Thanks for the feedback.
Acknowledgements are on first page
Final instalment, slash warning (yes there is sex here). Josh isn't in the first person in part 10.
I am an RN but not a mental health one! I hope any out there will give me some creative licence when we are treating PTSD please.
CHAPTER 39
Stanley Keyworth had arrived. Just after Donna called he had spoken over the phone to the medical doctor who was treating Josh and the psychiatrist who had assessed him. He had advised a period of sedation which should be gradually lightened at which point hopefully Josh would go into a natural sleep. So far the plan was working. Dr Keyworth had delayed his arrival so they could be sure the drugs used by Marco's gang to keep him awake were out of Josh's system. It also allowed for the surgery on his arm to take place. Once all this had been accomplished Josh was sedated. He was now in a natural sleep and it was just a question of waiting to see how he would be when he woke up. At no point up until he was sedated had Josh even shown he was aware of the people around him, so locked was he into his nightmare of sounds and visions.
CHAPTER 40
It was the scream that woke Sam. Primal and full of anguish, at first he didn't recognise it as coming from the man in the bed. A man he knew almost as well as he knew himself. Once reality seeped into his sleep filled brain Sam jumped out of the chair and stood next to the hospital bed where his lover lay thrashing in his sleep. Sam instinctively reached to sooth Josh by stroking his hair.
"Josh baby sshh it's okay. You're safe now. I'm here. I'm here with you. Baby you're safe, sshh, sshh." Sam pressed the nurse call and continued his attempts to sooth the now silently sobbing Josh.
"Mr Seaborn are you okay?" The nurse queried.
"He's waking up but he's having a nightmare I think." Sam was obviously upset by his seeming inability to provide Josh with the reassurance he needed.
The nurse checked Josh's vitals and stroked his shoulder, "It's okay honey you just relax we are going look after you. You're safe here sugar."
"Stay with him and just keep doing what you're doing. I'll get the doctor." The nurse told Sam before she left the room.
Josh's sobs began to subside and he appeared to be sleeping again. Sam got a damp washcloth and wiped Josh's tear streaked face, all the time speaking softly and lovingly to him. Stroking his face, hair, chest, shoulder and anywhere he could. Once he cleaned his face he leaned down and kissed Josh gently on the lips. "Come back to me Josh. I don't know what to do without you. I miss you. I love you so much."
The nurse returned with the doctor and Stanley Keyworth. After checking Josh briefly the nurse and doctor left.
"What happened Sam?" Stanley stood next to Sam as they both looked down at Josh.
"He screamed and then he was thrashing about then all of a sudden he was sobbing. No sound, just shoulders shaking, sobbing with tears running down his face. He looked so distressed. It was awful." Sam's voice threatened to break as he spoke but he managed to hold it together.
"Did he open his eyes or say anything?" Stanley put his hand on Sam's shoulder he could see how upset Sam was.
"No just the scream but his eyes were closed the whole time." Sam turned to face the trauma specialist. "Stanley do you think he's going to come out of this? I mean enough to work again and function?"
Stanley paused, Sam's eyes were begging for something positive, something to hold onto. "Sam I honestly can't say at this point. I think we need to take this day by day. He has suffered a tremendously traumatic event. The film was made specifically to do this to him. Let's see how we go and concentrate on how he is when he wakes up." Sam nodded and focused again on Josh.
"I have to make some calls, get someone to fetch me if he wakes up." Dr Keyworth squeezed Sam's shoulder and left the room.
Sam sank back on the chair next to the bed, closed his eyes and ran both hands through is hair and then down his face. He expelled a long breath. Taking Josh's hand he moved closer to the bed and rested his head on the side. "Please come back to me baby." He waited for his lover's response. Silence.
This time Sam was woken by pressure on his hand and a groan. Standing up he realised that Josh was now gripping his hand. He looked down at Josh. His eyes were open but still had a faraway look in them. "Josh." No response.
Sam shook Josh's shoulder with his freehand and said loudly, "Josh! Josh!"
Slowly Josh's eyes moved to look in Sam's direction. "Hey baby. I missed you." Sam smiled at Josh.
Josh stared at Sam, nodded slightly then whispered, "You came."
Tears rolled down Sam's face. He was so happy Josh had spoken to him and knew who he was. The nurse poked her head in and saw Josh's eyes were open. She left and returned with the doctor and Stanley again.
Sam stood silently by as the doctor checked Josh over. Josh continued to watch Sam as if trying to find a focal point. It was obvious he wasn't fully aware of his surroundings. He had to be asked things more than once and in very simple terms but would eventually comply with whatever the doctor or nurse wanted him to do. He was a long way from the Josh Lyman people were used to.
Stanley gestured to Sam that he would like to see Josh alone. Sam didn't like to leave Josh but understood he needed to be assessed. After the doctor and nurse left Sam kissed Josh goodbye. Josh didn't kiss back but seemed to watch Sam leave the room.
"Josh?"
Nothing.
"Josh look at me." This time Stanley stood closer to the bed and shook Josh's shoulder to get his attention. Slowly Josh's eyes made their way to look at Stanley.
"Josh do you remember me?"
Josh nodded slightly.
"What's my name Josh?"
Nothing.
"Josh what's my name?" Stanley was louder and more persistent.
"Stanley." Josh whispered.
"Good. I'm here to help you Josh. I need you to trust me. Focus on me Josh. I know you have other things you can see and hear at the moment but you must focus on me. Understand?"
Another nod.
"Josh what's your mom called?"
"Mom."
"Josh what's her name?"
Pause. A whisper, "Rachel."
"Good. Now who is the President?"
No response.
Stanley tried again, Josh! The President?"
"Here?"
"No Josh. What's the President's name?"
Pause, "Bartlet," was the barely audible reply.
"Okay, good. What month is it?"
Josh just stared beyond Stanley lost to some unseen scenario being played out only in his mind.
Stanley sighed. This was going to be tough.
CHAPTER 41
Stanley had given instructions that only one person at a time was to visit Josh so as not to confuse him further. Josh had responded best to Sam and nearly as well to Rachel, however even they barely got more than monosyllabic responses. Josh did not initiate conversation. It took even Sam a while to get Josh to register his presence. He did smile at Sam though and seemed to be able to focus on him for longer periods. Sam felt Josh was drawing strength from him and wanted to stay in the room. Stanley forbade him to do so, limiting visits to 15 minutes at a time. Sam was never far away, refusing to leave the hospital. Two days later there had been little change.
"Hey babe." Sam walked over to Josh's bedside and stroked his cheek. He leaned down and softly kissed Josh on the lips. Josh's eyes were open but unfocussed. "Josh, hey Josh." Sam shook his shoulder, "Look at me honey. Josh!"
Deep brown eyes turned to look at Sam slowly gaining their focus. A small smile was on his lips, not enough to show those amazing dimples, but taking Sam's breath away nonetheless. "Hey. I can feel you." Josh's voice was quiet but more than the whisper previously.
"Of course you can. You can always feel me." Sam was a little confused by Josh's statement, but was so happy Josh was talking he decided not to question him. He took Josh's hand and kissed his fingers. The lovers gazed at each other, the only sound came from the air changing in the special pressure relieving mattress Josh was laying on.
"I want to be with you forever." This was the most Josh had spoken since he had been rescued. Sam's heart swelled.
"We will be babe, together forever." Sam kissed Josh's lips again. Josh still didn't kiss back.
"Sam, is it quiet in your head, where your head is? Sam was unsure how to answer this strange question. He knew Josh was having auditory and visual hallucinations. Stanley had made it clear that Josh was probably hearing sirens and gunshots and seeing events at Rosslyn and possibly even the fire that took his sister from him. There must be a lot of noise in Josh's head.
"Yes Josh, it's quiet here in my head."
Josh smiled and then his face went blank as he was once again lost to the demons within him. Sam sighed but knew he had to go. He kissed Josh's forehead, "I'll see you later. I love you, please come back to me."
The following day Leo approached the agent outside Josh's hospital room planning on visiting his Deputy. The agent was preventing a small man in a brown suit from entering the room.
"What the hell is going on here?" Leo addressed the agent.
This man works in the hospital and wants to see Mr Lyman.
"Well you can't see him. What do you want?" Leo now spoke to the man.
"We have been asked to keep Mr Lyman in this room for another week, but he should really be in the Psychiatric wing. He is medically fit."
"So why are you trying to see him? You're not a doctor." Leo was getting impatient; he only had a limited amount of time and wanted to see Josh.
"I am a billing clerk. His insurance won't pay out for this, even with the backing of his Cardiologist. I have to serve him with this." The man held up a white envelope.
"You're billing him?" Leo was incredulous.
"We have to be paid, or he has to go." The man was adamant and even dared to make eye contact with Leo.
"You little rat. Do you know who he is? Do you?" Leo's voice was now loud and attracting attention.
"Yes Sir I know who he is, but I have a job to do." The man could no longer maintain eye contact.
"Come here!" Leo dragged the man to the nurses' office and one look made all the occupants leave quickly. Leo slammed the door.
"How dare you try to speak to him. He's in no fit state to deal with financial matters." Leo was trying hard to keep his voice together.
"I'm sorry Mr McGarry but I am just doing my job. I'm a billing clerk." He paused, "And we still have an unpaid bill. Do you know if he has the funds to pay the $7,000 owing?"
"I don't believe you!" Leo reached into his inside jacket pocket and pulled out a pen and check book. He wrote a check for the full amount and thrust it at the man. "NOW GO you leech!"
The man took the check and scuttled out of the room.
Leo took a deep breath and went in to see Josh.
"Hey Kid, how're you doing?" Leo squeezed Josh's shoulder to try to get his attention. He waited for Josh to pull himself away from the thoughts that seemed to capture him.
"Hey Leo."
"How are you feeling kid?" Leo knew Josh would not have processed the question when he first asked.
There was a pause then Josh said, "Sam was here."
Leo was a little confused bur decided to go with it. "Was he? Did that make you feel better?"
"Yes, don't be sad Leo. Look after my Mom."
This was the longest Josh had spoken to Leo since he had woken up. Leo was both pleased and disconcerted. He wasn't sure Josh was making sense. "You can look after her yourself when you are better."
Josh's eyes once again lost focus and Leo knew his time was up. He leaned down and kissed Josh's forehead. "See you soon Kid."
CHAPTER 42
The days went by and little by little Josh began to communicate more and showed greater awareness of his surroundings. He still struggled with seemingly complex questions losing the thread somewhere in the middle. Visiting was still restricted to one at a time by Stanley. The nightmares continued and Josh awoke screaming or sobbing most nights.
"I know how we can be together forever." Josh confided in Sam, as his lover sat by his bed.
"We are together, always Josh. I'm not going anywhere." Sam was becoming concerned with this familiar theme of Josh's conversation.
"I have a plan." Josh smiled at Sam. "Soon babe, soon."
Josh fell asleep and Sam sat and watched him replaying all the conversations they had had recently. He needed to speak to Stanley.
Stanley and Sam sat in a private office and Sam relayed all the things Josh had said. Stanley furrowed his brow. "I think we may have a problem. I need to speak to Rachel Lyman."
Sam stood next to Josh's bed, "Hey babe. Did you have a nice sleep?"
"Mmm. I'm still tired though. Always tired." Josh sighed and held Sam's hand.
"Josh I've got your Mom with me." Sam said the words exactly as Stanley had told him to. He wasn't happy about doing this he felt it would really upset Josh. Stanley admitted it was a gamble he thought it might bring things to a head and then Josh would be able to move on, but he agreed Josh would be upset and might get worse not better. He believed it was the only way to give Josh a little push.
"Hello Joshua. How are you?" Rachel had mixed feelings. She didn't want to see her son upset but was willing to try anything to get her Joshua back.
Josh looked from one to the other, "Mom?" It was barely more than whisper.
"I'm here son."
"You're with Sam?"
"Yes babe your Mom is here with me."
"When? How?" Tears rolled down Josh's cheeks.
"What do you mean Josh?" Rachel asked.
"Why are you with Sam? What happened?" Josh sounded like a lost child.
"I came from Florida, you were hurt." Rachel explained her presence.
"No how did you die?" Josh's voice broke as he sobbed.
"Joshua I'm not dead!" Rachel squeezed Josh's shoulder.
"I'm the only one who can see and feel Sam. He's dead. I saw him in the body bag. So you must be dead too."
"I'm not dead Josh. I wasn't hurt. They faked the film babe. It was a lie. They made it up, drugged you and forced you to watch it. It's not real." Sam held Josh's hand as he spoke.
"We are both alive and well and looking forward to having our Joshua back safe and sound at home." Rachel had gone to the other side of the bed and held on to Josh's other hand.
Tears still rolling down his cheeks Josh looked from one to the other, his confusion evident. "It was fake?"
"Yes babe." Sam squeezed Josh's hand.
"I thought you were dead. I don't want to live if you're dead. I would kill myself so we could be together."
Rachel inhaled sharply and put her free hand to her mouth, tears falling freely. It was Sam that spoke.
"Don't say that Josh. I don't want to hear you say something like that. I love you and hearing you say that breaks my heart."
"It's true Sam."
"You have to promise me you wouldn't do that. I would never forgive you in this life or any other if you did a thing like that. Promise me Josh." Sam's voice was steely as he spoke to his lover.
Josh hesitated.
"Promise me Josh."
"I promise."
CHAPTER 43
One week later Josh had improved enough to go home. Sam had arranged a week off and then Leo and Toby had allowed him to work part time and from home at times. Rachel was staying and she and Sam had hired a nurse. Sam had also paid Stanley to remain a bit longer and he was staying in the same hotel as Leo at Leo's expense.
Sam watched as Josh was hoisted from the bed into his new wheelchair. It seemed strange for Josh to be so compliant and Sam hoped he would soon hear his beloved complain and argue again. Josh was unable to wheel himself as him arm was still mending so Sam pushed him to the cab and up the ramps while the driver strapped him in. They drove home in silence holding hands.
Sam had bought a board with handles and a sliding sheet built in to enable Josh to transfer into bed etc semi-independently. When Sam wasn't there Matt, the male nurse they had hired, would be able to help. Rachel would make sure he ate but couldn't do the physical things Josh needed. Stanley would visit for twice daily therapy sessions. There was no talk about Josh going back to work. Josh never mentioned politics or the Whitehouse.
Once Sam and Josh were through the door Rachel rushed over to Josh enveloping him in a hug. "Hello sweetie. Are you hungry? I made your favourite apricot chicken."
Josh looked around seeming overawed to be home. "I...I'm not really hungry. I just want to go to bed please." Sam and Rachel exchanged glances over Josh's head.
Sam came around in front of Josh and knelt down, "Babe you should eat something before you go bed. Just a little, please?"
"Okay, a little." Josh agreed and Sam pushed him over to the dining table. Josh didn't want to get out of his wheelchair.
Sam and Rachel watched as Josh stared into space and ignored the food before him.
"Josh, Joshua."
"Huh?"
"Eat your dinner." Rachel instructed her son.
Josh looked down at the plate with a surprised expression as if he hadn't known it was even there. He picked up his fork and pushed the food around his plate. "Joshua eat something." His Mom said sternly. Josh slowly ate four forkfuls of food before laying it down on his plate.
"I really need to go to bed now please." The fact that this was the second time Josh had said please didn't escape Sam and Rachel. Josh was very well mannered but this was unusual for him at home. "Here I'll help you babe." Sam stood and pushed Josh into the bedroom. After Josh's accident the couple had moved from their townhouse into a more appropriate but large apartment. They had had certain areas adapted to make it easier for Josh to be independent. The kitchen, the bathroom, his closet, and of course his car had all been adapted to meet his needs. They were also very aware of space, so the apartment was uncluttered. Josh had accepted help from Sam but was reluctant to let anyone else assist, not that he needed much. Carl helped when access to buildings was an issue and when Josh had to go on Air Force One etc. His office and a cubicle in the men's room in the Whitehouse had been changed to meet his needs. He also had designated parking to be sure he was near the door and had space around the car to get himself and his wheelchair in and out. He was fiercely independent so his behaviour now was of great concern to Sam.
"I got this for you so you can slide into bed until your arm is better." Sam showed the board to Josh. "See you can do it with one hand if someone holds it for you."
Josh sighed, "Thanks."
"Do you want to have a shower before you go to bed, or maybe a bath?" Sam knelt down to be eye to eye with Josh.
"Just want to go to bed."
Sam nodded, got up and pulled back to covers. He then went to Josh's dresser and got out some pyjamas. He positioned the chair next to the bed and helped Josh slide over to sit on the side. He then lifted Josh's legs and leaned him against the pillows he had arranged for Josh. Josh's hair tickled against his cheek and he couldn't resist kissing his head.
"Do you want me to undress you? You seem really tired." Sam asked trying to keep the eagerness out of his voice.
"Please, if that's okay. Sam I…I can't, you know, not yet. I'm sorry." Josh looked up at Sam.
"Of course, babe. Don't worry. Know that I love you and when you're ready I'll be here." Sam undressed Josh and helped him on with his pyjamas, resisting the urge to linger over his lover's body.
Once Josh was settled in bed Sam went to get his medication. He brought in the tablets and a glass of water. Josh took them without a word.
"Goodnight Josh." Sam kissed him lightly on the lips and was pleasantly surprised when he felt Josh kiss him back, just as lightly.
"Sam?"
"Yes?"
"I love you. Thank you."
"I love you too, now go to sleep and I'll be in to join you soon."
Sam watched Josh as he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.
As he stood there he was aware of Rachel coming to stand next to him, he had left the door open when he came back with the medication and she had been watching from the door. They stood in silence watching the man they both loved Sam's arm around Rachel's waist. Eventually by mutual agreement they both left Josh to sleep. Sam leaving the door slightly ajar.
Two hours later Sam and Rachel were watching an old movie drinking tea in the lounge. When they heard the screaming they both ran to Josh and Sam's bedroom. Josh was lying on his back, he thrown the covers off and was thrashing around screaming. "Nooooooooooo, noooooooooooooo. Please nooooo. Help him! Help him!"
Sam ran to him. "Josh it's okay, sshh baby. It's okay. Please Josh wake up. I'm here." Sam repeated his words and stroked Josh's hair until he began to calm.
Josh opened his eyes staring around. He finally focused on Sam, his breath ragged. "Sam? Sam? You're here. I saw…I…saw….you. I saw you. D...dead. You were dead!"
"It's okay. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. Come on now go back to sleep." Sam stroked Josh's hair and kissed his face until his breathing evened out and he was sleeping again.
"When will those stop, do you think?" Rachel whispered.
"Stanley doesn't know. He has three. One where I'm dead, one where he's shot and no one finds him and one where he can't find his way out of a burning building but can here a girl screaming. Stanley thinks the one where I'm dead will fade as it didn't happen. The other two are ones he had before this happened. They are just worse now and more often. He does think they will decrease in frequency and hopefully go back to how they were before."
"I didn't know he still had nightmares about the fire." Rachel was quite stunned to hear this.
"Sometimes, not often. When he's tired and stressed or if something reminds him. I'm going to turn in now. He might feel better if he's got someone with him."
"Good idea. Good night Sam."
"Night Rachel."
Sam cleaned his teeth, changed and slipped into bed with Josh. He rolled Josh onto his side and spooned behind him. He soon fell into a deep sleep with his arms protectively around the man he loved.
CHAPTER 44
Josh was still sleeping when Sam awoke. Looking at the clock on the night stand he saw it was 7.30. Matt would be here soon. Sam left Josh sleeping and headed to the bathroom. Once showered he checked on Josh, who was lying on his back in bed wide awake but gazing off at something unseen.
"Hey babe, good morning." Sam sat on the edge of the bed and kissed Josh's lips softly.
Josh looked at Sam and gave a small smile. "I like being home."
"Do you want some breakfast before Matt arrives?" Sam asked stroking Josh's hand.
"Matt?" Josh looked a little confused.
"The nurse who is going to help you, remember? I can't be here all the time after this week so he is coming while I am here so you can get used to him. It's just while you can't use your arm. Not for long." Sam explained for the third time.
"Okay, if you think that's best. You'll be here at first though?" Josh sounded so unsure it made Sam want to tell Leo and Toby that he wouldn't be back until Josh was well. He knew that wasn't possible in reality.
"I'll be here at first yes, but I won't be here all the time after this week." Sam reinforced this as he felt Josh may have difficulties when Sam was no longer there all day.
Josh nodded. The doorbell rang. "I'll get it." Rachel called out.
"That'll be Matt. I need to go speak with him. Will you be okay for a few minutes?" Sam could see Josh was nervous about having a stranger in their home with him not being himself. Josh nodded and squeezed Sam's hand.
Sam came back into the bedroom a little while later with Rachel and a young man in a blue scrubs with a private healthcare company's logo on it.
"Josh this is Matt Hughes. He's going to be looking after you for a few weeks." Sam brought Matt over to meet Josh.
"Pleased to me you Mr Lyman." Matt held out his hand to Josh.
Josh didn't take it but looked at Sam and his Mom. He looked back at Matt. "Josh. Call me Josh."
"Josh great, thank you." Matt smiled and withdrew his hand. He had been briefed by Sam and Stanley so knew roughly what to expect.
"So why don't we all have a coffee and get acquainted?" Rachel suggested.
"Perhaps Sam and I could help you get up and in the shower Josh ready for that coffee?" Matt asked.
"O…okay. I guess." Josh agreed.
"Sam perhaps you could orientate me as we go along and Josh you must tell me if at any point you are uncomfortable or worried. Understand?" Matt enquired. "I understand." Josh said while seeking out Sam's hand for reassurance.
An hour later they were all sat round the table drinking coffee and eating toast. Matt, Sam and Rachel were chatting trying to draw Josh into the conversation. Their persistence paid off when Josh actually initiated some input. It was a little thing but a huge milestone in his recovery. Sam couldn't help but kiss him on the cheek. Matt left after breakfast and said he would return tomorrow. The idea was to introduce him gradually for longer periods of time to prepare Josh for when Sam returned to work.
Stanley arrived as Matt left. He accepted a coffee and was left alone with Josh.
"Are you pleased to be home?"
"Yes."
"What do you like about being home Josh?"
"Sam." Josh smiled.
"Did you sleep well last night?" Stanley was building up to the more difficult issues. He had spoken to Rachel on the phone and knew about the nightmare.
"I…I think so, although I'm still tired." Josh faltered. His mind was muddled and nightmares got jumbled up with some of the things he still saw and heard while awake.
"You had a nightmare. Do you remember it?" Stanley leaned forward towards Josh.
"I'm not sure. My head…it's….noisy." Josh pinched the bridge of his nose.
"What do you mean by noisy Josh?" Stanley pushed a little.
Josh's breathing got a little faster, this didn't go unnoticed by Stanley. "Josh?"
"There's noise, noise all…all the…all the time. It…it doesn't stop." Josh was getting distressed as Stanley was getting him to focus on something he was trying to avoid.
"Josh can you tell me what the noise is?"
Josh shook his head and looked down away from Stanley. "Josh?"
Without looking up Josh again shook his head. "Josh look at me." "Josh!"
Josh raised his head trying to focus on Stanley, tears rolling down his cheeks. "Focus on me Josh, focus on my voice, and shut the noise out for now. Shut the noise out."
"I CAN'T! I CAN'T! I can't, I can't." Josh sobbed in earnest now. Sam alerted to Josh's shouts appeared in the doorway not sure whether to go in and comfort him. He caught Stanley's eye and nod and went to kneel down next to Josh. He put his arms around him and soothed him with touches and words until Josh quietened.
"Let's take a break now Josh. Get some sleep and I'll come back in four hours and we will talk about the noise."
Josh barely nodded.
Rachel showed Stanley to the door. "Will he be okay?"
"I think he will eventually. I have a feeling his PTSD may be closer to the surface after this, but I very am hopeful he'll be able to go back to work." Stanley paused, "Next week I will be introducing him to a local specialist. I will be here for a couple of transition sessions but then I have to get back."
Sam helped Josh use the bathroom and then lay down on the bed. Sam lay down with him stoking and kissing him until he fell asleep.
CHAPTER 45
The next few days followed a pattern with Matt helping Josh more and more and Sam pulling back a little from the physical. He took care of Josh's emotional wellbeing, while Rachel looked after his nutritional needs. Stanley and Josh made headway, but Josh still got distressed towards the end of each session. The sessions completely drained him and he would sleep for at least two hours after each one. At night came the nightmares. All too soon Sam had to go to work.
"Josh you have to let me go babe." Sam tried to disentangle himself from a very clingy Josh Lyman.
"Please stay. I don't want to be on my own."
"Josh be reasonable. Your Mom's here, Matt will be here soon and Stanley will be by with the new guy. You are not alone. I have to go to work today." Sam undid Josh's grip and held his hand.
"Okay." Josh mumbled into the pillow.
Sam kissed Josh's head and headed for the bathroom.
Sam's thoughts kept drifting to Josh during the day. He was only meant to be working until 5, but national events had overtaken him Leo had scheduled a Senior Staff meeting at 8. At 11pm he was still there but in the Roosevelt room. "Leo I really have to go. I need to get back to Josh." Rachel had called three times; Josh was getting worried about where Sam was. Sam had spoken to him on the phone but Josh had been difficult to placate. He needed to see him. To know he was okay.
"I thought Rachel and the nurse were there. Sam I'm sorry but we need you here especially with Josh out. This thing isn't going to resolve itself." Leo looked tired.
Sam sighed. "I know but the nurse had to go and if Josh needs physical help Rachel can't do that." He paused then said quietly, "Leo he's having some really bad nightmares. He needs me."
"I know son, please just give me one more hour and don't come in until 8 tomorrow."
"Okay." Sam looked back at the papers he was working on; a response to the latest crisis. His phone rang again.
"Sam you have to come home." Rachel sounded frantic.
"Rachel calm down, what's wrong?" Sam stood in preparation to leave.
"He's having the nightmare where you die. I woke him up but I can't convince him you're not dead. Sam he really needs you."
"Okay I'm coming." Looking at Leo who had sensed the urgency and nodded his consent.
By the time Sam got to Josh he was sobbing his heart out. Rachel was holding him and telling him over and over that Sam was coming and he was very much alive.
"Josh." Sam took over from Rachel. "Josh I'm here. Ssshh I'm here. I'm okay. I'm sorry I had to stay at work so long. I won't do it again babe. Sshh now." Sam stroked and petted Josh as he held him and gently rocked him.
"I…I…saw you dead. You…you weren't here. I thought it was real." Josh had calmed with Sam's tender ministrations.
"It was just a dream Remember what Stanley told you, they put it in your head. It's not real." Sam had laid Josh back against the pillows and held his face in both hands. He looked directly into Josh's eyes, such beautiful brown eyes. Such confused and troubled eyes. At that moment Sam wanted to strike out against the people who did this to Josh. Brought this strong and wonderful man to this. He hated them, he hated them all. Taking a deep breath he took charge of his emotions. He needed to be there for Josh and help him through this darkness to the other end. Hate would consume him and be a destructive force. "Go to sleep now I'm here. I'm going to get into bed with you and hold you until you sleep. Okay?" Josh nodded. After a while they both slept.
CHAPTER 46
Six weeks after Josh got home from the hospital he was able to use his left arm. He was having physical therapy from Matt to regain the strength he had lost. Carl had been over and was doing well, ready to return to work. Until Josh actually saw him he hadn't truly believed he had survived. Sam had sent flowers and a note to Billy's funeral, as had President Bartlet.
Josh was seeing Dr Aaron Cox the PTSD specialist Stanley had referred him to, but now only twice a week. Josh was doing a little work from home. It had started with Donna bringing him briefing memos to keep him in the loop. He had shown interest and could concentrate if they weren't too long. Gradually he began to complain about being bored and this made everyone surprisingly happy. A whining Josh Lyman was what they had all been waiting for. After another month he went back to work and his Mom went home. He still had difficulty at times and stared into space but he was easily brought back with a touch or a whisper. He did react to loud noises now though. The first time he was in Senior Staff and Leo unthinkingly slammed a book down on his desk in frustration at some stupid Republican Josh nearly fell out of his wheelchair. He had a panic attack and it took a full 20 minutes for his breathing to get fully back to normal and to stop sweating. Like everything this got better but didn't totally go away.
EPILOGUE (SEX WARNING)
Sam and Josh got their lives back to as normal as it could be. Josh wasn't being asked to testify as there was enough evidence against The Dark. The politicians involved resigned and Coleman was prosecuted.
Sam and Josh lay in bed just enjoying being together. Josh was on his side against Sam who lay on his back. Josh was idly running his hand up and down Sam's body causing Sam to squirm in pleasure. His hand got lower and lower and finally began stroking Sam's cock. Sam groaned and bucked his hips. Josh gripped Sam harder moving his hand up and down in smooth strokes. Suddenly Josh was on his back, Sam had rolled him over. Sam kissed Josh intensely opening his mouth with his tongue. Josh reciprocated making needy sounds in his throat. Sam worked his way down Josh's throat stopping at his ears and his collarbone as now Josh squirmed. His breathing becoming more and more erratic. The sound making Sam even harder. He knew what Josh loved and needed. They had been experimenting since Josh had been paralysed and Sam knew he could make Josh orgasm if he maintained the intense onslaught on his upper body. It had surprised them that men can orgasm without actually ejaculating. Sam moved down to Josh's nipples sucking, licking, biting, never stopping Josh was close now. Sam continued to drive his lover over the edge. Josh's body stiffened as he cried out then relaxed. Sam looked at Josh who had a full dimpled smile on his face.
"Come on up here. I want you." His voice was husky and very sexy, causing Sam's cock to jerk as if it were directly connected to Josh's vocal chords.
Sam climbed further up and straddled Josh's head. He slid his now very hard cock into Josh's beautiful warm wet mouth. Josh's eyes twinkled and Sam began to fuck his mouth for all he was worth. When he came he came hard Josh eagerly swallowed it all and continued to suck and lick until Sam was totally finished.
The lovers lay together enjoying the afterglow of their lovemaking and just being as one. Turning to each other they kissed lovingly. "I love you Sam. Thank you. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you." Josh felt his words were inadequate to express his feelings.
"I love you with all my heart. I wouldn't be anywhere else." Sam responded.
The two slipped into a dreamless and restful sleep.
The End.