Chapter 10 – Not so Merry Christmas

When Andy and I got home there was palpable sense of gloominess. There was cake baking in the oven but there was no excitement. I was at my breaking point when I reached home. I wanted to visit Mr. Weasley as soon as possible. I wanted to know how Ron was doing. Hermione took the Knight Bus straight to Grimmauld Place. Mom said she'd take us to the hospital and Grimmauld Place the next day. There's no arguing with that woman.

When I got to Grimmauld Place next day, I was told that Harry was being a bit difficult but Hermione solved the problem. Then I was told that Harry was the snake in the dream. You know the dream in which Mr. Weasley got attacked! I'm not sure if I should call it a dream, maybe, it was a vision. Do people get visions in their sleep? Though Harry was with us, I could tell he was thinking a lot of things. Even Ron seemed a bit distant. Well, his father just got attacked in his best friend's dream so I guess, he is allowed to be shocked and cautious for a while.

Hermione and Ron left us alone after some time. This is the first time we've been alone since 'the kiss'. What should I say? Should I even say some thing? I'm his friend, I need to be by his side right now, especially when he's most probably doubting himself right now.

"Spill it out."

"What?" He asked.

"Spill whatever is going on in your mind"

"I'm scared." He said in a small voice.

"Scared of what?"

"What if Voldemort's controlling me? I spoke to Ginny. She told me about the time she was possessed by him. She said I'm not possessed. But that doesn't satisfy me. What if Voldemort is seeing this very talk with you right now through me? And all Dumbledore has to say to me is 'stay where you are'. That's not enough, I need answers."

"Harry, I can see why you're afraid. But in seeing the negative things you're not seeing the positive outcome of this. You saved Mr. Weasley's life. I agree experiencing this must have been difficult but if you had not seen that today Mr. Weasley wouldn't be alive."

He put his hand on mine, "I'm also afraid that I have screwed up really badly with you."

"Well, if kissing someone else doesn't screw up a relationship, what does?" I said trying to reduce the sudden rise of tension in the air.

"I was hoping we could work this out." He said hopefully.

I so badly wanted to say yes. Any other day, I probably would have said yes without thinking much about it but today, I have to think. "I told you I need time. Until then, it would be prudent for us to be friends. I don't want to put H and Ron in a position to choose in between us."

"But can't we at least talk about it?"

"You want to talk? Okay, tell me how was it. Tell me how it began. What were you both talking about before you started kissing her? Did your lips move in tandem with hers? Did she feel like a perfect fit?" I asked him absolutely calmly.

"Uh! I didn't mean talking about the kiss. I meant talking about how we get past it." He said nervously.

"If I have to get past it, I have to get closure first. And to get closure, I've to know why this happened."

"I don't know. We were talking about Cedric and how he was taken away too soon and one thing just lead to another."

"Did you ever feel like I didn't care enough for you? Did you think I was maybe a bit too nonchalant when it came to Cho?" I could feel my voice beginning to crack.

He came closer to me, "No, no…you never made me feel like that. You're very important to me."

"Yet, our relationship was not important enough for you to not kiss her. I know, I'm not your first choice. I don't blame you for kissing her. You obviously like her. But if you want to be with her, I wish you had told me about this first." I felt a tear roll down my cheek.

"No, I don't want to be with her." He said quickly.

"Do you like her?"

He thought about it for a while, "Yes."

"Do you like me or love me?" He tried to kiss me but I pulled away from him. "I don't want to do this right now."

"I don't want to lose you."

"You're not losing me, you still have me as your friend."

"So, we're just friends now?"

"We'll talk when you've resolved your feelings. I refused to be second to someone. So, unless, I'm your number one don't expect me to come back to you."

On Christmas, we visited Mr. Weasley along with the Weasleys, Hermione, Harry and Prof. Lupin. I still can't stop myself from calling him professor. Harry and I have not spoken much since our last talk. After we wished Mr. Weasley, Mrs. Weasley started fussing about his bandage change that's when we decided it was best to leave the older ones to their conversation.

Hermione suggested getting tea. When we reached the fourth floor to our surprise, we found Gilderoy Lockhart. Here is one person, I don't want to call professor again. Despite losing his memories, he still seemed to be as pigheaded as he always was. He insisted on giving us his autographed photos. We couldn't leave him because his healer wouldn't let us leave without spending some time with him. He kept saying things that just bounced off my head because I was bored and I didn't want to listen to a word he said.

I started looking around. It was really sad to see so many people with permanent spell damage that they can't even live with their families any longer. That's when I noticed, Neville leaving the ward with his grandmother. Neville's grandmother and my grandmother are friends. I met her a couple of times. Even at her age she is a force to be reckoned with. Suddenly, it hit me why Neville would be here. Frank and Alice Longbottom were brave aurors who gave up their sanity than give information to the dark side.

Everyone's attention turned to Neville when they heard the healer say Longbottom. Ron called for his attention. Poor Neville looked like he wanted to be anywhere but at St. Mungo's at that moment!

"Hey Neville. Did you see Lockhart? Who are you visiting?" Ron asked.

"Neville, are they your friends?" His grandmother asked him. Neville was looking at his shoes. His grandmother looked at Harry. "Ah, you must be Harry Potter. Neville speaks highly of you. You two red heads must be Weasleys. You must be Hermione Granger. It is nice to meet all of you. Natalie, it has been long. How are you, dear?"

"I'm fine, Mrs. Longbottom. How are you?"

"I'm good, dear. I'm meeting with your grandmother tomorrow. Are you going to be at her house tomorrow?"

"I'm not sure about. Merry Christmas, Mrs. Longbottom. Merry Christmas, Neville." I wanted them to leave before more questions could be asked.

Everyone started wishing each other 'Merry Christmas'.

"Thank you all for helping him in sticky spots. Too bad he doesn't have his father's talent in spell casting." Mrs. Longbottom pointed to one of the beds in the corner. On one of the beds was man who looked like an older version of Neville, he was looking listlessly at the ceiling. His mother was on the bed next to his. Alice Longbottom came up to her son and him a bubblegum wrapper, which Neville slipped quickly into his pocket.

After exchanging a few more words. Mrs. Longbottom and Neville left.

"I didn't know." Hermione said sadly.

"Me neither." Ron said.

"Same here." Ginny said.

"I knew." Everyone stared at him. "Dumbledore told me not to tell anyone.

Then they looked at me expectantly. I didn't know I was supposed to say anything. "I knew. Augusta Longbottom is my grandmother's friend, so, of course, I'd know about this. Plus, my uncle used to work with Frank and Alice Longbottom in the auror department, so, yes, I know. It may have also come up in my Voldemort research."

"Who did this to them?"

"Bellatrix Lestrange." Harry and I said together.

The day Mr. Weasley got discharged from the hospital, Prof. Snape had come to speak to Harry. That is surprising. It's not everyday that Prof. Snape visits Harry. Later, Harry told us that Dumbledore wants him to learn Occlumency from Prof. Snape. While, I approve of the suggestion, I don't understand why he has to learn it from Prof. Snape. They both clearly don't like spending time any more than necessary, together. This is a disaster waiting to happen.

Harry tried to talk to me a couple of times during the rest of the break. While I was ready to talk, I was clearly not ready to get back together. I wanted to get back together but a little voice inside my head kept stopping me.

A day before we went back to Hogwarts, Draco came to visit me. We were lying on my bed and talking. We had a plate of chocolate chip cookies in between us. There was loud music playing near the door so no one from the outside could hear us. Too bad we couldn't use silencing spells out of school.

"So, you don't know what's going to happen?" I asked him.

"I don't what's going to happen but I can tell they are planning something. Father's been a bit too smug these days." He said while eating the cookie in his hand.

I sat up and placed my index finger and thumb on the bridge of my nose. "I wish, things can be simple again. I hate this uncertainty."

He put his hand on my back, "It'll be fine. I hope so. Next few years are going to be tough but I'm sure we'll make it through."

I almost believed him. I smiled at him. "Draco, so many people died the last time. The pattern is similar to last time. I want this over soon. The attack on Mr. Weasley has shaken me up."

"Relax. He has been discharged. He is fine now. So, Potter was really the snake in his dream?"

I nodded, "It's crazy. I still get goosebumps when I think about it. Imagine being in Harry's position right now."

"I don't want to be in his shoes!" He said haughtily.

"You sure you don't know anything?"

He shook his head, "But I think it will be something big. Something like they pulled at the Quidditch world cup last year."

"There are no big tournaments happening this year. Maybe during one of Fudge's rallies?"

"Could be. Even if we could pin point what they are planning to do, do you think we can stop them?"

"We could inform people who can stop them." I said with hope.

"I know you are worried but if you beating yourself up you won't get anything." Draco said. He was about to say something else when there was a loud knock on the door.

I turned down the volume a bit and asked, "Who is it?"

"Nat, honey, Harry is here to see you." I heard mom say.

"Hold on." I turned to Draco, "What the hell am I going to do?" I whispered.

"Calm down. I'll hide in your bathroom. Let me know when he goes." He went to the bathroom and locked the door.

I unbolted the door and standing right there were mom and Harry. I assumed Harry was waiting downstairs.

"Hi Harry."

"Hi Nat."

"I'll let you both talk." Mom went downstairs.

"Come in." I told Harry.

He came in. "How did you get here, Harry?"

"Mike was at Grimmauld Place. So, I asked him to bring me here." He said sheepishly.

"Mike's here?"

"No, he left."

"Oh! What brings you here?"

"Look, I'm really sorry for what happened. I really want to make this work."

"Harry, I want to make this work as well. I'm afraid that you'll pull a stunt like this again."

"I will not. You have to trust me."

"I want to but I can't do this right now. Can you honestly tell me that you don't have romantic notions about Cho anymore?"

He looked on the floor. "I don't know why I can't get over her. Maybe because she's the first person I've ever liked this way. But I like you more."

He just likes me? "You just like me?"

"That goes without saying." He said like it's obvious.

I sat on my bed and put my head on my hand. Maybe it was a good thing I didn't get to tell him that I love him. I would have said 'I love you' and he would have said 'I like you'. That wouldn't be good.

"I don't know what to say to you. That night, I went to find you because I wanted to tell you something important. Something, I couldn't hold inside of me anymore. Now, I'm glad, I didn't tell you."

He looked at me strangely, "What were you going to tell me?"

"I was going to tell you I love you."

He looked shocked. He thought about the words I just spoke. "I'm not sure if what I feel for you is love." He said it after so long, I almost thought I imagined those words.

"I figured that already."

"Where does this leave us then?"

"I think we are friends again?" I asked doubtfully.

He hugged me, "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too. Sorry that we didn't work out."

Mom dropped Harry back at Grimmauld Place. Draco came out of his hiding place. He hugged me while my back was turned on him. Without even knowing it, I started crying. I turned around and hugged him properly. He kept saying comforting things until stopped.

"We need to find my mom." I told him when I was done crying.

We found my parents in their study.

"Mom, why the hell did you bring Harry up knowing that Draco was in my room with me?"

"Oh dear, I'm so sorry. I've a lot of things on my mind. It completely slipped out of my mind."

"How could you forget something so important? If Harry had caught Draco in the room, everyone would have known about this by now."

"Nat, you will not talk like that to your mother." Dad said sternly.

"Nat, Mike and Will are going on their first order mission by themselves tonight. We are a little worried about them right now." Mom explained.

I held Draco's hand 'cause I was afraid I was going to fall. He didn't let go.

Please read and review! Thanks for reading so far! Enjoy!

Neepa :-)