I waited patiently in my costume of long scarves, shawls and cloaks, for my Jane to enter the library. I smiled when I thought about what I might be able to get her to confess. Deceptiveness is not a great way to gain trust but since Jane is so private, I feel it is the only way she may admit she has strong feelings for me. Her small frame was alit by the fire light and I pulled my scarf closer to my face so she would not recognize my grizzly features. Her deep eyes looked directly at my own.

I said in my crone's voice, "Well, and you want your fortune told?"

"I don't care about it, mother; you may please yourself: but I ought to warn you, I have no faith." I could hardly believe her frankness but I knew Jane was always the skeptic.

I said, "It's like your impudence to say so: I expected it of you; I heard it in your step as you crossed the threshold."

"Did you? You've a quick ear."

"I have; and a quick eye and a quick brain."

"You need them all in your trade." I wanted to laugh at her comment for she knew as well as I that fortune tellers were nothing but conartists.

I said, "I do; especially when I've customers like you to deal with. Why don't you tremble?" I longed to wrap my arms around her and stop her from trembling.

Jane replied, "I'm not cold."

"Why don't you turn pale?"

"I am not sick."

"Why don't you consult my art?"

"I'm not silly."

I laughed for I knew how sensible she was. Still she trembled which showed me there were things she wanted to confess. I said, "You are cold; you are sick; and you are silly."

"Prove it," she said.

I thought about what I wanted to say. I thought about her coldness and how I wanted her to know she would never be cold again. I said, "I will, in few words. You are cold, because you are alone: no contact strikes the fire from you that is in you. You are sick; because the best of feelings, the highest and the sweetest given to man, keeps far away from you. You are silly, because, suffer as you may, you will not beckon it to approach, nor will you stir one step to meet it where it waits you."

I smoked my pipe as Jane said, "You might say all that to almost any one who you knew lived as a solitary dependent in a great house."

"I might say it to almost any one: but would it be true of almost any one?"

"In my circumstances." I could tell it would be difficult to get Jane to trust me.

I said, Yes; just so, in YOUR circumstances: but find me another precisely placed as you are."

"It would be easy to find you thousands."

"You could scarcely find me one. If you knew it, you are peculiarly situated: very near happiness; yes, within reach of it. The materials are all prepared; there only wants a movement to combine them. Chance laid them somewhat apart; let them be once approached and bliss results." I wanted to tell her happiness could be with me but knew it would be too soon for such confessions.

She said, "I don't understand enigmas. I never could guess a riddle in my life."

"If you wish me to speak more plainly, show me your palm."

"And I must cross it with silver, I suppose?"

"To be sure."

As she gave me her shilling I felt her small fingers in my large hand and I longed to grasp them and feel them close to me. I let go when it seemed like I had held them too long.

I said, "It is too fine. I can make nothing of such a hand as that; almost without lines: besides, what is in a palm? Destiny is not written there."

"I believe you."

"No, it is in the face: on the forehead, about the eyes, in the lines of the mouth. Kneel, and lift up your head."

"Ah! now you are coming to reality," She kneeled in front of me and felt her small body close to mine again.

She said, "I shall begin to put some faith in you presently."

"I wonder with what feelings you came to me to-night. I wonder what thoughts are busy in your heart during all the hours you sit in yonder room with the fine people flitting before you like shapes in a magic-lantern: just as little sympathetic communion passing between you and them as if they were really mere shadows of human forms, and not the actual substance."

I wondered if her feelings for me were the same as what I felt for her but I dared not say such things.

She said, "I feel tired often, sleepy sometimes, but seldom sad."

"Then you have some secret hope to buoy you up and please you with whispers of the future?"

"Not I. The utmost I hope is, to save money enough out of my earnings to set up a school some day in a little house rented by myself." Her answer was not what I wanted to hear but I knew my Jane was always the practical kind.

I said, "A mean nutriment for the spirit to exist on: and sitting in that window-seat (you see I know your habits )--"

"You have learned them from the servants."

No I hadn't learned from the servants; I had learned from Jane's own mouth but I had to keep the game up.

I said, "Ah! you think yourself sharp. Well, perhaps I have: to speak truth, I have an acquaintance with one of them, Mrs. Poole--"

I could see the fear in her face at the name of Mrs. Poole. I wanted to hold her and tell her I would protect from all harm.

I said, "Don't be alarmed. She's a safe hand is Mrs. Poole: close and quiet; any one may repose confidence in her. But, as I was saying: sitting in that window-seat, do you think of nothing but your future school? Have you no present interest in any of the company who occupy the sofas and chairs before you? Is there not one face you study? one figure whose movements you follow with at least curiosity?"

"I like to observe all the faces and all the figures."

"But do you never single one from the rest--or it may be, two?" I secretly hoped she would say she singled me out.

She said, "I do frequently; when the gestures or looks of a pair seem telling a tale: it amuses me to watch them."

"What tale do you like best to hear?"

"Oh, I have not much choice! They generally run on the same theme-- courtship; and promise to end in the same catastrophe--marriage."

"And do you like that monotonous theme?"

"Positively, I don't care about it: it is nothing to me." Again her answer vexed me for I wanted her to be mine but if she did not feel the same as me, there was nothing I could do. Still if she had any feelings for me she would not like the idea of me being married to Miss Ingram so perhaps that was at the heart of her answer.

I said, "Nothing to you? When a lady, young and full of life and health, charming with beauty and endowed with the gifts of rank and fortune, sits and smiles in the eyes of a gentleman you--"

"I what?"

"You know--and perhaps think well of." Jane had said too much for I had drawn her secret out. She cared for as I cared for her. Now I had to see if she would admit she loved me.

She said, "I don't know the gentlemen here. I have scarcely interchanged a syllable with one of them; and as to thinking well of them, I consider some respectable, and stately, and middle-aged, and others young, dashing, handsome, and lively: but certainly they are all at liberty to be the recipients of whose smiles they please, without my feeling disposed to consider the transaction of any moment to me."

"You don't know the gentlemen here? You have not exchanged a syllable with one of them? Will you say that of the master of the house!"

"He is not at home."

"A profound remark! A most ingenious quibble! He went to Millcote this morning, and will be back here to-night or to-morrow: does that circumstance exclude him from the list of your acquaintance-- blot him, as it were, out of existence?"

"No; but I can scarcely see what Mr. Rochester has to do with the theme you had introduced."

"I was talking of ladies smiling in the eyes of gentlemen; and of late so many smiles have been shed into Mr. Rochester's eyes that they overflow like two cups filled above the brim: have you never remarked that?"

"Mr. Rochester has a right to enjoy the society of his guests."

"No question about his right: but have you never observed that, of all the tales told here about matrimony, Mr. Rochester has been favoured with the most lively and the most continuous?"

"The eagerness of a listener quickens the tongue of a narrator." Her jealousy had again betrayed her true feelings and found myself emotionally excited by her response.

I said, "Eagerness of a listener! Yes; Mr. Rochester has sat by the hour, his ear inclined to the fascinating lips that took such delight in their task of communicating; and Mr. Rochester was so willing to receive and looked so grateful for the pastime given him; you have noticed this?"

"Grateful! I cannot remember detecting gratitude in his face."

"Detecting! You have analysed, then. And what did you detect, if not gratitude?" She had found me handsome even though she did not admit to it for why else would she look at me. Only eyes of love could see me in this way.

I said, "You have seen love: have you not?--and, looking forward, you have seen him married, and beheld his bride happy?"

"Humph! Not exactly. Your witch's skill is rather at fault sometimes."

I exclaimed, "What the devil have you seen, then?" I cursed to myself in my head for I knew "devil" was an expression I used to frequently.

She said, "Never mind: I came here to inquire, not to confess. Is it known that Mr. Rochester is to be married?"

"Yes; and to the beautiful Miss Ingram."

"Shortly?"

I thought about the things I had just told Miss Ingram about my lack of fortune. It was all to clear to me that Blanche only wanted me for my money and I enjoyed teasing her and forcing her to admit her falseities.

I said, "Appearances would warrant that conclusion: and, no doubt (though, with an audacity that wants chastising out of you, you seem to question it), they will be a superlatively happy pair. He must love such a handsome, noble, witty, accomplished lady; and probably she loves him, or, if not his person, at least his purse. I know she considers the Rochester estate eligible to the last degree; though (God pardon me!) I told her something on that point about an hour ago which made her look wondrous grave: the corners of her mouth fell half an inch. I would advise her blackaviced suitor to look out: if another comes, with a longer or clearer rent-roll,--he's dished--"

She interrupted me and said, "But, mother, I did not come to hear Mr. Rochester's fortune: I came to hear my own; and you have told me nothing of it."

"Your fortune is yet doubtful: when I examined your face, one trait contradicted another. Chance has meted you a measure of happiness: that I know. I knew it before I came here this evening. She has laid it carefully on one side for you. I saw her do it. It depends on yourself to stretch out your hand, and take it up: but whether you will do so, is the problem I study. Kneel again on the rug."

"Don't keep me long; the fire scorches me."

She knelt again next to me and I looked deep into her eyes. They almost exploded with passion and I said, "The flame flickers in the eye; the eye shines like dew; it looks soft and full of feeling; it smiles at my jargon: it is susceptible; impression follows impression through its clear sphere; where it ceases to smile, it is sad; an unconscious lassitude weighs on the lid: that signifies melancholy resulting from loneliness. It turns from me; it will not suffer further scrutiny; it seems to deny, by a mocking glance, the truth of the discoveries I have already made,--to disown the charge both of sensibility and chagrin: its pride and reserve only confirm me in my opinion. The eye is favourable.

"As to the mouth, it delights at times in laughter; it is disposed to impart all that the brain conceives; though I daresay it would be silent on much the heart experiences. Mobile and flexible, it was never intended to be compressed in the eternal silence of solitude: it is a mouth which should speak much and smile often, and have human affection for its interlocutor. That feature too is propitious.

"I see no enemy to a fortunate issue but in the brow; and that brow professes to say,--'I can live alone, if self-respect, and circumstances require me so to do. I need not sell my soul to buy bliss. I have an inward treasure born with me, which can keep me alive if all extraneous delights should be withheld, or offered only at a price I cannot afford to give.' The forehead declares, 'Reason sits firm and holds the reins, and she will not let the feelings burst away and hurry her to wild chasms. The passions may rage furiously, like true heathens, as they are; and the desires may imagine all sorts of vain things: but judgment shall still have the last word in every argument, and the casting vote in every decision. Strong wind, earthquake-shock, and fire may pass by: but I shall follow the guiding of that still small voice which interprets the dictates of conscience.'

"Well said, forehead; your declaration shall be respected. I have formed my plans--right plans I deem them--and in them I have attended to the claims of conscience, the counsels of reason. I know how soon youth would fade and bloom perish, if, in the cup of bliss offered, but one dreg of shame, or one flavour of remorse were detected; and I do not want sacrifice, sorrow, dissolution--such is not my taste. I wish to foster, not to blight--to earn gratitude, not to wring tears of blood--no, nor of brine: my harvest must be in smiles, in endearments, in sweet-- That will do. I think I rave in a kind of exquisite delirium. I should wish now to protract this moment ad infinitum; but I dare not. So far I have governed myself thoroughly. I have acted as I inwardly swore I would act; but further might try me beyond my strength. Rise, Miss Eyre: leave me; the play is played out'."

With these words I knew I had given myself away. She had to know how I felt about her. I began to take off my costume. When I took off the scarf I knew she knew who I was for my Jane was too smart to be played a fool.

I said, "Well, Jane, do you know me?"

"Only take off the red cloak, sir, and then--"

"But the string is in a knot--help me." I hoped she would come near me so that I could take her in my arms and press my lips lovingly against hers.

She said, "Break it, sir."

"There, then--'Off, ye lendings!'" I broke the string and once again became myself..

She said, "Now, sir, what a strange idea!"

"But well carried out, eh? Don't you think so?"

"With the ladies you must have managed well."

"But not with you?"

"You did not act the character of a gipsy with me."

"What character did I act? My own?"

"No; some unaccountable one. In short, I believe you have been trying to draw me out--or in; you have been talking nonsense to make me talk nonsense. It is scarcely fair, sir."

"Do you forgive me, Jane?"

"I cannot tell till I have thought it all over. If, on reflection, I find I have fallen into no great absurdity, I shall try to forgive you; but it was not right."

"Oh, you have been very correct--very careful, very sensible."

Her face became deep in thought and I could tell she was thinking about the resident of the tower but I did not want such dark things for her. I wanted to only shower her with love. I said, "Well, what are you musing about? What does that grave smile signify?"

"Wonder and self-congratulation, sir. I have your permission to retire now, I suppose?"

"No; stay a moment; and tell me what the people in the drawing-room yonder are doing."

"Discussing the gipsy, I daresay."

"Sit down!--Let me hear what they said about me."

"I had better not stay long, sir; it must be near eleven o'clock. Oh, are you aware, Mr. Rochester, that a stranger has arrived here since you left this morning?"

"A stranger!--no; who can it be? I expected no one; is he gone?" I had no idea who would possibly be calling on me. The few friends I had were at Thornfield presently.

She said, "No; he said he had known you long, and that he could take the liberty of installing himself here till you returned."

"The devil he did! Did he give his name?" It was Mason but I had to let Jane confirm this for me.

She said "His name is Mason, sir; and he comes from the West Indies; from Spanish Town, in Jamaica, I think."

Hearing her speak about the West Indies made me grave and cold. I did not want her to be connected with any of that evil yet here she was telling me of my acquaintance from that horrid place.

I said, "Mason!--the West Indies! Mason!--the West Indies!" I repeat this several times for the West Indies only reminded me of that witch in the attic.

She inquired with such sensitivity, "Do you feel ill, sir?"

"Jane, I've got a blow; I've got a blow, Jane!" I felt my knees growing weak.

She said, "Oh, lean on me, sir."

"Jane, you offered me your shoulder once before; let me have it now."

"Yes, sir, yes; and my arm."

I leaned on her and sat in her chair. She sat near me and her unearthly presence made me slightly calmer. I took her hand in my own. The small fingers were so comforting to me. I said, "I wish I were in a quiet island with only you; and trouble, and danger, and hideous recollections removed from me." With these words she had to know I was hers alone.

She said, "Can I help you, sir?--I'd give my life to serve you."

"Jane, if aid is wanted, I'll seek it at your hands; I promise you that."

"Thank you, sir. Tell me what to do,--I'll try, at least, to do it."

"Fetch me now, Jane, a glass of wine from the dining-room: they will be at supper there; and tell me if Mason is with them, and what he is doing."

When she left I cursed about my wretched life. All of the pain of my past invaded my soul once again and I hated myself. It was wrong of me to lie to her but there was nothing I could do for I doubted she could love me if she knew the awful truth. I stared at the fire as she came back into the room with some wine. Mr. Rochester's extreme pallor had disappeared, and he looked once more firm and stern. He took the glass from my hand.

She handed my the goblet and I toasted to her. I said, "Here is to your health, ministrant spirit! What are they doing, Jane?"

"Laughing and talking, sir."

"They don't look grave and mysterious, as if they had heard something strange?" Mason had obviously told them nothing.

I said, "Not at all: they are full of jests and gaiety."

"And Mason?"

"He was laughing too."

"If all these people came in a body and spat at me, what would you do, Jane?"

"Turn them out of the room, sir, if I could."

"But if I were to go to them, and they only looked at me coldly, and whispered sneeringly amongst each other, and then dropped off and left me one by one, what then? Would you go with them?"

"I rather think not, sir: I should have more pleasure in staying with you."

"To comfort me?"

"Yes, sir, to comfort you, as well as I could." She was my only comfort in this God forsaken life or mine. I loved her even more for saying such things.

I said, "And if they laid you under a ban for adhering to me?"

"I, probably, should know nothing about their ban; and if I did, I should care nothing about it."

"Then, you could dare censure for my sake?"

"I could dare it for the sake of any friend who deserved my adherence; as you, I am sure, do." She loved me in her way, in her quiet, controlled way but she was still too afraid to confess it and I longed to hear it from her very lips.

I said, "Go back now into the room; step quietly up to Mason, and whisper in his ear that Mr. Rochester is come and wishes to see him: show him in here and then leave me."

"Yes, sir."

I went to my room knowing it was my only sanctuary that evening aside from Jane. I thought about the situation and knew there was little I could do to improve. I had to be near Jane but she would certainly leave me if she knew the truth. Mrs. Fairfax brought Mason to my room. I was polite and too him to his room As we passed Jane's room I said, "This way, Mason; this is your room." This way she would not suspect anything.

Before I left his room, Mason asked if he could see his sister. I did not want to see the beast that evening so I said to him, "Not tonight. She was wild today and I fear for her reaction should she see you." He protested but I reiterated my concerns and left him in his room. As I left him I felt the night would be a dreadful one.