The rating on this chapter jumps up to a big fat M, consider yourself warned.

"So," Cory sighed after he'd hauled Shawn's luggage into an overhead compartment, "What else do I have to do to make the last week up to you?"

The rest of Christmas really hadn't been as bad as the first few days. Cory and Shawn had gone along with the rest of the family to drive around and look at the lights. They'd sat in the back seat together, not touching, but still, loudly, together. Presents had been exchanged, with the family doing their best to simply ignore Eric's awkward joke about Shawn replacing Cory's frayed and worn flannel pajamas with the same style in blue.

Shawn looked up at him with a gentle smirk, "Oh let's see-"

"You should get him a puppy," Eric chimed in, "Or a Camero."

Cory and Shawn had packed up their room with help from Amy, who had gathered up stray socks and, silently tossed the belt that had found its way behind the headboard into a suitcase. Alan had hugged each boy in one arm before they boarded the train back to New York.

"I like the sound of a Camero," Shawn grinned as Cory plopped into the seat beside him.

"Hmmm… Camero might be tricky," Cory smiled.

"It would significantly reduce the time that you will spend owing me for this week."

"How long am I going to owe you for now?"

"Sixty years," Shawn replied matter of factly.

"Sixty years?" Cory gulped.

"That sounds fair," Eric shrugged.

"So I'm going to owe you for this until I die?"

"At 80?" Shawn shifted in his seat, "Nah. Life-expectancy's up, economy's gone to Hell- you'll have just retired."

"Kay. If you two are going to just grin at each other like idiots I'm putting on my headphones and pretending that I don't know you."

"So how do I reduce my sentence, Warden?"

"First off- you make sure that's the last time you ever call me that-"

Cory nodded acquiescence, "What else?"

"I want to go out like we used to. You and me, at a bar, hanging out, you not being weird, me not having to drag you out by your hair," Shawn told him, each phrase falling deliberately between them.

Cory absorbed that. It seemed like such a small request now and he started to realize fully just how much he'd taken from Shawn in the last few months.

"Shawnie- yeah. Of course. I'd like that."

"And-" Shawn started, but stopped again.

"Anything you want, Shawnie."

Shawn bit his lip, "Hold my hand on the way home."

Cory only hesitated a second before fingers hit fingers.

"How many years does this take off?" Cory asked quietly.

"Ten."

"Ten? Really?"

Cory saw Shawn's eyes go vulnerable the way that only Shawn's eyes could.

"Really."

"Okay, so I'm down to 39 years?" Cory grinned as they walked into the bedroom. He'd taken Shawn out to the bar, held the door for him, paid, and even gotten a beer whose name he couldn't pronounce instead of his regular cider so that they could switch half way through and Shawn could further his exploration two brands at a time.

"If this game doesn't stop soon I'm going to put 50 more years on and you will owe me until you die," Shawn announced flopping onto their bed.

"Fine," Cory took Shawn's choice of furniture to relax on as an invitation. He kicked his shoes into the corner, and settled down beside Shawn, "So you don't want to play anymore, but seriously," He laid his arm over Shawn's waist and brushed his fingers under the hem of Shawn's shirt, "I want to do something for you- anything you want."

Cory kissed him, thrilling when Shawn's mouth opened to him and arms took him in.

Cory slid his arms down Shawn's back and Shawn rolled lazily onto his back with a grin Cory couldn't possibly not follow. He pressed down on top of Shawn, loving the way Shawn's hand cupped the back of his head, his arm pulled Cory's hips against his own.

"Maybe I could take you out on a real date sometime too," he sighed into Shawn's cheek, rocking their bodies together.

"Maybe I could take you out on one," Shawn answered.

"Pasta and one of those subtitle movies from that place up town?" Cory suggested raising his arms above his head to allow Shawn to tug off his shirt.

"Burger and stuff blowing up?" Shawn replied as Cory removed his shirt.

"Anything you want," Cory murmured, liking the sound of it more every time he said it, "Can think of something I could do for you right now."

He slid his hand down Shawn's stomach, beginning to pull at the button of Shawn's fly.

"How did you know?" Shawn smiled.

He ran his hand slowly up the denim ridge of Shawn's already hard cock and Shawn sighed deeply, his head tilting back of its own accord. Cory wriggled closer to Shawn, rubbing his own, equally hard, cock against Shawn's hip as he continued to touch him.

Cory chided himself a little as he ran his hand back down. All the times he could have had this panorama below him in the last couple of months and he been worried about stupid things. Things that seemed even stupider as Shawn pressed up into Cory's hand and wrapped his arm around Cory's neck, squeezing his hand into Cory's shoulder. Cory's hand traveled slowly back up Shawn's cock and Shawn's other hand began spasming open and closed against the bed. Cory unzipped Shawn's fly.

"What do you want, Cor?" Shawn breathed as Cory tugged his jeans and socks off, "What do you want?"

"To make up for hurting you," Cory responded, not able to hit a new thought as he pulled Shawn's erection out of his boxers and stroked down the hard, silken skin.

Shawn let out a sound that was more like a whimper than anything else and Cory dove down to kiss his neck, his chest.

"You don't have to do that all at once, you know, I want you to tell m-," Cory squeezed. Shawn moaned, but was only momentarily distracted, "t-t-tell me, I want t-t-to do it," he panted.

God, he loved Shawn.

"Okay," Cory panted, pressing his lips against Shawn's exposed neck, his erection against Shawn's squirming hips, "Let me do this for you and then I'll tell you okay?"

"Okay," Shawn agreed, his head rolling back further.

"So what do you want?"

"Kiss me."

God, he loved Shawn.

Cory obliged, kissing Shawn as he worked him deftly, confident the two skills he'd been able to practice while he was with Topanga matched up favorably to the skill levels of Shawn's myriad girlfriends. Shawn squirmed and moaned underneath him, the hand that had been knotting in bedspread flying up to Cory's bicep and clenching around it as Shawn's body tightened. His short fingernails dug into Cory's arm and with a series of short gasps he came; spilling over Cory's hand and pulling Cory down. Cory kissed him deeply, passionately, slowing as Shawn's body stilled, and his breathing deepened. When Shawn had his breath back, he rolled over to face Cory and began tugging at his belt.

"What do you want, Cory?

"Umm…"

"Think about it," Shawn said, doing his best to kiss and undress him at the same time.

"Shawn?" Cory managed as Shawn slid his pants over his knees.

"Yeah,"

"I want to…" He swallowed, maybe he should let this one wait. Maybe this was too fast, they'd only been- like this- for a couple days-

"You can tell me Cor," Shawn said pulling his jeans and boxers over his feet and beginning to tug at his socks.

Cory sat up, catching Shawn's face in his hands, kissing him. He couldn't just say it he had to… fill in.

" I want… because I feel like… I could've…" He shook his head and laughed embarrassedly. Shawn kept smiling at him as he straddled Cory's legs.

"It's alright," Shawn laughed gently, kissing his neck and brushing his hand teasingly against Cory's already moist cock "You can ask me."

"I want…" Cory started again. Shawn ran a thumb over the head and Cory gasped out "I want you to blow me."

Shawn pulled back from Cory's neck.

"You don't have to," Cory said immediately, "I just-I've never- I know that you… like that- and I don't know how cause I never had… one. I just thought if you showed me I could do it too, but you don't hav-"

Shawn cut him off with a kiss, "It's okay Cor, I was just surprised."

"I want… I want to be able to…blow you," Cory told him, "but since I've never…"

Cory felt like they were back at Lover's Lane again- having the same awkward permutation of the who's-gone-further competition

"Topanga never-" Shawn started.

"I was busy with- you know- the one thing," Cory admitted, "She didn't offer, I didn't ask. I didn't you know- initiate for her either so—yeah, but you-- I want to."

Shawn kissed him again, massaging Cory's shoulders a little.

"You don't have to," Cory said again.

"No, I'll do it," Shawn said massaging Cory's shoulders a little tighter, "Lie back."

Cory dropped back onto the pillows, Shawn coming with him. Shawn kissed him slowly, letting his tongue thrust into Cory's mouth, his thigh rub against Cory's cock.

A small part of Cory resented that at 22 years old, with a marriage behind him he was still having awkward-first-time-teenagery-sex. A part that completely lost its ability to complain as Shawn's lips trailed down his throat and chest and his already insistent arousal could not be ignored.

God he loved Shawn.

Shawn settled between Cory's legs and hesitated.

"You really don't have to," Cory panted, using everything he had left not to move his hips in any way towards Shawn's face. Then, without any sort of warning, Shawn dove, taking Cory in as far as it felt like he could manage.

Cory cried out loud enough that he was pretty sure the neighbors heard, but he couldn't bring himself to care as Shawn's tongue started moving against his cock, obviously without direction or intention, but-Goo-ood-did it not matter.

Then Shawn suddenly pulled up and off, exclaiming "Sorry, sorry, I need something to spit in, sorry. I'll be right back."

Shawn bolted for the bathroom and Cory managed two thoughts- Shawn's descriptions of it in high school had not done this experience justice-- and it was probably more difficult than he'd assumed it would be, but then Shawn returned from the bathroom with a Kleenex wadded up in his hand and returned to his previous position and thinking of any kind was given up on.

"Sorry, sorry, I'll work up to it," Shawn muttered.

"I don't care, I don't care," Cory moaned, "Just touch me, please."

Shawn immediately wrapped his warm lips around Cory again, sliding up and down, playing his tongue along the head and belatedly, taking the base in his hand and gently working it in time with his mouth, eventually finding a rhythm.

Cory writhed underneath him. He reached down to cup the back of Shawn's head in his hand, but Shawn responded by defensively bracing his free hand against Cory's hip so Cory abandoned the gesture and wound both his hands in the comforter.

The pressure on Cory's hip increased as Shawn sped up, beginning to moan himself as he did. The unexpected vibrations pushed Cory over the edge and he came, crying out Shawn's name. Shawn took care of his Kleenex and lay down beside Cory.

"You're incredible," Cory groaned, raining kisses on Shawn's face. He was blissed out further than he'd ever been, but still not too far gone to realize that Shawn was shaking.

"Hey-hey- you okay?" He pulled Shawn close, rubbing down his arms harder than he'd meant to.

"Can we get under the covers?" Shawn whispered.

"Yeah, yeah of course."

Shawn pulled away from him and Cory threw back the covers, bundling Shawn up in them and pulling the still quaking boy into his arms.

"Better?"

"Yeah," Shawn nodded into his chest.

"Shawnie you don't feel cold. Are you sure you're alright? I didn't… do anything did I? Did I hurt you?"

"No, no you didn't hurt me."

Yeah, sure that's what he'd been saying for months-

"I'm sorry, Shawnie I shouldn't have- I wouldn't have even asked if I thought you- you never have to do it again-"

"Shhh," Shawn pressed a kiss to Cory's bare chest, "It's fine. I… I liked it."

"So what's wrong?"

"It's just sinking in."

"What is?"

"Everything."

Shawn shifted so that he could reach Cory's shoulders and started massaging them again, kneading his fingers into them like a kitten settling into a blanket. Cory hadn't realized earlier that it was a comfort thing not a sexy thing. Godammit he had pushed Shawn too far.

"Everything?" Cory asked, caressing Shawn's back, hoping the comfort thing would go both ways. Dammit, he knew everything about Shawn, he should be better at all these physical cues.

"Things have a tendency to go horribly wrong for me, Cor."

"Shhh, don't start with that," Cory pressed a kiss to the easiest to reach part of Shawn, which ended up being his ear. Shawn continued kneading his shoulders absently, "We'll be okay." He was high on sensation and warmth and love and he should've been able to bring Shawn up with him, "We're each the thing that makes the other okay."

"The gay thing is starting to sink in too," Shawn whispered, settling against Cory a little more.

"Well, we did kind of come out to my parents, Shawnie," Cory whispered back.

"No we were-well… okay I guess… I guess I didn't think of myself like that really… I mean, me-with-you seemed different than you and me… doing what I just did."

"I'm so sorry-"

"Than me enjoying what I just did," Shawn amended quietly, "It's okay Cory- really it's okay."

"Then why are you upset?" Cory asked, moving his fingers from Shawn's back to Shawn's hair.

"I'm not upset, I'm just… I don't know. Having thoughts I wasn't expecting."

"Tell me."

Shawn started kneading harder. Cory wondered if it was possible to massage knots back in, but wasn't going to ask him to stop if it helped him.

"A guy asked me out at the coffee shop a couple weeks ago," Shawn said eventually.

Mine, Cory's internal monologue snarled instantly. He bit back the instinct to say it out loud and instead answered, "Okay," but gripped Shawn a little tighter. The kneading started to slow.

"Yeah. We don't know his real name, the girls and John call him Sexy Sweater."

"Okay."

"I umm… I freaked a little. I told him… I had a girlfriend."

"So you're upset because…?"

"Total stranger, he was gay… gay too," Shawn said, sounding like the last phrase stuck in his mouth, "I could have told him I had a boyfriend. But I wasn't really even saying to Margot that you were my boyfriend."

"I don't care what you tell strangers Shawn. I don't think I've got the right to care what you tell anyone after the last week."

"I care."

"This is why you're so upset? Weeks ago you didn't come out to a complete stranger?" Cory asked gently.

"No," Shawn whispered, "I told Margot, and she laughed and then later I overheard her talking to John on their smoke break-"

"Were you out smoking?" Cory demanded.

"No, Cory, and that's not the point. Margot told John about what had happened and he laughed and said "I knew that guy was too cute not to be a fellow cock sucker.""

Cory kissed Shawn's ear again, "Shawn it's just a word it doesn't-"

"No- it's not… I was so mad at you for not telling your parents, and the reason you didn't want to is because you understood what it would actually mean. I just figured it out. I'm sorry Cor."

"Shhh."

Shawn's hands were bruising his shoulders, and he pulled Shawn's arms around his waist, holding Shawn's face in his hands and kissing him carefully.

"I'm the one that owes you remember? You had every right to be mad. I shouldn't have lied, I should've known. As your best friend I should have known exactly how much that would hurt you. As your lover I never ever should have put you through that."

"Lover?" Shawn asked.

""Boyfriend" seemed kind of highschool," Cory smiled, "It's just a word Shawn. They're all just words."

Shawn kissed him again.

"And if you wanted… I could become a cock-sucker too," Cory managed, marveling at himself for the nerve.

Shawn laughed tiredly and settled against Cory's chest, "Not tonight."

"Anything you want, Shawnie."

"Hold me till I fall asleep?"

"I'll hold you after too. I'll hold you forever," Cory pledged.

Shawn nuzzled against him and Cory felt like Shawn had finally made it up to his cloud.

"I love you."

"God, I love you Shawn."