Disclaimer: Some dialogue comes from 9x03.

Mrs Cooper already knew. Maybe Amy felt a bit guilty using Sheldon's mother against him, but when she told Mrs Cooper about the video, Mrs Cooper was shocked, and though she seemed beyond disappointed about the break up, sad for her son most likely, she agreed that the video should be removed. She did not raise her son to speak about women in that manner, nor was it acceptable no matter how hurt he might be from the breakup. She promised she would give Sheldon a talking to and have him remove it, something for which Amy was immensely grateful.

One problem taken care of, the next one Amy had to move on to was Penny's bachelorette party. Penny was not particularly enthusiastic about the party and it seemed she and Bernadette cared more. However, that did not stop her from volunteering to make dessert. Her research on the internet told her it was customary to have phallic shaped confections at a bachelorette party. Her sugar cookie recipe was easily adaptable, and rather than using cookie cutters, she used a butter knife to carve out penises from the rolled dough. With the little bit of dough left over, she was even able to make them anatomically accurate, both circumcised and uncircumcised.

When she arrived at Penny's apartment with the frosted cookies, her two friends appeared shocked by the precision. That did not deter them from eating the cookies, more by her coercion than anything else. Penny drank a lot of wine to fortify herself to eat the cookie, a fact that did not go unnoticed by Amy, but as long as she ate the cookie Amy was not going to bring up the topic of alcoholism.

Listening to Penny talk about her love life was a breath of fresh air. She could be happy for her friend's repaired relationship. Besides, it was nice not to have the gossip centered on her for once.

Unfortunately, Bernadette turned the conversation back to her failed love life. Failed. Failure was something she experienced very little and it was an uncomfortable topic. She said she was alright. She told them that she was contemplating changing her wardrobe.

Amy was offended at Penny and Bernadette's strong and visceral enthusiasm for the change. She was not thrilled with her appearance, but she was content with it. She was not one of those girls who spent hours a day in front of the mirror. She did not wear much makeup. It was an unnecessary social construct and sexist to boot. Some might call her clothes frumpy, and even Penny said they belonged in Forever 63, but they were comfortable. The coverage was her armor against the world. While other women her age, particularly the single ones, were eager to flaunt their various assets, she felt better with them covered. She might want her body to be admired but she cared more that men noticed her brain first. If a man admired her, she could be certain it was because he noticed her mind, not just her chest or legs. When she told them she reconsidered her decision to change her wardrobe for exactly that reason, they were both disappointed, and Penny even tried to tell her it was normal to change one's appearance after a relationship. Maybe it was normal. Penny had more than her fair share of breakups, but even if it was normal, Amy did not want to change who she was to fit a societal expectation of female beauty.

She thought she was being scandalous deciding to pierce her ears. Her mother did not approve of woman with pierced ears, calling them prostitutes and sinners and a whole other host of insults associated with women of loose morals. Perhaps her decision to pierce her ears was as much a screw you to preempt her mother's certain disappointment over her breakup as it was over a desire to pierce her ears.

Penny and Bernadette were both surprised she had never had her ears pierced. It was, apparently, a common aspect of growing up. Girls got their ears pierced. Yet another coming-of-age ritual she missed out on. No matter. She could have it now with her two best friends.

Penny even volunteered to pierce her ears, and by volunteer, she meant coerced. Weary at first, Amy sat down while Penny sanitized the needle and with a lemon wedge stolen from 4A's fridge, pierced her ear. It was not that painful and Penny quickly put in one of her earrings, also sanitized. She did it. It might only be a small change to her appearance, one most would probably never notice, but she felt like a different woman.

Sheldon, she was sure, would notice the pierced ears the moment he saw her next, and it would surely upset him. But they were broken up and it was no longer his place to care about that sort of thing. Whether he was upset or not she did not care. He had no influence over her life anymore.

Then came the not fun part of girls night/Penny's bachelorette party: the talk with her mom. Penny and Bernadette were both shocked she had not informed her family about breaking up with Sheldon, but then again, why would she? A lot of her family died in tragic accidents, and she was not on close speaking terms with either of her parents. She got along only slightly better with her father than she did her mother, but still it was not enough to make her want to tell them about her life.

Besides, once she told her mother she knew exactly what would happen. Her mother would not believe she was the one who ended it, assume she fabricated her story to save face when the only man who ever showed a significant interest in her broke up with her. It did not matter that none of it was true. Her mother would believe it anyways. Then her mother would pressure her to make amends with Sheldon, and when she failed to do that, her mother would once more pressure her to date, all the while lamenting about how lonely and unfulfilling her life would be without a man. Even worse, she would lament about her continued lack of grandchildren and that being a sore spot for Amy, she knew she could not put up with that.

She tried everything she could to wiggle her way out of calling her mother, from pretending to be sad over the death of a pig she never met—and one she wanted to eat though she wasn't about to tell Penny that—to the fake dial.

Penny and Bernadette saw through her tricks. She never was one for being able to lie convincingly.

The second time she actually dialed, hoping her mother would not pick up, but after she ignored the last few messages from her mother, it was a lost cause. Her mother answered on the first ring.

Her mother was doing good and work was good. She asked for family gossip, knowing it would distract her mother. There was little Mrs Fowler enjoyed more than saying Hey, look at what these people are doing. My life is better than yours. Her cleaver plan to talk on the phone without saying anything of import fell apart when Penny grabbed the phone.

"Amy broke up with Sheldon; she got her ears pierced; and she made us eat peanut cookies."

No matter how hard she listened she could not make out what her mother was saying to Penny, but that did not stop the dread she felt as Penny handed the phone back to her.

"Amy Farrah Fowler, how dare you get your ears pierced!" her mother yelled.

Of all the things she had to focus on, Amy was glad it was that and not Sheldon. Pierced ears and penis cookies she could and would defend her actions. With him it was harder. She just wanted to be happy and move on with her life. Not be blamed for everything that went wrong.

"I raised you better than to go around looking like a prostitute. Are you trying to give me a heart attack? I don't know what's happened to you since you met those friends of yours but it's like your an entirely different person. The daughter I raised cared more about self-respect than bowing into peer pressure. The daughter I raised did not make 'penis cookies', whatever those are."

She did not know what to say. She was a grown adult but as her mother scolded her she felt like an adolescent again. It's not that she couldn't defend herself—she was more than capable of it—but rather she felt like a child who had to take the scolding. It did not make her feel guilty in the least, perhaps only that she put off telling her mother, and strangely enough, there was no mention of her breakup.

That would come. It was the most unavoidable of them all. Her mother was probably saving that delightful conversation for later.

"You are going to march yourself into Penny's closet and think about what you've done. Do you understand?"

"But mom," Amy tried to protest, knowing it would be futile. Her mother was a frail looking woman, but when it came to her daughter, she could be quite fierce. From a young age Amy knew better than to protest.

She might be a grown woman and miles from home but if her mother ordered her to go sit in Penny's closet like an unruly child, she would eventually give in. It did not matter she was an adult who did not have to anymore.

"No buts. Get."

"Yes mom," Amy reluctantly agreed.

"And give your phone to your friend Penny. I don't want you distracted while you think about what you've done."

"Yes mom," Amy said. She hung up and handed the phone over to Penny. It took a quick explanation and then she was sitting on the floor of the extremely messy closet. Clothes and shoes were scattered everywhere, and she could not tell whether they were clean or not. She closed the door behind her, and even knowing that it was not locked like the sin closet in her childhood home and that she could leave if she wanted to, she stayed put.

Her mother sentenced her to an hour in the closet, without even her phone to distract herself. It was going to be a long hour. Bernadette left, and Penny too, left, though for what reason she left Amy could not determine.

She sat. Her mother wanted her to reflect on her actions for being bad, and yet her actual reflections were far off. The cookies were fun. She also drank alcohol and went to bars, something her mother would disapprove of as well. She did not feel bad about that. It made her feel normal. It made her feel like she was an integral part of her social circle being invited to partake in their most beloved rituals. Piercing her ears was something small, something she figured she would soon forget about. It would become just another part of her appearance, a part she briefly looked at in the mirror each morning and gave no further consideration to throughout the rest of the day.

Her thoughts turned to Sheldon. She had to stop thinking about him. There were broken up for a reason. She could not allow herself to be hurt again. She had to be strong. Firm. She heard his voice, slightly muffled, from the hallway, and Leonard's and Penny's, though it was not loud enough for her to hear what they were saying.

She needed children. He refused to have them. She wanted to compromise. He refused to because it would ruin his ability to achieve his dreams. She did not want him to resent her but nor could she compromise. He wanted to avoid serious conversation. She wanted space. He inflicted his presence on her. She just wanted a peaceful night with her friends as she got over her disappointment at not being her best friend's maid of honor when Penny and Leonard eloped. He made insensitive comments about her impending infertility as she aged. She broke up with him because he was selfish and immature. He kissed her and gave into her demands as she knew he eventually would if she pushed hard enough. She lost her ability to think. His fingers brushed against her bare skin, eventually coming to almost second base. She pushed him away. He would give her anything if she would only stay his girlfriend. She refused to be the woman who ruined his dreams and was firm in her resolve to stay broken up. He left.

He left. Just like that. No goodbye. No sorry. And then he would not leave her well enough alone. He tried to infuriate her, to ingratiate himself back into her life but she would have none of it. If she let him in, gave even an inch, she knew she would give in.

He would get his way. With her, he almost always did. Sure she forced some changes on him, changes he eventually accepted and even seemed to like but she had to use force all the same. On this, she did not want to force him. If Sheldon never wanted children, she would have to respect that.

She would regret letting her fertile years pass her by as she waited for Sheldon to be ready for something he might very well never want, or worse yet, for their glacial relationship to progress slowly and that by the time they were finally on the same page, she would be incapable of having a child herself. That would truly torment her.

No. It was for the best that they remain broken up.

On the plus side, she already had one date lined up. He was British and he, too, knew what it was to be in a bad relationship. At least he had been married. No matter. Likely anyone she met at her age would be divorced. He was nice enough. He liked books, given that they met at a bookstore, and he was intelligent. Perhaps not as intelligent as her ex-boyfriend, but her was a math professor at UCLA so he had to be decently intelligent. She suspected she would be able to hold a conversation with him.

She could also find other men to date. The last time she tried dating around, it was because she was forced. The men often went running, especially when she informed them she did not want to have coitus. Ever.

She was a different woman, more mature. Coitus would no longer be off the table. She wanted to know first hand what physical love with another human would feel like. She craved emotional declarations and wanted to give them in return without having to worry she would be rejected. Perhaps being single again would be good for her. She could enjoy dating now like she was incapable of before.