Out of all of your bad days this had to be on the top ten list. You were speechless for a moment, as your eyes traced over Lucifer's body, his blonde hair matted slightly from the blood cause by the impact of his face hitting the floor. He was breathing, that was good, but his scream still echoed in your ears. It must have taken incredible pain to get him to make that sound and if anything told you about what condition his wings were in without seeing them, that was it. The very thought made you cringe. With a deep breath, you peeled your eyes away from him and turned around to face the three men behind you.

"Gabe," your voice broke as you said his name, walking slowly around Lucifer's body, still lying on the floor of his room, "Gabe, you have to do it." Tears began to well up in your eyes.

"(y/n)," He began in protest but you shook your head.

"I know-" you voice cracked, "I know it's dangerous but I don't know what else to do," you rubbed your face and briefly glanced at Gabriel and then to Sam and Dean who were looking over the whole scene just as tensley from the doorway.

"Gabriel, what is she talking about?" Sam's smooth voice questioned, finally tucking his gun away into his waistband.

"He needs to touch my soul, so he can heal Lucifer," You answered.

"Oh hell no," came the gravelly voice from behind Sam. You briefly glared at Dean but returned your attention quickly to Lucifer's body at your feet.

"Dean's right (y/n), It's too dangerous," Sam joined in the protest and you sighed, bringing your eyes back up to Gabriel.

"I have to," you silently pled with all of them, searching their expressions for some hope, "And if I die, I swear I'll haunt all of your asses," you tried to make the situation feel lighter, tried to joke, and maybe even smile, but the words came out hoarse as tears streaked down your cheeks. You waited, not bothering to wipe away the tears, as you looked at Gabe who, to your dismay, began to shake his head.

"I can't," He finally resolved, looking at you with a sorrowful expression, before his gaze fell to his brother on the ground.

"I told you I know the risks but I-"

"I can't," He started again, much harsher and firmer this time. That's when you felt it, the all familiar pain and rage burning in your chest.

"Do you not see him Gabriel," you were yelling now, gesturing to Lucifer on the ground. A small voice in your head told you to stop, told you it wasn't any use, that you could find another way but you felt your anger boiling over and you continued, like you were watching yourself from behind a glass wall, "Did you not hear him scream? This isn't a cold. I can't rummage through the cabinets and find some medicine to make it go away."

"I'm not strong enough (y/n)!" Gabriel was yelling now too and it surprised you for a second, "Could I use your soul to heal him, sure, but controlling the pure power of a soul? That takes a lot of strength. I wouldn't be able to stop. It would be like setting off a nuclear explosion with you at the center," He held a finger out, pointed at you as tears continued to fall from your eyes and—to your surprise—from his. You shook your head again, wiping the tears from your face and looked past him to Dean.

"Help me get him in the bed, will ya," you strained your voice as it took on a colder, more clinical tone and Dean stumbled out something that you took as a begrudged agreement as he stepped forward and helped you lift the archangel, who was much heavier than he seemed, onto the mattress. After he seemed relatively comfortable, you pushed past the boys and walked a few feet down the hallway. Gabriel was right on your heels and you stopped to face him when you were just out of earshot of the Winchesters.

"How can you not be willing to try," you asked him quietly, anger still heavy in your voice as you glared at him. You leaned against the wall with your arms crossed, awaiting his answer. Gabriel huffed in frustration.

"There is not trying (y/n). There is only you dying, which is not going to happen."

"So what? You're fine with his wings just rotting off? I swear you two are just as stubborn as each other." Gabriel rolled his eyes at your accusation.

"No, if there's a way to help my brother that doesn't include you being blown seven ways to Sunday, then sign me up, but I'm not risking you kiddo," He was theatrical in the way he spoke, gesturing wildly.

"Risk is basically the central part of my life Gabe, I'm a hunter-"

"This is different." He looked down at the floor and you furrowed raised an eyebrow at him.

"How?"

"It's different because I'd be the one putting you at risk."

"Oh, such a softy," You bit out at him.

"I'm serious," his tone conveyed his words, causing you to look intently at him, "He's my brother and despite everything I love him but I love you too much to kill you for him." You didn't know what to say so you simply stared at him. He was right, you knew that. It wasn't fair to ask him to do that to you. He loved you, you knew that too but it was a different thing to hear him say it. You hadn't intended on dying. It was a risk to you and most of the time, risks worked out in the end. The notion that you really could die had seemed lost to you. The longer you looked at him the more your anger dissipated, guilt taking its place. At the same time, a visible change was taking place in Gabriel. The longer you were silent, the more nervy he got and it was almost as if you could see the walls he built up for most people, reforming around him.

"I'm sorry, alright, I just-" your tone was soft now but every ounce of bitterness seemed to have seeped into his.

"No, should have known you would have got your feathers in a ruffle," well that was a cruel choice of words. It broke your heart slightly, watching the man before you, not the archangel you knew, not the friend, but the distant trickster you had heard about, "You're stupid and reckless, even have the uniform," Gabriel pulled slightly on the flannel you had on and gave you a curt smile before disappearing down the hallway.

At least you had about 45 minutes to yourself before Sam found you, reclining against the large telescope in the bunker, halfway through your third beer. You would have opted for the harder stuff but it had been a while since anyone had went on a propper supply run. Sam sighed as he sat down next to you, picking up one of the empty bottles and setting it back down.

"How ya holding up?" He was trying to be nice and he really did sound concerned but you were in no mood for a heart-to-heart.

"Peaches Sammy," you stated, taking another swig of your beer. He let out a sort of laugh.

"Ya ok, listen, when you and Gabriel were um," screaming? Crying? "Talking earlier, you said you couldn't rummage through the cabinets for some medicine but what if you could?" You brow furrowed in confusion and you turned your head toward him inquiring.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, the Men of Letters spent decades collecting magical items. What if there was something in the archives that could help." Your eyes widened and a surge of hope fluttered through you. Why hadn't you thought of this before? You jumped to your feet, knocking over an empty bottle. Bending down, you kissed him on his forehead, and he smiled, pulling himself up on his feet.

"You're brilliant," you, stumbled slightly out of the room and stopped beside the table.

"Come on," Sam gestured for you to follow him down the hall, "I'll help you look."