Musing #2- (Mid Day) December 4.

I guess I've come full circle. It's almost been a year since I've been writing in this journal, and now that I look back at it, it seems as if so much has been accomplished and yet so little. There were some sad times, most I didn't care to record in this book, but there were just enough happy times to equal it out, which I tried to record as faithfully as I could in this book. However, things are changing. The pages are no longer as white as they once were, the paper not as crisp. It's been through rain, snow, sun, drama, happiness, hurt, and suffering with me, and it shows. It no longer has limitless pages to fill, and now my writing is cramped in order to fit these last thoughts on these small, yellowing pages.

I don't know who will inherit this notebook when it's all done, I don't know what will happen to us in the end. To Inuyasha, Kikyo, Kagome, Naraku, Kouga, Shippou, Kaede, Sango and myself. I want to know, I desperately do. I just hope that whatever happens to us in the end, that you, whoever you are, know of us. I want you to know who we are, and what we did. And if you don't know the details, our names will be enough.

I hope for a lot of things.

I hope that Inuyasha and Kagome get together in the end. It's apparent they care for each other, and don't the legends always end with the hero and the heroine getting together? It seems so, and this is a legend in the making, isn't it? Besides, they're meant to be together, I think.

I hope that Kikyo finds happiness, even though I really could care less for her. I know what it feels like to be an animated shell. I also know that there's probably a way to make her heart beat again, and with her beauty and talents, she'll be able to find someone, I know it. And I hope that her and Kaede get to sit down and talk. I think that Kaede would really like that, but I can't be sure. And I don't even need to wish for Kaede. I know she's a tough woman. She'll make this through and live a healthy old life, surrounded by friends who utterly adore and respect her.

I hope that Kouga finds himself a nice wolf girl, though I don't know how many of those are left. Wolves mate for life, don't they? I guess it's a good thing that he and Kagome haven't 'mated'. There's a chance for him. And even if he probably didn't mean to help us most of the time, he has. He's been a help, and a source of amusement for me. Happiness is all I can wish for him.

I hope that Shippou winds up happy, and that he'll keep in touch. I know he's aching to go on his own adventure to prove himself, and I suppose that's good and all. Me, I've had enough adventure to last me a lifetime. I know that Shippou's burning with a foxfire to go out and make a name for himself. He probably dreams big.

I am even concerned for Myoga. I hope he finds what he's looking for. And that Inuyasha stops abusing his father's faithful servant. Myoga really isn't so bad, just lacking in courage.

Even Sesshoumaru, Inuyasha's half brother, has helped us out of tough spots before. I'm not even going to delude myself into thinking that the two will wind up friends, or even on brotherly terms, but I think it wouldn't be too bad if some type of peace or understanding enveloped the two. Sesshoumaru is a powerful demon, not to mention a bit stubborn like his half brother, and deserves his own happy ending. He is almost like a king anyway. And his two companions Rin and Jakken. I hope escape this unscathed.

All those villagers too, that are always so oppressed by demons. They deserve some peace and quiet, don't you think? But I know they'll be fine. Kagome is proof of that, and all the magic she brings back from the future. A country that is ours but so foreign. For all the little people, whose names I can't seem to recall, but their faces have been burned into my mind. I want them to smile again at the moon light on their faces, not scuttle back into their huts in fear of men or demon alike.

For Sango, eternal happiness and the true love of a wonderful man I know she deserves. I hope she sees the rise of her village, the return of her brother to her arms. I want her to see small children laughing and playing as they run around the ghost of a village where she lost everything. I hope she is able to heal, and in time, love. I hope her brother isn't scared by this experience either. I wish them both the best. Gods, how I wish her the best.

And me? Ah, what does it matter? As long as I see Naraku into an early grave, what more do I need to ache for? The Wind Tunnel will be gone. I will not have to ask every woman I come across to bear my child. I won't need to hide behind the mask of unfeeling anymore. I would be able to take my first deep breath as a person who truly can breathe, who isn't bound to a curse. I will be free, and alive. I will be content.

But… Well, I suppose since you already know everything, I wish for me and Sango. For eternity. I know it can happen. Especially with Sango at my side.

I can change for her, I'd change for her gladly. And the best part is she wouldn't even ask me too. Wouldn't everyone be surprised when we all reunite, if we don't all live next door to each other, sharing a little picket fence, when they see the change in me? When she notices?

There are so many things in life that I want to try. Holding her without flinching when I feel the beads that keep the Wind Tunnel at bay clacking against her back. Not having to peep in on her when she's in the hot springs because I already know she's mine. To see our children running around, little Sangos and Mirokus interacting on a daily basis. I wonder if we'll have a girl with Sango's complexion and my eyes? Or perhaps, a boy with my complexion and Sango's eyes? Perhaps twins? It matters not.

I simply can't wait for the future, though I know I can change now. Even though Naraku still lurks somewhere, as always, I'm ready for him to go back into the underworld where he belongs. I'm ready for change, for the future. I'm ready to make all my useless hopes and wishes a reality. I'm ready to be alive and know that Naraku is dead.

So it's with a bit of regret that I leave you unfinished. That all I can fill you up with is my hopes and dreams, my good times and bad times and leave the story unfinished. I myself hate loose ends. But this book is growing heavy, and my hands are wavering from the page. I fear that if I carry you any longer, I'll take you to the grave with me. And where will my legacy be in that? Who will be the one to read about Shippou's cleverness? How will anyone be able to read about Inuyasha and Kagome? Who will be able to hear about our good deeds and remember them? How can someone sing songs of our greatness if there are no words to craft them?

Besides, I suppose leaving this on a happier note than a somber one will be better. If I do fail, I know there will be four very capable people mourning me, but able to avenge me. I know that they won't fail. They won't fall if I do. Our sorrows of yesterday will become tomorrow's strength. Didn't someone very wise tell me that once?

Ah, but I'm getting off track.

I hope whoever is reading this knows of me. Better yet if you're descended from me, and I'm at your shoulder, old and squinting to try to make out words my youthful hand made out, unable to recall what all the hubbub was about, but able to remember clear as day how I felt. And hopefully Sango will be right next to you, remembering everything in that pretty head of hers, and still having enough strength to smack me upside the head when remembering, calling me a pervert though we both know what she really means.

So I'll leave you with the thought that I made it out fine, and that I changed for the better but I still lived for the same reasons and hopes. And I'll believe the same for you.

Sayonara

Miroku