Hisato choked out blood and ichor. He was frozen, brain fuzzy and unmoving. Shocked, pained, confused. One moment he was talking with his brother, the next he was impaled with the same goddamned sword from barely an hour ago.
Hisato sensed the ANBU captain's chakra behind. The ninja was still alive. And Sasuke… probably a genjutsu. A blasted illusion that he refused to notice. Even the imaginary Sasuke had warned him- which, of course, made no sense- and he didn't listen!
He groaned as the blade twisted, inching deeper into his heart. A fatal wound to kill him. But he smirked at the attempt. A futile attempt to end an immortal's life. Hisato twisted his chakra into a malicious wave. The captain sensed the change and the blade retracted.
His chest burned from the wounds, like lava and needles intertwining and shooting out in sparks through his torso. Hisato slumped forward from the blinding agony, almost ending up in mud. He caught himself and whirled around, hand clenched in a fist and aiming for his opponent. The punch only grazed against the patterned ferret's mask, leaving cracks in its wake. Hisato stood straight again. His chest became itchy as the skin stitched itself together. The mask of the captain fell, revealing a scarred, old face. Fear was etched there in the widening of his eyes and curving of his brows, identical to all the others he had seen.
Arrays of water and fire flitted around in a twister of elements. Regaining his wits, the shinobi just managed to leap out of its way. Hisato made the same move too, somersaulting through the air and ducking beneath a wave of kunai. The weapons kept coming, summoned from scrolls and sent hurtling one after the other. He was forced to go on the defensive.
More whizzed around him, then came shooting back, well-aimed senbon amongst them. Two struck his arm. He sliced with wind and knocked the rest. A wave from the left and right. Four clones of some kind. He launched upwards. The next barrage assaulted him in the air. Right where he wanted it.
Rapid signs, an influx of chakra. A great torrent of wind and dust greeted him, rising around him like a shield. He flashed down, shadow clones popping into awakening on the way. One for each of the opponents.
He thudded behind one and cut through his torso. The figure crumbled to dirt. Earth clone, huh?
The clap of a dispersing clone came from the left, and Hisato rushed to intercept. The fight became empty of signs purely a battle of taijutsu, and Hisato quickly gained the upper hand. His chakra blade ran the captain through, and this time it brought blood. Unable to recover, the man was pushed back to the trees. Hisato struck again, cutting into the skin like paper. Blood sprayed his front and Hisato continued the gash downwards. He cut deeper as he went. Organs and fluids spattered the mud, gleaming white peaking out amidst the red.
The captain did not make a sound as he was sliced in half.
Hisato furrowed his brow at the scene and stepped back. He looked away from the carnage, clutching an arm tightly with the other. The senbon had pierced his chakra points, and his arm was tingly and useless.
Fuyu's abandoned body made his eyes narrow. The boy needed a true send-off, one of a full-fledged shinobi. He stopped a foot away and let an abyss of silence replace his waves.
Sayonara. I hope you find home. Black flames licked at him, racing up and down his body in hot rivulets. It traveled to Fuyu, cloaking him completely. Fast and clean. Not even ashes were left. Like Fuyu had never existed; Hisato tried not to think about that. No prying person could steal the boy away.
Hisato stared up at the dreary skies, the scent of an approaching snow in the air. He fisted at his sleeve, clenching it tightly and drawing blood. He looked at the sky to the south, as if the gateway to Konoha would open before him.
I'm a long way from my own home, Fuyu.
Two arduous weeks later, and the ache gnawing at him became nigh unbearable. Hisato ambled over another gale, feet dragging in the dust. He did not stop for food or water or sleep. His chakra was occupied with keeping him alive, and his wounds had yet to heal.
The gates of Konoha poked out from the forest, and Hisato focused on the feeling of home. The trees loosened their strangling hold, and he felt lighter. A shinobi ran up to him, throwing questions and worry. Hisato squinted his hazy eyes and made out the face of Kotetsu. He waved him off in a way that implied anything but being fine, hand drooping and barely held up. He passed the guard, intent on getting through Konoha on his own. Kotetsu attempted to stop him but Hisato dodged again, unwelcoming of the contact.
When another figure blurred in front of him, instantly recognisable, Hisato accepted the support.
Distinctly, he heard the new arrival mutter, "reckless bastard." Hisato smiled, eyes closing. Arms pulled him to a shoulder, and a dizziness sparkled in his stomach. He felt the man gently lower him down onto a plush bed, comforting and warm. His chest tightened at the gesture, and he couldn't help but pull a tiny smile on. The hands holding him were safe and Hisato never wanted to be left alone again.
The man pulled a chair to his bedside and settled in it. A large hand grasped his own firmly. Soft hair tickled his elbow. Hisato tilted his head and gazed fondly at the mop of silver. Kakashi just came closer, and his fingers clutched harder, unyielding.
"You scared me, going off so long like that," Kakashi's muffled voice rumbled. Hisato chuckled and managed to turn onto his side to face his friend. He brushed his fingers through the tassels of hair.
"I'm here now," Hisato croaked, words nonsensical like a child's. Kakashi's head lashed up, and their eyes lined up, tired meeting widened. Hisato saw the shock written there. He strained a smile, tight with pain. It probably looked more like a grimace.
"W-what?" Kakashi stuttered. Hisato fought down the agony in his tender chest, still yet to heal. Hands closed around his face. He nuzzled into them, covering one with his own unsteady hand.
He opened his mouth to speak again when more pain lanced up from his chest, along with something else. He wrenched himself from Kakashi's hold, sitting up and coughing violently into his quivering hand. It came back red and sticky. The bed rocked from more weight and there was Kakashi, sitting against him.
Hisato was pulled against his side, warmth filling up and chasing away the cold he'd been living in. Kakashi whispered urgently, "don't talk." Hisato nodded, resting his forehead on the man's chest. Kakashi's hand rubbed his back in strong circles.
"I didn't think that I'd- that I'd ever hear your voice," Kakashi's voice broke. Hisato's body wracked with more coughing, face scrunching with pain. He felt his chest clench at those words. He didn't expect to either. "What… what happened, to bring it out?" he asked hesitantly. Hisato shook his head, squeezing back the tears. Fuyu was still fresh in his mind. His death. Burning his corpse. He rubbed desperately at the moisture on his cheeks, sniffling harshly.
It wasn't good to keep this despair to himself. Hisato needed to show someone, ease the burden that weighed a ton on his conscience and made him wish for a different life. A better one he did not deserve. He outstretched his arms so Kakashi could see his hands. [I can show it to you… if you want.]
"You don't have to if you can't. But if it doesn't trouble you, then yes," Kakashi muttered patiently. Hisato pulled away from the embrace and looked into Kakashi's lone eye. He moved his hands, slowly, as if asking for permission again. Met with no resistance, they rested on Kakashi's temples.
And so he relived it again.
A fight. Brief and brutal. That pain of the wakizashi. Turning. Seeing…
Rage and anguish. A weak cry, but unsettling, terrifying and wrought with so many emotions. Fuyu… dead.
Picking up the dagger. Stabbing. Again and again. Piercing flesh and blood spraying on his own face, warm and familiar… like home, like the violence he was used to.
He hid a little from Kakashi. Just the names and the face. But the feeling was there. Of Sasuke. Of the war.
Then the last fight, the torment of his heart being literally twisted apart.
He cried again, and not just him. Those arms were drawing him in again, with an almost bone-breaking pressure.
"You should sleep," Kakashi said. Hisato held on tighter, sending a message through the hug. Don't leave. Stay here, with me. Kakashi laid him down again. The covers lay abandoned at the foot of the bed. They pressed together, entangled and warm. Hisato felt that safety once more, rubbing him with electricity wherever their bodies met. It was with that feeling he closed his eyes.
Hisato no longer kept the exhaustion away.
Hisato awoke to the sound of heavy breathing tickling his ear. Kakashi's arms are embracing him in an unmovable hold and his back is coated in heat. He tried to shuffle from the circle of limbs but Kakashi held him closer. A soft grumble came from the man and Hisato had to hold back a smile.
He pat lovingly at Kakashi's hands. Hisato was hungry and restless. He needed to get up, not to mention hand in a report to the Hokage… even if it was the last thing on his mind. When Kakashi did not stir, Hisato tapped more urgently.
"I'm up," Kakashi finally mumbled. Those hands loosened their hold, and Hisato slithered free from the bed. He scurried around the room, sifting through drawers and finding parchment and a pen. He sat at the table, scribbling furiously as Kakashi cooked eggs on the stove.
It was hard to write. The words conjured up memories from a hell he just left behind. But protocol outweighed his own needs. Kakashi placed a plate in front of him as he finished. They ate quickly, and Kakashi was the first to break the silence.
"I meet with my team at 7. You've nothing to do so tag along." Kakashi added, "I'm sure you know where to find us."
Hisato wasn't offered a chance to refuse. He sighed and rolled his eyes. [I need to drop this report off. I'll come by as soon as I can.] Kakashi smiled smugly. A glance at the clock and he rose from his seat. There was no warning before the jonin erupted into leaves. Shaking his head, Hisato gathered his papers and rubbed at his chest roughly. A minor ache stabbed with the pressure. But Hisato focused on the task at hand.
In a flicker, he stood before the Hokage's desk, said man already sending him a levelled gaze.
"Arigato," Sarutobi said, grimacing as he relieved Hisato of the report. "And thank you to your summon for bringing the Scroll back personally. Wait here a moment," he added. The Sandaime read through the report swiftly. The usual verbal briefing wasn't exactly possible.
The Hokage's face gave nothing away, though Hisato could feel the apprehension wafting around him as he neared the end. Hisato imagined what he was reading now- the reported injuries, vague on how they befell him. The Hokage set down the papers slowly and raised his eyes, piercing his own. The scrutiny made him want to twitch, but he knew the Hokage was looking for the mentioned injuries, or any sign of pain.
The Sandaime pinched the bridge of his nose, no doubt to ease an oncoming headache.
"I can't have one of my best shinobi incapacitated," he sighed, pointedly looking at Hisato's chest. I'm not helpless, Hisato thought angrily. He didn't bother to let the Sandaime know that. "Take a week off and rest. You can leave." Hisato saluted and flashed to the old training ground.
A few things happened at once. Kakashi, sitting in the shade of a tree, raised his hand in a half-hearted wave. A crash was followed by a raucous, frustrated yell. Another one, arrogant and marginally quieter, threw an insult. Then the third, oozing passion, let out an incomprehensible comment.
He swallowed once and hesitated, before daring a glance at the trees to the right. Naruto was sprawled on the grass, still yelling. He struggled to look at Sakura, in the highest branches and making many faces at once. But because of that stupid flashback… He almost had to turn away, run like a coward. Sasuke noticed him and met his eyes from halfway up the tree. The distraction made him fall.
Hisato saw the Valley again, his brother falling away with a small smile on his face.
He breathed in sharply and hastily went to Kakashi, putting on a facade of calm. [Anything you want me to do?] Kakashi gave him a thorough look, no doubt seeing through his mask, before standing up.
"Come over here, team!" They were quick to assemble. Hisato found himself avoiding Sasuke entirely. Kakashi placed a hand on his shoulder, disguising the gesture of comfort. "This is Hisato, another jounin." Naruto gave the loudest greeting. Hisato merely dipped his head, inwardly cringing at the volume. "You're gonna be seeing him around often, and he'll help out a bit."
Of course. Hisato almost snorted. Trust Kakashi to pin some of the responsibility onto him. Before an awkward silence could settle, Hisato gave Kakashi a sharp nudge and pointed look.
"He is also mute," the jounin finished.
"What is he here for." The tone was more demand than question. Hisato hid his flinch behind shuffling his shoulders. He didn't want to hear that voice so soon. But he had to step up. As Kakashi's friend, as a somewhat sensei, as someone for the genin to look up to.
Their eyes were on him as he crouched, drawing a finger along the dirt and scratching marks. At a silent cue from Kakashi, they all sat down to examine the elegant kanji scrawled in the ground.
Trust.
Sakura tilted her head, obviously wondering how it was relevant. Naruto was utterly clueless, staring at the character blandly. Sasuke caught the look and turned his head up.
"It says trust, baka."
Naruto bristled, "I know it does!" But he didn't know. Because no one ever taught him. He chased the thought away.
Hisato crossed his fingers and shadow clones surrounded them. The genin jumped with surprise, only relaxing when the clones moved away to the centre of the training ground. Earth rumbled and towering walls rows, with hurdles and spikes between. Kakashi had caught on, staring at the earthen spikes with doubt.
Hisato drew once more in the dirt.
[Trust in your teammates will save you in a pinch. Let them guide you, and carry you from danger. Don't disregard them, ignore them, dismiss them. Respect them, acknowledge them, work together.] He used the wind to pull down Naruto's hitai-ate over his eyes. The boy flailed for a moment before Kakashi halted him.
"Sasuke, Sakura, you will be telling Naruto where to go. Naruto, you will follow their lead and try to finish the course."
As the two genin called from the sidelines, Hisato played distraction. His pipes sang a merry, upbeat song, gaining speed like an intense chase, designed to throw the genin off. It drove them deep beneath pressure.
They failed to complete the exercise.
"I understand how you feel! I understand what it is like to be alone-"
Sasuke cut him off abruptly with a frustrated outcry. Hisato knew what would happen next.
"What do you know?" Sasuke yelled in anger. "What the hell do you know about it?! It's not like you ever-" A hand over his mouth stopped the next words from coming out. Hisato stood as a wall between them, his other hand on Naruto's shoulder. Both halted in their fight to watch the redhead.
He sent a glance to Sasuke, trying to convey a message. I do too. I feel the same. He couldn't tell if the boy read it.
Hisato crouched low, going eye-level with the two boys. "This is not a game about who has the greatest pain. You are teammates and comrades. Pointless words like these will get you killed quickly. Sasuke, never speak the words you were about to say. They hurt more than you know," he said quietly, slow enough to pronounce it mostly right, but the tone got them to stop. The anger got them to stop.
Sasuke looked distinctly shocked. Hisato hoped he didn't let the nostalgia he felt show in on his face when he glanced at Sasuke. But what he could have said, had Hisato not stopped him…
He remembered so clearly, when he heard it the first time. The pain of it, the truth the words held.
What the hell do you know about it?! It's not like you ever had a family in the first place! You were on your own right from the beginning, what makes you think you know anything about it?! Huh?! I'm suffering now because I had those ties, how on earth could you possibly understand, what it feels like to lose all that?!
Sasuke turned away, face burning with anger. Hisato sighed and straightened again. He steered Naruto away from Sasuke, and led him to the opposite end of the training ground. Here, Hisato twisted the blond around to face him. He could see the hurt flashing brightly in those cerulean eyes. The boy truly wore his heart on his sleeve.
Hisato smiled tenderly. "Trying to make him feel better was a good move, but Sasuke's not easy to talk to," he said.
Naruto avoided his gaze, instead staring up at the cloudy skies. Hisato did too, attempting to see what the other saw. But the world was too large to focus on, and Hisato felt small. He shivered and turned back.
"You looked like you knew what he was about to say. You did, didn't you?" Naruto said, pouting. Ah yes, the boy was observant. Hisato watched Sasuke as the boy rested a palm against a tree trunk, very much looking like he wanted to punch it.
"I did."
Naruto just gazed at him expectantly. Hisato shook his head.
"I won't tell you, and I recommend you do not ask Sasuke. Go join Kakashi and Sakura." he shooed him off. Naruto looked confused but Hisato was already gone, heading towards Sasuke. The Uchiha turned his head.
"What do you want."
"I wanted to talk to you. And I want you to listen," he added as Sasuke discretely scanned for an escape route. The boy halted and listened.
"You are right. Naruto doesn't understand." Sasuke looked up triumphantly. Hisato's eyes glinted. "But what you were going to say… I refuse to let you ever even think of those words."
Sasuke huffed, "is that all?"
"No. Whilst what you did was wrong, I wanted you to know that I… that I know how you feel," he whispered. The boy switched on, ready to burst out. "Don't shout. Use your mind, will you?! You're smart, and yet you're so- just, think." Hisato grabbed Sasuke's shoulders firmly, demanding him to see. "You are not the only one who has lost everything. You are not the only one," he spoke harshly. Too harshly, perhaps.
Sasuke reeled back in shock. His eyes seemed to clear. Hisato took a deep breath.
"Naruto does have no one. No, he did have no one. But he has his team, and that includes you. You have your team. Do not think- do not think for one moment that you are all alone in this world. I'm here with you too," he said, suddenly soft and comforting. He pulled Sasuke close to him, and the boy was too surprised to respond. "I'm here with you too. Talk to me, sit with me in silence for all I care. Just know that I'm here with you."
Sasuke pressed his face in Hisato's shoulder. His shirt became damp, but that was alright. He knew Sasuke needed it. Someone to be family to him. To let himself go. After all, those emotions had been locked up for years.
When Kakashi stared at him for the umpteenth time, Hisato had to plant his foot down.
"What," he asked drily. Kakashi chuckled, tone mixed. Hisato could hear the amusement, and also the joy. "Is it my voice?" he asked, suddenly fond. Kakashi stood up and crossed over to him.
It was night. Dark. Quiet. Hisato loved those things. The world seemed smaller and he could fit in perfectly. There was no isolation by the sheer greatness of the land. And now, in this tiny world, Kakashi felt much closer than ever.
The Hatake extended a hand. Hisato accepted the invitation and slipped his hand into that tight grip. He was pulled up, to the center of the open room. Kakashi didn't speak for a while, and the two basked in the silence that had become so familiar between them.
"I have known you for a year. For an entire year, I had never heard your voice. Now that you can speak again… It's so sudden that I can't wrap my head around it," Kakashi said distantly. The man was staring out the window onto the village below. The street lights were dimmed by the fog. There was no natural ray of white from the moon or stars.
"I imagined it, you know..." His tone was dull but thick with an indescribable ache. "your voice." Hisato looked up quickly, trying to read Kakashi's eye, but it was closed. "I hear it now, and all my imaginings are proved wrong. Despite that- despite that, I don't think I've heard anything so…" Kakashi drifted off and Hisato couldn't make out the words.
He couldn't look. His eyes burned. He squeezed them shut and he clenched his fists. Warm, bare hands on his cheeks guided his gaze back to Kakashi. Except there was no mask covering Kakashi's face. There was no hitai-ate. Both eyes were open, the fully-matured sharingan staring deeply into Hisato, recording everything. And Kakashi's face… For the first time, Hisato could see his face.
Oh, for how many years had he tried; to see under the mask only to find another underneath? To wonder why he wore a mask in the first place? And he could see. He could see now. The undeniable beauty, the emotions so much clearer and honest. That face was happy now. Trembling but full of great joy.
"I see you. I see you," Hisato croaked. He raised his own hands, shaking twice as much, and placed them around Kakashi's neck. He felt the solid muscles there, and couldn't help but let his fingers roam down his back. Kakashi purred or groaned or something but Hisato didn't hear it. He couldn't hear anything.
Their eyes met, deep violet to charcoal and blood red. Everything zoomed in and stayed there. Then lips were on his, searching and feeling. Hisato kissed back with everything he had. It was wild and free, but full of love and yearning. Kakashi's tongue searched his mouth, brushing against his own. Teeth on teeth, tongue on tongue. His stomach felt hot.
Hisato dug his nails into Kakashi's shoulders. Kakashi moved his own hands, one on Hisato's waist, holding him closer. The other pulled his braid out and let crimson hair fall around him, swaying below his hips. Hisato put his hands in silky white hair, raking through them incessantly.
All the while, tears were falling. From him, and from Kakashi. He felt the tears sing between them, between their chests that now pressed together. They broke apart, breathing hard. It took all of his willpower not to pounce on Kakashi. His knees gave out and he fell against Kakashi. They dropped to the floor together, just like that one time many months ago when Hisato had lost hope. When Kakashi stood strong as his only pillar, refusing to crumble. And then again, only a few nights ago, when Hisato almost fell into that hopeless void once more. When Kakashi cried with him too. And here they cried once more. For love or something no one could understand. That they were once alone and found each other.
That they could never lose each other. Even when they fell into Hell.