Disclaimer: I do not own Hana Kimi.

Warning: Yaoi, sex and perhaps a bit too much angsty wangsty.

(Many thanks to those who have reviewed. Your kind words make me feel very happy.)

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Homo Janai! Part II
Chapter 10

When sunlight began pouring into the room, he awoke from a dreamless, yet fitful sleep on the floor of Sano and Mizuki's dorm, shielding his eyes from the light as he slowly became more cognizant. Having no idea what time it was and not having a clock in his line of sight, and not really caring either way, he continued to lay there, the slow, even breathing of the boy laying on the bed next to his borrowed futon letting him know he wasn't alone. He sighed and stared at the ceiling, his mind still too tired to begin assessing his current predicament. After a while, he wasn't really sure how long, he heard some soft rustling coming from the bed to his side. Turning his head, he looked over to see Sano, propped up on his elbows, staring at him through bleary eyes, his black hair in disarray as he blinked and then rubbed at his eyes.

"Oh yeah. You're here," he said, his voice still thick with sleep.

"Yeah," Nakatsu replied as he let his gaze return to the ceiling.

Sano eyed him quizzically for a moment before flopping onto his back again, joining his friend in his scrutinization of the ceiling. A few moments of companionable, yet somewhat awkward silence passed by, until Sano spoke again, his voice quiet in the seemingly heavy air between them.

"So... do you want to talk about it?"

Nakatsu craned his neck in an attempt to glance at his friend, but now that he was laying down again, he was no longer visible over the edge of the bed. "Talk about what?" he asked, closing his eyes for a moment.

"About what really happened," was the reply he received and also the reply he really didn't want to hear.

"I... don't know." He opened his eyes slightly and let them travel around the room. If he talked about it, then he'd have to think about it, wasn't that right? He took a deep breath, feeling an unpleasant tightness clamp around his throat. "I really don't think you'd want to know about it anyway..."

"Maybe so, but Mizuki's worried about you, you know. And I guess I am, too. We don't see you around much lately. And whenever we do, you seem... different."

"... 'Different'?"

"Yeah. Lately, you seem like you're on edge. All the time, basically." Sano had appeared from over the edge of the bed and was staring at him through narrowed eyes. "It seems like you're always thinking about something... upsetting. And then you try to act normal, which only makes you seem stranger. You might not know this, but you're pretty bad at hiding your emotions..."

Nakatsu nodded, listening calmly to what his friend was saying. "Well... I... I've got a lot of things on my mind," he said, hoping that that would satisfy Sano's sudden need to know what was going on with him.

"Like what?"

"Why do you even want to know, anyway?" he spat quietly at the other, some unknown anger rising up within him, trying to keep his voice down so as to not wake the third person in the room. "I mean... we're not as close as we used to be, so you don't need to pretend to be concerned about me, alright? 'Cause I don't need it." He was on the verge of snapping at the other boy, and he had no idea why.

Sano just stayed silent after he'd finished, still perched on his elbows while he looked down at him and raised an eyebrow, his expression coated in skepticism.

"And, just so you know, you don't need to worry about... that anymore. About Mizuki, I mean. I don't like her anymore, so you don't need to be all defensive of her. I'm not going to do anything." He noticed Sano stiffen while he was speaking and cocked his head to the side in confusion, noting the sudden look of shock that had passed over the other's face. Why was Sano...? Oh... Shit. Shit, shit, shit.

"What did you just say?" the black haired boy whispered, his eyes wide.

"Uh. Um. I mean..." He stalled, trying to find the words to undo his blunder, but stopped, not feeling up to trying to think of how to explain it away. He'd already said it, after all. "I mean... I know... about that. And... I won't tell anyone, so..."

"H-how?..."

"Tai-... um... Kayashima told me."

"... He knows too?"

"Yeah, but, really, we won't tell anyone... So... So, it's alright." He almost wanted to smile. He had never seen Sano look so frazzled, with his eyes almost bugging out of his head, his mouth hanging open, his sleep-mussed hair only adding to the image of perturbation he was currently displaying.

But it didn't last long. The dark haired boy sighed, his eyes rolling toward the ceiling in a mixture of acceptance and exasperation. "Well, I guess this all makes sense now..."

"Um, actually..." he started to say, but then paused, wondering if he should continue or not, and if he continued, just what he would say. Might as well. It's not like saying it could make this fucked up situation any worse than it already was for him. If he lost the already strained friendship he had with Sano then... so be it. "Actually, it doesn't. I only found out she was a girl pretty recently. You probably don't want to hear this, but I think I'm going to tell you anyway. I'm... I mean, I'm..." He sucked in his breath, closing his eyes as his inherent fear took over. Jesus. It was hard. It was just... so hard. "What I mean is... I'm... gay. And I was always trying to deny it, but since last night, I'm pretty much 100% sure about it now, so... like I said, I don't have any feelings for Mizuki anymore. Romantic feelings, anyway." When he opened his eyes, Sano was still looking at him with that slightly unsettled expression, his eyebrows knit together as he took in what had just been said.

"Huh. Well... I'm a little surprised, to tell you the truth. But, it's no big deal, I guess. It's one in every ten males, so they say. Or something like that," Sano said while running a hand through his tousled hair.

Lying on the futon, Nakatsu's face broke into an awkward grin. He was taking it really well... It almost seemed like he didn't even care, really.

"So, what was it that happened to make you so sure?"

"Um, I had... sex... last night. With a... girl."

"... Really?"

Part of him was almost offended by the look of utter disbelief that passed over the other's face. "Yeah. And it was... I mean... It was not really... very enjoyable," he spoke slowly, trying to find the right words to describe the experience. "I mean... I came and all that, but it just wasn't... good, I guess."

"... Huh. This was with Komari, I assume."

"Uh... yeah."

"Does she know?"

"Well, I've told her, like, a hundred fucking times already, but she never seemed to get it. It's just... Dammit. Nevermind. I don't really feel like going into detail about what happened between me and her." A distinct stinging feeling had appeared behind his eyes during his brief explanation and he threw his arm over his face, hiding his eyes behind the crook of his elbow. A few moments of silence passed by before Sano spoke.

"So, I take it there's a guy in the picture?"

"... Yeah. Kinda. Probably not anymore. Not once I tell him, anyway," he forced out through clenched teeth, still hiding his face behind his arm. Taiki would never forgive him. Never. There was no way.

"Who?"

"I... don't really feel comfortable telling you that..."

"Ah. Kayashima, right?"

Upon hearing his roommate's name, he shot up into a sitting position, his arm dropping to his side as he stared in disbelief at his friend. "H-how the hell...?"

"Well," Sano said, scratching the back of his head. "It's the only explanation I could come up with. I mean, if there wasn't something going on between you two, then you would've just been able to go back to your own room instead of coming here, right? Plus, you're always staring at him..."

"I am...?"

"Yeah."

"Oh... Yeah, I... I guess I am. It's just... What... What should I do, Sano?" he asked desperately, hanging his head as, once again, the severity of the situation hit him.

Sano gave him an encouraging smile, before his face fell into the expression of one deep in thought. "I don't know, Nakatsu. It seems like you're pretty good at getting yourself into shitty situations, huh?"

"Yeah..."

"Well, I would tell you that if it was just some crush, then it doesn't really matter what you do either way, 'cause it'll pass. But it seems like it's not. Actually, I can tell by the look on your face that it's not."

"... Yeah."

"When you care about someone, you need to do right by them, you know? So, I'd tell you just to do whatever feels right. And that's up to you. That's all I can tell you."

Raising his head a bit, he looked at his slightly estranged friend through his bangs. "You're... You're a really good friend, Sano. I thought for a while that you really didn't like me anymore."

"Eh. You're alright."

"I... I think I might cry."

"Well. Don't."

He chuckled at that, straightening up all the way before taking a deep breath, letting himself enjoy the happiness he felt at their rekindled bond before he'd have to face the inevitable unpleasantness that lay ahead of him. "What time is it, anyway?"

"A bit past noon."

"Okay... I think I... Shit." One of his hands met his face. "I think I should go now."

"Alright... Good luck."

"Uh, thanks," he said, sighing and getting up, stretching his limbs before folding up the futon. The last time someone had wished him luck, things hadn't gone so well. "Um... Is it alright if I take a shower first?"

Once he had cleaned himself up and said goodbye to Sano, he made his way nervously to the cafeteria after finding his own room empty, hoping he might find Kayashima having lunch there. Peeking in through the door, he scanned the group of boys that were there, but the pale psychic was not among them. Sighing, in frustration or relief, he wasn't sure, he went out onto the grounds, aimlessly searching for his roommate along one of the many footpaths. He still had no idea what he was going to do when he found him. Get down on his knees and beg for forgiveness? If that's what it took, he'd do it in a second...

After almost an hour of searching every nook and cranny of the campus, each second that went by making him become more unnerved, he came upon a somewhat secluded area, and found Kayashima sitting on a bench with... 'Senri-kun'!? Cautiously, he approached them from the side, walking unnecessarily slow, gulping when both boys looked up and noticed him. Kayashima's face was the same mask of expressionlessness, which only made him feel even more nervous.

"Um, hey," he said sheepishly, standing in front of the bench the two were seated on.

With both his arms and legs crossed, Nakao eyed him suspiciously before scoffing under his breath. "Well, look who it is," he said, rolling his eyes.

"Um, yeah..." he mumbled. He had never known how to deal with (the openly homosexual) Nakao. "Can I talk to Kayashima for a bit?..."

Raising a perfectly plucked eyebrow, Nakao sighed dramatically, for effect apparently, and then looked to Kayashima, who nodded just slightly. "Yeah, sure. Whatever, Nakatsu." Nakao stood, brushing some invisible dirt off of his pants, before giving him a pointed looked. "I can't wait to hear about this," he said through a devious smile before waving to the still seated boy. "See you later, Taiki." With that, he walked away.

Nakatsu's mouth fell open. "H-he calls you 'Taiki'?!" he yelled in disbelief, turning towards Kayashima only to have his breath stolen away. The expressionless mask had slipped off and his roommate was looking at him through wide eyes, his countenance drawn together in pain and confusion.

"You... You didn't come back..." The voice that spoke was quiet and trembling, the words barely audible.

Nakatsu felt something in his chest clench and stepped forward, dropping to his knees as he had said he would, so that the two of them were face to face. His hands latched onto Kayashima's shoulders before pulling him into a hug, desperate to feel him while he still could, nestling himself between the other's legs so there was no space between them. "I... I'm so sorry, Taiki. I'm so sorry..." He could already feel the tears stinging at the corners of his eyes.

"You can't even call me by my name in front of others, can you?..."

"I... I'm sorry..." he choked out, trying his best to fight off his oncoming tears.

"You didn't come back..."

He could hear Kayashima's voice breaking and couldn't help but notice how the other boy's arms remained limp at his sides while he was tightly clinging to him, his hands fisted in the fabric of his shirt. "I know. I'm... so sorry..." All he could do was repeat himself. It was all he felt right now. So incredibly sorry.

"Your aura is frightening me..." Kayashima whispered.

He felt the small body in his arms shaking and buried his head in Kayashima's shoulder, the first of his tears slipping out and cutting wet trails down his face. Dammit... Why? Just... why? Why was he like this? Why did he do these things?

Pulling back just slightly, his hands still grasping the other tightly, he brought his face in front of the beautiful, pale one belonging to his companion and rested his forehead against Kayashima's. He looked deeply into the black eyes that were so close to his own, those depthless eyes that were shining with unshed tears and felt something shift inside of him. "I... I love you, Taiki. I love you so much," he murmured and closed his eyes, leaning forward and placing a series of light kisses all over the other boy's face.

"No..." Kayashima pulled away from him while shaking his head, his hands pushing feebly against his chest. "You can't say that... Not now..."

"It's the truth..."

Kayashima just continued to shake his head back and forth, a lone tear falling down his face as he remained silent.

Witnessing the other's sorrow only served to increase his own, especially with the knowledge that he, once again, was the cause of it. "Taiki... What... What do you want me to do?" he asked, hoping that he would get some chance to redeem himself. "If you want, I'll tell everyone. I'll go tell them now. I'll scream it off the fucking rooftops, if that's what you want. Because I'm gay, alright? I'll admit it with no coercion. I'm so gay... Alright?" He leaned in, searching Kayashima's face for some sign of approval, sneaking in a small kiss as he waited for a response.

"No. I don't want that."

"Then... Then what? Anything, Taiki, I swear. Anything." He was becoming increasingly distraught with the all the negative reactions he was receiving. Even though he had predicted them, he was still hoping beyond hope that Kayashima would just smile at him and forgive him, and that the two of them would go off together and recapture that insanely beautiful contentment he'd felt after the first time they'd made love.

"Tell me," Kayashima whispered, his black eyes focused on him.

"... W-what?"

"Tell me what you did."

"W-what? I mean, don't you... Don't you already know?" This couldn't be happening. How could he tell him that? How the hell could he tell him that?

"I want to hear you say it."

He turned his face away from Kayashima, his heart thumping painfully in his chest. If that was what he wanted, then he had no choice. "I... I slept with Komari," he whispered, grimacing with every word. The second after he said it, a million excuses starting running through his head, like how she had forced him, how she wouldn't let him leave, how she had been so pushy, how he had done nothing and she had just attacked him, but not a single one of them passed through his lips. There was no point. No point at all...

Kayashima just nodded and wiped at his eyes, that heart wrenching expressionless returning. "Please let go of me, Shuichi."

"W-wha... N-... No. P-please, just, you've got to give me another chance, or something. Something, please. I love you, Taiki. I don't want to be with anybody else." Tears were falling down his face freely as he continued on, his pleas growing increasingly more incoherent as sobs started to punctuate his words.

Abruptly, Kayashima stood up, causing him to fall back onto his rear. The psychic looked down at him for a moment, a glimmer of sorrow passing through his eyes before it was quickly hidden again. "You... You'll never change, will you, Shuichi?"

"W-what do you mean? Change how? In what way? T-tell me and I'll do it!" He staggered onto his feet, reaching for Kayashima only to have the small boy elude his grasp.

"I'm going now."

He could still see the wet trail that had been created by that single tear, the only remaining clue that the other had been crying just a moment ago. The sight of it tore him apart.

"I'm not going to be sleeping in our room tonight, so please don't look for me," Kayashima told him coldly before turning on his heel and walking down the path back towards the school.

No. Run after him. Don't let him go. Make him understand.

But, he didn't move. He stayed rooted to the spot he had been abandoned in. Like always, Kayashima's pain left him frozen, left him dumbfounded, left him in pieces. He watched silently until the boy he loved vanished from his sight and then broke down, the sound of his sobbing the only thing he could hear.

Chapter 10 - FIN

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Thanks for reading! A quick update, huh? I'm proud of myself. I'd said before that I'd kind of lost my drive for writing this, but I think I've found it again already. I'M GOING TO FINISH THIS STORY! I AM! I mean, we've got to be on the downhill slope, right? God, I hope so...

Anyway. Have you seen this crap? 10 chapters! 30,000 words! It's scary! My second longest story on this site is, uh, about 2,300 words. Yeah. I've said before that this is my first multi-chapter fic... and what a monster(?) it has become. (though, probably about 10,000 out of the 30,000 are from my A/Ns... v.v)

Anyway. I wrote this chapter pretty quickly, so if there are some mistakes, or if it's just plain sucky, I'm sorry. When I read it through, it seemed alright. I've talked before about my editing problems, I think. Once it's down, I can't change it much, even if it's terrible. So... this is what you get.

Anyway, (yes, I know I say 'anyway' a lot...) review! Maybe the reason I updated so fast was that I got quite a few reviews for the last chapter... Hmm, what an interesting concept. So, then, click that little rectangle down there and just do it! Please and thank you. ^_^