Disclaimer: I do not own any character or anything from SOA. I do this for fun.
A/N: Thanks once again to everyone who is reading and enjoying this.
CHAPTER TEN
Opie stood in the doorway of the bedroom, Sarah was on the bed with her back towards him despite the fact it was the middle of the day. It had been three days since Kozik had died and she'd spent most of them in bed.
He got it, he did. When Donna was gunned down he had wanted to crawl inside of himself and never come out but he didn't have that option. He'd had the kids to worry about, for them he'd kept moving even if he'd felt like a zombie.
"Sarah? Baby?" He toed off his boots and got on the bed with her. She didn't pull away from his touch as he wrapped an arm and leg over her. Opie shut his eyes when she wrapped her hands tightly around his arm.
"I don't know what I'd do if you weren't here," Sarah's voice was low, a little rough which he figured was from all of the tears that she'd shed. "I couldn't have done this without you Op, I mean that."
"I love you Sarah, it kills me to see you like this. You've got to tell me what I can do to make it better." He needed for her to say something, for her to give him something that he could do before he went insane.
He'd spent the past three days remembering how he and Lee had just stood there while she tended to Kozik's body. She'd cried the entire time, silent tears running down her face. Opie's heart tightened even now at just the memory of the way she'd kissed Kozik on the lips before walking behind him as he was wheeled to the crematorium.
"Make it better?" Sarah sighed. "It's not something you can make better Opie. You can't bring him back. No one can. I just... it just all feels like a bad dream."
"I know," Opie pressed his face against her hair, "but it's not. He might be gone but you're still alive. He wouldn't have wanted to see you like this." He frowned and held her tighter as she began to sob. Fuck! Everything he'd said had been intended to comfort her, apparently he was failing miserably.
"I'm sorry," she choked out the words. "I'm sorry you have to deal with me like this."
"Shhh," Opie pressed his lips to her hair. "I just want to take care of you Sarah. I love you."
"He loved me too."
"Of course he did," he assured her. "You meant a lot to him Sarah."
"No Opie, I mean he loved me. He told me, in his letter, he loved me and I didn't know. I never realized it. I should have realized it. He loved me and I..." She let out a sharp hiss of pain as his grip tightened around her. "Ouch, Opie."
He loosened his grip immediately, took his hands completely off of her and sat up. "Were you in love with him?"
"You know that I loved him, he was my best friend Opie. You know that."
"That is not what I'm fucking asking," he growled the words even though he knew this was the wrong road to go down. This was no a fight they needed to have but he couldn't stop himself.
"Fuck you Opie, fuck you." For the first time in days Sarah got out of bed without him prodding her. There was fire in her eyes and venom in her voice. "How dare you ask me that?"
"It's just a question Sarah and by the way you're acting, I have my answer." He rose to his feet. "If you were so much in love with him why did you even let me in your house?"
"Because I love you, asshole. That's why! I've always loved you. You want to ask questions? Fine, let me ask you something Opie. If Donna was still breathing, would you even be here?" Without giving him a chance to respond she continued to speak. "Oh wait, I know your answer by the way that you're acting! Don't even bother to act like this was more than a pit stop for you Opie, I knew it and I still let you in the fucking door."
The fight would have continued to go downhill from there but the sound of the doorbell echoed through the room. "We are not done with this, leave the fucking door."
"Fuck off," Sarah retorted as she stalked out of the room.
"I said leave the fucking door!" Opie bellowed as he followed her but she didn't listen. Instead she jerked the door open and they were both surprised to see Jax standing on the porch.
For a moment the three just stared at once another. Finally Jax cleared his throat. "Bad time?"
"What's going on Brother?" Opie questioned.
"We need to talk Op, in private."
"Knock yourselves out," Sarah shoved her feet into flip flops and grabbed her keys.
"We're not done here Sarah, go back to the room and I'll be there when I'm done." Opie told her as Jax stepped inside.
"That better have been a joke," Sarah shot him a glare.
"I really hate to break up whatever this is but I do need to talk to you Op, it's important. Club shit."
"And that would be my cue to leave my own fucking house. Just perfect," Sarah stalked out the door and let it slam behind her.
3
Sarah didn't know why she ended up at Kozik's apartment except that she didn't know where else to go and it needed to be cleaned out anyway. Much to her surprise he'd left a will, a will that left her everything.
The place was a dump, he'd hated staying there which was why he'd stayed the time that he did at her house. Seeing it without him there was a kick to the gut. Everything was a kick to the gut these days and after the screaming match she'd just had with Opie she was feeling especially tender.
Had she loved Kozik more than just a friend? It wasn't something that she'd ever let herself think about but now that she was thinking about it Sarah found the fact hard to deny. He'd been everything to her for a very long time. While they'd never crossed the line into sex there was a moment that stuck out in her mind though she'd tried her best to forget it.
It had been a Friday and he'd elected to not go to the party SAMTAC was throwing for the hell of it. Instead he'd shown up at her house with Chinese, a stack of movies, twelve pack of beer and bottle of Jack Daniels. They'd eaten, put on the movies but paid significantly more attention to the drinking. She'd had a shit day at work and he'd matched her drink for drink. After about an hour Sarah had been feeling no pain, stretched out on the couch with her feet on his lap bitching about the world.
And then somehow she'd been in his lap and her mouth had been on his. To this day she wasn't certain who had initiated the kiss but it was easy to recall the heat that had spread through her body.
It had been Kozik who stopped the kiss from going further, he'd cupped her face in his hands and pressed his lips to her forehead. "Don't do something that you're going to regret."
And she would have regretted it, he'd known her well enough to know that. They'd never spoken of it again and it was only now she was able to realize exactly what that must have cost him. He'd loved her. He'd wanted her.
The tears came again and they weren't only for what she'd already lost, they were for what she realized that she might be losing. Sarah had never expected that Opie would remain in Tacoma, she'd just shouted that at him but now that she'd seen Jax she was sure that whatever time he had left here was going to be limited.
And there was a good chance that the last things that she got to say to him were going to be the angry words that they had. She knew Opie, knew the look on his face. When he was that mad he didn't always think straight. And neither did she, when things were good with them they'd been great but when they fought it got ugly, just like today.
As much as she wanted to just stay in this shitty apartment, surrounded by Kozik's things, she knew that she couldn't.
3
"Everything is going to shit Op, I need you back in Charming. Samcro needs you. I know that being here is important to you. I'm sorry about Kozik, sorry for you and sorry for Sarah." Jax took a sip of the coffee Opie had made. "But you need to come home and not just for the club, you need to come home for the kids."
"The Lerners' aren't exactly my biggest fans Jax, they were pretty clear about my lifestyle making me not fit to be a father."
"Whatever they think, those are your kids. Kenny cut school again the other day, spent the day at the garage with Piney and all he did was talk about you. You're all that they have left Op. It's time. Besides, after everything you just told me about Sarah and Kozik do you really want to stay here? Stay with her?"
"Don't start Jax."
"I'm not starting, just stating facts. Jesus Christ Op, I went to the clubhouse before I came here and they're not talking about her like she lost a friend. They're talking about her like she lost her Old Man, fuck there's a collection going on to make sure that she doesn't get evicted now that she's not working."
"She's what?"
"You didn't know?" Jax let out a sigh. "Look, this whole thing is fucked up and I'm sorry for that. I can give you another couple of days but I need you back at home."
"Don't need 'em," Opie spoke gruffly. He knew the type of collections that Jax was talking about, clubs from all over the country would contribute and they weren't for friends. They were for family, for Old Ladies left without any other options. The Sons took care of their own. For all these years he'd thought of Sarah as his but now the cold hard truth was starting to filter in.
Kozik had a key to her house, clothes in her closet and he'd watched with his own eyes as she'd bathed and dressed him with such care that Lee had gruffly coughed to hide the emotion he was experiencing.
"You sure?"
"Positive. Just let me grab my shit."
3
His bike was gone. Sarah parked in the empty spot with a sigh. More likely than not she'd find him at the SAMTAC club house with Jax, a visit from the Charming VP would mean a party. It was one of the better excuses that they would use.
One thing was for sure, she wasn't in any shape to walk into the club house but if that was where Opie was, it was where she needed to be but not in the pajamas that she'd had on for the past three days.
She decided to shower, change and head down. Honestly she probably needed a shower even if Opie had been too nice to point it out to her. The house was quiet which was no surprise but the letter that she found on the center of her bed made her heart skip a beat. It took only a glance around to see that everything Opie had taken out of his saddle bags was gone.
Sarah,
They need me back in Charming, things are complicated there and I have to go. It's not just the club, it's my kids.
Maybe coming here was a mistake for both of us. It seems like you had a good thing going with Kozik. The club is taking up a fund for you, you won't starve or get evicted even though you got fired. You didn't mention that.
For what it's worth, I love you. I'll always love you.
Opie
Sarah read the note three times, dropped the paper to the floor and crawled back into the bed. The pillow still carried Opie's scent as did the blankets and sheets. If she shut her eyes and tried really hard she could pretend that he was just down at the club house, pretend that she hadn't walked out on the man that she loved after an angry fight and pretend that the whole world just hadn't fallen to fucking pieces.
3
Someone was knocking on the door, someone determined enough that they were still knocking a full five minutes after Sarah began to ignore the sound. It had been over a week since Kozik died, four days since Opie left and she'd yet to leave the house. Hell, she'd barely left the bedroom.
It was full of dishes that needed to be washed, half empty glasses and a general feeling of despair which suited her just fine.
With a growl Sarah got out of the bed, stumbled through the house and yanked open the door. "What?" The word slipped out of her mouth before her eyes fully focused on the man standing on the other side. Of all the people she'd considered might be standing on the other side of the door, she'd never considered Piney Winston.
"Cat got your tongue Girlie?" He questioned, his voice more strained than the last time she'd seen him.
"What are you doing here Mr. Winston?"
"Told you enough times, fucking call me Piney. You going to let me in or let me freeze my balls off on your porch?"
"Opie's not here Piney."
"No shit, you know for a smart girl you're saying some really stupid shit right now," he made a sound somewhere between a cough and a wheeze.
"Christ, come in Piney." Sarah stepped back and let him in. She shut the door behind him. "What are you doing here?"
"We need to talk," he said, he'd always been blunt. "I'm not sure which one of you has your head farther up your own ass, you or my boy."
"What about Opie?"
"He's on a fucking suicide mission, that's what. Hasn't been right in the head since he came back. Something tells me that you know why."
"He was... upset at how I handled Kozik's passing."
"Yeah, that was rough. He was a good guy, even if he was a shithead most of the time. Never realized that you were his Old Lady."
"I wasn't."
"Sons don't take up collections at random."
"I never asked for that. We were friends, really good friends."
"Fucking friends?"
"No, it wasn't like that. I never.. he never.. I didn't know how he felt and when I found out it was..."
"You love my son?"
"You know I do Piney, I've always loved him."
"Then answer me one simple question, what the fuck are you still doing here? And when was the last time you showered?" He demanded. Sarah simply looked at him and burst into tears.
"Jesus Christ, don't start the water works. Answer the question."
She inhaled deeply, tried to compose herself. Piney didn't suffer fools, or tears. "He left."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Piney let out a snort of disgust. "I just spent way too long in that cage to sit here and listen to you feel sorry for yourself. It's time to put on your big girl panties and make a decision. Either you love my boy or you loved Kozik and want to stay here wallowing. The choice is yours Girlie. Make it."
"I love Opie."
"Good, now it's a long ride back. I'm going to rest my eyes a bit while you go shower and get what you need."
3
Opie slammed the front door of the house behind him, the sound echoed but there was no one to complain. His kids were still with their grandparents, he'd tried to take them home with him because it was what Kenny wanted but they'd held firm. He'd signed the papers giving them temporary custody so they could take the kids to the doctor or make school decisions while he was gone and now the papers were being used against him.
Sure, they'd let him see the kids when they said that he could but unless he was prepared to hand in his cut, black out his ink and be exiled from the town he'd grown up in they were taking the temporary arrangement to the next step. Much like Donna they were trying to force his hand, make his decisions for him and he wasn't going to let them do it any more than he'd have allowed her to.
So here he was, alone. Alone and pissed. The prepay in his pocket chirped. "What?" He demanded when he answered, he wanted time on his own.
"It's me," Jax didn't need to identify himself. "You seen Piney? Clay's looking for him and he's not answering the phone."
"Probably at the cabin, getting drunk. What's going on? What's Clay want?"
"Not sure, don't think it's anything really. You know Clay."
Opie sighed and hung his head down. The idea that he'd had of drinking himself into a stupor was gone. "I'll head up to the cabin, check on the old bastard. You know he's going to put his foot straight up my ass for bothering him when he's in a bottle."
"Want me to head up with you?"
"Nah, the ride will do me good."
"Things didn't go well with Donna's parents?"
"I'll call you when I find him," Opie replied. He ended the call and immediately dialed a second number. The phone rang and rang, Sarah's recorded voice greeted him and he could picture the machine turning on in her kitchen. Either she still was in bed or she had ignored the call, either way he didn't know why the fuck he'd bothered calling.
Anger had driven him to leave Tacoma along with confusion because while he'd suspected that Kozik loved Sarah, it had been a whole different story to know that it was the truth and to know that Sarah knew it as well. He'd left without thinking too much but had expected that she'd contact him, that she'd call and blast him for leaving. He'd expected that she'd react in some way to him being gone but instead it had been nothing but silence.
3
"Son of a bitch," Piney's colorful language had become background noise for Sarah. He cursed the other drivers on the road with a steady stream of filth. Somehow it was comforting and she'd been able to doze off.
She woke now because he jammed on the brakes and she was thrown forward. "What the..."
They were surrounded by bikers and for a split second Sarah could clearly see her demise, Piney had filled her in on the fact that tensions were high between rival clubs in the area since Donna had been gunned down. But once she looked closer she saw that the riders were in fact Sons, why they were surrounding the car was beyond her.
Piney rolled down the window. "What's the problem?"
"Where the hell have you been Old Man?" Jax questioned as he walked closer to the car. "Had the entire club out looking for you. Can't just go AWOL with everything that's been going down."
Sarah knew the second that he leaned down and realized that it was her in the front seat because he swore a blue streak. "Nice to see you too Jax." She slid down further in the seat as he told the other guys to take off. All of them took long looks at her. To most of them she'd have been a stranger but she saw a glimmer of recognition in Tig's expression.
"You went to Tacoma to get her?"
"She's got a name, use it." Piney told him. "Can you think of anyone else who might be able to talk some sense into Opie?"
"No," he admitted with a sigh, "I actually can't."
"Alright then, what's the fucking problem?"
"Opie's up at the cabin, he figured you'd show up there sooner or later."
"We'll head up there then, get this shit settled once and for all."
"No," Jax shook his head, "I'll take Sarah up. You need to head to TM, Clay needs you for something."
"Go on with Jax Honey," Piney reached over and patted her leg. He must have seen something in her expression because he chuckled. "Don't worry, he'll behave."
"What about my stuff?"
"I'll take it over to the house, it'll be fine."
Piney was pretty damn certain that everything would be fine, he must have said it a dozen times on the way down but Sarah didn't share the same feeling. Right now nothing in her life was fine, everything was torn apart and she didn't know how the hell she was going to fix it.
The Caddy pulled away before she'd made it around the back of the car to where Jax had left his bike. "Look," she cleared her throat, "I get that you don't like me which is fine but if we could just not get into it right now that would be fantastic."
"I don't want to start with you Sarah, believe it or not all I want is for Opie to not be actively trying to get himself killed. He's walked towards gun fire, strolling away from bombs like he's got all the damn time in the world. If it keeps up... he'll be as dead as Kozik."
"Yeah, I know. Piney told me some things on the way down. I'm scared too Jax, I'm really scared."
"You remember how to ride?"
Sarah nodded, she'd ridden with Kozik the week before his untimely death and it was one of her favorite things for them to do. She'd hoped to ride with Opie, well maybe she'd be able to after all. "I remember."
3
It was the rumble of a bike engine that woke Opie. "Fuck." It better have been Piney finally showing up, explaining where the fuck he'd taken off to in the middle of some serious shit.
Opie stomped to the door, yanked it open and saw Sarah standing at the bottom step of the porch. She'd obviously come on the back of Jax's bike, his friend held up a hand in a wave before pulling away. "What are you doing here?"
"We need to talk," she started up the stairs. "Can we talk?"
He motioned for her to go inside, held himself still even though he wanted to grab her and never let go. She moved slowly, rubbed her arms with her hands which he knew was a sign that she was nervous.
"First off, Piney's alright. He was gone because he came to get me," she turned to face him as he shut the door. "What the hell are you thinking?"
"What?"
"What the hell are you thinking?" She repeated. "Are you trying to get yourself killed or something? Walking towards gun fire? Not running away from a bomb set to explode? Seriously Opie, what the fuck?"
"Don't see how that concerns you," Opie told her as he walked over and sat down on the couch. "Surprised you came."
"Yeah well I was pretty damn surprised that you left!"
"Surprised you noticed that," he replied, a burst of anger spiraled through him at the memory. She'd been completely broken at the loss of Kozik very much the way that he'd been broken after Donna.
"I didn't love him like I love you! But I did and it hurt to lose him. Hurt to know that he wasn't going to be around again which didn't hurt half as much as walking in and you being gone. I should have talked to you, I should have... I don't know what I should have done. I don't know what to do now."
Opie rose to his feet, crossed the room so that he was in front of her. He towered over her, Sarah had no choice but to look up at him. Her eyes were shiny with tears, he was surprised that she had any left in her. There were dark circles beneath her eyes, her hair was pulled back in a braid and she didn't even have earrings on.
Silence stretched between them and he was torn, part of him knew just how dangerous it was for her to be in Charming and to be with him. It put her right in the middle of what was bound to be a bloody war but he didn't want to send her back to Tacoma. He wanted her there with him but she had to want that as well, despite what she'd just said self doubt reared its head and made him wonder if she was there out of a feeling of responsibility.
"It would really help if you said something," her voice was husky with emotion. Tears slipped out of the corners of her eyes. "If you don't want me here, you can say it."
"Is that what you want?" Opie brought his hands up to wipe the tears off of her face. "If it is, why did you even come here?"
"Doesn't matter what I want," Sarah trembled as his hands moved to cup her face, "you're the one who left Opie and if it's because you don't want to be with me..."
"Shut up," he had to remind himself not to grip her face too tight. He didn't want to hurt her. "I love you Sarah, I want to be with you." More than wanting to be with her, he was pretty sure that he needed to be.
"And we'd live in Charming?"
"Yes," he replied, for a moment he feared that she wouldn't be willing to leave Tacoma and he knew that he belonged in Charming.
"Okay," Sarah replied, "I'm moving to Charming."
"Just like that?" He questioned though it was exactly wanted to hear.
"It's not just like that Opie. It's what I've wanted since I was seventeen. I'd actually say it's more like about damn time than just like that."
Opie couldn't help it, he laughed and leaned down to kiss her deeply. "I love you Sarah."
"I love you too."