November 19

0330

Number of jello shots for Selphie: 7

Number of whiskey shots for Xu: 9

Number of cosmopolitans for me: 5, as wanted to play part of tasteful sophisticate and martinis are simply slutty, the mark of true alcoholics

Number of martinis for Rinoa: 3

Should I ever wish to meet my friends for happy hour again, shall be selective in which friends are invited to attend said happy hour, else Xu murders said friends and said happy hour becomes very, very unhappy hour.

"He's totally into you, Xusie Xu! He was checking out your ass when you went to the bathroom! He's a cutie!"

While Selphie's choice in potential man-meat was particularly scrumptious, all muscle and sinew and bulges in the proper denim-clad locations, her choice in potential man-eater was a little less...

"Oooh! Oooh! He's totally coming this way! Quick! Everybody laugh at something Xu just said!"

Avoided appearance in court by grabbing Xu's hand and preventing Shot Glass A from being inserted into Tilmitt Throat B. Am veritable saint for preserving life of extraordinarily happy version of bipedal sunshine.

"But Selphie! Xu hasn't said a word! She's just sitting there, kind of..."

"I know that Rin, but if she hopes to be the snake to eat his mongoose, er, mongoose to eat his snake, er, weasel to raid the chicken house...wait a second. Quisty! Help me out!"

Shall buy Selphie zoology textbook at earliest opportunity.

"Q, if you even consider helping her think of some sort of animal kingdom/penis analogy, I will handcuff you, cover you in honey, and throw you to those creepy little Trepies, you got it?"

As am personally familiar with Xu's dedication to her threats...

Note to self: must remember to purchase shampoo for Xu at all costs, as used last of hers this morning and scar from last year's penance has yet to fade. Must also remember to hide whip in more secure location, as Xu seems much too fond of it to be good for my health.

Though shall not hide it too well, as most things that are bad for health are in fact very good for many other reasons and do not want Xu to give up hunt for said hidden whip.

...I slapped Selphie on the back of the head and forced her to behave.

"But, he really is into her! See! He's like, flirting with her and stuff!"

Truthfully it seemed as if bar-fly muscle-bound Adonis might have been a kicked puppy in a past life, for every time Xu insulted him, he wiggled a bit closer and begged for more punishment.

As Xu in state of misery due to probation, thus unable to inflict most vengeful wrath on bothersome nuisance without fear of lawful repercussions, I whipped out my saint card once again and came to rescue of testosterone-harried best friend.

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to try seducing someone else. Xu here is my love slave and I regret to inform you that I'm the jealous sort."

"Oh?!"

Manner in which said Adonis said 'Oh?!' has me questioning whether saving Xu by this method was good idea or potential disaster.

"So does this mean that you guys are, uhhh...you know...like, involved and stuff?"

"Yes. We are very 'you know', so much so that later tonight Xu will be screaming my name to whatever deity she believes in due to my skilled ministrations on and/or in her very luscious..."

Was interrupted by flustered Xu spitting whiskey across table, soaking Rinoa much to Selphie's drunken delight.

"You're going to do what to my...?"

"Hush. I'm trying to get rid of this douche-bag, so pretend that you're madly in love with me, okay?"

Am pleased that tongue in Xu's ear and possessive nip on throat effectively intimidated said douche-bag enough to send him whimpering back to his buddies. However, no matter how pleased I am with hastily crafted plan to save Xu from aggressive suitor, am woefully disappointed to find Xu very angry with me.

Though am very pleased that Selphie threw up on Rinoa on way home from bar, covering her in tropical punch red, which I think to be a very suitable shade for her complexion.

"Eeeeew!!!! It's not jello at all anymore! Gross! Hee hee! Rinny, I made you all red!"

Taxi driver less than impressed, no matter how large a tip we left. And in spite of glee that Rinoa must return to Squall reeking of bile and gelatin, am still disappointed that Xu so mad at me.

Must remember to make it up to her.