*** I can feel it. Can you feel it? Yeah, it's coming... ***

The Big Date, Part 2

And we're back! Our two little lovebirds are having a time of it, aren't they, Elva?

Oh my yes, Fil! I caught up with Miss Tauriel on her way to the ladies' room after the soup course. That poor, awkward man...

Orc.

... Orc spilled her soup in her lap. He's just so nervous! Here's what the young lady had to say about her first impressions...

"Oh... my... god, I had no idea he was an Orc!" [anxious hand flutters] "He's beastly! Just... oh god!"

Well, I must say you are showing admirable restraint this evening, given the hostilities between...

"He totally ruined my dress! Look at this! First the wine, then the soup! And it was tomato bisque! It looks like I had a really bad period!"

Er... but aside from that, what do you think of him?

"He is so incredibly ugly! Oh my god, look at him! Those leather things are holding his head together! My father is going to kill me." [takes deep breath] "But... you know... he's kind of... muscular and... big hands... Really big hands..." [muttering] [blushing]

Miss Tauriel?

"I am willing to persevere in the face of... It's clear he's trying to be civil. After all, it's just one night, right?"

Well, while you were accosting our lady guest in the bathroom, I meandered over to the table and asked Mr Bolg what his thoughts were...

It looks from our vantage point that you and Tauriel are having quite an animated conversation. What are your impressions at this point?

[snarl] "If she says 'like' or 'oh my god' one more time..."

Not what you expected, I imagine?

[closes eyes] [counts to 10] "Should've stuck with the action figure. A lot quieter."

I see the entrees are being delivered to the table. My goodness, Tauriel has excellent taste. She selected the cheese platter. I, for one, am quite fond of that one, and order it every time I dine here at the Wealthy Dragon Alehouse.

With the complimentary bread, that is indeed a good choice. They bake their bread here on site every day to make sure they serve their patrons the freshest loaves. Crusty on the outside, melt-in-your-mouth soft on the inside.

Do make the Wealthy Dragon your choice for fine dining. Mention this show, and you'll receive a free appetizer!

And here comes Mr. Bolg's selection. It's... well, I must say, the Wealthy Dragon does cater to all tastes.

Um... yes, they do, Fil. I see the waiter has brought a roughly-hewn wooden trencher with a crust of stale bread...

Are those maggots?

Absolutely, Fil. Orcs prefer maggoty bread with their meals. The main dish is a whole arm, roasted to perfection. This establishment boasts the finest in Laketown delicacies.

Right you are. Goodness, Tauriel can't take her eyes off the presentation!

Or her date's vigor. He certainly has a hearty appetite.

You have to admire an Orc's ingenuity, Elva. How does one feast on an arm if not by grasping it at wrist and elbow?

Quite like corn on the cob.

While our brave youngsters are enjoying their repast, let's talk about the exciting things we have planned for the evening's entertainment.

Oh, don't spoil it, Fil! Let it be a surprise for our viewers. Although I will say that we had to pull a lot of strings to secure the services of this notable figure and his friends!

This is not something he does everyday!

Not at all! Now I think we will take a short break and come back when our little couple is ready to embark on the next leg of their romantic adventure!

Welcome back! And here comes our lovely couple now, fresh from dessert and not a little giddy from a smidgen too much wine, I suspect!

Judging from Mr. Bolg's expression, I'm guessing he stuck with his iced tea, Elva.

No matter. Oh, the poor dear is having a time of it. Tauriel must have tried three times to get a hold of his elbow, and he's just not having it.

Not the touching sort, I'm guessing.

Well, there will be touching aplenty as they make their way out into the chilly evening air! He's helping her on with her coat, at least...

Oops, dropped it. I'm sure he didn't mean to tread on it.

Did he just grind his heel?

You're probably mistaken, Elva. And out they go! First they'll have a little stroll down the path along the banks of the River Not-Appearing-in-This-Film, then...

Oh my! Do you hear that, Fil? Here come the spiders!

They are an institution here in Mirkwood. One can't have a decent outing without running into a pack of them.

Our poor couple has been nearly blinded from all the flashes. I suspect Unglagondis has something to do with this.

She does have a large number of followers on her blog; they're about to receive a real treat tonight!

Ah, our stalwart couple has made it past the paparazzi gauntlet. Look! Their chauffeur for the evening is ready and waiting!

Don't mind his eccentric manner, folks: he's an excellent driver in spite of what he looks like.

I think Bolg will like him; they have the same earthy tastes.

Tauriel's a little hesitant, it seems. It is a rather narrow sled. She'll have to sit right up close to Bolg for this ride.

I do hope Rhadagast installed seat belts after that last fiasco.

Well, come what may, the Rhosgobel Rabbits are raring to go! All they need is the signal and...

They're off! Oh my, look at how fast those little rascals run!

Miss Tauriel is certainly getting a view of Mirkwood she's never had before!

I do believe she's screaming with delight, Fil!

Wait, did you say something?

I said, she's screaming with delight...

No, I distinctly heard someone shout, 'Bunnies!'

Well, look there! It's Graku and Krulfrûm! I haven't seen them since... well, since the last time Rhadagast took a pair of lovebirds on a tour of the river for us.

Those crazy skinchangers; they're not nearly as fast as the Rabbits, but they keep on trying.

Bless their hearts. I suppose we should call someone; there's bound to be a pair of desperately injured Orc hunters somewhere in the forest needing assistance.

Ah, here they come back around. It looks like our 'Warg' friends have given up.

Or they were distracted by Dwarves. There were a load of them in town just recently; they may still be around.

If anyone likes their ale, it's a Dwarf.

How right you are. Oh... oh my goodness. Poor Tauriel! Look at her hair!

That is what happens when you drive full speed with the top down, Elva. Bolg looks like he quite enjoyed himself, at least. He's all smiles!

She looks quite close to tears. Well, the evening's fun is drawing to a close. Bolg is escorting our young lady to her door...

Well, not quite her door, Elva. He is an Orc, after all. Being mindful of snipers in the trees, he's seeing her to the border of her father's estate instead.

Close enough. Oh, look at her, she's so nervous! Her fists are clenched and she's all aquiver. Do you think she's hoping for a kiss, Fil?

It would seem so, but I don't think Bolg is going to step up. He looks more like a man...

Orc.

... Orc looking for escape routes. This hasn't been the most ideal date for him, I'm afraid.

Well, my word! Tauriel, darling! You go, girl! She has just flung her arms about Bolg's neck and stolen a big kiss from the taciturn Orc!

Not one to stand on ceremony, is she? But look at Bolg. Clearly, he is not the most comfortable with intimacy.

He looks like he was hit with a fish, the poor thing.

Let's have a chat with our lovebirds and see how the evening went.

"Oh my god, like, he's... okay, my dad is going to totally blow a gasket, but... I think he's the one."

I'm so happy for you, Tauriel! When did you first realize Bolg was everything you hoped for?

"I was thinking I was having the worst time of it, I mean my dress is ruined, my hair is ruined, and I almost got car sick in the sled, but... I actually had fun. And he's all like awkward and doesn't talk much and he's like the biggest klutz, but it was all so sweet, you know?"

I think I do. Well, here's hoping that dashing young man... Orc gives you a call!

"Oh, I hope he does! I hope to crap he does! I will so go out with him again!"

This has been a rough evening for you, I can tell. Were your expectations met or...?

[sigh] "My dad is going to kill me... and I don't think I'm gonna stop him."

I see. Anything else you want to say? For example, is there a chance you might be interested in... a follow-up date? Give it another try and perhaps...?

[snarl] "Don't you even. I mean it. Don't you even."

Well, I'm afraid we didn't quite have a love connection this evening, ladies and gentlemen, but there's always hope for next week, isn't there?

Absolutely, Fil! We have a wonderful couple joining us here at the Wealthy Dragon Alehouse to see whether they're a match made in heaven, or the worst pair-up since Shelob and Treebeard!

Oh yes, that night was a disaster! Until next time, I'm Filmandir!

And I'm Elvadriewien!

Happy Valentine's Day!