of real conversation.
Clarke hesitated, the look on Octavia's face was so much like Bellamy's, it threw her a little. "Madi, finding Madi in Shallow Valley saved me." She finally replied dropping her eyes as her mind drifting to the daily radio calls to Bellamy.
Octavia nodded slowly eyeing her carefully. She knew Clarke well enough, even after all this time to know when she was lying, or holding something back, but she was in no position to press for the truth. "Seems like it was a miracle for you." she said quietly with an almost wistful tone to her voice that cause Clarke to look up.
She realized that she was one of the only ones outside of the bunker that knew the hard decisions that had been placed on Octavia in the bunker and she found herself, despite all that Octavia had done, feeling pity and awe to her for keeping everyone together as she picked small pieces of fuzz off the blankets she had folded. "You know, I told Bellamy once what you did was impressive. Terrifying, but impressive."
Octavia's eyes flashed and she looked up at Clarke, gauging her words carefully, eyes narrowing before she spoke. "Your Mom outlined our options in pretty graphic detail." She finally retorted, almost biting on the words as she spoke realizing it had been Abby who told Clarke about the dark year. "I'm pretty sure Bellamy wouldn't classify anything I did then as impressive." She added softly, pain replacing the anger on her face.
Clarke's heart broke a little as she realized how lost Octavia looked, "Octavia, I'm in no position to judge you or what you did to survive. I have enough demons of my own I struggle with." She said walking slowly across the room, "But I know that this is a second chance for all of us, and we are all trying to do better, be better. Bellamy just needs time." She said earnestly, marveling slightly over her shift of roles. Normally, she had this conversation with Bellamy, "Just make sure you really want to make a change. It would break him to lose you again." She added softly, in defence of him.
Octavia's eyes brimmed with tears and she swallowed the lump in her throat at Clarke's words. All she could do was nod and put her head down and stare at the blanket. "You have every right to hate me." She said, barely above a whisper. "Thank you for always being there for Bell. It means more to him than he will ever tell you." And her mind flashed to the look on his face when she taunted Bellamy about loving Clarke.
Clarke stared at her, mouth open, totally stunned and confused at her words. "I...did he..." She stuttered but Octavia cut her off as her hard mask of indifference slid back into place.
"I'm starting to feel a little tired. I know my way back to the quarters." She said crisply, but her voice still thick with emotion and she nodded her goodbye as she slipped out the doors before Clarke could say anything further.
It took Clarke a little while to shake what Octavia had said so she could focus on finishing the packing of the last crate. It was getting late and she was just as tire as Octavia must have been, but she figured it would be safe to head back to her quarters at this point, shutting the lights down and locking the doors to the infirmary.
As she made her way to where the crew quarters were located, she could hear Bellamy's voice echoing down one of the side hallways where his room was, raised in an argument. "Are you going to at least clue me in as to why you are avoiding me?! I think you owe me at least that much!" And his voice was silenced by the metallic thud of a door closing.
She froze in her tracks, mind churning over the hurt she heard in his voice. She assumed he had been talking to Echo and trying to change her mind over some decision she had made. She fleetingly wondered if her conversation with Echo and Madi back in Shadow Valley had some impact as she had avoided Clarke all-together prior to going under cryo since then. And as that thought flitted across her mind, she shook her head and continued on to her room.
Bellamy had woken Octavia first knowing that even though there was hurt and distance between them it would still be less difficult waking her than he figured waking Echo would be. Even though he figured she would remain distant to him, he wasn't prepared for how cold Echo was to him when he did wake her. When she found out about Harper and Monty staying awake, and ultimately giving their lives for the rest to find this planet, she turned to Emori in her grief and flinched at his touch as she cried on Emori's shoulder.
The stonewalling had finally gotten to him to the point that he had followed her to her assigned quarters at the end of the day and lost his temper at her when she told him she had nothing to say to him. But she had looked horrified and gestured for him to enter her quarters when he yelled while looking down the hall for anyone that could have overheard him.
When the door shut she turned on him, eyes flashing with hurt and anger, "I owe you? I owe you?!" she hissed back at him and started to pace, as he stared at her in surprise, mouth open. "Six years I spent with Monty and Harper and I am left in cryo while everyone is woken up, including Miller? You owed me more than that Bellamy!" She threw back at him, seething in her rage and fighting the tears that were on the edge, but she refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing her cry again.
There was so much more than just him leaving her in cryo for a month while all the others where woken up, it just happened to be the most recent thing. She always heard the others talked about how Clarke and Bellamy were a force when together, she had seen it with her own eyes, but after the ring, after they had found each other, Echo had always thought her importance in Bellamy's eyes had moved to the forefront. Then Madi showed up and told them that Clarke was alive. He didn't even look back, and when it came down to Clarke's life, he poisoned his own sister to save her, when all he did was argue with Octavia to keep her from banishment.
Bellamy watched as the emotions flashed in Echo's eyes and suddenly her shoulders sagged and she looked exhausted. He didn't even know what to say to her considering how he was feeling about Clarke since they left Earth, but for some reason he wanted to know why she had distanced herself before his feelings had come to the surface for Clarke. Right now in this moment though, everything she had said was true, he did owe her more than leaving her asleep because of not knowing what to say to her.
He sighed and sat on the end of the bed, "You're right." He said quietly, resting his elbows on his knees and staring at the floor. "I should have woken you."
Echo leaned against the wall and hugged herself tightly, "She needed you more." She said in a resigned tone, adding, "And you need her."
Bellamy looked up at her confused, "What do you mean?" He asked feeling completely lost by what she was saying.
She walked over to the door and opened it as a gesture for him to leave, still hugging herself tightly, "Clarke. She will always come before me because she needs you more." She clarified quietly waiting for him to leave. "And, you aren't whole without her. We were always haunted by the ghost of her on the ring Which I could deal with, but now, I'm not going to fight the real thing."
He stood him, heart heavy knowing that he hurt her, "I am truly sorry Echo. You deserve better than this." He replied back, walking through the door.
Echo swallowed hard against her emotions and looked up at him, her anger resurfacing, "I do deserve better, which is why I will be okay." She said bitterly at him as she stepped out of the doorway letting it close between them and then she finally let the tears fall as she sat alone in her room.
Bellamy swiped at the tears that made their way down his face as he walked back to his room. He cared for Echo very deeply and even though it wasn't fair to either of them to keep going with their relationship, it still hurt to let it go. Getting into his room, he flopped down on his bed cringing a bit as a his ribs reminded him they weren't quite healed. This, like his ribs was going to take time to heal and get through, but unfortunately they didn't have the luxury of giving each other the space to do that. In two short days they were going to be shuttling down to an unknown planet to face who knows what, while needing to work as a team. And with that cheery thought he flipped over on his uninjured side and shut his light out.
Morning with eight more people around was much busier and a little more overwhelming for Jordan. It had taken him the better part of a month to get used to the original eight, but now their numbers had doubled and he found himself running into someone everywhere he went. By the time lunch rolled around he decided to sneak away down to the cryo chambers for a little peace and quiet, but ran into Murphy who was laying in one of the empty pods reading a book.
"Oh, sorry." Jordan said, letting the disappointment leech into his voice. "I didn't think anyone would be here." He added turning to leave while wracking his brain trying to figure out another place for some peace and quite.
"Whoa, hey, hold on kid." Murphy said sitting up and swinging his legs over the side of the pod. "You looking for some quiet?" He added, hopping down.
Jordan turned back eyeing Murphy, waiting for a sarcastic jab, but when he said nothing further, "Um, yeah. It's going to take some time to get used to more people." He said feeling a little foolish.
"All yours then." Murphy said with a lopsided grin. "Don't use pod sixteen though, it smells funny in there." And he walked out smacking his book into Jordan's chest so he had to keep it from falling.
Jordan caught the book and looked down at the cover that read Macbeth in bold lettering and he chuckled lightly before walking over to sit between a couple of the empty pods and flipped through the first few pages of the book.
Murphy made his way back to the shuttle bay hoping that Emori had cooled off since their last argument. He had made a some dumb crack and had regretted it as soon as it came out of his mouth, but it was to late and he finally had left for the cryo to give her some space before she took his head off. He thought he was getting better at keeping his mouth shut, but they still seemed to be getting into just as many disagreements as when they were on the ring.
He walked around looking for her noticing that Raven was completing the last of her checks on the systems. "She's over in the cargo hold if you are looking to apologise." She said not even looking up from her screen at Murphy as he poked his head through the bridge door.
He scowled at the back of her head as she was bent over her screens, "Who said I needed to?" He retorted.
Raven's head lifted and she turned in her seat to look at him, "When do you not say something stupid?" She shot right back grinning at him as he rolled his eyes at her and she laughed. "You are learning though, I will give you that. If you keep this up, you guys might be able to go agreement free for a day in another ten years."
Murphy glared at her, "Screw you Raven." He said and left down the hall to her laughter as he grumbled to himself.
Raven turned back to her screens laughing lightly as she continued on with her work. She had already checked everything once, but she wanted to make sure there was no margin for error since they were leaving almost all of the people on the ship in cryo. They needed to be able to get back to the ship and back down multiple times without the dense layer of the atmosphere wreaking havoc on the electrical systems, causing them to plummet from the sky.
To top things off she figured that they wouldn't put the only two pilots on the same flight so she was fighting to focus on her task when she knew as soon as it was done her and Shaw were going to be separated and most likely one of them would be put in danger. As she was focused on that, she heard his voice as he walked into the command center talking to himself about the numbers from the test he ran.
"Raven, I think we should double check the forward insulation. I'm not liking…Oof!" He said as she slammed into him in a crushing hug. He wiggled his work tablet out from where she had pinned it between them and wrapped his arms around her waist chuckling. "Not that I am complaining, but what's with this?" He asked face against her shoulder as she squeezed him tightly.
"Just shut up and hold me." She said softly in his ear, voice choking with emotion, fighting the fear that was threatening to bubble over from inside of her. She had loved exactly two people in her life and the last time it had ended very badly for Finn and with that thought she couldn't stifle a sob that worked it's way out.
"Hey, hey, hey….whoa," Shaw soothed pulling back to take her face in his hands and get a good look at her tear streaked face. He knew exactly where this was coming from as they always seemed to be thinking the same thing. "One day at a time, okay. I am a survivor and you have survived more than anyone. Shhhhh.….." He soothed as he wiped away her tears with his thumbs. As he watched her gain control of her fears and smooth her features.
"You're right. Okay, I'm good." She finally said taking a deep breath and forcing a smile on her face as he smoothed away the last of the tears.
"No, you are the best I have ever seen." He said with a smile, then got very serious. His heart slammed against his chest and he knew he didn't want to wait any more. "Before it becomes a cliché moment," he started and felt his hands tremble a little. "I just want you to know that I love you."
Raven felt as if the air was sucked out of the room as the words hit her. It's not like she didn't already know it, or that she didn't love him too, but somehow him saying it made it real and so much scarier with what they were facing. They had never discussed Finn or details of her past, but he had gotten enough to realize there was more to her story and she couldn't help the tears that welled up in her eyes as he held her face tenderly, "Don't you go and do anything stupid, cause I love you too."
He smiled and kissed her, "I can't promise anything." He teased then pulled back a little as he heard footsteps coming. "Pick this up later?" he added, eyes twinkling.
"You better believe it." Raven whispered back as the doors to the bridge opened and Clarke walked in coffee in one hand and tablet in the other.
"Oh, Sorry guys. I can come back." She said looking up at Raven and Shaw in each other's arms and stopping in her tracks.
Raven laughed a little and moved away reluctantly from Shaw, "It's all good. You need something?" She asked sliding over to the console and sitting down.
"Just wanted to know how it was going. I am going to double check on the medical supplies then meet Bellamy on the bridge to go over the final details before our radio with Krass." She said distracted, going over something on her tablet. She was trying to keep herself busy so she wouldn't think about how she overheard Bellamy yelling last night.
Raven conferred with Shaw for a moment, "Looks good on our end. She should have our final checks done early tomorrow so we can keep our expected departure time the same." She said nodding at Shaw for confirmation.
Clarke nodded at the two then head out to the cargo bay where Emori and Murphy were supposed to be securing the final medical crates she filled last night. As she walked down the ramp she froze in her tracks as she heard a soft moan, followed by a soft voice that she immediately recognized as Murphy. It seemed that it wasn't just Shaw and Raven feeling the impending stress of danger and Clarke decided to tiptoe away, allowing them to have their deserved time with a slight smile on her face. Emori and Murphy seemed to be like fire and oil, but she was good for him and everyone was noticing the change in his behaviour the last couple weeks.
She made her way out of the drop ship focused on the numbers on her tablet, heading to the bridge when she turned a corner and ran straight into Echo, spilling her now cooled coffee over them both and her tablet. "Ah, Shit!" She swore, shaking the coffee off her hands and tablet. "Oh, I'm sorry Echo!" She added finally looking up to see who she ran into.
Echo just wiped off the coffee as much as she could before mumbling, "It's fine." and rushing off in the opposite direction without another word.
Clarke just stood in the hall for a second looking after her, coffee dripping off her hands with a stunned and confused look on her face. Her brain started going as a small spark of hope crept into the back of her mind, but she stuffed it down, shook off the last of the coffee and headed off towards the bridge, as suddenly the ship was starting to feel very small.