Chapter 10 – Old scars and new wounds that head it all

"So," I said as I pulled a little on my arm that was wrapped around his waist, "are you and your wolf on the same page now?"

It had taken us almost twenty minutes to walk back to the van, and we still weren't there yet. We were taking our time. His hands hadn't left my butt and mine hadn't stopped touching some part of his warm, dark skin either.

I'd only brought his shorts with us on our little journey into the woods. He'd put them on over the protuberance he'd showed me earlier, but he was still shirtless. Jake looked really good shirtless. He looked really good pant-less too.

Neither of us had wanted to go any further than some heavy petting while rolling around in the dried leaves of some out-of-the-way cottonwood grove in the middle of nowhere. We'd both known instinctively that the timing wasn't right. But I was pretty sure it was going to be soon. It felt pretty close to right. It certainly felt right walking side by side with Jacob as we slowly ambled along the small creek shore. It felt very right. It felt near on perfect.

"My wolf and I have always been on the same page, Bells. We love you." He lent down, kissing the top of my head as he steadied me over a fallen log. "He's wanted to scent you that way for months. It's just that up until last night, I wouldn't let him." He chuckled, his ribs vibrating against my shoulder, "and I doubt you'd have let him either."

"No, I probably wouldn't have." I quietly shook my head, looking down so as to hide my smile. We walked some more, the softness of our foot falls blended in with the natural trickle of the water and the chirping birds up above.

"So… do I smell okay?"

"Mmm," he hummed, leaning in and inhaling at a spot just behind my ear. "Better than good." His voice was deep and husky, and his warm breath sent a shiver down the back of my neck and over my shoulders. The prickle of heat converged intensely around the tips of my nipples. "Everything about your sent is sweet and fresh." His hand on my ass fanned further behind and his fingers slid over the middle seam of my jeans and inwards, towards the front. His long, hot fingers pressed against the denim, rubbing between my legs and at my center.

No one had ever really touched me there. My vagina. I'd tried to get Edward to— more than once— but he'd always but the brakes on. But Jake had, he had no brakes. I'd switched the light to green and he'd taken it and run with it, full steam ahead into the tunnel. My tunnel. Which he pressed on again. It felt nice. I closed my eyes, letting the shiver of pleasure wash over me as we walked.

He pressed and rubbed over me again as his lips softly kissed down my throat. "But this here," his other hand came across, pressing his flattened fingers down below my fly. The heat of his palm seeped through the material. It sent a fresh burst of wetness between my legs. "This here smells musky and spicy, and sexy as hell."

I let out a heated moan. It was the second time in less than an hour he'd managed to get me turned-on while still fully dressed.

I reached my hand up, cupping the square of his jaw with my fingers. He turned in, kissing the inside of my arm... And then it all turned to poop.

He grimaced, snuffling. "Sorry Bells, but that scar." He rubbed his nose, gagging a little. "I'm trying to ignore it but it just reeks. The rest of you is so sweet and enticing. But this," he grabbed my wrist, gently rubbing his warm thumb across the silvered, raised scar, "it smells like a filthy leech."

I pulled my arm out of his grasp, rubbing the cold mark with my other hand. It hurt to be reminded of Edward. And to be so obviously repulsive to Jake. I was sure of my feelings. I was. Until I was reminded of Edward. And his abandonment. And the hurt. That emotional scar couldn't be seen from the outside. It wasn't smelly. But it was there and it was still raw and red… and angry.

I pulled away and marched ahead. The dried leaves crinkled as my feet stomped. It wasn't my fault James decided to play that brutal and punishing game with me and my life. It wasn't my fault that Edward had needed to suck the venom out, either. I was glad he did though— I wasn't at the time, but I was now. Jake didn't realize how close I'd come to becoming a filthy leech. I still couldn't think of the Cullen family like Jake did, though.

I spat to Jacob over my shoulder, "That's because a leech made the bite and another leech sucked the venom out. Of course it's gunna smell like one."

He reached his arm out to me, confusion across his face to my sudden outburst. "Hey?"

I shook him off, fighting the threatening tears. "Sorry if I reek." My voice was hoarse and violent.

I didn't know why I was touchy about this. He'd only been stating fact. I couldn't smell it. But the scar was cold like a vampire. It stood to reason that, to a supernatural nose, it might stink like one, too.

But it wasn't my fault the scar stunk to Jake's sensitive nose. He didn't have to keep talking about it. Edward left me. With nothing. Only it turned out that he had left me with something. A smelly scar that my new boyfriend found repulsive.

"Hey!" Jake took a large step towards me and wrapped a hot hand around my waist, pulling and turning me to face him. "I never said you reeked; just this little three inch scar." Again he wrapped his arm around my wrist, his thumb pressing harder against the raised line. "But I know it's a part of you; of the person you are and your story, Bells. Sure, I'll be honest and tell you that I wish it wasn't there. But it is. And I'm sure as shit not gunna go sticking my nose there and sniffing it again.

"But Bella." He leaned down, looking me deeply in the eye. His face was earnest and heartfelt. "It doesn't matter what that little line of red smells like. Or who made it. Or who sucked the venom out. What matters it that he did. That means that you're still here— with me." His hand unwound from my wrist and it rested flatly above my breast, above my heart, "What matters is that you're still warm. That you're still you. That your heart's still beating. And that you're mine."

I sniffled, wiping a little traitorous tear that was fighting its way from my eye. Jake was looking at me with such conviction. His eyes were boring into my soul. The intensity, the sincerity, the god honest love. I suddenly felt it too. The love. The surety. The rightness of giving my heart to Jake. It took my breath away.

"I'm yours?"

He bent down, pressing his lips to mine for a warm, dry kiss. Reaffirming his feelings. He knew it all. And he still loved me.

After a moment or two of just standing at the water's edge, arms wrapped around each other, he pulled back. "Come on Bells," he whispered, pressing a small kiss to my lips. "Let's go back to the van."

He took my hand, it was warm and dry. There was a spark of something special between us now, after last night. After I admitted to him, and to myself just how strong my feelings were. It was something deeper than puppy love running between us. Something supernatural and yet so completely honest and natural. My natural path.

Jake looked over at me, his eye brow waggling as he winked, his smile spreading up and illuminating his already gorgeous face. "I'm starving."

"Come on then, you big stallion thoroughbred. Let's see if there's any of that chicken left over."

I looked ahead, up the embankment where the light was brighter. Through the trees I could see the retro white and brown van waiting for us. The color was growing on me. It had become our home.

"I'm gunna drive," I said, leading us over to the bush I'd hidden the keys under. "I want you to get some sleep. You've had less than me."

Jake yawned, his powerful arms reaching up over his head, the lines of muscles on his abs and chest elongated as he stretched. "You're on. So long as you sick to the smaller roads." He walked around to the back of the van, talking to me through the inside. "And so long as you wake me if you stop for food." He held up a little drumstick, biting into it. "This aint gunna cut it." With two more bites the bone was bare and he was back ruffling though the box we called a pantry. "Are there any more Doritos?"

I laughed, hopping up into the driver's seat and adjusting the bench forward… way forward. "Depends if you ate them all yesterday."

I could hear the playful guilt in his voice. "Ahh, doesn't matter, I'll just finish off these grapes nuts dry."

... . ...

It was hard to concentrate on the road with Jake and his heated hands next to me. After our little roll in the woods, and my stupid mini freak-out, we got back to our normal way of doing things. Just us; Driving. Eating. Singing. Laughing. Jake eating some more. After the cereal box was empty, he had curled up with his head on my lap, his long giant legs pressed into the far corner of the cab.

I had the music turned low as I just listened to his deep, regular breaths and the steady purr of the engine as we drove down highway 13 and eventually onto I-70. It was nice having his heavy warmth resting on my legs, my hands casually combing through his hair as he napped. It spoke volumes to me about his trust in me. Edward never let me drive. I could feel my own trust in him building, too. Not that I didn't trust Jake. I trusted him with my life. But I could see myself, more and more, being willing to trust him with my body. To open up to him… literally.

With Jake snoring away on my thigh, I made the decision to turn off the interstate and head on over to the winding roads that lead up to the ancient hills of the Grand Mesa. The climb was slow and steep, thick pine forests lined the road. They reminded me a little of home. Not as primordial green, or monolithic as the cedars of the Quileute forest, but still a little sample of the home we'd fled from.

I felt so much at home there, that I made the executive decision to stop up for the night. I was looking forward to seeing Jake enjoy the wilderness up on the mountains after seeing him so carefree today, during our impromptu expedition into the forest—if I dared call the small collection of trees we'd walked through a forest. This here… up in the mountains, this was a forest.

I pulled off the road, onto the gravel road to the camp grounds and Jake woke, sitting up suddenly with the bumps.

"Where are we?" His voice was scratchy with sleep as he looked out the windshield.

"The Grand Mesa's. I like it up here, so I've decided that we're stopping here for the night. It reminds me of home. And I think it's somewhere decent that you can stretch your paws in."

"So long as you come with me." His arm reached up, holding the grab handle as he leaned in. His warm breath floated down my neck as he spoke. "I liked you riding me today." A shiver floated down my arm.

…

We were sitting on the edge of a sheer cliff, atop of the layers and layers of sedimentary rock that arose over the millennia. It was a freezing night, probably less than freezing judging from the wind blowing up at us. But it didn't matter to me as I cuddled into the giant wolf curled around me.

Jake had made me dress warm before we'd set off for our sunset hike. We'd reached this outcrop on the western side of the mountain just as the orange ball kissed the tree lined horizon. Together, wrapped around each other, we sat and watched it sink below.

There was still a pink glow to the sky and it lit Jake's fur to a vermillion orange. My hand looked tanned as I ran my fingers through it, over his flanks, scratching and smoothing down his ribs. The muscles lining his ribs were long and linear. They created a natural path for my hand to stroke down. The fur on his stomach was darker, it was black mixed in with the russet, and it was finer. The warm smoothness of his skin underneath showed through.

His eye caught mine as he rolled a little, giving me better access to his under side. My hands ran circled around his chest, my fingers scratched his chest and neck as he flopped his head back and his tongue lolled out. His legs stretched up in the air and his front paws curled against his chest. "You realize you're really acting like a dog now?"

His stomach jerked as he made a wolfy kind of laugh. He looked up at me, his eye sparkling in the buoyant moonlight as his back leg started to twitch, scratching the air in time with my fingers… like a dog. "Hilarious."

And then my hand rubbed a little lower, over his ribs and stomach. His leg stilled, and his laughing stopped. And so did my hand. Just above his dick. My hand was half an inch from Jake's dick. Only it wasn't Jake's. It wasn't the same as the long, thick thing that he'd let me see earlier in the day. That was all man. This... was the wolf.

My hand hovered above him. Volleying inside myself as to whether to touch him or not. It was freaking me out a little. In the end, Jake decided for me as his head reached up and gently grabbed my arm in his jaws.

Lifted his face until it was right next to mine. His giant brown eye looked at me. Jake's eye. It looked at me with the intensity of the seismic activity that created the very mountain we were on. Heavy and solid. He wanted it, too. But not the wolf.

I could see the shift in his eye, it dilated in the fading light. Ancient. Intense. The Wolf's eye. My Jake was pushed back until all i could see was the eye of the protector looking at me—through me. It was unnerving.

I pulled my eyes from the wolf's, looking out over the forest below.

I shifted to stand up, turning on to my knees, only to find my arm still tight in the wolf's teeth. It seemed it was still the wolf looking at me. I searched in the deep drown iris, searching for Jake. in that moment I wasn't sure if her was in there at all. I fought to push down the panic of being trapped in the wolf's mouth. I keep telling myself this was just Jake, not a wild animal.

But this wasn't really my Jake holding my arm; not in that moment as he held my are in his teeth. A small rolling growl came from his throat. This was the ancient protector sworn to destroy the undead. And his teeth were pressing down at my wrist. Directly over my scar. The one that Jake hated. I supposed the wolf abhorred it even more.

Would the wolf be able to differentiate between the sent of the scar and me– the human attached to it.

In one quick motion, the wolf sprung to its feet and I was tripped up and pushed to the ground. I landed with a thud on the sandstone. A little whoosh of air escaped my lungs as my back hit the rock.

In a panic, I lifted up onto my free elbow and attempted to sit up so I could scramble backwards. I doubted the wolf knew the difference, all he could smell was a Cold one, and that meant destroy. I felt my heart instantly start to thump harder. My wrist smelt like a vampire to the wolf. The fight or flight adrenalin kicked in. I wanted to flee. I really wanted to flee. I just wanted to get the heck away from the menacing jaws that could rip me to shreds in an instant.

I'd never felt that natural self-preservation with Edward. I didn't have time to consider what that meant about him and me. I should have been petrified the minute Edwards's lips—and razor sharp teeth— had come within inches of my throat. Supernatural or not, I'd been under some kind of spell. Stupid young love? Or something more deceitful?

But I felt that natural sense of self-preservation then. I loved Jacob. But his wolf was scaring the bejeezus out of me.

The wolf turned its head towards me and my arm had no choice but to move with it. The whites of his eyes glowed in the darkness as he stared at me. A soft, barely audible rumble came from the wolf. I felt it through the bones of my arm that was still held within his grasp. It continued to look at me.

It seemed like minutes of frozen silence were echoing around us and down to the valley below until the beast's nose twitched. I saw the look of revulsion as he scented the scar, and then a new look flashed through the animals eyes. He looked contrite... apologetic even. They finally softened until a warm, pleading question of trust then emanated from them. His head lowered until it was inches from mine and the glassy eye blinked.

The rumbling growl rolled into a higher pitched hum. Through the still clamped teeth around my arm I heard a whine. And then whimper.

It was a plea.

I stilled, trying to show my breath and my racing heart.

The beast blinked then, slowly and purposefully. When they opened, the wildness melted from the beasts' giant eye and a more familiar, comforting eye looked back at me. Dark and deep. Home. Jake.

He was still in there.

The forced myself to relax. To trust Jake. He'd promised he'd never hurt me. I believed him.

Softly, the wolf's large paw pressed against my chest, and I allowed myself to be laid back. A sharp rock dug in to my shoulder blade and his claws prickled against my chest; four small, pointed nails awfully close to my breast. It was distracting… unexpectedly, in a good way.

Once he seemed content that I was going to lie still, his paw raised and he shifted across my body.

His jaw opened, and my arm was pressed to the dirt. Slowly he lifted his paw from my chest and pressed it to my arm, pinning it down. The pad was soft and gentle, but still firm. I wasn't going to be able to move unless he let me.

Wolf Jake looked back at me. Softly watching. Waiting for something. He was waiting for me. My breath hitched as I tried to push my panic down further. I truly did want to trust Jacob; the man inside the beast. But the beast was huge and I knew its power and wildness. That wildness had scared me only a minute earlier. After months of never realising the dangers of being so close to vampires, I was instead suddenly acutely aware of the wolves razor sharp teeth. I had less reason to fear the wolf than I had from a vampire– that was especially attracted to my blood– kissing my throat. I had been such a naive fool. But my blinkers were off now and I knew Jake had control of his inner–outer– beast. I just had to have faith in his love and gentleness and let that be my guide. I had to trust him.

I bit down on my lip, mustering the courage to calm myself. I looked back at him, our eyes were trapped in a flowing embrace. Just me and him, up on a mountain side. I let out a calming breath. I nodded, a sharp up and then down. I was giving him permission to do whatever it was he was silently asking permission for.

His tongue lapped out. It was wet, hot and rough as it swiped up the side of my cheek before he let out a soft yip.

Then his eyes hardened and he refocused on my arm, on the scar. He lowered his muzzle, sniffing and then snuffling at the apparent stench he found there. The whites of his eyes shone as he looked sideways to me briefly before lowering his head. He bared his teeth, the sharp dagger like canine tooth was exposed and looming over my arm.

I felt my heart splutter, racing like a galloping horse at the site of the white fang. I knew then what he wanted. He wanted to re-open the scar. Let the wound re-bleed. Purge the olfactory evidence. Create a new scar. One that might heal better.

A bit like my heart.

His jaw lowered, hovering over the raised silver mark. I wanted to look away. I never watched when I had a blood test or when I was being stitched up. But I couldn't bring myself to turn away or shut my eyes in that moment. Maybe I needed to be present and aware during this maiming. I needed to see as he hurt me in order to heal me. I needed to give permission and take back some of the control.

The sharp, dagger like tooth pressed down, piercing the skin at the edge of the scar. It burned hot and cold both at once. It was sharp and relentless as he worked on. I bit my lip, holding in the little whimper pushing to escape. I forced my fingers to unclench from the fist they'd formed.

Carefully, with the accuracy of a fine artist, he sliced across the scar line. He carved his way in a semi-circle before turning and following the second line that made the crescent moon-shape mark. Curiously, it didn't bleed much. Only a small drip that flowed over my skin and dripped off, only to be absorbed into the dry earth beneath.

Jake shifted back, tilting his head so to have a better look at his handy work… his damage. He let it bleed for a few more moments, the dark red, almost purple liquid slowly oozed out of the wound. It was thick and viscid looking. It didn't smell like the metallic, iron scent that I normally associated with my blood. It was sweet and fragrant. I sucked in a shocked breath as it hit me. It was venom.

I had Edwards's venom in my scar.

He had left a part of himself with me. And it was leaching out of me.

I was finally purging myself of him. Literally.

It was about a minute or so before the second smell hit me. Blood. It knew it was blood by the way my stomach turned at the scent. This was my blood trickling out into a small four inch wide pool that the thirsty earth soaked up. It was flowing now; fluid, red… alive. It was blood as it should be… Human.

Jake looked up at me, his large, fury head nodding before his tongue swiped over the wound. Once, twice, thrice. Four long, careful licks over the stinging would. The blood congealed and settled quietly on my skin. It was warm, but not painfully so.

The wolf lifted his paw off my arm, letting me go. He sat back on his hunches and I sat up carefully. Waiting for the dizzy nausea that normally accompanied me and blood outside my body. But I felt okay; comfortable and balanced. Good… Great even.

He tilted his head, assessing me, waiting for me to either faint or to run screaming off into the bushes. But I didn't do either. My head felt clear. And I felt warm— warmer than I'd felt in months.

The wolf stood then, and he bounded off towards the forest. He came back less than a minute later. Bare chested. Bare foot. Smooth, warm skin. Jake.

"You okay?" He leaned down, a soft hand brushing along my cheek.

I was. But there was a part of me still a little shocked over the suddenness and forcefulness of the wolf's actions. "Yeah."

"I'm sorry Bells. The wolf just… he just took over. I was fighting with him. He hated that scar so much. And it reeked. Like...that blood, Bella. It wasn't normal blood. You had venom in you. It was in you."

"I know."

"Did you see the color? To the wolf it looked silvery and not at all like human blood." The worry in Jake's voice made my heart hurt. I could see the tears brimming in his eyes at his fear for me. His concern. "I don't know if you could smell it, but god, Bell's. I don't know how much of that shit they need to change you, but the fucker must have left just not enough in there. I reckon it was to keep you compliant. Or needing them, or him."

"Jake, it's okay. I'm... I'm okay," I said softly reaching my hand to his. "Really."

He leaned in, pulling me into his chest and crushing me to him. I let myself melt into this hard muscles. I let the warmth seep through my skin and into the very depths of my bones. Jake radiated warmth and care. He glowed with it on a cellular level.

"No, Bells, it's not. The wolf, he… I'm sorry he pinned you down like that. I wasn't that honest earlier today. I didn't care that much but he's been stewing on it for days." He leaned into my hair, inhaling and pressing his lips to my head. "Oh God." He let out a soft, throaty moan. The air around us settling and charging both at once. "I didn't even realize how much it was affecting your scent." He sniffed my hair again. "Already you smell better."

I huffed a little, feigning insult.

He hugged me just that little bit harder and lifted me, shifting me onto his lap. "You know what I mean. You smell you like you now. The natural scent of sun ripened strawberries, not just the stuff they use to perfume your shampoo. Now that I smell the difference, I realize there was an artificial sweetness about it." He leaned in, his breath tickling and warm behind my ear as he drew in a breath. "Mmmh. This is all you, Bells. Natural." His hand smoothed over my shoulder and down my arm. His fingers were warm on the skin exposed from my pushed up sleeve. "Are you cold?"

I wiggled a little on his lap, settling in. "No. I feel warm here, with you." I did. I really did. I was warm. It felt so good to be actually warm. When I really thought about it, I hadn't felt truly warm since that fateful day in Phoenix.

His strong hand tugged gently on my sweater sleeve, pulling it almost all the way back down. He lifted my wrist, turning it this way and that into the moonlight.

I lent my head against his chest and watching as he moved my arm. It somehow felt like this new scar was Jake's now, it belonged to him. This part of me was also a part of him. We shared something in it.

I settled in against him further, resting in his strength and feeling right at home in his arms.

His thumb brushed over the fresh red and crusted wound. "This feels warmer now." He lifted it up, his nose sniffing before his lips pressed a soft warming kiss over the wound. "And it smells normal. Like you, and a little of your blood… and me."

Finally he let go of my arm, the last of my sleeve covered my wrist and the scar slipped below the fleece. His hand cupped my cheek, tilting my head before he lowered his lips to mine.

"Thank you for letting the wolf do that. It was massive for him"

"You scared me for a minute, I'll be honest. I wish I'd had a little notice. But now that it's done, there's a serenity and quietness in me." I bit my lips between my teeth, considering just how better I felt inside. "I really feel better, but I didn't even realize anything was wrong. Everything's just… it's just warmer. And calmer. And alive… I feel… I feel alive." I stretched up, pulling him down into another kiss. The sound of our soft lips pulling apart cut though the cool night air. "Thankyou."

His eyes jumped between mine, back and forth, soaking in whatever it was he saw in me. "I really love you, Bells."

I shifted, kneeling up as I flung one leg around his waist so that I was straddling his lap. His hands settled around my waist as mine hooked around his neck. I slowly lowered down. The swell of my breast sliding from nearly his eye height until my butt settled on his crossed legs. My pubic bone pressed into the bulge at his crotch. "I love you too."

All at once, our lips met. Hard and wet, and passionate. The control of the last half hour and the unsaid promise from the woods earlier that day all exploded in a heated jumble of need. His tongue nipped at my lips, asking entry into my mouth. His hands weaved all over my back, cupping my ass and tangling through my hair. My hips took on a mind of their own, rocking back and forth into his denim covered erection. I couldn't breathe, but I didn't want to stop for air.

Eventually our lips parted. Both of us were gasping for breath. Our hips were still rocking gently into one another in time to each labored breath. Jake pressed his forehead to mine, the back of his hand softly swept down my cheek, down further along my throat and then over my jacket. His large hand covered the fullness of one breast as he rubbed and massaged. His heat burned though the material. It set me alight. "How would you feel about a really fast wolf ride back to the van?"

I lifted my legs, hooking them around his waist, pressing my hips to his. "Let's see what this thoroughbred can do."

A/N: I've always wanted to do a 'venom left in the scar' sub-plot. and I'm glad I found a way to get it into my first Bella story.

Thank you all so very, very much for you wonderful reviews this week. It seems you all were so happy to see our love birds finally moving forward.

The site wasn't letting me reply to reviews over the past few days. It's just come back online today, but I thought I'd spend my time posting this chapter instead of writing back.

But thank you any way. I read and cherish each one.

As always. Thank you Aretee for being such an Avid Beta. (see what I did there!)

I know I promised more citrus, but I forgot about his chapter. There was love and trust in there instead. There's a whole bunch of lemons coming up in the next few chapters instead.

Have great weekend.

Cheerio. MarinaNamaste.