Day One

He had slept quite badly; he felt it in his bones. He was constantly waking up, thinking it was morning.

And it never was.

Finally, Ben got up, sick of trying to sleep.

He walked around the mine, some of the workers still at it.

He looked up at the room Rey was sleeping. He paused for the briefest of seconds, then walked into the command center.

Ben sat in a chair in front of a map of the galaxy. He had been surprised at the news concerning Nal Hutta. Perhaps Hux had not made a favorable impression.

And he thought a moment.

Of course Hux hadn't made a good impression. He was unsavory, to be kind.

And Ben wasn't kind.

He wondered a bit at the general…"You," he said to one of the men. "What did you hear about the trip to Nal Hutta?"

"Not much, Supreme Leader," he said in a shaky voice.

"No? Was General Hux not persuasive?"

"He only spoke to one person, as I heard."

Ben's face froze. "Just one?"

"That was the report that I heard."

His mind began to race…he had spoken with one person. One.

This was not a mission that had been approved…he was there on his own mission. His own purpose. And no general should have a purpose independent of the Supreme Ruler's…

He would confront Hux in a while. He would need to think about how to do this, in order to avoid rousing suspicion in the worm.

Ben stood. "Thank you. I'm going out…if anyone needs me, I'll be back in an hour," and he left.

He pulled on his fur cloak…then went outside. He thought of Leia as he walked along the perimeter of the mine. He wondered if she knew he was alive. Wondered what she was doing. Wondered if she was now using Force power. And thought about why she had always been so hesitant to use it before …

Was it because of her father? Darth Vader? Was she concerned that she'd end up like him?

He thought it was reasonable to think that. Her brother was as self indulgent and self obsessed as Darth Vader.

Ben stopped.

He looked to the sky. He had once believed that he wanted to be like his grandfather. Believed that he was the person he could look to for guidance.

Now he saw him as nothing but a slave.

And he continued his walk.

Yes. Darth Vader never thought for himself. First Annakin was a slave to his grandmother and her love. Then to Palpatine. He never considered the consequences of his actions. He always needed to believe in something …something other than himself.

He must have hated himself.

Ben understood that to a degree. He had had his share of self loathing.

That was in his past. He was going to be his own person, free of any ties or obligations…

Except one.

One tie.

He stopped again, looking up.

And Rey was walking toward him. "Morning Ben," she said as she approached him.

"Sleep well?"

"Not really," her breath misted in front of her.

"I see you found a warm cloak," he nodded to her.

"It's nice," she smiled.

His head fell. "Are you heading back in, then?"

"No…I had no fixed destination."

"Would you join me?" he smiled at her now.

Rey shrugged, noncommittal…but turned to walk with him.

He slowed his pace a touch. "And so you did not sleep well? Was it cold?"

"No."

"Was the bed uncomfortable?"

"Not at all."

"Then…"

"My mind was full and I couldn't stop it from going," she answered.

"Well, I want you to rest well, as you're my guest. If there's anything that I can do…"

She stopped. "No. Because the one thing I want, you won't do. Yet," she finished by looking at him.

"I gave you my word, and I shall keep it."

"You're a Sith. They lie," her mouth was a thin line.

"I'm no Sith," he turned, fully facing her now. "Nor am I a Jedi. I'm something new."

"Oh? Just like that?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact. I'm forging my own path."

She smiled. "What do you mean by that?"

Ben began to walk again, and Rey followed next to him. "I'm going to build the First Order into an empire with assets, not just might. People need things. They need to eat. We shall provide protection and food."

"Oh? So you're philanthropists?"

He laughed. "No no. We will be paid for our services. But being a mere killing machine won't yield power. Units do, though."

"I don't think that Snoke was much interested in currency."

"That was his first mistake."

"But every planet has its own currency. Its own banks and ways to trade…"

"And our job will be to unite them all under our currency. And everyone will be free…we will provide safety for our allies. We have many weapons…it's time the First Order became something other than an extension of the Empire of old. It's time that we evolved."

Rey nodded. "What happens to those who refuse your offer?"

"I haven't decided."

"Mm…"

"Well. Something should happen. I just don't know what yet."

"I can only imagine," there was a smile in her voice.

He looked over at her. "What?"

"Nothing. I'm impressed. If you are sincere, and if your plans don't involve killing dissenters, then I am impressed with you. Can't say that I necessarily agree with it all, but it is something different," she paused. "Do all of your generals agree with your plans?"

"They don't know all of them," he decided that he wanted to stop this vein of conversation. "What was our topic again?"

"The Force," her voice seemed suddenly small.

"Ah yes. The Force. You seem to think it's about some sort of understanding. I say it's a power one wields."

They had walked all the way to the very edge of the mine. Rey stopped walking. She looked out into the snowy expanse of Crait…the sky was peach and pink…morning had broken. She breathed…and she felt the energy of the Force in between her very cells…"Close your eyes Ben."

He sighed softly. "Why?"

"Do it."

He smiled a bit, then complied.

Rey walked in front of him…she was looking at his face…she lowered the hood on her cloak and took her finger out from beneath it…she began to trace her finger ever so gently across his chest. "The Force…" she began. "Is like the air that you breathe…it becomes part of you, in you, until you exhale it back out into the world. And it's slightly different afterwards. Warmer…" she took her hand back, and began to walk around him. "The Force is time, eating away at everything, and giving birth to it all again. It is in constant motion. And those who harness it can use the motion …convert it into their own energy…" she stepped back, giving him space. "It's part of all of us, Ben. Open your eyes…"

And he did, and Rey was silhouetted against the dawn, she was a shadow. And she was levitating the sand so that it was a white globe around her. And she dropped her arms, and the sand fell.

"Lovely," he said. "But it's not. It's power. And those who know how to use it are the ultimate victors."

"Of who?"

"Over themselves," and Ben, in a fluid motion, swept sand from the ground, its red underbelly mixing with the white, and he created a swirling, angry cloud above him. And then he pushed it all together, a tight cylinder, and sent it crashing to the ground.

"You think that you're better than the snow."

"Well…I'm more intelligent, yes."

"No. You're superior. You think that you are more important than the sand with its jeweled redness. You're not," she walked toward him. "You are the sand, Ben," and she looked into his eyes. "I am the sand. And the sunrise…we all are."

His brow furrowed. He didn't know if she was serious…

"I'm serious," she smiled.

And he took a step back. Was she inside his thoughts?

"Don't," she held out her hand. "I'm sorry."

"This is all very strange…almost like a dream…"

"Well, since neither of us slept well, I can see why you think that."

He shook his head, then took her hand. "Energy, hm?" he smiled.

"Energy…" she said softly. "Like that…"

And he felt it, the moment they touched…almost as though he had been scorched…"Are you doing that?"

"No," Rey swallowed.

He looked at her, unsure, and tensed…it was as though …he couldn't think what it was like…but he simultaneously wanted it to end as much as he wanted to never let go…

…and she did first.

He pulled away from her, and looked at his gloved hand.

It was glowing red through the glove. He looked up at Rey who was holding her own hand. "We should get back."

She nodded, falling into step next to him. "What are you doing today?" she asked.

"I'm meeting with Hux. And then going over some maps. And then," he looked over. "I'm spending time with you, if that's agreeable."

"Of course."

They entered the mine, and Rey watched as he left her by the stairwell to go into the center. She went upstairs and took off her cloak.

She hadn't thought that them touching hands would be such a powerful thing…they had kissed, after all. Nothing like that had happened.

Rey sat on her bed. She was wondering what Ben was talking to Hux about. Feeling bored, she went out into the catwalk…

And there they were.

Ben seemed angry.

Hux was penitent.

She could hear the suppressed rage in Ben's voice…but couldn't really tell what he was saying.

And he left Hux there, turning away.

And Hux looked up at Rey, a look on his face of pure loathing.

She backed away, back into her room.

She wasn't afraid of Hux…but then, she had only one friend here, and he was…

Well. The enemy.

Rey was not keen on developing more outright enemies of the First Order, at least none that could positively identify her.

And Hux knew where she lived.

This was beginning to get worrisome. She'd need to be careful.

Rey sat on the chair Ben had occupied the day before and she looked around. Maybe she'd ask for some books, though it was doubtful they had any.

Asking couldn't hurt, though.

She sighed. And part of her was scared that she wanted to see Ben.

Rey dismissed her worry…he was her only friend here. He was the only one she talked to. Of course she'd miss him when she was alone.

…and her mind wandered to Jakku…where they'd kissed.

It had been as though they were supposed to be there, together. It felt …not right. But familiar.

And she wondered what would have happened if he hadn't stopped and wanted to talk.

Rey shivered a bit.

"I'm sorry I took so long."

She opened her eyes and saw Ben in her doorway. "What time is it?"

"Long past midday."

"Really?" she got up and looked out. The light was quite different now…the planet's sun was high above the mine. She looked at Ben. "I lost my time."

He smiled slightly. "I know that you are supposed to be teaching me, but I thought that I might teach you some of what I know."

"About what?"

"All sorts of things," he walked into her room, and sat on her bed, the only other place where he could sit. "Are you ever angry, Rey?"

"Of course."

"What about?"

"About…things. The First Order. My parents. The unfairness of the galaxy."

He nodded. "What about things that were done to you?"

"I guess…some things. I wish I hadn't been so lonesome. I wish you hadn't killed Han Solo. I wish that …" she swallowed. "These things make me angry sometimes."

He looked at his booted feet. "You regard my parents as surrogates for your own who abandoned you."

"No. But they are nice people. They were wise and I was able to talk to them."

And he looked back at her. "They were disappointing. They were not happy with who I was…and they sought to change me."

"How?"

"By sending me away. By putting me in the hands of a man who only wanted his own gain and glory."

"Luke was a confused person," she offered, sitting forward. "What he did was indefensible. But your parents saw what was inside of you, and they wanted you to have a teacher."

"They weren't terribly smart to send me away."

"At least you had parents."

He stood. Then sat again, regaining himself.

Rey felt his unease. "Ben…I know that it hurts."

"You don't know."

"Well, I too was abandoned and left to raise myself in a desert. I know how it feels to want something so badly…and yet it never happens. You wanted the love of your parents. I wanted my parents to come back for me."

He looked at her. "No one has ever loved me," and he said this without emotion…as though he didn't care. He was stating a mere fact. "Do you love me, Rey?"

"Your mother loves you…I know that," she deflected.

"Do you?"

Rey stood and went to him.

He was looking up at her.

And she wrapped her arms around him, pressing his cheek into her stomach, and rubbing his head softly.

"Is it dinner soon? I haven't eaten all day," she said.

He pulled away, not looking at her, and stood as she took a step back. She watched him swallow. "I'll see to it. Dinner will be in the same place as yesterday," and he left.

Not long after, Rey walked down to the room he had led her to the day previous. She was starving.

And Ben was at the table, staring at it, when she walked in.

He looked up at her and nodded.

She took the seat opposite him and served some sort of soup to herself. "Are you hungry?"

"I am."

"Aren't you going to eat?"

He nodded, and then took some food. "Why won't you answer me? If you don't love me, then just say it."

"And what if I said that? What would you do?"

He looked at her…steady…"Nothing. Take you back to Jakku."

"Liar."

He looked away. "Why would you think that? Have I ever lied to you?"

"I don't know."

"I haven't. And it hurts to know that you think I would."

"Why wouldn't you?" she put her spoon down. "You often act in your own interests. It's difficult to trust you, and I need to protect myself."

"Where others are concerned. Not you."

She shook her head…"I don't know, Ben. I'm so confused."

He stood.

She swallowed.

He went over to her…pulled her chair around so that she faced him, and knelt before her. "I love you," he kissed her cheek. "I'm trying to prove myself to you…" he kissed her other cheek. "Tell me what to do…" he kissed her mouth softly.

Rey's breath had stopped. She touched his face. "I don't know…Ben…I understand."

He cupped her face. "Anyone else would be dead by now."

"That's not the sort of thing I want to hear."

He smiled. He looked at her mouth. And he kissed her again…and Rey kissed him back, despite herself.

He moved away in a slight pant. He stood and went back to his seat…he seemed to be trying to regain himself. "What shall we discuss tomorrow?"

She looked at him. "Hatred."