A/N: Added to a Community? 1500 views? Not bad, not bad at all.

Waking up after getting the shit beaten out of you was never fun.

"-Spinal column very nearly severed entirely, four fractured ribs, two broken ribs, a hairline fracture running through every bone on his right side, severe strain on every major muscle in his body…"

My eyes remained stubbornly shut as a voice I was only vaguely familiar with continued to draw the verbal equivalent of a flip book showing me getting my nuts kicked into the back of my asshole. There was an odd chime present, noticeable mainly on the vowels, what was it… Ah, Chimecho! That's right, I totally knew that.

"… A large patch of missing fur along his lower back and thighs as well as everything in between, a concussion, so many burst blood vessels in his left eyes that I'll be amazed if he can ever use it again…"

Wow. Those blue lines really messed me up. That's fine, though, you should see the other guys. All hundreds upon hundreds of them, they are literally a splatter against a wall that I'll likely never be able to find in my life.

"… And he should make a full recovery before we know it!"

Oh. That was nice to know. It was also kind of sad to hear, because I don't know what kind of painkillers they were pumping into me, but I wanted about four times the dosage for personal usage. I mean, everything still hurt like Hell, but the kaleidoscope behind my eyes was seriously retro.

It was probably cocaine. That stuff was known for sending you back to when everything looked like the seventies.

"He was dead on his feet when he came in! How could be possibly be alright so soon!?"

Ah, so Skitty was here too. Vaguely, I wondered when it was that I'd actually managed to get back, before finding myself being dragged back on track by the sheer hysteria in her voice. She really needed to figure out a way to chill, I felt fine.

I felt like everything was currently being dipped in molten lava and stuffed full of needles, but wasn't that a regular side effect of the seventies?

"I've been pumping Wish after Wish into him since we got him stabilised." Ah, Wish. I hope I could learn that move. I would make me give me superpowers… that I already have! Oh, man, this was some good stuff. Where was I, anyway? "His body has been exceptionally receptive to my energy, though there is something which I find odd. I know it's not Synthesis or Rest, what's happening seems to be running perpendicular to the effects I've observed those moves to have. Can Riolu learn Recover, or barring that, is the species known for having a regenerative ability?"

New goal in life. Attain claws and a metallic skeleton, change my name to Logan, become the Honey Badger or whatever the fuck that comic is called.

"Do you suspect internal assistance?"

Huh. Was that Chatot's voice? D'aww, I knew he cared. Or he just didn't want the Guild getting sued and had a pillow on call for when I get a little unruly. Clever move, I would sue the shit out of this place if I had any idea how the law worked.

"That's the thing, I'm quite certain that without this internal assistance, there is a good chance that Luke would have been dead before he even managed to get back from wherever he was. I have no clue how anyone can get this injured in less than ten minutes, but I suppose it's plausible with his attitude. What unfortunate luck he must have, running into a Pokémon that's so quick to anger."

Wait, ten minutes? No, I'm pretty sure I can at least dodge for ten minutes. I mean, that fight with Drowzee must have gone on for at least fifteen… years. Such an extremely powerful adversary, that Drowzee was. Thankfully I had assistance for all of two minutes before beating his ass into the ground.

Holy crap, something was wrong with me today. I know that sticking to one train of thought isn't something I seem capable of at the best of times, but apparently, having your head screwed on backwards by a stone wall was detrimental to brain functionality. Who knew?

But oh well, this was getting boring, and I obviously wasn't about to fall asleep again when my still warm corpse was being poked.

"I guess that just means I'm more incredible than anyone was giving me credit for."

All noise in the room paused for a moment, giving me ample time to push myself off the straw that I had been unconscious over. It should also be worth noting, however, that in that moment I became aware of something.

I could feel the tips of my ears hurting.

Why was that worth noting in the first place?

Because in that moment, my world was also nothing but white hot, searing PAIN. Which I handled with all the poise and grace of a B-list movie actress.

I screamed like the horror movie monster was nipping at my blond, naked and thoroughly toned ass, falling flatter against the mattress than my acting as I prayed this wouldn't be the moment that I was remembered for. Also, I may have been crying a little bit, I'm not sure.

"Luke!"

I thrashed in response to Skitty's voice. Because what else am I supposed to do in this situation? My tongue was too busy attempting to swallow itself.

"Please remain still, having someone die on me via their own actions would be horrible for my self-esteem!"

Much of the pain chose that moment to vacate my body. Or it had just increased to such a level that my nerve endings were calling it quits on me. It may have been something I had done, or the result of outside interference and assistance, but I like to think that it had more to do with the crippling indignity that flooded my body better than any morphine at Chimecho's declaration.

"You're a bizarre one." Lying on my back and staring at the ceiling wasn't the best position to survey a room from, but I managed well enough. I couldn't see shit beyond the ceiling and the pink head that took up more than half of what was left, but sight wasn't necessary when you had such fine auditory clues. "Oh hey, Chatot, thanks for sending me into that death trap. My ass still hurts from how hard that building rammed it."

"I relayed specific instructions to Marowak to ease you into a beneficial routine." Chatot's head poked its way into my vision. He was doing a marvellous job of keeping his face in one piece as Skitty attempted to melt it with the fiercest glare I had ever seen her produce. "I was expecting you, with all your posturing, would be able to handle something as simple as the initial test."

That was the initial test? Alright, you know what, fuck grinding the dojo and its apparent displacement in time for extra hours in the day and supreme strength.

Grinding. Such an odd term. I didn't even know if I was using it right, the few times I'd seen it was on the Internet whenever I managed to sneak myself into the local library. Ah, the Internet. Such a strange place.

"Yeah, I dunno what kind of wunderkind you take me as, but I sure as shit wasn't eased into anything in that day and a half I was trapped in that maze." Chatot's eyes narrowed in a way that led me to believe he'd just furrowed his eyebrows, his beak cracking open to do… something. I don't know. "Ah! Hang on a tick, I've been running my ass into the ground to avoid having to kill myself for more than thirty hours straight, I need to vent for a moment and seeing as the only options are you, my partner, and the person who has apparently been putting all the effort into keeping me breathing, that duty falls onto you."

"Krabby is here too."

I jumped at the sudden voice.

Ow.

"Oh. So you are." Or his disembodied voice was, and everyone was playing along. Honestly, I wouldn't put that past Krabby. "I figured you would have gone back to the beach or whatever."

"Krabby wants to join Luke and Skitty and be an adventurer on Team Poképals."

I didn't actually hear what he said in that moment, more white noise with something meaningful behind it that was entirely lost to my ringing ears. But it couldn't possibly have been that bad, right?

"Sure thing, buddy. You were awesome back on that mountain." Nailed it. "Now, what was I… ah, right. YOU!" I stabbed a finger in the direction Chatot's head had disappeared. I think I actually could hear the muscles in my arm screaming at the movement, but they would just have to suck it up. "You sent me to a guy that threw me through a light. That's pretty minor, but do you have any idea what superstitions surround walking into light back where I come from? I thought I was dead! Do you have any idea how hard it is to punch through someone's head with a Force Palm!? My ass in naked! I mean yeah, I'm going to go back because I feel strong as fuck after that and this might be the start of a debilitating addiction, but I had to get past a bird that was on fire! And it was really big and it breathed fire too!"

Suffice to say I had a lot of grievances about what I had just done. Even though I could have given up at any time and presumably been fine, but don't give that madhouse excuses!

"Luke… are you saying you managed to get through the Final Maze on your first try?"

Final Maze. How fucking fitting.

"I wasn't aware there was another try after the first one! Death trap, remember? And don't you change the subject on my injured-"

"Luke, the Final Maze will only allow you to keep going if you want nothing else than to find the end." You know, it was beginning to occur to me that I would be a much happier person if I just yelled a lot more often and was an even bigger nuisance in general that I was already presenting myself to be. Maybe then I could get someone to listen when I tell them what they're saying is stupid. "It is the ultimate test of endurance and willpower. Tell me the truth; did you manage to find your way out on the first try?"

"I'm surprised Skitty's not already world famous with how long it took me, but yes, I completed the stupid maze on the first try." Wow, the ceiling sure was an interesting sight. I'm so glad Skitty had gone somewhere else and left me with nothing to look at but part of a hollowed mountain. Can you sense the sarcasm in that statement? I just want to make sure because it was, like, super-duper subtle. "I'm not seeing how this is a big-"

"I need you to focus right now, Luke." I'd be having chicken for dinner tonight, asshole. I was actually a medical anomaly, my patience was actually directly tied to my current state of being, that which was severely injured and non-existent. At least that's what I would tell the jury if I didn't just go on the run outright. "Did Marowak call you anything?"

"Pretty sure he called me a dickhead when I was-"

"Luke."

"Oh, for fuck sakes, fine." Holy crap, even thinking hurt. What did I do to deserve this kind of punishment? Oh, right, I was a horrible person. "Uh, there was a company spiel at one point. Pretty sure there was also something about being an odd specimen; once again, I really feel the need to thank you for recommending me to this place." Somehow, I doubted any of that would be considered useful information. Skitty's head popped back into my view, and I almost giggled when she rolled her eyes and mimed moving a beak up and down with her tail in front of her mouth. "Hahahaaa, what else… oh right. 'An amateur Aura adept with a… appre-something or other grasp on the applicable properties of the Dimensional Scream'."

The room once again went quiet when I finished talking. I seemed to be really good at achieving that effect today. I wonder if that was a move?

"I do not believe I know of this Dimensional Scream."

"They're my veams." Something shuffled beside me, drawing closer before finally revealing itself to be Chatot. I didn't appreciate the blank stare he was sending my way. "What? What else could they be? How special do you think I could possibly be?"

He blinked down at me. For some reason I suddenly felt very stupid.

"I have no clue." The emotion in his voice was about as barren as what I imagine Wigglytuff's sex life to be. Which was an absolutely horrifying mental image and I can't apologise enough for bringing it up. "Perhaps it could be your ability to complain so incessantly that a Pokémon in an alternate reality could hear you."

Chatot just made a joke. I don't believe it. If it hadn't been at my expense it may have even been funny.

From out of view once more, I could hear Skitty snort. Just once, just one little expulsion of air.

Traitor.

"Yeah, ha ha ha- wait a sec." Something in my addled brain clicked. Raising an arm that was shaking something fierce, I let it flop to the floor in what was vaguely Krabby's direction, briefly wondering if it would be possible to set that limb on fire like I could my leg. It certainly felt like it was on fire right now. "We've only got two beds, where the Hell is Krabby supposed to sleep? Are we even allowed to add members into our team?"

"Of course you are." Oh sweet zombie Jesus Chimecho was still in the room! I had to actively swallow rising bile as her voice scared the piss out of me, coming from somewhere right beside my head. "I run the assembly service here, managing all the new recruits joining pre-existing teams. Generally there is an experience barrier, but considering Krabby offered first and we have a written confession from a career criminal that you've all worked together before, that can be waived."

Oh. So they trusted a career criminal's word here over… wait a moment.

You know those times where you get what you know is a bad idea, and the worst part is how plausible it actually is? It sounds absolutely ridiculous, everything in the world including your own mind is telling you to not even entertain it, lest it grow and consume you? Yeah, I just had one of those bad ideas.

I had a lot more goals in life now than I did before I got to this world. There were the silly, there were the serious, and then there was this. This would take the cake of any achievement I'd ever reach in life. This was what would throw me headfirst into making history.

Who governed this world? I had no clue. Who was going to govern this world? I would have to go back on my vow to never go back to the dojo, but that was like saying I would never again eat liquorice in order to accomplish this goal. And I could be back to starving on the streets, I wouldn't touch liquorice with a ten foot street sign that I totally found and didn't destroy just for some fun.

What was this plan, you may ask? Well, it's quite simple. You see…

"Is there anything like…oh, say, a limit to how many people that can be recruited by one team?"

"Well, obviously the lowest a team can have in numbers is one, but if we're talking about upper limits… not that I can think of."

New. Ultimate. Life. Goal.

Skitty would still become a world class explorer, the best there ever was.

Along the way, I would raise an army capable of taking over the world.

Oooh, my spine just tingled a little bit. This was totally happening, no take-backsies.

"Hmm, interesting, interesting." My arm was just numb as I stroked my chin. The world had given up on telling me not to move, now it would just sit back and watch as I slowly destroyed myself. "Chatot, I have a proposal for both you and the Guild Master."

One second of silence. Two seconds of silence. Three seconds-

"I'm about to hear something entirely ridiculous, aren't I?"

"Whaaaaat? No, of course not." I waved my arm. A fair few times. You would have to kill me before I admitted to that all just being a muscle spasm I couldn't find any way to control. "I'm just going to dedicate my life to taking over the world."

I rolled onto my side, suffocating my out of control arm between the floor and my chest. Chatot was giving me a look that suggested he was severely regretting letting me in to the Guild in the first place, which was remarkably similar to the expression he always wore around me. Skitty was standing just out of arms reach from him, her slightly bowed head making her look distinctly resigned. Behind her, Krabby was… being Krabby.

None of them seemed to think I was joking.

Good. I would need professionalism like that in my bid for the top.

"Now, what would you, being the smart bird I… suspect you are, say in response to me telling you that I wish to start something of a Team Poképals Conglomerate, perhaps with the help of a few Wigglytuff Guild subsidies?" I spread my arms wide… and somehow lost my balance despite lying down. Something made a very loud noise when my arm came down onto the ground, and to this day, I still don't know what it actually was. "I mean, think about it, there must be plenty of jobs that are never completed due to lack of numbers. I happen to know where I can find access to a Gym that is reportedly displaced in time and therefore offers the infinite possibility of growing more powerful, perhaps I can talk you into allowing us operational headquarters and an increase in the number of our teleporty badge things proportional to the amount of people we manage to train up to a satisfactory… shall we say, Admiral level?"

"I'll allow it!"

I threw my arms into the air in triumph as Wigglytuff called out from somewhere out of my sight. Actually, I didn't move my arms consciously in any way. They were still slightly out of control.

"The Guild Master has spoken!"/"Guild Master, why would you do this!?" The triumph in my voice drowned out the exasperation and muted horror in Chatot's, my sudden good mood not even dimming when a couple of shiny badges flew in through the doorway and nailed me in the side of the head.

"Alright, I from now on my name is Overlord. You may all, however, call me Luke. This is the inner circle." With added sound effects courtesy of me, I whipped my hand around to point at Skitty, having to drag my arm back into position when it decided it didn't want to stop. "Your new codename is Admiral Meow!"

"…Sure, whatever."

My hand moved slightly to the side, thankfully landing on Krabby. "Vice Admiral Bubbles!"

"Krabby calls dibs on the Miracle Sea."

"I will allow it!" With a ziooooom, the holy picking device landed on Chatot. "The… Informant. You need to have that pause for dramatic effect, by the way. Otherwise it doesn't work that well."

"No. I refuse to be, nor will I ever agree to be, part of this inane scheme."

"Too bad, your liege has pointed, you should have moved to the side or something before I started talking." With only one person left, I fell onto my back, coming face to face with Chimecho. "…Private Den Mother?"

Chimecho may have smiled at me. It was kind of difficult to tell. "OK!"

"Alright, sweet!" Clapping once, I pushed myself back until I was properly perched on the bed, holding up a hand to stall what was most likely to be something counterproductive from Chatot. "Dismissed, I'm going to fall unconscious now because I am actually in so much pain that I can't feel how much pain I'm in. No idea what you're pumping through my veins, by the way, but I would like a lot more of it!"

"Wait, Lu-!"

I was already loooong gone before Skitty had even started talking.

XxX

I'm thinking of starting a new schedule, working entirely on one fic per month to upload the subsequence month so I have something to upload while I type. Which would mean a full month of no uploads whatsoever, but what else is new?

It's never the heroes who try to take over the world, is it? Well, good for me, the main character of this story is no hero. He's also blitzed out of his mind, but isn't that when all the best plans come together?

Till next time!

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