Following their tryst in the periodicals storage room, Sirius was more reserved than usual, and seemed hesitant to be alone with Remus. He still seemed eager to spend whatever free time he could manage with him, however, for which Remus was relieved. Remus knew he had crossed a line, even if he did not fully understand what the line meant, and that it might take Sirius a while to feel comfortable being alone with him again.

The weather was beginning to turn colder and wetter as the end of October approached, and it was no longer convenient nor pleasant to spend Sirius's breaks outside the library, so they began meeting at the tables near the cafe instead. Sirius would remove his name-tag to indicate to anyone who might see them together that he was not working during those moments, and he and Remus would hold hands across the table, sharing a brief kiss in greeting, and another before Sirius returned to work.

"So do you have any plans for Halloween?" Sirius asked.

He was working behind the circulation desk that afternoon. Remus was leaning across it, fingers resting lightly on top of Sirius's, thumb stroking the side of Sirius's hand. They often lingered there at the end of the day, before Remus left the library. If the book drop was not full, and no other patrons needed his immediate attention, Sirius could spare a few minutes to chat.

Remus shook his head. "Classes this evening, and then I need to study tonight."

"All work and no play again, huh?" Sirius chuckled.

Remus smiled. "I play sometimes."

Sirius's cheeks flushed. "Listen, about the other day ..."

"It's fine," said Remus quickly. "Really. I mean, I like spending time with you, but it doesn't have to mean ... that. I just sort of got carried away in the moment, you know?"

Sirius relaxed slightly, and gave Remus a heart-stopping smile. "Yeah. I like spending time with you, too." He cleared his throat. "In fact, I was thinking it might be nice if -"

He broke off as one of the other librarians - the Children's librarian, Remus thought - appeared behind the desk, pushing a bin full of books from the book drop.

"I don't mean to interrupt," she said, giving them a wink, "but you should probably start scanning these in ASAP. I just saw McGonagall making the rounds."

Sirius straightened up, glancing around, his hand slipping out from under Remus's. "Thanks," he muttered.

"Nice of her to give you a heads-up," commented Remus, as the other librarian disappeared into the back room.

"Yeah. She looks out for me. She says we queers have to stick together." He gave Remus an apologetic smile. "I guess I should get you checked out."

He typed Remus's name and phone number into the computer.

"So you know my phone number by heart now?" teased Remus.

Sirius blushed. "Well, I check you out more than anyone else who uses the library."

"Good to know," Remus grinned. "I check you out sometimes, too."

Sirius frowned at the computer screen. "Looks like you have an overdue. Oh, it's that same one again. LGBTQ Youth Issues."

Remus's smile faded. "Oh. Um. Can you renew it again for me?"

"You're still not done with it?" Sirius asked, surprised. "If it's that important for your classes, maybe you should just buy a copy."

"Yeah, maybe," said Remus, not meeting his eyes.

"I can't renew it again," said Sirius. "Sorry. Two renewals is the limit. You'll have to return it. But if no one else has a hold on it, you can check it right back out again."

Remus hesitated. "Um. What if I ... lost it?"

"Oh." Sirius blinked. "Well, um, in that case, you'd have to pay a fee to replace it."

"How much of a fee?"

"Let me just look up the replacement cost," said Sirius, tapping at the keyboard. "Here it is. Oh! Um ..."

"What?"

"It - it's out of print. And the library doesn't have another copy."

Remus felt a sinking sensation in his stomach. "What does that mean?"

"It means it's ... expensive to replace." Sirius looked distressed.

"How expensive?"

Reluctantly, Sirius turned the computer monitor to show him the screen.

Remus's mouth dropped open in shock. "Nine hundred dollars?!" he gasped. "But - it was just an old paperback!"

"I'm really sorry," said Sirius.

Remus felt ill. Nine hundred dollars was more than he usually made in a month. It would take him a lot of extra nights when he should be sleeping or studying to make up that amount.

"W-what happens now?" he asked faintly. "Can I - not check out books anymore?"

Sirius bit his lip. "That depends on whether or not I report it lost. If I do, then yeah, you wouldn't be able to check anything out until you took care of it."

"And if you don't?"

"Then the library keeps treating it like an overdue. The fine is twenty-five cents per day. Your account gets frozen when it hits fifteen dollars. After twenty-five, the library sends it to a collections agency. You're at three dollars for previous overdue fees right now, just so you know."

"Are you allowed to do that?" asked Remus shakily. "Not report it? You wouldn't get in trouble?"

"I dunno about 'allowed'," said Sirius, "but since I'm the only one who knows it's lost, I can pretend you never told me."

"And can I just keep paying down my account a few dollars at a time, to keep it unfrozen?"

Sirius frowned. "I think so."

"OK." Remus took out his wallet, and passed Sirius three one dollar bills with a hand that shook. "It - um - if it did get reported lost, would the bill go to the address on my account?"

Sirius nodded. "Is it an old address? I can update it for you, if you have a piece of official mail showing your current address."

"It's my parents' address," Remus mumbled, looking down. "I-I'd rather not get them involved."

"Oh. Well, like I said ..."

"Yeah. I'll ... um ... try to remember to bring some mail in next time," said Remus, still not meeting his eyes. "I have to go now. Classes."

"I'm sorry," Sirius said again, looking it. "I hope the book turns up."

"Yeah, me too."

"OK, let's go over it again," said Lily. "Where have you checked, and where else could it be?"

"We've looked everywhere at your place," said Remus, counting off on his fingers. "It's not in the lost and found at the kitchen. I checked the library shelves all through the 300s, in case I left it there and it got re-shelved by accident. I asked Professor Vector and Professor Flitwick last night after classes, but neither of them had seen it. The only other places I can think of that it might be are the college library, which was closed last night, the tent city encampment up in the U district, or the men's shelter down by Pioneer Square. If it's not there, then I probably left it in a park or a cafe or something, or someone took it when I wasn't looking."

"The college is closest. Let's check there, next. Or would you rather split up to cover more ground?" Lily asked.

"Let's stick together for now," said Remus. "If it's there today, it will be there tomorrow, and in the meantime, the library will only charge me another quarter. Anyway, I'm less likely to freak out if I have someone to talk to."

"It's going to be OK, Remus," Lily assured him, taking his hand as they set out towards the college. "One way or another, we'll figure this out."

"It's not your problem, Lils," said Remus glumly. "Thanks for helping me look, though."

"I can give you some of the money," Lily said tentatively. "As my dad always says, 'a problem isn't a problem if you can throw money at it and make it go away'."

"Not having the money is the problem," Remus frowned, hunching his shoulders against the light drizzle. "And I'm not taking any of yours. You're supposed to be saving up for school."

"I can spare some. Helping my friends is important, too."

Remus shook his head, grimacing. "I can get the money, if I have to. It will just mean a lot of extra work, and maybe doing some things I usually wouldn't. There's plenty of kinky shit people will pay extra for."

They stopped at a stoplight, and Lily gave him a concerned look. "Don't burn yourself out over this. Didn't Sirius say you could pay it off a little at a time, and keep your account open?"

"Yeah." Remus shrugged uncomfortably. "But I really don't like having it hanging over me. One way or another, I'll have to pay it off eventually."

"Only if you don't find the book."

"True," said Remus, but he did not feel hopeful.

Lily squeezed his hand. "So, library fines aside, how are things?"

Remus sighed. "Great, I guess. I mean, everything was going really well, you know? The other day in the magazine room things got so hot, for a minute I thought we were going to do it right there."

"That sounds pretty great," grinned Lily.

"Yeah. It was, at the time. But I got so caught up in the moment that I wasn't thinking. Like, it never even occurred to me that he wouldn't want to. I forgot that most people aren't as casual about sex as you and me, and I guess I figured someone who looks like him would be used to getting all the sex he ever wanted."

"So he's not like the guys you're used to dealing with. Is that such a surprise?" asked Lily.

Remus shrugged. "I guess it was. I didn't really think about that, but I guess you're right. I'm used to guys who only want one thing from me. Why else would he be interested?"

"You're right," said Lily, with a deadpan expression. "Apart from your fine ass and reasonably nice face, you are a completely unlikeable and uninteresting person. That's what I look for in a best friend."

Remus smiled. "Well, you were friends with Severus ..."

Lily winced. "Don't. I'm not ready to joke about that yet."

"Sorry."

"It's OK. I just meant that maybe Sirius can see your heart, like I can."

"Well, if that's the case, so far he just seems to want to make out with my heart," joked Remus grimly as they entered the Seattle Central College grounds. "I dunno how much longer we can keep this up without any awkward questions coming up. I've had the feeling the last couple of days that there's something he wants to ask me, but he hasn't quite gotten up the nerve."

Lily frowned. "You think he's guessed something?"

"Maybe. I mean, we both know there are things the other isn't talking about. It's natural to try to guess, isn't it?"

"I won't say James hasn't asked me what your deal is," Lily admitted.

"What have you told him?"

In the entryway of the college library, Lily stopped and turned towards him, smiling. "What do you think I've told him? That you're a great guy, and Sirius is lucky to have you."

Remus gave her a reluctant grin. "Thanks."

"So do you have any idea what it might be that he's not telling you?" Lily asked curiously.

"I dunno," shrugged Remus. "I'm guessing it's something to do with his parents. He said they didn't have a great relationship even before he came out, and that he was the one who decided to leave."

Lily's expression softened. "You think he was abused?"

"It fits," said Remus. "Lots of abuse victims experience feelings of guilt and shame that keep them from talking about it. And as jumpy as he is about sex, maybe -" he broke off, shaking his head. "I'll just have to tread carefully with him."

"Didn't you say he had a younger brother?" asked Lily. "If it was that kind of abuse, he wouldn't have left him behind, would he?"

"Yeah, he did say so." Remus frowned, puzzled. "But if that's not it, I dunno what else it could be."

"Well, whatever it is, I do think he's lucky to have you," said Lily fondly.

Remus looked down. "Dunno how lucky he'll feel when he actually finds out about me."

Stepping closer, Lily hugged him. "That's a problem for another day. C'mon. Let's go see if they have your book here."

The book was not at the college library, nor was it at the homeless encampment, nor at the men's shelter, nor anywhere else Remus could think to look for it in the week that followed. He had not expected to find it. Seattle was a large city, and he had covered a lot of ground since checking the book out in August. It might be sitting quietly on someone's shelf now, or mouldering in a landfill somewhere, or have been used for tinder in a fire that kept someone warm for a night. Wherever it was, Remus was not going to find it. He would have to pay the nine hundred dollar fine.

Remus knew he could not avoid the library forever, and that when he went back, Sirius would ask if he had had any luck finding the book. He had received a few text messages to that effect in the intervening days, but left them unanswered. It was bad enough that he had lost a valuable book, and that he would somehow have to come up with the money to replace it, without facing Sirius's anxious questions, too.

When at last Remus returned to the library, he was exhausted. He had spent the weekend studying in the college library during the day, and meeting as many clients as possible in the evenings. Sirius was working behind the circulation desk when Remus arrived, helping a patron. Remus ducked his head and hurried to the escalator, hoping he had not been seen.

He barely had time to look up the call number for the book he needed, and locate it on the shelf, when he heard quick footsteps hurrying along the spiral path.

"Hey," said Sirius hesitantly. "I saw you come in."

"You looked busy. I just needed to get a book." Remus kept his eyes fixed on the shelf in front of him.

"I haven't seen you in a week. You haven't answered any of my texts. Did I do something wrong?"

"It's not you."

"Is it about the book?" asked Sirius. "It's not that big a deal. People lose library materials all the time. I know that one was pricier than most, but if you pay it off a little at a time -"

"It is a big deal, Sirius," Remus snapped, looking up. "It's a very big deal to me. I can't afford it. I have student loans coming out my ass. I have to keep myself fed and clothed. I can only work so many hours a week. Don't you get it? I have no money."

Sirius blinked and took a step back. "I do get it. It's a lot. I get why that would freak you out. But you really don't have to pay it right away. And - if you needed, I could cover some of it. I don't mind."

"Then I'd just be in debt to you instead of the library," Remus scowled. "How would that help?"

"No, you wouldn't," said Sirius. "You wouldn't have to pay me back."

"Thanks but no thanks," said Remus. "I'd still feel like I owed you. This is embarrassing enough for me. I don't want that kind of unbalanced relationship."

He did not ask the question he was thinking: Why would you do that for me? If you don't want sex, what do you want?

Sirius was quiet for a moment, then he said, "I thought we weren't calling this a relationship."

"Whatever this is." Remus waved an impatient hand between them. "I don't want you paying my way, just because you have money and I don't."

"OK," said Sirius. "Then what are you going to do?"

Remus looked away. "I'll figure something out."