A/N: I hope we'll get to know the truth… Oh well, let's see what happens! PLZ ENJOY CHAPTER 10 ;3
I went inside the classroom, still not processed what Yoshiki told me over the phone yesterday. After all that… he wants to break up!? No, I can't believe it. I tried to call him several tmes yesterday, but he answered none of them. As if I was being ignored on purpose. Looking ahead of me as I was walking to my desk, I noticed Yoshiki reading a book while he sat by his desk. I have to talk to him.
«Good morning, Yoshiki!» I said as cheerfully as I could. Expecting his usual "Mornin', Rolling girl", I was really shocked when all he gave me as a reply, was a brief look. But that brief look, gave off an intense vibe of coldness.
I thickly swallowed. He couldn't have… been serious about the whole breaking-up thing, could he?! If he ever was going to break up with me, I knew for sure that he was going to be gentle with me and give me a goodbye-hug at least. But breaking up with me this way…
… That's so not his style.
«Hey,» Seiko whispered from beside me. «What happened to your guys' lovey-dovey mood?» «Yesterday…. He told me that he wanted to break it off with me…» I explained, saddened. Her face turned into the perfect symbol of shock.
«….Please tell me that you're joking. Please Ayumi, please!» she hissed out. Almost at the edge of crying, I whispered: «I thought that too… But he completely ignored my calls and just now… But I just don't know why he would dump me when our relationship just started!»
Seiko nodded at me, very sympathetically. «I totally know what you mean. I can't believe it either! I mean, those times we talked he seemed so in-love with you!» she almost yelled out. I covered my mouth with both hands to cover up my hiccups. All of sudden, Seiko's eyes lit up and she whispered: «No way… I think I know….»
I removed my hands and stared at her. «What?» I asked. Seiko frowned and said: «A few days ago... It was late and I met Kishinuma a few streets away from Azusa's place. He told me that he was going to talk it out with her. Even then, he talked about how much you had changed him and stuff. The only thing that I can think of, is that your breakup is influenced by Azusa.»
Oh my god… Azusa, did you even read my message? I didn't have the courage to even think this, but I will anyways. She's just acting like a… like a… Bitch!
I gritted my teeth together and felt my tears build up once again. «Of course… Why didn't I think of that…» I whimpered out. «But, y'know Ayumi… If it is because of Azusa, then that means that Yoshiki will make it up with you!» Seiko said excitedly.
«Huh? What do you mean?» I asked. «You're able to remind Kishinuma about how much you love him! That way, he'll surely want to be with you again, and not care what kind of weapon Azusa will use!» she said. My heart fluttered at Seiko's positive words. «You think so…? Well, I'll definitely talk to him later,» I said. Seiko nodded at me and stroked my shoulder. «You can do it, beautiful. Just be honest with both Kishinuma and yourself,» Seiko said. I nodded at her and went back to my work.
I really hope I can fix everything now…
…
I don't have much time before the lunch break is over. I was desperately looking for Yoshiki, but I couldn't find him anywhere. Not in the cafeteria, not in the assembly and not even in any of the classrooms… I have only one place left.
The rooftop.
…
I hastily opened the door to the rooftop and felt my blood rush when I saw Yoshiki leaning against the wall beside me. When he turned to me, his face immediately turned grim and he tried to push me out of the way so that he could leave, but I took a hold of his arm.
«Wait!» I yelled out. I heard him sigh before turning around. His eyes are so cold… «You sure are stubborn. Didn't I tell you already? I don't want to make up,» he coldly spit out at me. How can he be so cruel… This is not the Yoshiki I fell for!
«It's not making up… 'Cause we haven't broken up. I don't want to break up with you at all, Yoshiki!» I said. He narrowed his eyes at me before turning around again. «You're getting on my nerves. I would appreciate it if you stopped stalking me,» he said and started walking. No…. I have to tell him!
«If this is about Azusa, then I'll help you!» I yelled behind him. He stopped walking, surprised at my yell. But he still had his back turned to me. «Azusa… She said something to you, right? If that's all, that shouldn't be a reason why we shouldn't stay together! I want to be with you, Yoshiki! We've been through so much, so we can't end it here! We'll support each other, so please….» I whimpered, shedding a pair of tears while I said my last sentence.
Yoshiki's body language didn't give me any hints about what he was thinking. But I could see him tightly clench his fists. Then, without saying anything, he walked down the stairs, once again just ignoring me.
«Yoshiki… What happened to you….?» I whispered, wiping away my tears. He's not himself at all! I have to talk some sense into him!
…
After everything… He just escaped from me. So easily, that it was almost mortifying. I don't feel very good. Extremely tired, I reached out to grab the remote and turn on the TV. News won't really cheer me up, but I guess it's better than doing nothing. I quietly watched as the lady on the news informed about the news:
«Good evening. The police have now identified the young woman who was found by her ex-boyfriend in her apartment, unconcious from a suicide attempt merely two days ago. Both of her wrists were roughly slit, but it was the belt that was tightly tied around her neck that took her life. The police first thought that it was her ex that had killed her, but after a long interview with him at the police station last night and with the lack of evidence that it was him, it was revealed that she had taken her own life.»
Right, I heard about this on the news two days ago. Gosh, that is just so horrible… I was going to change the channel, but I was unable to move an inch when they showed who that woman actually was.
«The victim is identified as Azusa Takai, age 22. According to the police, it seems that she suffered from depression after finding out that her now ex-boyfriend was having an affair. But it is also revealed that she had been both mentally and physically abusive, which led to him seeing other people.»
Azusa… killed herself…?
The answers were swirling around in my mind. I reckoned them, but I only thought about Yoshiki while I put on my jacket and shoes. I ran and ran the fastest I could to Yoshiki's apartment.
…
The moment I got close enough to the door, I almost violently pressed the doorbell. I was panting heavily and my heart was beating intensily when I starte dregretting being so hard on him. Of course he would be agressive after someone he cares about has died! Plus, he was the one who found her dead! But… I still don't know why he would break up with me because of that…
The door opened and Yoshiki still looked as depressed as earlier today. «What do you want?» he asked sternly. I was still panting, and I couldn't really speak when I didn't know what to say either. After a few seconds of silence, Yoshiki sighed and was about to close the door when he muttered: «If you don't need anything, then…»
«Wait!» I blurted out, finally getting to action. He stopped and stared at me, allowing me to speak. I took a deep breath and said:
«First of all… I am so sorry. I watched the news, and I had idea that…» Yoshiki interupted me and said: «If you're here to pity me, I'm good thank you.» «That's not it!» I said. He knitted his eyebrows together in frustration. «It is one of these times where we have to support each other. Why can't you understand? Even if she's gone, I'll help you get over it! I'll help you remain strong! And… I'll help you show off that smile that's hidden on your lips. The smile that I love so much….» I whispered and forced a smile.
Yoshiki hovered his face downwards, making his bangs create a shadow over his eyes. «It's you who don't understand, Ayumi,» he said. «Huh?» I said. He tightly gritted his teeth together and hissed out:
«You have no idea how it feels to see someone you used to love cold, lifeless, laying down on the ground and with such a sad expression on that person's face… And to think that I did that to her, because I broke her heart…»
Tears were slowly streaming down from his tear ducts as he hissed out:
«That makes me look like a murderer…. I basically killed her, Ayumi!»
«Yoshiki….» I whispered longingly, but that didn't stop him from shutting the door right in front of my face.
«Yoshiki? Yoshiki!» I yelled out repeatedly, but he wouldn't open the door. To think that he's that heartbroken… He's feeling the same way I did when I cheated with him on Azusa, but he's feeling many times worse. I don't want to force an explanation out of him, so I'll just wait. I sat down right by the door, still hoping that he would open the door.
…
Oh… It's getting dark. And it's so cold! I wrapped my arms around my knees and exhaled against my hands to let my hot breath heat them up. How long has it been? I wonder… Yoshiki still hasn't opened the door. He has not even looked at me through the window. But still…
I'm waiting, Yoshiki…
I flinched when I suddenly felt something really cold and soft touch my nose.
I looked up at the sky and slightly smiled when I saw the hundreads of snow flakes raining down from the almost completely black sky. It's snowing… Well, it's the middle of November after all. Wah, it's sooo cold…But I don't care. I have to make him understand. No matter what happens… I'll be alright. I'll get stronger! So please, Yoshiki…!
«For Christ's sake, go home already.»
I turned my face immediately when I saw Yoshiki by the door. I got up and ran to him, ignoring his cold words. «Didn't you hear what I just said? If you stay here, you'll just get sick,» he said. Yoshiki… You still worry about me, don't you…? Even when you pretend not to…
«Yoshiki… Can't you just tell me one thing!?» I asked in a really loud voice. He didn't say anything, so I assumed that he let me. «Why… Just why do you want to break up with me after everything we've been through!?» I shouted.
He stared at me, with a gaze that didn't look as angry as before. But rather… sad.
«I told you earlier… I basically murdered Azusa,» he said. «That's not true! It's not your fault, Yoshiki!» I said. It must have been my fault. I mean, she could've become more depressed after she read my message! But… I can't say that.
Yoshiki looked at me intensily, once again shedding tears. «.., I'll just end up hurting you,» he said and turned around, walking to the door. No… This can't be the end! «Wait…!» I hissed out and ran after him. I streatched out my arms in attempt to hold him from behind.
«No…! No! If I don't have you, Yoshiki, I can't go on! I don't want to break up…! I don't want to break up! Yoshiki!»
He ignored me and once again shut the door right in front of my face. But this time, it hurt so much more.
«Yoshiki! Yoshiki! YOSHIKI!» I screamed out his name over and over again while banging on the door. I can't stand it! If he's not with me, I'll die! I can't live without him! But then, I got completely shocked when he raised his voice at me for the first time:
«Why the fuck are you still here?! I'M NOT WORTHY OF SOMEONE LIKE YOU!»
I roughly pressed my hands against the door and slowly sunk downwards to the ground. My tears felt like melted snowflakes, streaming down my cheeks in waterfalls. I can't accept this! My brain knows that this is pathetic, but I'm still trying! I still stayed by his door for so many hours…
This time… I knew for real that Yoshiki had broken up with me.
A/N: ….I have no words. I just would like to know you guys' thoughts about the story so far. UNTIL NEXT TIME ;3