When I got home I didn't feel like talking with my family; not even Gobo. My daddy had been called late to do something, so we had to fend for ourselves when dinner came. Only I wasn't hungry. I made Gobo something and left saying that I was tired and was going to bed early.
I had a nightmare. This time, she locked me up in a cage and scraped me with her claws; I was naked.
I woke up drenched in sweat and crying. It was all I could do to keep from screaming, but I did anyway because I wanted someone to come. The problem was: no one did. I started crying even louder. I felt sick and feverish, so I took off my sweaty shirt and threw it on the floor.
I screamed for my Daddy, calling him by his name even. Then I called for my sister, but she didn't come either. So I just sat there screaming. I kicked off my blankets. Then I kicked randomly just to make noise. I slammed my head down hard behind me, only I misjudged the distance between my head and the back of my bed and so I slammed my head into the backing. I felt an immense amount of pain shoot out of my brain and my eyes flooded with black pixels. I screamed again very loud and sat up again to whap my head onto my bundled covers on the opposite side. I choked on my spit and coughed. Snot came pouring from my nose and an equal amount of drool from my mouth.
When it died down, it was only because I couldn't do it anymore. I sat up; sputtering coughs and wails here and there. Not one person heard me. No one came…
Eventually, I decided I could get up and move into my bathroom to wash. When I got up a rush of dizziness came over me. I hobbled over to the bathroom door which was next to my closet. When I got in and turned on the light, I found that I'd peed myself again. I blinked into the mirror to see a sorry looking kid staring at me with scrunched eyes.
I closed the door behind me and stripped down the rest of the way, tossing my dirty clothes into the hamper under the pedestal sink. I dropped to the floor and pulled into myself. I cried my last tears and coughed lightly. The time I spent in there was mainly moaning because it gave me something to concentrate on.
When I looked up at my clock I saw two thirty ticking away. I knew I smelled really bad so I turned to the bathtub and switched the knob to hot water, closing the drain. I took a towel out of the cabinet built into the wall opposite to the tub and I grabbed the soaps I would use on myself from the rack next to the sink.
It wasn't done filing up, so I just sat on the floor with my chin relaxed on the rim of the bathtub. The vapor rose, warming my face. I breathed in deeply and closed my eyes.
"Mom?"
I didn't know from where the voice had come. If I hadn't been any more conscious then now, I'd have thought it wasn't even me who'd said it. Inside of me, I'd been wanting to say that word since forever, and not because I'm speaking in the past. Because it's not a word when I think about it, it's a person who I really like… who I really miss.
I felt tears come to my face again even though my eyes were closed. It irritated them, so I quickly rubbed them to let the tears splash onto my hands.
"Mom."
The tub was filling up. I moved over to the faucet and stopped the water from coming. The water was steaming.
I watched the vapor rise up and out the open window high above. I shook my head at the window; inwardly I was frowning, but outwardly I was too tired to frown so I just looked exhausted. I had to have been in a weird state not to remember to close the window before going to bed. I'd been hot coming in a
while back, but now I found I was shivering. I stepped into the bath and tried to close the window, but it was too high for me to reach.
Why had I even opened the window? I think I was hot before… yes it made sense to me now. I remembered opening the window because I was hot. I didn't close it because I was afraid someone might grab me and scar me up again.
I grabbed the pole with a hook from the side of the tub so I could close the window. Fear started to seep in the longer it was open. I moved the awkwardly long pole to close the window and missed several times before I got the metal to hook into the hole of the window's bracket and pulled down. It came with some difficultly, but I could now reach the end and I yanked it down hard: shut. I then used the pole to lock the window and I set it down.
To my knees down I was so warm; I had to put the rest of my body in. Slowly, to avoid getting too hot too fast, I crept my body down into the tub and got my last shivers out before I became really warm.
I hugged my knees with one arm as I reached for a bucket on the pedestal beside the tub with the other. After scooping it in the water, I clumsily held the bucket and poured what still remained from my shaky grip onto my head with a satisfying splash.
I blinked to clear my eyes from water and raked my hands through my hair to glue it back. Then I sunk down; now above my shoulders in water. I leaned back against the rim of the bathtub and closed my eyes, breathing the water vapor in… and out… and in… and out… not thinking about anything at all anymore…