There was an awful lot of chattering going on downstairs, which oddly turned to silence when Buffy got to the mid-landing of the lobby staircase. She paused there, watching her friends pretend they weren't just gossiping at an alarming speed, and a suspicious smile formed on her lips.

Hey, Buffy! perked Willow, as if she'd just noticed Buffy standing there. You're finally up!

Yeah, I kinda had a late night. Buffy yawned, and failed to notice the pointed looks going on right under her nose.

Andrew was the reason for it all. When Xander fished him out of the dumbwaiter that morning, Andrew couldn't wait to do two things... tell everyone what Buffy had said to Angel, and urinate. In that order.

Xander took the news better than even he expected. He supposed there wasn't really a reason to hate Spike anymore. And even if there was, what Buffy did with her love life was none of his business. Losing Anya and other recent developments had given him more of a perspective on the complicated nature of love.

Willow was glad that Buffy finally admitted her feelings for Spike, but wished she could have been there to witness Angel finally getting a well-deserved earful. Willow cared for Angel, but sometimes that guy could just be a great big lunk head.

Oz was given the cliffs notes on the Buffy and Spike saga and couldn't be more confused on the matter. He decided to be happy that Willow was happy and reserve his judgement on the relationship until more information could be gathered.

Dawn... well, Dawn was so excited, Xander had to all but muzzle her at breakfast that morning.

Spike had clearly enjoyed their stroll to IHOP in the morning sun, but at the same time he looked a little lost and sad. He made a few jokes and was, for the most part, his usual cocky self, but he kept thanking them for inviting him along. Dawn couldn't stand it. Her heart was about to burst. During breakfast, she totally inconspicuously mentioned that Buffy might want to talk to Spike later that day.

For that, Xander pinched her leg under the table, making her jump. Spike gave them a suspicious look that strangely made Dawn blush. Did he think she and Xander were being sexy under the table? Ew! Well, not ew, but it was Xander! People weren't supposed to think sexiness was going on between her and Xander. He was all old... and too... muscle-y. And his hair--



Buffy was waving a hand in front Dawn's face, blocking her sister's view of Xander.



Where'd you go?



Buffy just smiled and shook her head.

Oh... nowhere. Dawn felt the blush coming on again. I just zoned out.

Xander wasn't even paying attention; he was looking at something on his shoe. So, that was good.

Nice of you to join the living, Dawn overcompensated.

Okay, so I slept in! Buffy pushed her sister, playfully. It's not like I'm sleeping till sunset like some people who shall remain nameless because we mustn't speak ill of the undead. It was just a good-natured little jab. She and Angel had actually left things in a slightly uneasy yet friendly place last night.

After some awkward silence following her admission, Angel claimed to know about her feelings for Spike. He mentioned something about their meeting back in Sunnydale and how it felt like she really had moved on. Then, he proceeded to tease her about Spike. He said he didn't want to be invited to the white wedding and that her babies would have ridiculous yellow hair and surly cockney accents. She let him have his silly say. Buffy knew he was hurting a lot more than he let on, but that was Angel's M.O. and there was nothing she could do about it. She had bigger, or actually slightly smaller, fish to fry.

Anyone know if Spike is up yet? Buffy asked, trying hard for a breezy tone of voice.

***

Spike sat in one of the courtyard benches, not ready to come in out of the sun just yet. When Buffy saw him her heart surged. He looked amazing. She'd seen Spike in the daylight before, but she kind of hated him at the time and he kind of wanted to kill her, so it wasn't exactly a memory you keep close to your heart. This moment, however, was one she would never forget.

Hey, look at you, she said softly, covering up the emotion,You're all sun-dapled. You could be in a commercial for fabric softener.

He looked up, a bit startled at first, then smiled. His heart began thrumming out what he now thought of as the Buffy Beat. was the only thing he could think to say.

Whatcha doin' out here all by yourself?

Saying goodbye.



Spike lifted his hand to show that he was holding a cigarette. Goodbye to these things. According to Dawn, they're very bad for you.

Buffy breathed a sigh of relief, she's up on all the latest information, so I'd believe her if I were you.

Spike smiled and took one last drag off of his cigarette, then flicked it to the dirt. She's fairly current on the latest fashion trends, as well.

Ah, that explains the outfit. Buffy grinned. Spike was wearing a blue button down shirt that perfectly matched his eyes, and a pair of dark blue jeans. Yum.

You don't really think I picked this out for myself, do you? I look like the cookie monster. He stood up from the bench and suddenly they were very close.

Buffy looked up into his eyes and smiled, Well, maybe I'll give you cookie

Spike wasn't sure what to make of that. He smiled, but he was a little uncomfortable with their proximity and the fact that she seemed to be in on some joke he wasn't aware of. So... did you sleep well?

Yeah, really well, Buffy blurted, not really thinking.

Oh... good. See there, you didn't need me after all.

Spike moved away slightly, trying for a casual tone. Buffy absolutely adored this side of him. She loved him when he was dark and dangerous, she loved him when he was a sexy smart ass, but she loved him most of all when he was like this... bashful, insecure and tentative. It's not that she enjoyed seeing him in pain, and back when she was all confused she hated seeing him this way because it made her feel like the bad guy. But now... she could truly appreciate the softer side of Spike.

I only slept well because I was exhausted. I was up pretty late last night.

What, patrolling? Don't you have flunkies to do that for you now?

Hey,just because I'm not the only slayer in town doesn't mean I'm gonna slack off and let everyone else have all the fun.

Spike gave her a little, knowing grin.

I mean... Buffy sneered at his gleefulness, ... do all the work. She crossed her arms over her chest and pouted. Why couldn't she ever get anything by him? It was annoying. And, dammit, comforting. I was up late... talking to Angel.

Spike turned away. After a long pause, he said, Makes sense. I've had my share of coma inducing chats with Angel. You're lucky you came out of it so quickly. He began pulling leaves off of the rose bush he'd been pretending to admire. So what did you two lovlies chat about?

Buffy smiled. Spike, don't hurt the plants, it's not what you're thinking.

What am I thinking?

My first guess would be lots of British curses about Angel. And then probably some stuff about how Angel and I rekindled our romance while you were gone and how seeing you yesterday only temporary confused me... and how last night I went to Angel to reassure him that you could never mean as much to me as he does and how we made love until the sun came up.

Spike shrugged and pouted, Good guess.

Buffy put her hands on her hips. Yeah, well I know how stupid you can be.

Spike shook his head, looking at the ground. Well, it's none of my business anyway, is it?

Buffy said, taking a step closer to him, forcing him to look at her. I'd like to make it your business.

Spike turned and looked into her eyes, confusion wrinkling his brow.

As a matter of fact, she took a deep breath and continued, I'd like to make just about everything in my life your business. She moved even closer to him and he watched in perplexed silence as she played with the buttons on his shirt. And, if you don't object too strongly, I'd like just about everything your life to be my business. One might even say I'd like us to share our lives... you know... together.

Spike was frozen. He couldn't even make sounds.

Buffy waited. Are any of these words making sense to you?

Spike simply shook his head

Buffy smiled and laughed nervously. Look, I'm really not good at this... Obviously. I mean, I'm all but proposing and you're not getting the message. I already told you I loved you and you didn't believe me, so I--

Spike reacted as if she'd thrown cold water on him.

What? What's the matter?

Buffy, I can't do this anymore.

Her heart sank. Do what?

This. These games. Last night you left my room saying you weren't sure if you'd be using me and today you show up saying... I don't know what... You had a long talk with Angel last night and suddenly realized you were deeply in love with me?

Buffy smiled. Kinda yeah.

Spike could hardly speak around the lump in his throat. He brought a hand up to angrily wipe away a tear. He hated his bloody stupid emotions, they always humiliated him. Buffy, please. I'm actually begging you, now. Don't do this to me.

She took a step toward him but he moved away.

I mean it. I can't... feel this way anymore.

Tears welled up in Buffy's eyes. She knew she'd hurt him, but she didn't realize she'd hurt him this badly.

Spike continued, without looking at her. I will love you forever. I've accepted that. But if I can't truly have you... all of you... the way I... need you, then I don't want any of it. Even if I can pretend for a little while that you feel the same, I know deep down that you're not really mine. And I can't keep getting my heart ripped out. I'm human now and I don't think I'll be able to take much more... Spike trailed off, sobbing quietly now. So much that he had to sit down on the bench again.

Buffy was crying softly. Her heart aching to make him understand that she was his. That she did love him the way he needed. She found her legs carrying her toward him at the bench, and she crouched down in front of him, taking his hands in hers.

Maybe I should be the one to go-- he was saying.

Spike, stop it. Listen to me. Just look into my eyes and hear what I'm saying.

Reluctantly, he met her deep gaze.

Spike, you've always been able to read me like a book. You know things about me that I've never told anyone. Including you.

Spike let himself smile a bit at this.

Buffy continued. You know things about me that I don't even want to admit to myself. It's what drew me to you in the first place. And, it's what made me push you away.

Spike watched her face, wondering where this was leading.

I was so afraid... Buffy continued, earnestly, ...of getting hurt again. I think that's why I was so determined to make it work with Riley. I loved him, but not in any way that might destroy me the way Angel destroyed me. They way you might destroy me, if I let you.



But last night, she squeezed his hands, urging him to let her finish, Last night I looked into my heart for the first time in a long time. And I was honest with myself for the first time in a long time. And I realized that do I love you with my whole heart.

Spike tried to look away but she moved into his line of vision.

And I have loved you for a very... long... time.

Spike's heart was pounding. He wanted to believe it so badly. Why would she be saying these things to him if she didn't really mean them? She wasn't this cruel. She didn't say things she didn't mean. She never did.

He spoke quietly, Why are you telling me this now? What's so different about today?

She exhaled heavily, relieved that he at least wasn't trying to escape anymore. I told you. Last night, with Angel, we went three rounds and then I had an epiphany.

Spike stood up. He was trying not to get too excited, but his dark mood was definitely lifting. About this epiphany, then. If you realized you loved me as much as old Peaches there, arent you still afraid of getting hurt?

Buffy stood up as well. No. Because I don't love you as much as I loved Angel.

It was like getting kicked in the stomach.

Buffy moved in close so he would look at her face. I love you more, she stated, in a matter-of-fact tone.

Spike was frozen. He couldn't move at all as she slipped her small hands around his waist.

And even though I behaved like a total hag toward you for most of the time we've known each other, she smiled up at him and spoke with confidence, You never stopped loving me. So, what do I have to be afraid of?

It was an eternity before the corners of Spike's mouth started to curl up into a smile. So... what you're saying is that you love me, then?

That's what I'm saying. Buffy felt giddy and giggled a little as Spike took her hands from around his waist and held them in his.

And this isn't at all an elaborate hoax to further torment and humilate me?

Not that that doesn't sound like a good time, but... definately no.

he said, quietly. Well... that's good.

Buffy started to laugh, Are you still in shock?

A bit, yeah.

Maybe I can help. She tiptoed up and nuzzled his nose with her own, then pressed her mouth to his.

He'd never known her to put this much of herself into a kiss before. It was more than want, or need. It was like nothing he'd ever experienced in his life. It wasn't just a kiss, it was a declaration.

When she pulled away, they both swayed a little, feeling intoxicated. Spike looked down into her beautiful eyes and found what he was looking for in them. Any doubts he had about her true feelings blew away with the soft breeze that danced around the courtyard.

I love you, Spike.

He squinted down at her, Yes, you do.

You keep getting at response wrong! She slapped his chest.

He laughed loudly and it made her heart thump to see him so happy. After a moment, he took her hands in his and kissed her on the forehead. Buffy, I love you so much.

Okay. That's more like it. She beamed up at him and they kissed again. Without warning, she hopped up and wrapped her legs around him, then pressed her forehead to his. I feel good. You make me feel good.

That old evil grin of his surfaced and she almost lost control of her faculties right there. Come to my room and I'll make you feel even better, he practically growled.

It took all of her strength to resist. Spike, it's the middle of the afternoon. Don't you think that's a little... tacky?

Never stopped us before.

But we're a real couple now. We should go on a date or something.

A real couple now. He hadn't thought of it that way. He and Buffy were a couple. He put her down and stared at her with a goofy grin on his face.



So... you're my girlfriend and stuff.

She laughed, Yeah. Where've you been?

I dunno, I... that's just... neat.

She smiled and took his hand. You're kind of adorable. Come on, let's go get some lunch. It'll be our first official date.

Does that mean I have to pay?



Bollocks. This love thing is gonna cost me, I can feel it already.

Yeah, but I'm worth it right?

He stopped in his tracks and tugged on her hand. She turned to him and he pulled her into another deep, delicious kiss. When they parted he gazed into her eyes and spoke in a heavy voice, You're worth everything to me.

She put her arms around his neck and squeezed tightly. He squeezed back and buried his face in her hair. This felt best of all. They enjoyed being in each other's arms for quite a while, then slowly, they pulled away.

Come on, Buffy said, I'm starving.

Hand in hand, they walked together, back into the Hyperion.

After a quiet moment, Spike asked, So... did you have any other life altering realizations about me last night?

Buffy took the bait, happily. Well... I realized that you were devastatingly handsome.





'Bout time.



Spike lifted an eyebrow.

--But only in the sexy, sharp witted way, not clown funny.

Spike nodded, satisfied.

Buffy's face grew serious. And I realized I am so lucky that I don't have to face the rest of my life without you.

Spike felt himself starting to tear up again and fought it off. God, he hated being such a bloody nance. You think you're lucky? He said, masking the emotion in his voice, I'm the luckiest bastard that ever lived. Just look who's holding my hand.

They beamed at each other and their hearts were soaring as they walked together back into the hotel. Back to their friends who had been spying on them this whole time.

TBC