Title: Reminiscent (10)
Author: Yih
Written: May 2001
Dedication: To the following Reviewers- PhiloSoftBlu,
Maire, Negai, Siapa, ~*~Cutie Blossom~*~, Sakura343, Heart Wind, aurora manda, GoddessSakura,
Maire (again, thanks for reviewing twice for the OMAKE as well), ashley-chan,
shevey, Kingpin, Empress Sarah-sama, Akira, Woobaby, angelwings2001,
SAKURAnTOKYO, Gia, naria, OneWeirdMoNkEy!, Lullaby, Silverlight, Cherry
Princess, CherryBlossom Angel, ~*Manda-chan*~, obiwankatie, Twisted Rose, and
Sherry. (27 REVIEWS!!! Definitely one
of my more well received fanfics, thanks for the continued support!!!)
Disclaimer: All rights are exclusively Clamp except ACC-
Siwan, Dangyun, Tooya, Faa, and Shaolin.
(woow!!! Talk about this crew!)
Part 10
"I guess it's decided
then," Eriol said softly. "You don't
have to choose your defenders then…"
"I'm kind of glad though,"
she responded swiftly. "It would be
tough to choose any of you guys. You
all have some special way that you could help me in the battle. I'm glad I don't have to make a choice. I have no idea how I could tell the ones I
don't choose that I don't need them.
It's just so tough… I'm glad
that I don't have to pick."
"It is better this way
isn't it, Sakura?" he questioned lightly.
"Yes, it is."
A silence fell as they
walked in perfect coordination behind the guiding Touya. Eriol thought it was eery, and he knew it
was because she now knew how he felt.
He was sorry that she hadn't found out in a more desirable way. But he couldn't change that she knew
it. Even though he wished he
could.
"Sakura?"
"Yes, Eriol?"
"It's true… what he said,"
he said hoarsely. "I loved her, and I
love you."
Sakura stared at her hands
and felt that somehow that she had known this from the beginning, but had just
not wanted to admit what she thought would be an impossibility. It had just been a vague intuition, but it
her instinct was always right. She had
known beforehand, but she just didn't know that it was because it was a past
memory.
"Say something," he urged
her in a pained voice.
She didn't know what to
say. How was she suppose to say that
she didn't return his feelings when what he had felt for her had gone back
through time and was still here in the present life? This was harder than anything she had ever had to do, even harder
than Yue's test on her. What was she
suppose to say? But she knew she had to
answer him, the only question was how to phrase it just right? She couldn't stand to hurt anyone's
feelings.
"What I feel for you…" she
began, but trailed off with an unwillingness to hurt him.
"You don't feel what I
feel for you," he ended with an edge of bitterness. He caught the hurt look on her face and quickly said, "it's
okay. I understand. You seem to forget I've been through this
before with her. It's not a big
surprise that you'd refuse me, Sakura.
You are the whole reincarnation of Faa, not like Nadeshiko was. She was only half, and I think that was
enough for me… to be love by half of you.
She did love me, I think."
"Of course she did!"
Sakura exclaimed.
"Arigato," he remarked
with a smile. "I needed that."
"Will you do me a favor?"
she asked quietly but with a fervent tone.
"Anything," he replied
rapidly.
"I want you to tell me
about Faa."
She saw his throat
convulse as he swallowed his saliva with difficulty. She didn't expect it to be easy.
But she needed to know something about what she was. She closed her eyes, and a tear fell out of
the corner of her eye. She didn't know
how, but somehow she had caused so many people pain in that lifetime…
I left Dangyun… and that caused so much tragedy with
him. And by leaving him, I caused his
vengeance against me, that led to Shaolin's heartache. And look at how much Eriol--Clow also loved
me… I've been the one that has caused all this by just one unthoughtful gesture
of selfishness. If only I had stayed
with him… none of this would happen… but would I have been an happy as I am now
with Syaoran?
"Sakura?"
"Yes?" she responded as
she lifted her head up.
"Tell Touya we'll meet up
with him later. We need to talk about
this privately."
"Okay. Wait here."
She squeezed his hand
reassuringly before she ran ahead to catch up to her onii-chan. Eriol saw her whisper something to him and
noticed that he shook his head with a clear 'no.' But then he smiled as he saw her use her ever potent pleading
look. He knew the exact second that
Touya gave in to his 'kaiju.' His
shoulders fell a little, and his eyes took on a look of extreme weariness as he
slowly nodded his assent. Eriol had
never seen a person been able to refuse that look. He hadn't been able himself.
She still cares for me in this lifetime, he thought, trying to comfort himself. She reassured me with her touch, and that
meant so much to me. I needed that… how
did she know? I can't believe I ruined
her life when I told her that if she didn't leave Dangyun he'd become
worse. Did I do that for a pure motive,
or did I do it because I wanted her to turn to me when he lost it? Did I know that he was going to lose it when
she left? Was I hoping that he would so
I'd be able to comfort her?
It backfired on me in the past… Now all I can do is try to
make up for that mistake that cost everyone so much… If I hadn't done that, would I have made the one that had
worshipped Shaolin from the very beginning so unhappy? It was a costly error, and it ruined many lives… And maybe this is my chance to remedy
it.
"Eriol?" she said,
interrupting his flow of thoughts.
"Touya told us that he'd wait for us here. He'd give us as long as we needed, but won't leave us here. He says strange things happen in the park
when it gets dark. I can't believe he
still doesn't know…"
Eriol didn't say anything,
but he knew from the looks that Touya kept aiming at him that it wasn't because
of the dark that he was staying over to watch them. It was him that Touya was worried about. He knew that Touya knew about Sakura's
actions in the park, while she had been catching the Clow Cards. He moved them to a place where Touya could
still watch them without overhearing any of their conversation. He didn't blame Touya; he'd behave the same
way if he had Sakura for a sister. She
just inspired a protective instinct in others.
"I have a feeling this is
going to be a long story," Sakura predicted knowingly.
"The past always has a
long story, it seems," he murmured with a hesitant smile.
"But you should tell it
from the beginning…"
"I am. Are you ready?" he inquired.
"I'm ready."
"I first met you when you were a little, cute cherub. Both Dangyun and I were in our teens, but
you were younger. You loved to follow him everywhere he went. You were happy to be with us. I didn't realized at the time, but your
parents had arranged for you to be married to him. I don't think any of us knew it at the time. Because normally a young girl wasn't allowed
outside the family lands; you were though.
I guess you could say I was enchanted with you from the moment I saw
you…
"I saw you every summer when Dangyun would visit me. He brought you along like you were his 'shal
may may.' Every year you two got closer
and I became slightly jealous of the relationship between the two of you. One year, that childish jealousy disappeared
when you turned thirteen. Suddenly, you
weren't an errant child anymore. You
were a beautiful, young woman, and I began to love you as a such. You had blossomed into a beauty in only a
year. But--I meant nothing to you. You only had eyes for him…
"I don't know if you knew at that age you were to be his
'wife.' However, it was easy to see
that you adored him. You two were happy
and perfect together. You seem to know
what the other wanted or needed without having to be told by the other. And I wanted that… Dangyun didn't think of you as more than his best friend until
the next year I saw you again. I could
tell something had changed.
"He would glare at me whenever you paid even the slightest
attention to me. It's as if he knew how
I really felt… I tried to suppress the feelings I felt for you, but there's
only so much a person can hide inside.
Dangyun and I were 24; you were 16 at the time. He confronted me with my feelings for you,
and I admitted as much. I knew then
that our friendship wasn't going to ever be the same as it was. Neither of us could stop feeling what we
felt for you.
"I was the wrong one though. He was right to love you, and I told him that I wouldn't
interfere anymore. I didn't keep that
promise, though. I became concern two
years later when he started to dabble experimentally into the dark arts. I warned him that it was wrong to even read
the book in the first place, but he didn't listen to me. I don't blame him for not listening to me,
if I was talking to a man that loved the girl I loved, I'd probably react the
same way.
"It was when he tried to conjure his first spell that I
drew the line. I begged you to come
with me for you own safety. You were
confused and worried. You hated feeling
helpless. I finally managed to convince
you to come with me when after he tried that spell. You were horrified because you couldn't believe that he would do
such a thing. Somehow, I don't know
how--Dangyun had fallen into a spiraling emotional whirl. Your departure set the spark, and he
absorbed himself into his dark magic.
"You were heartbroken when you heard that he had begun to
write his first book on the dark arts.
You wanted to go back, but I prevented you. Your haunted face has never left me… I was wrong to keep you with
me. I'm so sorry… but was it so wrong
to keep you with me? You still didn't
want me. You wanted him. I finally relented for you to go back, but
Shaolin changed everything when he swept into your life.
"You had known him when you were a little girl. At that time, the elders of the clan hadn't
known that he had possessed no magical talent whatsoever. He joined us in our excursions until you
were 7. I don't think you ever forgot
about him. He was away from 10 years
studying from his teacher, a master at the sword. He returned in time to learn all about Dangyun and what had
happened.
"Somehow, he captured your heart when you were
hurting. I think it was because he was
the epitome of everything you had ever wanted.
He was handsome, strong, and honorable.
But you still couldn't forget about Dangyun even though we both kept
telling you that he was gone and lost to you.
Your family even broke off the engagement when they heard about the path
that he had gone. They offered Shaolin
your hand, and you didn't protest.
"Yet, I could tell though you still believed in
Dangyun. You believed you could change
him. In your own way, I think you did
love Shaolin with something very deep inside of you. Whatever it was, it wasn't like what you felt for Dangyun. That love defied everything. You loved him even though he turned to the
dark side of life. However, you slowly
accepted Shaolin to be your husband. He
was thrilled because he loved you with every fiber in him.
"One night, the girl that had been previously promised to
Shaolin showed up at our lands. She
ranted and raved to you that you had stolen her 'true love.' You, of course, felt awful and retreated
back into your room. I was here hoping
that you'd come to me. I didn't doubt I
could persuade your parents that a union with a sorceror wouldn't be so bad,
even though what had happened to Dangyun had been tragic.
"Shaolin came to you and told you he loved you, only
you. It seemed to work, but a fortnight
later you disappeared. We didn't know
what happened to you, but I could make a guess. Ever since Dangyun and I were 16, we would have magical
battles. I had always won. This time it was different, he was fully in
control of the dark arts and I feared a confrontation with him. I knew somehow he had managed to get you to
come to him, or that you went to him.
Either way, I knew it, and I didn't stop it.
"Shaolin went to search for you. I told him that it was no use if Dangyun had taken you. Shaolin wouldn't be able to find you, especially
if you didn't wish to be found. I don't
know what made Dangyun kill you; I think it was for revenge more than
anything. Yet, I can't imagine why he
would do that. I knew him; I knew the
pain he must have felt when he slit her--your throat. I can only imagine what he must have felt…
"He had to be demented when he killed you. There was no other way he could have killed
you. And also he must have felt a
burning rage when Shaolin came to get you.
I wondered if he really would have ended your life if Shaolin hadn't
come. I can't blame any of them. I can only blame myself… I didn't fight
him. And you died for it.
"I'm so sorry,
Sakura…"
"It's--it's okay," she
said in a trembling voice. Tears had
spilled down her cheeks as he told him the story. She couldn't believe how tragic it seemed. The only thing she knew was that if she had
been able to relive anything, she wouldn't have changed a thing she had done. There was no one to blame. She just wondered what had caused Dangyun to
do what he did.
"I'm sorry," he cried
out.
She blinked away the rest
of her tears and wrapped her arms around Eriol, hugging him. "It's not your fault. It wasn't anybody's fault. Somewhere in the story, there's a missing
piece that caused all this. And it certainly
wasn't your fault. How could you want
to fight Dangyun for the first time as an enemy? For this time, he wasn't going to be using good magic against you
in fun; he was going to use dark magic to try and kill you."
Sakura pulled away from
him quickly after she had said what she just said. She hadn't known how she had known to say that. It was then that a gentle breeze caressed
her face with a motherly tenderness.
She lifted her head to the sky and closed her eyes, drinking in the
delicious feeling. She wasn't alone in
this.
There were details trapped
inside her mind that needed to be released.
She felt the wind squeeze her hand in a 'you've got it' gesture. She wanted to shout that she understood that
the only way out of this horror was for her to remember everything, combining
all of the memories to reform what had been the piece that had caused this
living nightmare.
The wind died down, but
not before whispering to Sakura, you know him… you know him…
"I know him…" she murmured delicately.
Author's Note:
I will release 1 more chapter before I stop because of AP test and
Finals. After those are over, I'll
serious start working on this series again.
If you people don't open your
mind to the possibilities of new relationships, this story is going to not be
quite as enjoyable. I don't know if it
will be Sakura x Eriol or Dangyun or Shaolin or Syaoran, I'm still
deciding. I was even thinking of adding
Yue into the mix, but I decided against that… (I'll do a short story on that
instead). Ja ne!
P.S. If you don't understand reread everything or read some
of the insightful reviews, they really do help!
Most insightful review… (it's SOOOOO Hard to Choose…) goes to MAIRE!!!
