Nick sat quietly, his throat burning with anxiety. Even without his burning concern, his throat would throb anyway. Even as he looked across the table at the empty seat, his stomach churn unhappily. He felt sick all around. His head throbbed, his stomach churned, his throat burned, his arms and legs ached, and most of all, his heart was torn into a nothingness. Almost as if he never had a heart, like it melted away when he said all those things to Greg, and his "new lover-boy," Miles.
Nick's heart sank into his feet, and probably fell out through his toes, rolled across the floor, went up in flames, and was never seen or heard from again. He grumbled guiltily, looking out the window to the still rain-streaked mess of Vegas.
He swallowed deeply, thinking of everything he regretted, mainly how he should have comforted Greg. He cursed himself and how he knew he should have listened to his conscience. After that, every time Greg tried to talk to Nick, Nick felt into a lapse of regretful silence. When Nick tried to apologize to Greg, Nick found Miles, but Greg had disappeared. Nick was about to page Greg before he came home, but the message couldn't send. Greg's phone and pager were both turned off.
He bit his bottom lip as he stared blankly out into the rainy darkness that lay outside his door. He wished Greg was their, and somewhere in the midst of it all, his heart sparked as something knocked against the door. He stood up and walked to the door, looking out through the spy-hole. He saw nothing but the rain on the white-gray concrete.
He opened the door slowly, stepping out into the rain ahead of himself. He looked to the sky, letting the rain drip down onto his cheeks and eyelids. He closed the door silently, slowly, behind him. He turned his head slowly, like a statue, looking across the street, gazing at a couple with a gleam of curiosity. The couple was holding hands, hands stretched across the table, fingers lapsed together, smiles as they gazed into each other's eyes. He looked back to the sky slowly, thinking, imagining that couple there, sitting at the table, fingers tied together, practically attached at the hip, was Greg and himself. Greg slowly faded, smile disappearing into a frown on his face, slowly disappearing away into nothingness. Nick's fingers held onto nothingness, interloped with air and rain, his hand falling blankly onto the table as Greg disappeared.
No… they couldn't be like that anymore. All because Nick Stokes was a stupid, blundering idiot with nothing better then himself in his life! He cursed himself, cursed his being, his presence, his life. He felt, without Greg, that he should just disappear. He pondered how to disappear, and never be found again. But, he didn't want to go to that drastic of a measure.
The rain on his cheeks rang through to him, and he opened his eyes, turning his head in another direction, seeing another couple. This couple was walking, hands clasped together. Nick didn't see the couple, though. He saw himself and Greg, walking, but Greg faded and was replaced by rainy image of nothing. Nick's hand fell to his side, and he too disappeared slowly as he walked onward, as if never noticing Greg's leaving. He didn't want that to happen, though. He didn't want that to happen! He wanted to notice Greg, hold his hand. A tear stung at his eye, then flowed freely down his cheek. He had blank, exhausted look on his face, mouth open blankly; eyes blankly watching the couple walk away.
Quiet now. Nick was walking. Silence all around him. Couples walking around him, each couple silent… or maybe he just couldn't hear them. He didn't see them, he only saw himself with Greg. But Greg disappeared each time, and thus brought forth another tear to stream down his cheek. He cried, but it only looked like it was the rain streaming down his cheeks. But they were tears… salty, painful tears.
He lay in bed, the stereo playing in the background outside his room. It was playing some songs that Greg had burned onto a CD for him, given to him a couple weeks back.
I asked her to stay but she wouldn't listen. She left before I had the chance to say. Oh! The words that would mend the things that were broken. But now it's far too late, she's gone away.
Nick thought it surprising. It played perfectly for him. Copying and singing his every thought.
Every night you cry yourself to sleep. Thinking: "Why does this happen to me? Why does every moment have to be so hard?" Hard to believe it. It's not over tonight. Just give me one more chance to make it right. I may not make it through the night. I won't go home without you. The taste of her breath, I'll never get over. The noises that she made kept me awake. Oh… The weight of things remains unspoken. Built up so much it crushed us everyday!
He was crying, listening to the perfectly played lyrics. He didn't recall Greg putting this song on the CD, though. He was crying heavily, tears streaming down his cheeks. He couldn't think of anything else but Greg while listening to this.
Every night you cry yourself to sleep. Thinking: "Why does this happen to me? Why does every moment have to be so hard?" Hard to believe it. It's not over tonight. Just give me one more chance to make it right! I may not make it through the night! I won't go home without you! It's not over tonight. Just give me one more chance to make it right! I may not make it through the night! I won't go home without you! Of all the things I felt but never really shown... Perhaps the worst is that I ever let you go! I should not ever let you go, oh, oh, oh! It's not over tonight. Just give me one more chance to make it right! I may not make it through the night! I won't go home without you! It's not over tonight! Just give me one more chance to make it right! I may not make it though the night! I won't go home without you!
He was sobbing, his tears dripping down his cheeks, onto his chest then onto the sheet of his bed. His tears burned like his heart, broken up into small pieces, all sullen and regretful. He knew what he had to do, even in all his tears that weld up inside him still. He stood up slowly, tears clung to his chest. He took the CD out and popped it into his CD player, putting on his jacket, still shirtless as he stepped out his door.
His chest burned, his lungs flaring as he ran. Greg lived to far away for him to run in this condition all the way there, he knew that. But he didn't care. All he cared about was getting to Greg's before his heart gave into darkness.
He was at the park now, lungs burning in his chest. He felt his temperature rising, but he didn't care, he kept going.
How dare you say that my behavior is unacceptable. So condescending unnecessarily critical. I have the tendency of getting very physical. So watch your step cause if I do you'll need a miracle! You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here. This Double Vision I was seeing is finally clear. You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone. Not fit to fucking tread the ground that I'm walking on. When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love. You'll understand what I mean when I say. There's no way we're gonna' give up. And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams! Is there anyone out there because it's getting harder and harder to breathe…? Is there anyone out there because it's getting harder and harder to breathe…?
The music rang in his ears as he ran towards Greg's apartment. His lungs burned insanely, and he could barely breathe.
What you are doing is screwing up things inside my head. You should know better. You've never listened to a word I've said! Clutching your pillow and writhing in naked sweat. Hoping someday somebody will do you like I did! When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love… you'll understand what I mean when I say there's no way we're gonna give up! Like a little girl cries in the face of the monster that lives in her dreams! Is there anyone out there because it's getting harder and harder to breathe…? Is there anyone out there because it's getting harder and harder to breathe…? Does it kill? Does it burn? Is it painful to learn… that I'm the one that has all the control? Does it thrill? Does it sting? When you feel what I bring and you wish that you had me to hold? When it gets cold outside and you've got nobody to love… you'll understand what I mean when I say there's no way we're gonna give up! Like a girl in the face of the monster that lives in her dreams…
Nick's lungs were burning, and he couldn't breathe. He was so close to Greg's apartment, he could see it from here. But, he knew he couldn't make it. His knees gave out under him, and he was down on his knees, pleading himself to keep going, and at least try to apologize to Greg first, and then give out… he didn't care if they gave out then.
"Greg!" He screeched breathlessly, dizzy and about to flare over. "I'm… I'm… sorry…" he finished, dizziness taking over, his lungs flaring inside him to get breathe, but cannot pump any longer. He was going to die if nobody noticed soon… he would… die. He fell over onto his face, his lungs screaming at him to breathe.
Is anyone out there because it is getting harder and harder to breathe…? Is there anyone out there 'because it's getting' harder and harder to breathe…? Is there anyone out there… because it's getting' harder and harder to breathe…?
Nick fell flat on his face, water bubbling into his mouth as he tried to breathe. He couldn't breathe… he knew he was going to… to… die.
Darkness settled in his eyes, and he felt cold. Was this how death felt…? It had to be. The last thing Nick recalled before his death was someone over him, scooping him up in their arms. So warm…. But he was cold, dieing…