Peeta's POV
Lying in my bed with the woman I love, the woman I would marry asleep on my chest I couldn't help thinking my life was not too bad after all. Sure, Snow controlled every last bit of my life but some moments not even he could tarnish.
My mind was turbulent and I couldn't help thinking back over the 75th Games. It was gruesome to say the least. The twin's deaths were quick being buried by the rubble of the collapsing building that had acted as their refuge while in the arena. The two large brothers that had shown promise on the training floor but were to be taken down in the opening bloodbath.
What had I learned from this? I need to take in what I can, every year and maybe once, just once would be enough for me; I could help my tribute become a victor.
I would save a life.
Tomorrow was the victory party. We are going to the President's house first thing. Effie has hired a wedding planner, apparently, the best in the Capitol. The wedding is to take place at the mansion in what we like to call the off season. The off season is that period of time between the end of the victory tour and the reaping, when the Capitol has limited entertainment.
I was not particularly looking forward to the wedding, my wedding. It was more the marriage that held my concern. Katniss and I had never been closer but we still hadn't discussed what had accrued that night, that morning.
Katniss and I were different somehow and yet still the same. We had not gotten so hot and heavy as we had in my bed but it doesn't feel only for the cameras now. Sometimes when we are alone and she has to leave the room for whatever reason she leans in and gives me a kiss goodbye just like the cameras were there. Even the kisses for the publics benefit seemed to be laced with more somehow.
Could it be I may have the marriage I always wanted with Katniss, rather the 'all for the benefit of the camera' one I was getting. I am no fool, I am not expecting a traditional wedding night but just even the idea that maybe one day we might…. I had to be careful I was getting hard and Katniss was so close I didn't want her to feel anything.
I wished I knew what happened in that dream to get that reaction out of her. I wonder if it was like the hot dreams I have of Katniss. My dreams that has been more vivid since Katniss has had hers.
My other concern was Gale. Yes, I am jealous, of course I am. He knows her so well. She goes with him into the woods to hunt alone, spend a whole day with him without anyone. He is her best friend, I hope that is all he is but I can't help the feeling that he wants to skin me alive whenever I am around him. I don't blame him either but he must understand everything I do is to keep Katniss safe.
If Gale can't let her go he may actually put her in danger. I would like to get the opportunity to explain to him about the Capitol, Snow's slave trade and the price that would be paid if he was disobeyed. Gale had never given me the time of day and I doubt he would even believe me if I tried.
Katniss was starting to move beside me. "Prim… mmm… no" not her pleading my name like before, this was a nightmare. I held Katniss tight and cooed at her to wake, that everything is ok. "Peeta… help me… Peeta." I know its wrong but I like that even in her dreams it's me she needs.
"I'm here Katniss" squeezing her a little tighter until she jumps up.
Katniss' POV
I'm sitting bolt upright in bed. I am still feeling the hunt or being hunted instinct from my dream and turn quickly on the noise coming from beside me. It's Peeta, I leap back into his arms, where I am sure I had just been.
Peeta takes me wordlessly in his arms and lifts me onto his lap, soothing my hair with his hand. My heartbeat returns to normal and I turn my tear streaked face to him. His eyes are deep blue in the dark of the room.
"Do you want to talk about it?" his voice is heavy with understanding.
"I killed prim, I stalked her after the earthquake and slit her from ear to ear."
I look down. I don't want to see the shame on Peeta's face. Who dreams about killing their own little sister?
"No you didn't. Listen to me Katniss you are not a killer." Peeta's voice is firm but I know he is just trying to help. He knows I have killed people.
I lay my head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat. I didn't notice I was drawing circles on his hard chest with my finger until I heard the rhythm change. Did I affect him this much?
Our relationship was changing, even with me being the most clueless on the subject I could see it. We are more comfortable with each other but not only that. I was enjoying playing with Peeta, teasing him and getting a reaction out of him. He was playing games with me too and this was encouraging the child in me. Some might even call it flirting.
I hadn't gotten time to myself to just assess my feelings. We were together all the time and it's not fair to try to think everything over when he is here being perfect. Who is it not fair on?
Gale?
Was Gale even an option for me anymore? I had refused his proposal, left without saying goodbye and then agreed to marry Peeta on live TV. I never meant to hurt Gale but it's just so easy to get caught up in Peeta.
Gale is the type of man, if not, the man I would have ended up with before I was part of the games. But he doesn't understand what I went through.
Peeta is from the town not the Seam. It is rare for the two to mix too much. I would have never ended up with Peeta if not for the games.
Peeta understands like only a fellow victor could. He knows what to say to comfort me and I don't feel guilty because we comfort each other.
It is also so easy with Peeta. I am relaxed in his company. When we are alone the conversation just flows, we are always in a contented atmosphere.
Gale is always so serious and I get it, life is hard on the Seam. I know that more than even him, having nearly starved alongside my family at the age of eleven.
Thinking about this while sitting in Peeta's embrace was wrong. My head is full of all that is right with Peeta. We will be home in two days. I'll think about this in two days.
For now I wanted to see if I did affect Peeta so much. I continued to draw circles on his chest but I stared to sing a soft song. It was just a nursery rhyme but I sang it slower than it should be and in to his chest. I listened for a change in his heartbeat trying to figure out how this would affect him but what changed affected me too. It was not a hitch in the thumping of his heart but in the crotch of his pants. I stiffened too, feeling him press against my leg. I tried to adjust myself a little but this seemed only to make it grow more. I tried to distract us both from it.
"Peeta, what will happen now, when we go home?" What am I asking? I have no idea what I want to happen at home.
"What do you mean?" Oh god his voice sounds all husky. I feel a jolt low in my stomach as I realise that tone must be associated with the stiffening of his pants. I wiggle trying to avoid it.
"I… I..." mmm what are we talking about? My mind can only focus on the bulge which after all the wiggling is now under my thigh.
"Katniss, should we address the elephant in the room?" My breathing quickens, he wants to talk about the fact he is pressing into me.
"It's big Peeta but I am not sure I would compare it to an elephant's one." My reflex sarcasm kicks in but I just want to bolt out of the room.
"Erm" I look up to see him looking embarrassed and a little shocked at my question. "Thank you for noticing but I meant the fact we are about to plan our wedding." He regains some composure towards the end.
I however had lost all my composure along with my ability to speak. I am still looking into his face when his eyes lands on me. What must I look like to him? I am sitting there on his lap and gapping at the mouth while his manhood digs into me from below.
"If you would like to talk about something else we could." He was playing now trying to provoke me. His voice was still deep and I swear he just twitched under me.
It worked he activated my competitive personality trait. I move again, this time more deliberate with my positioning. My chest was closer to his and I was directly over the bulge. I give a little push down as I looked up. I was intending to make a smartass comment but as soon as his eyes caught mine our lips met and my whole body went up in flames.
My hands went into his blonde curls as I swivelled on the spot so that we were facing each other. My legs are kneeling on the bed either side of Peeta. His hands travel down my spine and rests on my bottom, pulling me towards his hard cock.
Peeta's thrusts keep in regular time, my hands run on to his shoulders. The sensation of rubbing off him is driving me mad with lust. When our lips break apart I let out a moan of pleasure. Peeta is relentless with his kisses, continuing to trail them down my neck and across my collar bone.
Peeta puts his hands up my shirt cupping my breast as his mouth finds mine once more. I am almost completely lost in his touch when I pull away and scurry back down the bed. It takes all my will power not to dive straight back into his arms. The look of arousal on Peeta's face stirred at my insides.
"Katniss, what…?" Peeta's voice is a growl of frustration. How do I explain my actions to him when I don't understand them myself? I just spread out my hands, palms up and shrug my shoulders.
"I need more than that, what is happening here?" I feel so sorry for him I creep back up the bed towards him.
"It's just too fast." I offer up as a consolation prize. His expression softens.
"Katniss do you want me?"
Yes I want him. I want him so much right now my body is aching. However I can't bring myself to admit this to him or even myself.
"I need time, I am confused." His face changes his emotions hinting more towards anger than frustration.
"Is this about Gale? Do you want him?" I am shocked at the question but can understand his thinking.
I have no idea what to say. Do I want Gale? I close my eyes and try to picture Gale holding me instead of Peeta. I can't see his face, Peeta is all I see and all I want to see.
"Not like I want you but I can't hurt him. I won't hurt him." I try to read Peeta' s mind, I would give anything to know what he makes of this.
"Katniss do you want to marry me?" his words are slow like he is trying not to startle a wild animal.
"I need to marry you." It was the truth, if I didn't marry Peeta my life would fall apart.
Peeta stands and walks around the room. My eyes follow him trying to figure out what path his thoughts are on. It feels like hours go by before he turns back to me.
"Ok I have an idea." He looks at me trying to decide whether he should continue. "Its simple really, maybe too simple." He pauses again, "honesty."
"I don't get it" I really didn't and if he wanted honesty he was going to get it.
"We are the star crossed lovers from District 12?" he looks at me for an answer.
Confused I answer "Yes"
"No, that's what I mean. It's not real." Peeta was getting excited and I still didn't get it. He could obviously see this on my face so continued to try and explain.
"You enjoyed kissing me tonight. Is that real or not real?"
"Real," I keep my head down, hiding my face as I blush.
Peeta kneels before me tilting my face up to look at him "Honesty remember."
"Real" his eyes light up at my answer. "But what's the point in this?"
"The point is so we can have our own private relationship, just you and me." He is walking around the room again. "Ok our engagement is not real, heck the wedding is not going to be real so whenever something happens that feels too fast or because the Capitol has pushed us to do it, we just ask each other real or not real?"
I must still look confused because he asks me again. "I owe you my life, real or not real?"
"Not real." He looks disappointed so I add "not real, I couldn't have saved you if you hadn't saved me first. I would have starved long before the reaping, Prim too. I owed you my life first."
"You are driving me mad, do you want to do this?" he is already smiling he knows the answer.
"Yes but we take it slow."
Peeta is back to me and places a kiss on my lips. It is a sweet kiss not the lust filled kisses of earlier but still filled with so much emotion.