A quick update for a change ;) thank you for reading

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Despite everything that had happened, Robert felt that his life was ok. His mum was ok and taken care of, which took a ton off his shoulders. He had followed her to the recovery centre and to her room. Victoria hadn't seemed thrilled by the place, but she had put on a forced smile for her son and said that it would probably be a nice visit. Robert ignored the fact that his mother still talked of her staying there as a vacation or a holiday trip rather than getting help. But as long as she was there and agreed to be there, getting the help, why would it matter if she deluded the experience a little bit? Radical changes in life are always hard.

The seminary on the other hand wasn't quite what Robert had expected. It was a beautiful school building and church, all the priests and professors seemed competent and nice and the students were all welcoming, and even though the feeling of being safe overwhelmed him from the moment Father Harrison followed him through the gates, it wasn't the feeling of coming home. He realized that he had been naive, he had expected that all of his earthly troubles would vanish from his mind as he walked into the seminary. This was not the case, but maybe it would give him the peace and distraction he needed to forget.

After a couple of weeks he had found that he really liked it there. There were schedules, activities and services that told him what to do and when to do it, in the meantime he knew his mum was in the hands of good people and it felt nice letting someone else being in charge. He visited his mum every other day and every other day he spent his free time with the rest of the students, especially two guys, his roommates Peter and Roger. They hung out and Robert had a good time with them, but they were still barely more than acquaintances.

He also liked the classes. It was history, Old Testament, New Testament, church in modern times, 'Evangelism and Mission', Ministry etc, he didn't care much for the languages although he was pretty good in Greek and Latin, he had more problems with Hebrew. But what he really found interesting was 'Philosophy and Ethics', to read and discuss subjects as forgiveness, punishment, right and wrong. His professor Harlow appreciated the boy's interest and was happy to nurture it with books and conversations. Since Peter and Robert had most of their classes together and Peter also had a passion for eternal philosophical questions, they spend a lot of time together studying and talking.

One time after a lecture about faith, luck and punishment Robert asked Peter if they could talk about Harlow's view on 'deserving, changing and creating your destiny'.

"Do you really believe that everyone has deserved what's happened to them?" Robert asked his friend.

Peter tried to be tactful, everyone knew that Robert's father had left his mother and that his mum had been mentally unstable ever since, at least that's what people said. He didn't want the guy to snap. "That depends. If you mean like war victims, loved ones leaving you or diseases, then no, some things just happen and there's nothing you can do about it. As professor Harlow said; bad things can happen to good people. On the other hand if you shoot someone or start taking drugs or don't try to change a bad situation even though you can, then you have sort of picked you destiny . . . you know what I mean?"

"Yeah" Robert thought for a moment. "Peter, drugs, you mean like cocaine and ecstasy . . ."

Peter shrugged "Just drugs or addictions over all, junkies, alcoholics, I don't know, food addicts" Peter smiled and tried to joke to compensate for Robert's seriousness.

"But maybe those people need help. I mean they're sick so it's not really their fault"

"Sure they need help, but most of them don't seek help. Besides, you must admit that an addict at some point has a choice, it's not like someone is forcing them, but if you get cancer, you don't have much of a choice then, have you?"

"But it doesn't make you a bad person, there could be circumstances" Robert tried.

"If someone does something that hurts others, would you call that a good person? And besides, it's not really about good or bad, it's about taking responsibility and the consequences for your own actions"

Robert couldn't believe it, that an addict deserved her destiny, he tried to talk to some other students, but only met responses similar to Peter's. He wanted to get hold of Professor Harlow, but he had gone to London, serving as a guest professor at a seminary and wouldn't come back before the summer. What really worried Robert was, that after that conversation he couldn't visit his mother without thinking differently of the people at the recovery centre. They had problems with bulimia, anorexia, drugs, obesity, alcohol, kleptomania, pills, depression etc, and he started to think about why they were there and others weren't. 'Why have they failed? Why can't they set their lives straight?' He started to consider them weak, that was the only explanation, they deserved to . . . but then his mum . . . No, all the rest, but not his mum. She was there because of his father, but then, Robert, and others, had tried to help her, why did she refuse to get better? He always stopped the thoughts before they went too far. He contacted Father Harrison and talked, without specifying his problem, he said that some conversations at the seminary had made his head spin and that he was a bit confused. Harrison took his worries with ease.

"I can imagine that your first weeks have been intense. That's good, always interesting with good discussions with worthy opponents, but it can also be a bit too much for the brain. It takes time getting used to, but in the end religion is all about the big questions and clear answers will be rare." He thought for a while "You're mother is doing fine, she's in good hands, why don't you go somewhere during your Easter break? Two weeks away might do you some good, I'm sure when you come back you will feel a lot better"

Even though he was unsure about leaving his mother, Robert liked the solution, after all, his mother was in good hands. He decided to call Matthew and see if Antonia had calmed down enough for him to visit them. Matthew was thrilled when he called and insisted that he would stay for the entire break and claimed that Antonia was just as enthusiastic as he was that Robert would come.

Before he left Robert visited Victoria to tell her that he was going to Sydney. At first she suggested that she would come with, but gave up the idea when Robert explained that he would go and see some friends. He couldn't stay long, since he had promised Matthew that he would dine with him and Antonia, but during that hour, his mum actually managed to convince him that she was doing better and she was almost "fully recovered" as she put it. That made Robert unwind a little and he left with hope.

His mother was about to change her situation.

When Robert arrived in Sydney at his friends' apartment, Matthew was yet to come home from the university, having a lecture about the connection between liver and lungs. This gave Robert plenty of time to talk things over with Antonia. It started out a little nervous with him, politely and quite honestly, admiring the way she had decorated the home (he knew it was her doing, because Matthew would never have come up with the idea to colour coordinate lamp, carpet and flower pots, especially not in 'LightGoldenRodYellow'). Then he went to tasting and complimenting her cooking. They kept playing nice until Antonia blurted out that Hannah was in the top of her class and that her new boyfriend was really supportive. Robert sent her a glare and suddenly they were in a staring contest. It ended with Robert folding, mumbling that he was sorry and Antonia offering him a forgiving smile and to try her homemade cookies. They started talking, really talking, and by the time Matthew came home, they were friends again. And at the dinner table it all felt like it used to be, and they all tried to ignore the empty chair.

But Sydney was great, just what Robert needed and since he was back on good terms with Antonia, it didn't matter that Matthew disappeared to the university every now and then. His friends were determined to show him a good time, they took him on day trips, pick nick, bowling, out clubbing. One night Matthew and Antonia even surprised Robert by taking him to an 'open mike night' and encouraged him to perform. Just like old times.

But when one of the two weeks had passed Robert received a phone call. At the time, he was alone in his friends' apartment, Matthew being at the university and Antonia out shopping groceries. At the end of the line was a professional female voice.

"Hello! My name is Pauline Holt, is this Robert Chase?"

"Yes, this is me"

"Good afternoon, Mr. Chase, we would just like to inform you that you mother, hm, Victoria Chase has chosen to leave the 'Sun and Shield'" her voice was bored and sounded quite indifferent to who was leaving what.

"Excuse me, what? She left? And you just let her go?" he felt panic creep upon him and the accusation in his voice made the woman in the other end come to life.

"My dear Mr. Chase, this is not a prison, all of our guests are here by choice and are free to terminate their visit whenever they wish to do so. It is, however, standard procedure when that happens that we contact the person in question's closest relatives, in this case you and a Mr. Harrison. That's the reason we called and now that I've done so, I wish you a good day" and with that she hung up.

However, that answer had not made him feel any better and he decided to call Father Harrison immediately. He reached him on the second dial and went straight away to explain the phone call he had received and to ask what had happened.

"Then she said they had contacted you and . . . How is she? Where is she? I can be home in just a couple of hours"

"Robert, Robert, calm down. Your mother is home and I share your wish that she would've stayed longer, but no one can force her to be there . . . May I suggest that you call her before you decide whether to stay or not"

Robert said good bye and then called his mother. Victoria actually sounded surprised when her son called. "Sweetie, how lovely to hear from you! Everything's ok I hope"

"Mum, are you quite sure that . . . I mean leaving the centre . . ." Robert wasn't quite sure what to say, how do you tell your mother how to behave?

"Oh, but honey, I'm feeling so much better and that place was never for me anyway. As I said to Father Harrison, no need to worry . . . Are you having a good time?"

"Yes, but do you want me to come home? It's just a couple of hours . . ."

"Robbie, don't be silly, there's no need for that. Now I want you to have a great time and tell me all about it when you get home. I love you, bye." After that Victoria hung up and she looked around in the empty house. The last thing she remembered from it, before she went to that awful place, was the time with Gary. What a dreadful man! Oh, stupid memories! They had tried to talk to her about him at the centre, but she had refused, what was the point? She hadn't even wanted to be there, a place full of patronizing, judgemental people trying to tell her what to do and what she couldn't do. But she had given it a chance, for Robbie, she could see that it had made him happy and she was glad that it had helped her son. Now he was studying at the seminary and went to Sydney to visit his friends. She was convinced that he was happy, now all she had to do was to convince him of the fact that he didn't need to worry about her, she would not be standing in the way of his happiness. And then no one would be able to say that she was a bad mother. But in her mind she could hear Sister Norah, Gary, and even Rowan, accusing her, judging her.

"Oh stupid voices! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up or I will make you!"