Chapter Ten

Breakfast had been going swimmingly, just like old times Sansa thought, until Ygritte came in the cafeteria and joined them. She'd complimented Jon on his outfit and asked Sansa what she thought and Sansa lied - Jon had given her a look after that. What bothered Sansa the most was Ygritte's use of "our Jon". She wanted to tell Ygritte that Jon wasn't hers, they didn't share him, he belonged solely to her and no one else.

Then Jon had gotten up to get more coffee and Ygritte had slid in beside Sansa and said, "I know that you and Jon are close."

Sansa had nodded, wondering where this was going.

"I just want you to know that I have really come to care for Jon and I won't hurt him the way Val did."

Sansa didn't know the whole story with Val. She'd never asked; he'd never told her. Ygritte knew though and that bothered Sansa. A lot. Just like his adoption, it was something she didn't know about Jon and there was a piece that Ygritte now knew and Sansa still didn't. Logically, she knew that when you started dating someone you talked about previous relationships. But Sansa was supposed to be his best friend. She should have asked. She should know these things about him. If she'd asked maybe he wouldn't be dating Ygritte, maybe he'd want...

"He's such an amazing guy and I don't understand how no one snatched him right up," Ygritte said. She laughed softly. "I think I'm already falling for him...we're so compatible in so many ways." She waggled her brows. "Especially in bed."

Okay, that was it.

Sansa just couldn't anymore. Yet how did she get up and leave without letting on that she had to get the fuck out of there before she threw up? Or cried. Or both.

"That is so wonderful," Sansa forced herself to say. "I am so happy for you both."

Ygritte smiled and Sansa looked down at her phone. "Sonofabitch!" she exclaimed in what she hoped was a surprised manner.

"What is it?"

"I just got a text from Margaery. She needs me to get something out of our room for her." She got up from the table and grabbed her things. "Can you just tell Jon I had to go?" Sansa asked.

"Uh, sure...everything okay?"

"Oh, yes! Everything's fine! Margaery is just forgetful sometimes. See ya!"

Sansa hurried out of the cafeteria, tears stinging her eyes. She kept going until she reached her first class, half an hour before it started.

She sank onto the floor in the hall and buried her face in her hands, allowing herself to just let out the sob she'd been holding back. All she could see was Jon and Ygritte having sex. Jon telling Ygritte he loved her and wanted her. Jon touching her and wanting to be with her. She cried harder.

"Sansa Stark."

She looked up. "Hello, Dr. Lannister." He held out a handkerchief and she took it, wiping at her eyes. "Thank you."

"It disturbs me greatly when I see my favorite student sobbing in the middle of an empty hallway. Tell me, are you that upset that we'll be finishing 'Much Ado About Nothing' this afternoon?"

Sansa laughed weakly. "No, sorry..."

"Come, let's have a chat," Dr. Lannister said and went inside the classroom. Sansa gathered her things and followed him inside. She took her usual spot at the front of the row, dead center, as Dr. Lannister put his briefcase down on the desk before him and then sat down in the chair behind him. "For this chat I am not your professor, but your friend. You may call me Tyrion."

"Thank you, Tyrion."

"So, tell me what's troubling you."

She sighed. "Change. My best friend…change." Her eyes welled up in tears again. "I'm losing him and I don't know how to handle it."

"How are you losing him?"

"He's dating someone." She groaned and leaned over, just putting her forehead on the desk. "I know, this is such a stupid, clichéd problem for a girl my age to have."

"It's not uncommon for anyone to have this problem, actually," Tyrion said. "Even adults deal with a certain level of anxiety when their friends begin to date. There is that sense of things changing, as you said."

Sansa lifted her head and looked at him. "I thought it would be like the movies. He'd tell me he's dating someone and I'd be all happy for him and give him advice and I'd become bff's with his girlfriend…"

"And I'm going to guess that instead you hate her."

"Yes! As for happy for him? Ugh. I mean, I love him to pieces so of course I want him to be happy…"

"But perhaps you wish it was you he found that happiness with?"

Sansa welled up in tears yet again. She placed her elbow on the desk and leaned the side of her head on her hand. "I can't think it. It's big and it's scary…"

"Love often is," Tyrion said softly.

Sansa ignored that comment. "I got upset today because his girlfriend showed up while we were having breakfast together and when he went to get coffee, she went on about how great they're doing and how she promises not to hurt him like his ex did. I just – I got upset because I don't know the story about his ex. That happened before he and I got close and I feel like it's just this thing that she knows that makes him closer to her than to me."

"You can always ask him about it, Sansa."

"I know that, logically. Trust me, I know…"

"But?"

"I'm just sensitive to everything she gets that I don't. I find myself pulling away from him."

"Ah, you are leaving him before he has the chance to leave you," Tyrion said with a nod.

"Yes."

"Sansa, how do you know he'll leave you? And how do you know that he doesn't feel the same way about you?"

"Because he's dating someone?"

"Did he pursue this relationship or did she?"

"She did."

Tyrion nodded. "Then it could be that he was afraid just as you are to say what he feels. Or perhaps he didn't know. Maybe if you told him how you felt it would change the entire dynamic. Maybe you will find that he feels the same. Did you have these feelings for him that you dare not name before he started dating this girl?"

"No. At least…no. He was just…he was just Jon."

Tyrion laughed softly. "Well, some of the greatest love stories have started with someone being 'just'. Look at Beatrice and Benedick."

"They loathed each other."

"Did they? Or did they have those feelings buried deep and just needed the shove to realize what their true feelings were. It sounds like this girl your Jon is dating was that shove for you. The question is, what will you do to shove him in the right direction?"

Sansa smirked. "I could make him jealous."

"You could, but games like that do not end well. Consider instead being honest and upfront with him."

"I don't even know what it is I feel…"

Tyrion arched a brow. "No?"

Sansa sighed and looked away from him. She sat back in her seat and folded her arms across her chest. "Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?"

"Like you know what I'm thinking and feeling."

He smiled. "Sansa, just remember that some of the greatest adventures in life start with being a little scared."

"A little? I'm downright terrified, Tyrion."

"Then it will no doubt be the greatest adventure of your life. One in which you'll be all the richer for."

Sansa didn't know about that. Love was…love was something she'd always like the idea of. Arya was always teasing her about how hopelessly romantic she was and rolling her eyes at the ridiculousness of it. Sansa was more or less in love with the idea of love. Now she felt it as though it was a fire raging around her and if she just reached out to touch it, it would consume her. She feared burning up; turning to ash. Tyrion sounded as though he believed she could walk through it and it be all the stronger for it.

As much as she appreciated Tyrion's counsel, she wasn't convinced. What did it say that telling her best friend of her feelings scared her more than an affair with her professor? She was certainly all kind of fucked up for that.

Her classmates started to stroll in then and Sansa was thankful for it. She didn't want to think about her feelings any longer. She was rather tired of having them quite frankly.

xxxxxxxx

When Jon had seen Sansa flee the cafeteria as though the hounds of hell were nipping at her heels, he had been worried that something had happened. Then he'd seen Ygritte watching Sansa leave with something like smugness on her face. He'd gone over to her and demanded to know what had been said.

Ygritte had been all wide-eyed and innocent and then hurt that he'd suggest that she had done something to upset Sansa. She'd gone on to explain that Margaery had texted her and Sansa had to rush to get something to her roommate.

Jon didn't buy it. Not for a second. She wasn't acting right, and hadn't been since…well, since he started seeing Ygritte. The implications of that were not lost on Jon. They beat in his brain like a drum. Did Sansa have feelings for him? Was she jealous of Ygritte?

He thought of earlier that morning, of that moment in the hall when she'd looked at his mouth and his heart had started to pound. He'd had the urge to kiss her and the strange thing about it was how normal it would have felt. As if it was something he should have been doing all along and just realized he could.

It was all he'd been able to think about while he waited for her. Kissing Sansa. How it would feel. How she would taste. How she would feel in his arms.

Then Ygritte had shown up at breakfast and he'd felt guilty for thinking about kissing Sansa when his, well, he supposed Ygritte was his girlfriend since that's what everyone kept calling her.

He liked Ygritte. He did. But there was something missing with her that gave him pause, even this early on. Jon prided himself on his gut instincts, they had always served him well, but when it came to matter of the heart he faltered.

Where had this desire for perfection come from anyway? No one was perfect and Jon knew that better than anyone. His ex, Val, had certainly not been perfect and he'd been fine with that. Sansa was not perfect, but he loved her in spite of it – no, because of it. They balanced each other out. Ygritte wasn't perfect and he was sure he could…fall in love with her?

It was too soon. Too early for all of that.

"I want you two to get along," Jon said after a long silence between him and Ygritte. "It's important to me that you both get along."

"Jon, I don't think you need to worry. Sansa and I get along just fine," Ygritte said. "I think you're thinking too much about her needing to go."

No, he wasn't. He could feel it in his bones. That, he knew, was how well he knew Sansa. She was in his very bones, deep in his marrow.

"If it means that much to you though," Ygritte said. "Then perhaps we could all do something together and put your mind at ease."

Jon nodded. He felt rather outside of himself as he said, "Yes, I think that would work."

Ygritte smiled, but it didn't light up her face the way Sansa's smiles lit up hers. "Then you'll ask her?"

Jon nodded again. "I'll ask her."