*As per usual, unbetaed*
Around the World Book Four
Escape to New England
Chapter 10
. . . . .
"I have no idea why I'm here."
Kate resisted the urge to slam her head against the coffee table between her, Rick and Reggie Tsao. Juddoo had continued to refuse to hand over his witness notes and Kate, Sookhold and her boys had spent the day combing through Daniela Vittorini's life in corporeal form. Reggie was the sixth person she and Rick had interviewed, and each one of them had said the same thing: what the hell?
"We need to talk to you about Daniela."
"She's dead."
"She is, Mister Tsao," Rick picked up and Kate was glad she was the only one who would be able to sense the tension in his voice. "We wouldn't be talking to you if she wasn't."
"I already talked to the police," Reggie shot back. "Just talk to the other detective."
"He's being… uncooperative," Kate said tightly.
"So you have to bug me again? That's ridiculous."
"We agree, Mister Tsao. Detective Juddoo talked to you without authorization. This is Detective Beckett's case and he is refusing to pass the information on to her. So we need to hear it again."
"This is insane. And a waste of my time."
"And of mine," Kate snapped. "All I want to do is catch a serial killer responsible for the death of three women. No one seems to be on the same page."
"Hey, Lady, I want Daniela's killer caught."
"Yeah? You're her ex. I hear it was a messy breakup."
"It was," Reggie said, shocked into answering by the growled questions Kate shot at him. "She dumped me for some guy."
"Some guy?" Rick inquired, the calmer of the two and hoping to pass that on to Kate. It wasn't that he wasn't as angry or exasperated with the fact that they had to re-interview everyone associated with Daniela Vittorini. That wasn't true. He was just as pissed but he'd always been of the mentality that one caught more flies with honey than vinegar. Hadn't that been the way he'd managed to sneak behind Kate's walls to begin with?
"A month ago," Reggie confirmed. "Out of the blue. Dani comes over, says 'hey Reg, listen, it's been great, I have a new guy'. Then she… She walked out."
"Just like that?"
"Just like that." He blew out a breath. "Look, I don't like talking about it, okay? It sucks. It's terrible. It's a pain in the ass. But like I told the other damned cop I didn't kill her."
It never ceased to surprise him. Without fail and without being asked, so many people swore they didn't kill the victim. After so many years, he assumed he'd get used to it but it still took him just slightly off guard. "We're not accusing you of killing her."
"Yeah, okay."
Kate ran a hand through her hair, a sign of agitation she very, very rarely showed in front of suspects. "Daniela is the third victim of a serial killer, Reggie. You don't strike me as the type."
He was young, Asian. Probably spent his days studying math equations rather than death. Well honed instincts usually told Kate when there was an inkling of serial killer. Plus, there was no taunting, no utter hatred when she'd introduced herself and she expected both in their perp.
The way he went pale as a ghost when she told him about the serial killer went a pretty long way to convincing her too.
"H-he didn't tell me that."
Rick wasn't surprised. Neither was Kate.
"Mister Tsao, what do you know about Daniela's new boyfriend," Rick asked, trying to steer them back. It wasn't often he had to be the stabilizing force, but he just wanted the damned case solved. He wanted his Kate back and he wanted her relaxed. It was killing him to know she was so stressed that she would show it in front of an interviewee.
"Nothing," Reggie said on a sigh. "When she broke it off with me, she cut me completely out of her life. Ignored my calls. I mean… that wasn't Dani. We were good. We weren't even fighting. She just… broke it off."
"Out of the blue."
"That's what I said," Reggie snapped, getting testy. "Look, I told all of this to the other detective."
Reggie was uncomfortable talking about it, Rick realized. It wasn't so much that he was pissed off that he was being asked the same questions again and again. He was still hurting. Yet, he saw the way Kate stiffened beside him. She was as objective as the next cop, and damned good, no question, but every time there was a reference to something Juddoo was holding back, her temper frayed a little bit more.
"You loved her," Rick said.
"Yeah," Reggie replied on a heavy breath. "Yeah I did. Still do. It's… God, a serial killer? You think it's her new guy? The other detective didn't say anything about a serial killer."
If he referred to the 'other detective' one more time, Kate was going to shoot him. She'd wanted these interviews to go quickly, have them over by the afternoon so she could actually do some real work rather than what had already been done. But each one of their interviewees had asked the same question: why didn't she just get the information from the other cop. Kate had consistently and valiantly resisted telling them it was because Juddoo was just looking for the glory. Instead, she'd forced herself to give the party line: Juddoo had violated procedure as he wasn't the primary investigator. She was, and could they please just answer the question.
"Did you ever go over to her place after the breakup?" Kate inquired, trying with every piece of her self-control to keep the irritation out of her voice.
"The other detective asked the same question."
Kate winced. Reggie missed it.
"I did," he admitted. "More than once. I just… didn't understand, you know? So I wanted an explanation. What had I done? She hadn't given me any clues she was unhappy-"
"Did you see anything?" Kate interrupted. "This new guy?"
"N-no," Reggie replied, startled by her cutting tone. "Um, either she wasn't there or she just didn't answer the door. I haven't talked to her since she broke it off with me and I've left… God, so many messages."
"Nothing? You must have gone by her place when you were together. Was there anything out of the ordinary? Anyone?"
"No, Detective." He was getting defensive.
She was losing her patience. "You saw nothing."
"You're not looking for it," Reggie snapped. "I was there to talk to Dani. Period. The rest of it…" He deflated again.
"Thank you, Mister Tsao," Rick said strategically, standing and deliberately angling his body slightly in front of Kate's. He knew it was a dangerous choice, but he knew if he'd let her continue, they were likely to be facing a hostile witness in less than a minute. "We'll be in touch."
Reggie nodded but turned back at the door. "I'm sorry I couldn't be more helpful, Detective. And I'm not sure I was to the other cop either."
Kate sucked in a deep breath, released it, then stood. Rick refrained from saying anything. He didn't want to be on the bad side of her anger, but he didn't want her losing it either. And from the flashes in her eyes, the tension in her body he knew she was damned close. She stalked out of the room, slamming her portfolio on her desk and picking up her keys.
"Kate, where are you going?"
"I have something to take care of," she snapped back.
Dread and fear settled in Rick's stomach. He jogged after her. "And what might that be?"
She shot him a look. It didn't take a genius to know where she was going. And Rick really didn't like the idea.
"Is this about talking some sense in to him? I hear he doesn't listen to sense."
"No. Not sense. I'm going to make him see that this is my case and he's nothing but a damned… nuisance."
Rick raised an eyebrow, but didn't comment on her choice of terminology. He'd expected something more crude considering the context. Kate tapped her foot on the elevator floor the entire way through their ride down to the garage and Rick skipped around her to block the driver's side door. He almost stepped away at her glare, but held his ground.
"Are you sure this is the decision you want to make?" he questioned.
"Richard Alexander Rogers," she said, voice low and deadly. "Get the hell out of my way."
He knew he couldn't stop her. Not really. And he'd much rather do this where he could control it than talk her down only to have her lose it again when he wasn't around. So he darted around the car, just barely managing to slip into the passenger's seat before she revved the engine and squealed out of the parking lot.
"Sweetheart, why don't you wait for the boys to come home? Maybe they've found a lead."
"And maybe our guy has another woman because Juddoo's too much of a bastard to share and we've just wasted a day collecting information he already had," she snapped.
He winced when she turned on the siren, then cupped his hands over his lap at the glare she shot his way.
"And don't 'Sweetheart' me when I'm angry."
She didn't use 'angry' likely. He'd rubbed off on her and she was habitually more conscious about the words she used. So he was quiet until they reached Juddoo's precinct.
"I have to ask again, Kate. Are you sure this is what you want to do?"
She sighed in obvious anger and exasperation. "Look, you're either with me or against me. This is out of hand and it needs to be dealt with."
"By you?" Rick asked. "Talk to the Captain."
"I have. Juddoo's not listening. Hell, Rick, Sookhold went in to talk to his captain too. He's not even listening to his superior officer."
"And you think he'll listen to you?"
"I don't give a crap anymore. So you're either with me or against me."
He was with her. He always was, even if he didn't completely agree with her decisions.
She climbed out of the car, then leaned down. "The choice is yours."
He sighed. He didn't really have a choice. So he followed her out of the car and jogged to catch up to her in the elevator. "For the record," he said calmly as he stood in front of her. "I think this is a bad idea."
"Yeah? Duly noted and ignored."
Rick sighed, but followed her out of the car. As if he was going to let her do this by herself. If anything, he was there for moral support. And yet, he knew that if it came down to it, he was there to make sure she didn't do anything to ruin her career. The last thing they needed with all of the heat on the case was to have one detective assaulting another.
They were silent in the elevator, and Kate took that time to allow her mind to focus on the irritation. She fought down logic, and pulled on the stress, the frustration, the exhaustion and the clear anger that pounded through her blood.
Long story short, Kate was livid.
"Juddoo. A word."
He snorted and ignored her, signing off on a form and sending the young officer scurrying.
"Kate," Rick said quietly, taking her arm gently. He'd chased her into the building the minute he'd realized what was going on. "I don't think-"
"Fine," Kate snapped, ignoring Rick and stomping up right in front of Juddoo's desk. "I get that you're pissed off. I get that you think I stole the case from under your nose-"
"Think?" he questioned, his eyes flashing. "You heard about the Molly Carroll scene and you decided to sabotage it. You knew your captain would take your side."
Kate leaned forward on Juddoo's desk. "I don't give a rat's ass what you think. You're impeding my investigation, you're leaving us to waste precious time by questioning witnesses, family members and people you've already talked to. You're not sharing information and your captain told you to."
"And why should I?" he roared.
"Because it's my damned case!" Kate yelled back. "Your captain, my captain and every other damned officer in New York knows this case was assigned to me. You want to make this personal, make this personal, don't drag three families into the damned crossfire you asshat."
Juddoo opened his mouth to fire back, but Kate was nowhere near finished.
"Do you have any idea what it's like to be in that situation? To think that the detective working your case doesn't give a rats ass? I do and it's not pretty. So do us all a favour and learn what teamwork is."
Juddoo wrinkled his nose. "Oh, poor Detective Beckett. She sympathizes with the victims, knows them, fights for them. Well guess what, I'm not falling for the broken woman act, Detective," he replied with distain. "So what if your mother was killed? That doesn't make you an iota better than I am and damned well doesn't mean you get your pick of the cases."
Kate had gone white at the mere mention of her mother, but the red flooded back in quickly. "You have no idea," she said, voice low and extremely dangerous. "What it's like to be in that situation."
"Oh no? No?" He snorted. "Guess what? I can see through you. You put on this act, this face to get the glory, the success. Oh, Detective Beckett has a higher solve rate! She's the best!" He glared. "But you're not."
"Because I can't solve this case?" she shot back. "I do believe that's your fault."
He snorted. "Can't even take responsibility for your own failures, huh? Gotta blame someone else because you're just damned perfect." He pushed himself up and into her face, his own smug and relishing the obvious loss of control. "Newsflash, Detective, you're not perfect. And your inability to solve this case? Is because you're not as good as you think you are."
She would have hit him if Rick hadn't wrapped a solid arm around her waist and yanked her back.
"Goddamnit let me go!"
Juddoo was laughing heartily at the scene and Kate felt tears flood her eyes. She was frustrated, she was tired, she was angry and she was losing it.
"Kate, calm down," Rick said.
Juddoo's eyes glittered. "I'm going to finish you."
With Herculean strength, Kate reigned in her emotions, though Rick didn't remove his arm from around her waist, just in case. "Try it. Just try it Juddoo. I'll end you."
The anger hadn't dissipated by the time she and Rick made their way home.
She knew it was bubbling, knew it was bleeding and knew that, despite her best effort, she was likely to take it out on Rick. She hated fighting with him, but Juddoo hadn't gotten it out of her system and she was too damned tired to physically take it out on a punching bag.
"Can you promise me something?"
"No," she responded immediately, aware he followed her into their bedroom. She violently yanked her badge from her belt and removed her belt with angry, jerky movements.
"You didn't even listen."
He sounded tired. For once, she didn't care. She wanted a fight. A good one. Needed it. Craved it.
"You're going to make me promise to not do anything stupid," she shot back as she violently yanked her fly apart. "You're going to make me promise to stop being so angry, to start being level-headed. You're going to ask me to promise you to remember to eat, to sleep more, to sacrifice because you think I can't take care of myself."
But this wasn't – by far – the first time they'd fought and Rick had developed a few strategies of his own. First and foremost, go right for the punch. "I want you to promise me that when this case is done, immediately after this case is done, you'll request the time off to go up to your dad's."
They'd been talking about visiting her father for ages. Jim had come to the Hamptons a few times during Kate's recovery, but it had been a long time since Kate had visited her father. It would be good for her, it would be good for him, and they fully intended on pulling Alexis out of school – and that had taken some serious convincing – to come along. They both wanted family time.
"What if I'm on another case?"
He sighed. He knew when she was picking a fight. "There's always going to be other cases, Kate."
"It's my job. I don't beg you to come somewhere with me when you're knee deep in writing."
That wasn't a hundred percent true, and even with the grave nature of the discussion, Rick could think of at least half a dozen times where she'd come to beg him back to bed. He didn't voice any of them. "I'm not begging," he said instead. "I'm asking."
"You're not asking," she shot back, just barely managing to avoid ripping buttons as she jerked them open. "Your irritated because we're not getting time together, because I'm putting victims and my job ahead of us. Ahead of you."
Defensiveness kicked in reflexively. "That's not fair and you know that's not true."
"Do I?" She was taking it out on him, angry at him for no other reason than he was there. He'd been nothing but supportive, he'd done nothing but help and yet she couldn't seem to reign herself in from tearing into him. And she knew all the right buttons to push. "You knew what you were getting into when we started this. In fact, you were the one that insisted we'd be good together."
"We are good together." He ran a hand through his hair. He should have known better than to bring this up. They were both so cranky. "And I'm not trying to…belittle what you do. I know how much your job means to you and I'm not asking you to… forsake it for a life of sin."
"Actually, you are."
"I'm asking for a week," he said, unable to hold the grip on his exasperation. Or his anger. "I'm asking you to take the time to relax, to recharge, to stop blaming yourself for these murders!"
"You're asking me to potentially abandon a victim and you know it."
"I'm not!"
"You are! You're asking me to stop doing my job!"
"I'm trying to keep you from burning out!"
"You're not my caretaker."
"No," he agreed, "but it comes with the territory of loving you."
"If you loved me, you'd understand."
His eyes flashed. "That was a low blow."
"Was it? Oh, I'm sorry. Did I hurt your fragile ego?"
"Kate-" There was warning in his voice now. She was breaking in.
"I'm sure you can go find a fan to fix it."
"You're flirting with the line."
And she didn't care. "You've been doing a lot of writing lately. Long hours. At home. By yourself and who knows who else, while I'm off catching killers." She cocked her head to the side as she dropped her clothes in the hamper, now down to her underwear. "Tell me, Rick, is writing a new euphemism? Or is it just applicable to writers?"
The implication was obvious to him, if only because his past was and probably always would be a sore spot. She loved him and he loved her and there was no doubt when their minds were clear and thinking properly. But it was still there. It still hung over her head. And she was damned well going to use it.
"I have a book to finish." His voice was low, deadly calm.
"Uh huh."
"Dammit Kate!" He exploded. "I love you! You! Despite the fact that you seem hell-bent on breaking us right now!"
"I'm hell-bent on getting you to see the truth! I'm doing my job and you can't ask me to do anything else."
"I can ask you to take care of yourself! I'm working, I can't be around. You're working and you're working yourself ragged and God dammit, I just want to make sure you're coming home in one piece at the end of the day, that you're not too tired to make some sort of stupid mistake."
"You think I can't do my job?"
"I never said that." Hadn't even implied it, but she was already yanking on a pair of sweats. Then she was back out the door of the bedroom.
"What the hell?"
"I need to get out of here," she snapped, yanking her coat out of the closet and reaching for her oldest pair of sneakers. It was March, it was cold and wet, but she didn't give a damn. "I can't look at you right now."
"You started this! You came home itching for a fight. You accused me of cheating on you and you're going to run away?"
"I'm not running away, I'm clearing my head."
"You're running. You're pissed off, you're cranky and you don't want to deal with me because you know I'm right."
The tears were blurring her vision, even though she had nothing to cry about. She grabbed her keys. "Make up the guest room for me."
Then she was out the door.
The first cold slap of the wind snapped her back.
Oh God.
What had she done?
Still, she took off down the street out of sheer pride. She'd done a hell of a job this time. They'd had fights like this, about her independence, about their relationship, about her job, just after she'd been shot, but never like this. She knew better. He knew better. They both knew better. And yet, he'd been right and she'd known that walking through the door. She'd wanted a fight. She'd picked a fight.
And she'd hurt him.
She wasn't sure it was reversible. Not because she didn't trust in what they shared – she did, despite what she'd told Rick – but because she'd done it so callously. She'd deliberately inflicted wounds that would make him respond, deliberately poked an already angry bear and now she was out in the freezing cold because she'd been an idiot. How much had they been through together? How well did he know her? And yet, she'd completely slammed both of those into the ground, then buried them. She knew better.
He had been busy. She'd peeked at his work when he was in the shower. She knew he was trying to get the final edits through. And yet, he'd still found time to bring her coffee, to call and nag her about lunch and he still took days – like today – to come in and spend the day with her. It was comforting, even on the days that were as stressful as this. She trusted him and she trusted him to make sure she did everything she could to keep her brain sharp.
So why had she jumped down his throat about going to her dad's?
Because she needed the validation. She blamed herself for these murders, regardless of how irrational it was. She was pretty sure this wasn't directly personal, but indirectly personal. It was about her, about the job she did, but because she couldn't find a solid lead, she needed someone she loved and trusted to tell her that it was going to be okay. She was doing her job, she was doing it right and she was doing it the same way she did every other case. She was pouring herself into it. She needed Rick to tell her it was going to be okay, to reassure her that good always won like he'd done a million times before.
Like he'd done long before they even knew each other.
So she'd walk. She'd calm down, she'd give him the space to do the same and then she'd go to him, explain tell him….
God.
She still wasn't willing to promise on the vacation. Despite her very strong, very supportive relationship, Kate knew that when the going got tough, she went to the precinct. Tough cases, hard cases, uncooperative cases… She always ended up back there, even if Rick had tried to calm her down with movies and couch cuddles. And this…
But she'd promise him to see. She'd promise him she'd at least take a weekend.
And then she'd apologize.
. . . . .
It was just after two when he finally heard the door open again. The woman who walked in was much calmer, more like the Kate he recognized. There were still stress lines around her mouth, and the creases that formed around her eyes from exhaustion were still too pronounced for his liking, but she wasn't as angry, didn't seem as distressed. She didn't hesitate to come towards him.
He slid his chair back, opening his arms as she folded herself into his lap. He cuddled her close, tucking her against him, wrapping his arms around her as tight as he thought he could. He hated fighting with her.
"I can't help but think some of this is my fault," she whispered. "Logically, I know better. Logically, I understand that it's distinctly possible he only fixated on me because of you, because of the tabloids, but I can't stop seeing Tim Acheson's face or picturing Linda Jax's family."
He knew this was the peak. This was the moment where it all crashed around them. He pulled her tighter, burying his face in her hair. "I know," he said against her temple. "I know."
"And I didn't mean it," she said, pulling away for a moment, forcing him to loosen his grip. "I don't think you'd ever look for someone else. I trust you, I love you and I know sometimes you have to do your own work. I know Meredith cheated, I know you never would, and I'm so sorry for even accusing you of it." She shook her head when he opened her mouth. "I know you're going to tell me that it's just stress, that I'm not thinking straight because I'm exhausted about this case, but that's no reason to pick at long-standing wounds. I trust you with everything, Rick. Stress shouldn't be an excuse for me to take my frustration out on you by hitting all the points that I know will hurt."
She needed to say that, he could see it, which is why he'd let her finish. "I'm sorry too. I know your job's important and I know you need to do this, I just… I worry. When you get so stressed you don't eat, you don't sleep and that can't help. I don't want to lose you and I don't want you to run yourself to exhaustion. I worry."
"I know," she whispered, pressing her forehead sweetly against his. "Tell me I'm right. Tell me I'm doing my job, that I'm going to win this."
He titled his head, pressing his mouth to hers for a sweet kiss. "You're right. You're the good. And good always wins."
"Make me forget," she murmured, brushing her nose against his as the smile curved her mouth.
He grinned. "Always."
Jason Juddoo grumbled to himself as he climbed the stairs of the dilapidated apartment building. Really, he was triumphant. Keeping that last case from the bitch detective had given him a head start on all the information. Which included this. It seemed, Daniela was paranoid. She'd written down the name and phone number of her date the night before she was killed and it hadn't taken all that much work to put it all together once Jay'd found the note.
He pounded on the door, not giving a rat's ass if it was an ungodly hour of the morning. "John Smith. NYPD, open up!"
Logically, he knew going without backup was a stupid idea. They didn't know anything about the guy and Jay had every intention of arresting the bastard and getting the glory. Which, really, was the reason he hadn't brought backup to begin with. Sookhold was a little traitor, probably screwing the bitch detective since she'd been so happy to open her damned legs for the writer. He wasn't about to share the glory with any of them. He outsmarted the perp, not her. He beat the guy at his own game.
He didn't for a second consider he'd been deliberately led to the apartment.
But when the door swung open and it was followed almost immediately by a well-placed stab to the lower left of his body, Jay realized that maybe backup would have been a good idea.
Hi again. Author here with one of those long buggers.
A lot of you guys have expressed great interest in the case. First off, thank you. I break my brain trying to ensure that it's following the correct path. If any of you are looking for a highly complex brain exercise, this is it. Second, it is so great to see the way you guys react to each facet of the case and who you guys suspect. I hope this chapter gave you a nice little jolt.
But here's the thing… the case is a necessity. It's the core of this particular instalment. So I know you guys want the Kate/Rick that's come in past fics, especially because of the way it's been filed, but I won't be doing that just yet. There's a very specific and distinct plan here that required (and will require) each step of this process. I've tried to put some Kate/Rick in here, but because that's really not meant to be even the main focus of the beginning of this, I've focused on the key steps to get to what I really want to explore.
So trust me, I hear you. I love writing the Kate/Rick as much as the next Caskett supporter. And I like to think there's going to be some great moments between the two of them and Jim and Alexis. This series is no longer solely about Kate and Rick, but also about their relationships with those around them and to tease some of those out as much as it is about different steps in their relationship. To that end, not every scene is going to have some adorable or even happy Rick/Kate moments. In fact, I totally plan to break Kate's heart. On top of what I just put them through in this chapter.
If that turns you away from reading the rest of this, that is unfortunate. I value all feedback, even if it is begging me for more Rick and Kate. I really just wanted to make clear that I do hear you. And the romantic shipper in me is itching to write some, but we're not at that point right now. Right now, it's very deliberately about the case. As you can tell, we've taken a pretty interesting turn with Juddoo's death, which means we're one step closer to the good stuff.
Relevant AN:
First off, major apology on the Asian stereotype. Generally, I like to choose against the grain. I meant no offense whatsoever.
Second, story that amused me? I wrote most of this completely detached from the emotion. Which is always a terrifying thing when I do it, because I'm the type that feels you should write with emotion, if only to make it realistic. But this? Nothing. Completely detached. Just the words on the metaphorical page. And I did it while breaking down an article on how the decisions of Nazi judges undermined the decision of East German and West German judges. I was amused. So I'm sharing that story.
Third, I may have to do a name change again, I think. I'm Canadian so I had no idea New England was actually a six-state region. I have a name in my head already but I'm not totally sure I want to change it. If you read this, I would like to know if it matters to you. I mean, it matters to me, but I'm OCD and it's not INTEGRAL to the plot (they're still going somewhere in NE it's just HUGE) so if it's not going to make this experience any different to you, I may wait until this is done, then change it to suit my OCD needs. So let me know?
Lastly, (I promise) Juddoo's dead. Major sigh of relief? Huge trepidation? Confusion? Shock? Nothing? I do believe they call that ending a chapter with a bang? Metaphorically, of course.