Children of the Hatch

by GoldenGirl

A Lost story where Sawyer's a devoted dad, Kate's a clueless momwhorepyromaniac, Jack's a delusional parent of 3 kids that arent his, and nothing is sacred but the skate relationship.

10. Making Friends

Chapter 10: Making Friends/ Kate's A Whore

"A boys' night out?" Jack had to think about this for a minute.

Kate had come to him to have a private chat and the first thing she said was, "I want you to do me a favor."
Blinded by his delusional infatuation with her, Jack only heard, "I want you."

He had stopped staring at her face in a trance-like state long enough to understand that she was actually asking him for a favor and sooner or later he'd have to start listening to the words coming out of her mouth.

"You want me to organize the whole thing?"
"Yeah," she said. "What do you think?"

He didn't know why she was asking him to make a Boys' Night Out. Or why he'd already agreed in his head the very moment she suggested it. All he knew was that Kate had come to him and they were sitting together. Alone. And he had this idea going that they were flirting. And in his mind, and his mind alone, they were having a jate moment. And since jate moments were few and far between these days he tried his best to prolong it.
"And you want me to do this tonight?"
"Sure. You can invite Jin. Sawyer will go."

He wouldn't and Kate knew this. But with her manipulative skills and sex appeal she always convinced him it was in his best interest to do whatever she told him to. And if it came to it she could just withhold sex. That always seemed to work.

"I can pull something together tonight," Jack said. "But what's the catch?
"The catch?"
"Why are you asking me to do this?"

Kate masterminded this idea for Sawyer's own good. To put it simply, Sawyer needed more friends. And it broke her heart that he was being typecast as the "villain" or the "bad guy" just because he was inclined to call people mean names or laugh at them when they were down or con them out of all of their possessions when within 2 feet of him. And besides, she needed to spend some time with her own girlfriends. Well, mostly just Sun.

"I'm asking you cuz I know you'll do it."

Jack interpreted this as "I'm asking you cuz you're the only one who can do it, lover."
Even though her answer did not quench his curiosity, he was perfectly happy with it.

"Can I invite you?" he asked.
"It's a boys' night out," Kate explained.
"Right," Jack responded, chuckling a little. "Sorry. So what time can I pick you up?" Kate sighed. How could she explain this in the simplest way possible? "Boys' night out means that the boys have their own night out." She felt a little redundant but that was usually the case with Jack. "You guys can go fishing or something. Or build stuff. Shoot some boar. Sawyer will bring the guns."

He wouldn't. Not willingly, anyway. But unbeknownst to Sawyer she'd already packed them in his bag right next to a mango sandwich and a spare change of underwear.

"I'll make it a poker night," Jack said.
"Great, Sawyer loves playing poker with you."
In fact, he hated it. But oh well.
"You like poker too, don't you Kate?"
"Sure, I guess."
"I'll save a space for you at the table."
Kate rolled her eyes but Jack didn't notice. He was too busy enjoying his little erotic jate fantasy he liked to call 'a moment.'

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"There is no way in hell I'm gonna be a part of one of Jacko's homoerotic fantasies he calls a boys' night out," Sawyer exclaimed. "You can forget about it."
Kate was back at her and Sawyer's hut balancing her son on her lap as Sawyer stomped around in a mopey tirade. She had casually mentioned the Boys Night Out and just as she'd guessed he wasn't going for it.
"It's just a few hours. It could be fun."

"Like Jose and his jolly crew even know what the definition of fun is."

Kate grimaced like she had a bad taste in her mouth. "Jose and his jolly crew...?"
Sawyer frowned. "Jose and his seven dwarfs?" he asked, unsure.
"There would only be five of you, including Jack."
"Jose and his army of..."- Sawyer racked his brain- "...crash-landed persons from all walks of life... who happen to all have some sort of deep, dark past and... "

"Honey, you're losing your touch."
"Oh I know that!" Sawyer snapped.

"You should spend more time with them. I'm sure they'll give you more material to work with."
"Why do you want me to go to this thing so bad anyway?"

Kate hesitated before answering this. She knew that no matter what she said he'd probably be offended by it. And he'd most definitely be offended by the truth.
"I just want you to make friends."

And he went off on his mopey tirade again.
"Make friends! I have friends!"
"Books and guns don't count."

He was hurt by this. Not only because Kate believed him to be pathetic enough to only have books and guns as friends but also because, technically she was right. And was it so wrong of him to love those books and guns to death?

"Don't you want to be a good influence on Fletcher?" she said, trying a new approach. "He's one diaper slip away from completely alienating Soon-Yi, and all of Ana and Jack's kids are… weird. He's running out of potential friends."
"He can hang out with Claire's bastard."
"Don't call Aaron a bastard."
"Well he is."
And, really, she couldn't argue that. Her kid may have been considered white trash even in island terms but she still wouldn't want him hanging around Claire's son. "I don't want Fletcher anywhere near Aaron. He eats paste."

One may think it'd be hard for a kid to find paste on a deserted island but it didn't help matters that this specific kid had a certain bald father-figure that just happened to make adhesive out of slaughtered animals' insides. And so that's how cute little Aaron became the kid who eats paste.

Sawyer walked over to where Kate sat and gently lifted Dakota out of his mother's hands. Sawyer may have had trouble making friends when he was little but he could already tell that would never be a problem for his son. Sawyer was a miserable little kid and in contrast Dakota smiled too much for his own good. He seemed happy. And he was a looker. He'd probably spend a good portion of his life having girls like Soon-Yi falling in love with him and swatting away girls like Josefina.
Sawyer held him up against his chest and peered into his green eyes. They were just like Kate's.

"Dakota'll be ok. He can hang out with me."

Even though Kate was touched by his sudden sincerity she was not done convincing him to go. She had to pull out the big guns.

"I need you to go to your boys night so I can go to my girls night. Libby's going to teach us about Tantric Sex."

This was a lie. There was no Tantric Sex seminar at her Girls Night Out. In fact Libby wasnt even invited. Because she was a slut. But Kate could tell that this little white lie had worked.

"Fine, I'll go," Sawyer said. "But believe you me, I wont have fun. And I wont be making any friends either."
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"Who's ready to have fun and make friends?"

Jack slapped Sawyer on the back and found a seat across from him at the makeshift table. Boys' Night Out had officially begun and the boys in question (Jack, Sawyer, Jin, Charlie and Hurley) had decided to use Hurley's hut as their official 'Boys' Night Out Bachelor Pad.' Even if Hurley was the only bachelor among them.

"I don't have chips and dip but I do have fish crackers and mayonnaise," Hurley said, passing two bowls around.

Sawyer took the bowls and cast their contents a dismal look. While he felt more bored than Charlie at an in-store autograph signing, the other guys seemed to be enjoying themselves. Sawyer briefly wondered if any of them had ever been to a party in their lives.

"Have any of you ever been to a party in your lives?"

"Sawyer, I'm a doctor," Jack said. And he said this in a way that implied that was answer enough. "And I've been to Regina." He said this in the same way.
"Anyway this isn't a party. It's a Boys' Night Out."

"So what you got on the itinerary, Doc? We play charades? Tell each other our deepest secrets?"
"Even better," Jack answered. "We play poker."

"Poker," Sawyer muttered to himself. He dipped a tiny orange fish-shaped cracker in a vat of mayo and already made up his mind that the girls were probably having more fun hearing about exotic sexual positions or painting their toenails or mud wrestling- or whatever it was girls did at parties- than the boys were having now.
"Can we still tell each other secrets?" Charlie eagerly asked as Jack began to deal the cards.

Yes, Sawyer thought. The girls were definitely having more fun.
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Kate and Sun sat silently under a tree watching the tide come in. This was the very spot they'd sat in together so many times before. It was the essence of their friendship, really. Sitting together here, looking pensive and occasionally plotting to poison people. Kate missed sitting here with Sun so she was glad they could spare some time to do it exactly as they used to. The only difference was they now had babies sitting on their laps.

"This is nice isn't it?" Kate asked, keeping her eyes on the ocean.
"Yes," Sun answered, simply.
They both had relatively quiet children and so the only sounds around them were the wind and ocean.
"Why don't we do this anymore?"
"We're still friends, Kate," Sun reassured her.
"But not like before. I was there with you when you first found out you were pregnant."
"And I was there with you when you revived Sawyer after he first found out you were pregnant."
"And I helped you wash the blood out of Jin's clothes that one time he came out of the jungle inexplicably covered in the stuff."
"And I helped you burn all of Sawyer's possessions that time when you said you wanted to do it on a ... what do you call it?"
"A whim."
"Yes, a 'whim.'"

The women smiled as they remembered these pleasant memories.

"Things have changed," Sun fessed up. "We have children now. And we do not have much in common anymore."
"Yes we do."
Kate tried to think of something they shared in common but it was harder than she thought. And for Kate's sake Sun tried to think of something as well.

"I know," Sun said. "We're both married to temperamental men who almost died on a raft."
"Right!" Kate beamed. But her delight quickly died down. "Well, I'm not technically married to Sawyer. And he's really only temperamental for show. But he still almost died on the raft all the same."

Kate could see the dubious expression on Sun's face and decided to come up with another thing in common quick.
"Oh!" she said. "Remember when you once told me you've never slept with a Chinese man?"
Sun nodded.
"Well neither have I."

This was, of course, a lie. Kate had slept with a Chinese man. She'd slept with quite a few. But the white lie seemed to brighten Sun's spirits and so Kate figured it was worth it.
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"I have never told this to Sun," Jin began, eyeing his cards apologetically. "But I am actually Chinese. I was born in China while my parents were vacationing there."

Though they were still playing poker, the boys had decided (ignoring Sawyer's protests) to play the 'telling secrets' game he'd inadvertently suggested earlier. He suspected the game of charades was just around the corner.

"Please, Sun must never know. It would upset her greatly."
While Jin looked more heartbroken than Charlie when he appeared on VH1's Behind The Music no one at the table quite understood why being Chinese was such a big deal.
"What's the difference?" Sawyer asked. "Ya'll look the same."

"Ohsuckacow, Sawyer!" Jin yelled in one breath, his English expressions still not completely up to par yet. "We are a diverse people. Let us hear one of your secrets so we can judge you."

There were a number of secrets Sawyer could have chosen to expose that night. Like the story of his parents' murder-suicide or of the man he'd killed back in Australia or even of his real name for starters. But he'd chosen to go a different route by exposing not one of his own secrets, but one of Kate's. In a boastful manner he planted that smug grin of his and leaned forward over the table so that the other guys did too.

"Kate's only slept with white guys her whole life."
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"Filipino?" Sun asked.
"Yes," Kate responded.

"Middle Eastern?"
"Yes."

"Latino?"
"God yes."

"African?"
"Do you mean regular African or South African?"
"Both."
"Yes."

"Canadian?"
Kate hesitated, embarrassed. "Yes."

"But never Chinese?"
"Nope."

"Wow. I must say, Kate, you sure do like your...sex with strange men."
Kate smiled bashfully. "It's important to be cultured."
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"Tell us more about sex and the things it has to do with Kate!" Jack shouted. Yes, he shouted it. He was a little too eager to hear about this subject and Sawyer was freaked out just enough to keep mum on it.

"Why don't you tell us about Ana Lucia," Charlie asked. "She's a Latina, she's gotta be spicy in the sack."
Jack chuckled and nodded knowingly. "Yes, we wetbacks are rather spicy, arent we, Hurley?"
The men all awkwardly stared as Jack jabbed Hurley's arm with his elbow.

"As you're all well aware, Ana Lucia and I have been practicing abstinence." There was more awkward staring. "But when we did have sex it was pretty," Jack tried to search for the right word. "Well, let me put it this way. You know anything about Hyenas in heat?"

"No," Charlie said.

"Well she's a lot like that," Jack responded. "There wasn't a night I went to bed without a basketball-sized bruise on my groin."

"I think that's a bit more than we wanted to know," Sawyer tried to interrupt but Jack's voice over-powered his.
"You know how they say it feels like warm apple pie?" he went on slyly. Everyone nodded. Sawyer groaned in dread. "Well, I think the more accurate description for Ana Lucia would be it feels like the inside of a shark's mouth."

Sawyer sat dumbfounded, completely disbelieving what he was hearing. "What the fck?" he muttered.

"Dude, I don't know what the inside of a shark's mouth feels like," Hurley said. Though if baby Jack Hugo was any indication, he clearly did.

Sawyer could not believe Hurley wanted to continue this conversation.

"Ok then, imagine a bag full of rocks," Jack tried explaining. "Or a condom made of sandpaper, or a filthy marsh full of angry crocodiles."

"Ohhhh, gotcha."

"Wow," Jin exclaimed. "That is so different from what sex with Sun is like."

Everyone turned to look at Jin. For some reason they were all eager to hear what the quiet little Asian minx Sun was like in bed. Sawyer knew the quiet girls were the loudest between the sheets.

"In bed Sun is like a smooth, hard... how do you say it? Mannequin."

"Mannequin?" Sawyer echoed. "You sure you didn't get your translations mixed up there, Chino?"
"I am sure. She rigid and does not say a word. And she is always very cold."
"Cold?"
"Very, very cold."

Sawyer was a bit disillusioned to hear this. So Jack and Jin both had pretty messed up sex lives. Hurley had had a go at Libby two years ago but that ended almost immediately after they had slept together. No surprise there. Charlie was sleeping with her now and judging by her wacko therapy sessions and the Tantric Sex lessons she was supposedly having with the girls, she seemed like she would be a wildfire in bed.

"Libby is a wildfire in bed," Charlie confirmed. "The only thing is I wish she wouldn't call me Charlotte all the time."

Sawyer had to stifle a laugh.

"And I also wish she's stop referring to my privates as a strap-on."

But he couldn't suppress the laughter any longer. He burst out in it, doubling over until he couldn't even catch his breath.

"Oi!" Charlie barked. "You're a right tosser!"

"So we all have our problems in the sack," Jack said, backing Charlie up. "I"m sure there's something Kate does that you can't stand." He really only brought this up so he could hear more about Kate and sex. Together. In one sentence.

Sawyer's laughing died down as he tried to think of anything that was wrong in his sex life with Kate. He couldn't think of anything. But all eyes were on him. He'd never succumbed to peer pressure up until this very moment.

"Ok," he began, "so get this. Back when she was pregnant she wanted to have sex all the time."

The guys stared at him quietly.

"That was a problem?" Jack said slowly. "She wanted to have sex too much?"

"So she's not like, the man in the sack, then?" Charlie asked.
"I'm the only man in there, Charlotte."

"And she's not stiff as a board?" Jin asked.
"Exactly the opposite."

"And she doesn't have a third nipple and hair in places that shouldn't have hair?"
"What the hell are you talking about, Jackass?" Sawyer was beginning to think Jack had mistakenly had sex with a boar rather than Ana Lucia... It would explain Josefina.

"So there's absolutely nothing wrong with her?" Hurley said.
"Nope. Kate's perfect." And it was only after he's said the words that he finally began to realize it. And not only to realize it but to appreciate its truth. He really lucked out with Kate and these guys were inadvertantly helping him understand that.
"There must be stuff she wont do."
"You'd be surprised," Sawyer said.
"Tell me she at least loves to cuddle."

"Hates it." Kate was more of a 'wham-bam-thank-you-man' kind of gal. There was the occasional cuddle here and there but it was always when Sawyer didnt mind it. Or actually even preferred it. And he was too much of a guy to admit he occasionally liked to cuddle. So he left it at "she hates it."

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Kate hated this. She didnt know how she'd ended up being Sun's only pupil for a botany lesson but here she was, watching the woman sort out a number of different plants. She originally thought to prove her friendship to Sun by taking an interest in something she liked. She just didnt think Sun's only interest consisted of categorizing plants.

"I know they are easy to confuse," Sun began, "but this one is for syphilis and this one is for chlamydia."

Kate closed her eyes in boredom. "Sun, I don't have an STD."

Kate's idea of being 'cultured' was Sun's idea of being undoubtedly infested with sexually transmitted diseases.
"Are you sure?" Sun asked. "This one is for gonorrhea."

"Of course I'm sure! And that doesn't work," she said gesturing to the plant.
"People have sex, Sun. Some more than others," Kate tried to explain. "There must be a couple of guys in your past that you've been intimate with."
"Jin."
"Besides for Jin."

Sun bowed her head, looking sorrier than Charlie at a DriveShaft concert. "There was another," she said, simply.

To Sun this was a big piece of information she was sharing. She assumed Kate knew that she'd waited to have sex only after marriage. But Kate wasn't even thinking of the implications of that.

"You've only slept with two guys your whole life?" Kate asked in disbelief. "Wow. Jin must be quite the dynamo in bed."
"When you say 'dynamo' do you mean fast? Because Jin is fast."
"Fast?"
"Very, very fast."

Kate frowned. She was saddened to know that her friend's sex life wasn't everything it should be. "Sun, you should do something about this. You've got to enjoy yourself just as much as he does."
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"And that'll assure that she's enjoying herself as much as you are," Sawyer said.

"Ohhh," the men said collectively.

Sawyer looked around, sort of surprised. By the guys' reactions it seemed like there was a good amount of women on the island experiencing no pleasure at all. They should all be thanking him for revealing the tricks of his trade.
If he didnt know any better he'd say he had become the most popular guy at the table. And this new realization- that he was actually making friends- gave him the confidence to steal all their money (coconuts).

"You boys ready to play some poker now?" he asked. "Lets have some fun."
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"You need a little fun in your life," Kate told Sun. "You are a beautiful woman. Let me fix you up with someone."
"Fix me up? But I am already with Jin."
"I'm not telling you to cheat on Jin," Kate said, giggling as if Sun was off her rocker for even thinking that. "But you need someone to remind you how amazing you are. And it seems that in two minutes Jin cant do that."
"It is not always two minutes," Sun corrected her quickly. "Sometimes it goes up to five."

Kate sighed. She looked around the beach and saw that Locke was nearby. But then again he always was, wasn't he?

"Locke!" she called.

"What are you doing?" Sun hissed. She was apprehensive about Kate 'fixing her up' with Locke and rightly so.
"Sun, did you know that a lot of white men have Asian girl fetishes?"
"Excuse me?"
"It's true. Locke probably has one. He's been to Nam, right?"
"I am not Vietnamese, I am Korean."
"Right, I know." Kate did not want to offend Sun. "It's just that to a person like Locke you'll all probably look the same."

Locke had reached them. "Did you call. Me Kate?"

"Yeah," she responded. "Sun needs a bit of a confidence boost. You think you can help her out?"
"Sure," Locke said. "Sun, you're body is perfectly built. To hunt boar."
"Uh, that wasn't exactly what we were looking for," Kate said. "I meant she needs a compliment about how–"
"I know. I heard your. Whole conversation I was. Only ten feet. Away."
"Oh."

"And I think Sun's. A beautiful woman with a good. Head on her shoulders. And I'm not just. Saying that because of my Asian girl. Fetish."
"See?" Kate said, turning to Sun. "I told you that you–"
"You on the. Other hand," Locke said interrupting her. "You need a good talking-to."

"What?"
He knelt down in front of her until he was at eye-level and fixed her with a stern look.
"Now I don't know if you've. Ever had a father figure in your life Katherine. But I'll be glad to step up. For tonight."
"What are you saying?" she asked.
"What I'm saying is. You gotta wait till marriage. You wouldn't want a child out. Of wedlock would you?"

He smiled, content with his speech and stood up again, patting Kate's son on the head as he did.

Sun and Kate were left watching him walk away, just waiting for those final words of wisdom he always bestowed on people just before he completely disappeared.
"It's ok Kate," he said. "You're not the only. Whore on this island. And we all know it."
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"You boys are easier to beat than a two dollar whore," Sawyer said, collecting his pot of coconuts and mangos. He looked up when he felt everyone's eyes on him. "What? It's just a saying."

Jack was not happy with the way things were going in this game. He'd already lost more than half of his coconuts to Sawyer.
"Last time we played I kicked your ass."
"Last time we played I let you win," Sawyer said.

"You let me win?" Jack said, looking more upset than Charlie when someone took his rattle.
"Course I did. I was feeling charitable."
"Let's play one more hand," Jack said. "And this time we bet more than just coconuts."

And they did just that. Hurley unveiled a three-tiered cake from under the table, Jin slabbed down three fish, Sawyer bet his guns, and Charlie bet Jack's manhood.

"My manhood?" Jack said, snatching the piece of paper Charlie had put down in the middle of the table. "How did you get your hands on this?"
"Sawyer sold it to me."
"Well it's not authentic!"
"Really? Cuz I've got the certificate of authenticity right here."
Jack took that too and read it carefully. It definitely sounded authentic. And now he really had to win this hand. So he went all in and bet his children.

"You're betting your children?" Sawyer asked, half-laughing.
"Yep," Jack said, an all too sure smile on his face. "Pretty much gives you no choice but to fold, doesnt it?"
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Kate and Sun stood holding their children about 10 feet away from Locke's hut, watching as it burned to the ground.

"I still do not understand why you had to burn down Locke's hut," Sun said, her skin aglow from the firelight.

"Who does he think he is giving me fatherly advice?" She said. And she did not say anything else.

Sun took this moment of silence as an opportunity to go over the events of that night. She had learned that she and Kate had nothing in common at all. And that she was a whore.

"I am sorry Kate," she said in that stilted English of hers. "But I do not think we can be friends anymore."

Kate was confused and turned to look at her but Sun only shrugged apologetically and walked away.

"Hey!" Kate called, angry now, and hurt. "I have slept with a Chinese man! And more than one!"

Sun cast her one last look of horror before she retreated to her tent.

Kate sighed. So much for making friends.
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Jack creeped into his tent, hoping not to wake Ana Lucia. He saw that she was with Libby. And he seemed to have interrupted them.

"Ana, you're awake," he said.
"Yeah?"
"Don't mind me."
Ana rolled her eyes and shared a knowing 'get-a-hold-of-this-moron' look with Libby. "How did your poker game go?" she asked.

"Oh. Great!" he exclaimed, nervously. He picked up his back pack and headed over to his childrens' crib. "Hey listen, the kids are going to be spending some time with Sawyer and Kate, okay?"