CHAPTER TEN- TEMPER
Hey there, chapter ten is here! Yeah! Anyway, the last chapter was a little, I don't know, like I'd made Dereck a little TOO soft?? Maybe he shouldn't have cried?? I don't know; I hope you liked it though, I thought that the bravado that he puts on all the time should have been seen through by Rose, and it was. Because Dereck has a real problem with killing and he actually didn't think about how it would be taking something else's life, but now he understands that and Rose and him are going to be having a different type of practices because of how this chapter starts. Hey, now, some of you are questioning my Rose activity; well, here's the deal with that: Rose is shadow-kissed, as you all know, and you also know that the shadow-kiss-ness makes Rose a little volatile and a bit short on temper. That's the reason for Rose's little brake downs in my story, as well as the little factor that I like- no cross that- lurve (!) drama.
Okay one last thing: Shouts to RoseVanVamp16—ha ha, very funny Rose; I know you're talking about me.
Okay, well, here's the story. ENJOY!
I needed to make a trip to the clinic, again. And I was pretty sure that the Doc was going to be pretty pissed that I didn't follow her orders. So I slowly made my way into the clinic and set down the bags- they dropped harder than I expected them too. The Doc looked up from whatever she was doing on her computer and gasped.
"Rose!"
Oh, boy. I braced myself for a huge lecture…but it didn't come; yet. The doc rushedme into one of the examining rooms and immediately set to work on my banged up body. I kind of zoned in and out during that process, I didn't feel the need to examine the Doc's work on my body. When she was done cleaning me up, she fixed me with a very disapproving and very disappointed stare.
"Rose, did you go off campus and fight?" I gave her a little nod and she carried on. "Even after I told you not to?" a nod. "Why would you do that, Rose? Especially in the condition you are in, you are in no shape to fight. None at all, and yet, you did, disobeying my orders and harming yourself even more! Did you want to know the extent of your damage?"
"Sure," I tried to sound nonchalant but I don't think it worked too well.
"You have three more broken ribs and you re-broke the other two. Your face is badly scratched and your leg wounds have been re-opened, Rose. Do you know how stupid what you did was?" now, she seemed weary. "You could have been killed!" she flopped herself into the visiting chair. "What am I going to do with you?"
"Well, you probably might be seeing me a lot, when I was at St Vlad's the doctor there always used to joke about me being her most frequent patient." I smirked.
The Doc returned the gesture with a dry smile. "Well, be that as it may, you will not be going off campus again, at least not until your ribs are healed." She switched back into Doctor Mode and pulled herself from the chair. "You also will not be engaging yourself in any physical activities until your ribs are healed. Do you understand me, Rose? Or do I have to put you with a supervisor?" I flinched at the idea of having a baby sitter and shook my head furiously.
"No, no! I promise I won't do anything physical." I said solemnly. The Doc nodded in approval and told me I was free to go, but had to take it easy. I thanked her again and very literally almost fell over, trying to pick up the bags with the new bigger brace that went all the way around my stomach instead of just one side. I took a big breath and got ready to bend over and grab them when someone else picked up all three. I looked up to see…Kevin Belikov. Oh man, seeing those normal eyes, Dimitri's old eyes, hurt more than breaking my ribs.
"I don't think picking these up would be such a good idea," he smiled down at me. He was a good five or six inches taller than me, it looked like he was going to inherit Dimitri's height.
"Oh, thanks," I murmured quietly. There was an awkward silence and I wanted to break it. "So…what are you doing here? In the clinic, I mean."
"Oh, I just got a little banged up," his smirk suggested that there was more to the story than he was telling me.
"Hey, since you're holding my bags, can you help me get to where I want to be?"
"Yeah, sure." He grinned. "Where do you want to be?"
"The guest housing,"
"Aren't you a guardian?" he asked.
"Yeah, but two of my friends are in guest housing," I explained and waddled towards the door. He followed obediently.
"So, you're Rosemarie Hathaway? The real one?" his tone reflected awe.
I blushed slightly. "Yeah, I'm Rose,"
"Oh, I should probably call you Guardian Hathaway, shouldn't I?"
"I don't really care," I said as I glanced at him and winced again. This time my flinch seemed noticeable.
"Are you okay?" he asked and stopped walking.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I needed a subject change. "What did you say your name was again?"
"Kevin Belikov,"
"Mmm," I mumbled faintly.
We were quiet for a bit, and then Kevin broke the silence. "Oh, hey, you said you knew my brother the other day. Did you really?"
"Yes, I knew your brother," I so did not want to talk about this.
"What was he like? I never knew I had a brother until I was called down to Modia and told that he was dead." His voice was a little bitter at the end.
"I don't think Dimitri knew you were his brother either, he would have told me if he did." Oh no, I didn't mean to say that. Shit.
"Why would have he told you?" Kevin's voice was confused and curious. How am I supposed to answer that? I am not going to say, 'oh, yeah, me and your brother, we were lovers,' or 'oh, Dimitri would have told me anything I wanted to know, he loved me' or 'oh, we were in love, but don't tell, we weren't supposed to be' yeah right. What am I supposed to say?
"Um, your brother and I were…close," that didn't sound too bad. "Yeah, we were really close."
"Oh, so you were like best friends?"
"Something a little like that,"
"It must have been hard for you, to have your best friend die," hmm, Mason was the best friend that died, Dimitri was the lover that died. I nodded and didn't say anything.
"If you don't mind me asking though, what was he like?" he insisted.
"Dimitri was…hmmm," I let out a gusty sigh. How do I explain Dimitri? "Well, he was really great. He was an amazing fighter, we were evenly matched, after he trained me, he was really tall, um," those were all safe things to say, it's not like I'm going to say, 'oh, yeah, I almost forgot: he was a great kisser!' Not that I'd ever forget how good a kisser Dimitri was. I would never forget anything like that.
"Sometimes, well, most of the time, it seemed like he was the only one who understood me. I really miss him, a lot." I added almost inaudibly. We were quiet for a bit and as I glanced at Kevin, I saw that he looked a bitter again. Why?
"So, how did you become a guardian so quickly, you're eighteen right?" he asked before I could question him about his reaction.
"Yeah, I'm eighteen, all guardians start out at eighteen," I remarked dryly and he rolled his eyes. We were now coming up to the guest housing.
"Aren't you still supposed to be at your academy though?"
"Um, I'm a little bit of a different situation," I mumbled as I held the door for him. I asked the Moroi man at the desk which rooms Blake and Tory were in and Kevin and I made our way up the stairs.
"Is it tough? Being a really young guardian, and having to compete with all the big guys?" Kevin asked his voice weary.
"No, not really; sometimes it can be intimidating, but I'm not really competing with the older guardians. I'm just trying to do my job, to do what I trained my whole life for and I'm not going to let some macho older guardian beat me down into being afraid and making a fool out of myself.
"I'm not going to let anyone push me to be a background colour, and keep me from doing what I have to do. It doesn't help if you're scared of what other people are going to think about you, you've got to have thick skin. If an older guardian sees you fighting and when you walk past them, they say, 'that wasn't bad…for a new kid' am I going to shrink back and say 'oh, well, maybe next time will meet your standards'? No, I'm not going to say that. I'm going to stand up for myself and tell them to fuck off or tell them what they can go do with their 'badass' skills, because they've got no reason to tell me if they're better or worse or if I make the cut.
"You can't care what other guardians think because that will just make you side tracked and you'll always be looking their way for approval or some kind of respect. If you ignore them or tell them off, it'll earn you more respect."
By now, we were in front of Tory's door and Kevin was grinning from ear to ear. I knocked on the door and turned back to him.
"Don't let anyone intimidate you; because if you let a dhampir scare you, how the hell are you going to fight Strigoi?"
"We should talk again sometime?" It wasn't meant to be a question but he still asked it hesitantly.
"Well, I'll be spending time with Dereck, so if you're one of his friends, we should see each other a lot because I can't fight; at least not until my ribs are healed."
Then the door opened and Blake peeked out, when he saw me, his face split into a huge grin and he swung the door all the way back and engulfed me in a huge bear hug.
"Hey Rose!" he exclaimed as he squeezed me tight.
"Hey Blake, nice to see you too," I muffled into his chest. He finally released me and I stumbled backwards, and was caught in Kevin's strong arms. Blake was about to usher me into the room, but then he noticed Kevin.
"Who are you?" his voice was guarded and I could practically breath in the testosterone in the air.
"Blake this is my friend Kevin, Kevin this is my friend Blake. Kevin is a friend of my student, Dereck Hays," I added for good measure.
"You have a student?" Blake's eyes narrowed.
"Yep, and I broken three ribs and re-broke two so Kevin here, being the great guy that he is, offered to help me with our stuff. So you are going to let him in," I took Kevin's hand and led him into the room. "Just drop them anywhere,"
Kevin gently set the bags down and smirked at me. "You're pushy, aren't you?"
"Yes, I am," I said loftily and he laughed.
"Okay, we should talk again sometime, Guardian Hathaway," he seemed more confident now. He squeezed my arm gently and smiled kindly. "Get well soon," he said to me. "Boys," to Blake and Tory and with that, Kevin Belikov left the room.
With the look on Blake's face, I was almost positive that he was going to go into the 'are you sleeping with him?!' mother lecture and I think that Tory saw it too, so he cut in.
"Hey, are those our bags?" he said loudly.
"Yes, they are, Tory." I settled down gently on the edge of his bed and pulled one closer to me with me foot. I bent slowly to unzip the bag and slightly winced. Blake noticed and hauled the bag onto the bed next to me.
"Thanks,"
"Weren't these in the forest?" Tory asked confused.
"Yep," I answered, unfazed and Blake gaped at me. I turned to stare at him in surprise.
"You went into the forest…by yourself…at night?" he practically growled at me, his face contorted with anger. What did I do now?
I shook my head slowly. "No, I wasn't alone," I winced as I remembered the image of Dereck squaring off with Strigoi. If I hadn't been high on adrenaline, I would have probably be filled with terror and shock and (I'd be willing to bet on it) agony. I don't know I'd feel antagonized, but I was a hundred percent I would feel that way. Actually, I was also pretty sure I would react the same way I had when I'd seen Mason die in Spokane. It's not like Dereck's my best friends but I felt-
"Who was with you? Another Guardian?" Blake's sharp voice brought me back to reality.
"Um, no. I was with a novice, Headmistress Modia asked me if I would mentor a kid and I agreed. I took him off campus for a…an extra learning experience." I chose my words carefully, trying to sound guardian-like and professional. Judging from the look on Blake's face, it didn't work. I probably sounded like some stupid girl trying to be smart. But…wasn't that exactly what I was?
"Why didn't you take us?" Blake demanded.
"Because Tory is a Moroi," I said sternly. I am not going to put him in danger again." Tory snorted and rolled his eyes.
"We would've done fine," he quipped.
"Yeah, Tory could have used his magic and me and you could have staked the Strigoi." Blake added.
"We did fine when we broke out of our academy," Tory muttered.
"That was such a stupid thing to do too, Tory!" I snapped. "And Blake should have known better, and you did fine because you got lucky." Oh God, I sounded like a mix of Stan and Kirova. "Strigoi are working together now. Do you think you could have stood against a pack of Strigoi?" I didn't wait for their answers and lectured on. "No, you wouldn't have been able to. They would have either killed or turned you; they'd probably turn Blake and they'd kill Tory. Is that what you want? How would you feel, knowing that you'd lost your soul as well as your best friend's life? Could you live yourself? Would you want to live? Would you be able to bear seeing him red-eyed and vicious if he were turned? Could you forgive yourself for what you let happen? Would you-or could- you?" I was so angry it wasn't even funny. I got the nagging feeling of losing control in the back of my head and took deep breaths. Calm down, Rose. Shake it off, ignore it. Fight it, Rose. It's not going to control you, control it. I chanted to myself. I remembered who I was talking to and where I was. My anger decreased and the shocked silence was louder than my lecture. Ah, shit.
"I'm sorry; it's just…it's scary out there. Not a good place to be if you're not prepared, especially with the way the Strigoi are acting now." I muttered hanging my head shamefully. I needed to get a grip on my temper or I'll end up hurting someone.
"It is okay, Rose. You've been through a lot; I understand." Blake said soothingly.
I tensed.
He UNDERSTOOD?!
Quickly, I unzipped the three bags without answering, in fear that that anger swelling up inside of me would make me say or do something I would regret. I found which one was mine, zipped it up, slung it over my shoulder and headed toward the door.
"No," I had to whisper it so I wouldn't growl it. "No, you really don't understand and it's not okay." And with that, I walked out the door, a little voice in my head saying, you are not okay, Rose.
******
I passed a few guardians on the way up to my room, but I only gave a curt nod or a hello to the curious stares I received. I made it up to my room, closed the door and sank to the ground. I laid on my back, closed my eyes and let the memories that I'd been trying to keep out flood back into me: my first training session with Dimitri, the praises he rarely gave me, the look of desire and passion he'd given me when we were under Victor's lust charm, the way he's been so frantic almost panicked as he saved me from Natalie, the sympathy he'd felt for me at the Badica house, the way he'd held me on the roof of the ski lodge just before dawn, the way Dimitri had comforted me after Mason's death and my first kills, Dimitri's confession of how he loved me after we'd returned to the Academy, the way he'd been thrown off balance when I admitted to seeing ghosts, Dimitri lying for me at Victor's trail, the intensity of our fight in the field experience, the way we'd connected the morning of his last day, staring into his eyes and telling him that I loved him and hearing the promise back, the way we'd looked at each other when we set off to rescue our people…everything. It all came back. I could picture his face perfectly; his dark brown eyes and his dark almost-shoulder-length hair, his sweet smile with lips that were hard and yet soft at the same time. It ached so much, and I just wanted to crawl into a corner and die. I missed Dimitri so much, my Dimitri, sometimes I thought about why I was still alive with Dimitri gone. But I always told myself that I was living for Lissa. I had to because she was going to be my fist priority once I was done here. Once I was done here, I'd be done with Dimitri.
Forever.
I started crying.
So there I was, lying on the floor, bawling my eyes out over Dimitri, again. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths until I was in control of myself. I sniffed and wiped away the last of my tears sitting up and dragging my bag towards me. I unzipped it and pulled out my clothes, my new cell phone and a sleek black lap top (both of which I had invested in with Adrian's money). But I hadn't given anybody my number or gotten anyone's. I shoved my clothes aside, opened my lap top and stared blankly at the screen as it loaded. I opened up my e-mail account and saw that I had three messages. One from my mother, one from Adrian and…one from Lissa. I flinched, imagining what it would say. Well, I might as well start with Lissa's first; whatever she said in the e-mail, I surely would deserve. It read:
******
Rose,
I hope you are well. Where are you? I really miss you, Rose. But I know how much this means to you, so I'm not going to ask you not to come back-yet. I know Dimitri is a big issue-and I'm sure it is. Something that has you so far bent must be. So, what are you doing now? Are you making any progress in your search?
Send back soon. Love you with all my heart, Rose. I hope you're okay. Be careful.
Love, Lissa
Oh, and I'd thought she'd want to bitch at me. I really loved Lissa. She was absolutely perfect; good through and through. I responded quickly typing:
Tell me everything. How are you?
I really miss you too, Liss! I'm not in America, I'm somewhere else. But I'm at an Academy It is really important to me, Lissa and thank-you so much for understanding. Some progress. I'm going to be a guardian, Lissa! I'm getting some more molnija marks and a promise mark soon. Everyone knows who I am. I have a student-I'm a mentor. But I'm a really bad mentor. I scared the hell out of my student. I'm so terrible, Lissa. I'll tell you everything when I see you again. I found out that Christian has another relative here. His name is Tory. How is my buddy Christian, anyway? Tell him I say "Hey Christian!"
Do you remember Guardian Tanner- Mikhail Tanner? Yeah, I'm with him here, so I've got a few friends.
I miss you so much, Lissa. I love you. I will come back if I can.
Love forever, Rose
P.S-tell Eddie I say "Hey Eddie! Take care of Lissa for me until I get back!"
Could you tell both of them (Christian-he'd better take care of you too- and Eddie, I mean) that I say that? Or you could just send them the e-mail.
P.S-again- how's your spirit training? How is the Academy doing? Any rumours about me? Tell me some; I might get a kick out of it.
Rose
I skimmed back through it, making sure that I hadn't said anything too specific. Wow; I think that's the longest thing I've ever written, well, except for some of my school reports (and sometimes they didn't even get that long!) I sent it and wearily clicked on the next one. My mother's.
Rosemarie Hathaway,
Oh man.
Why did you leave the Academy? I know that the raid was stressful and terrible, frightening even, but, Rose, you cannot let it ruin your life.
Huh, she thinks I've gone off to be a blood whore and she didn't even sign her name! Thanks so much, mom, I thought. I typed a quick reply, nothing too sweet:
I'm not a blood whore. I just have to do something. I'm a real guardian now. I've got a position at and Academy and I'm getting more molnija marks. Once I'm done here I'll go back to Lissa. They call me Guardian Hathaway. Don't worry; I'm not going to disgrace you.
I AM NOT RUNNING AWAY- AND I'M NOT SCARED.
I rolled my eyes and sent it. Then another message popped up on my screen above Adrian's. It was from Lissa. That was quick. I opened it wearily.
Rose,
It's great that you're a guardian. Which Academy are you at? The spirit training is coming along great! I'm starting to see auras! I will tell Christian and Eddie what you said (I so do not need to be taken care of!). I miss you, Rose. I'm really proud of you, Guardian Hathaway! Ha ha! You deserve it, Rose. The rumours are that you got pregnant and ran away and that the raid and rescue mission scared you so much that you quit being a guardian. Is that funny to you?
Be careful. Miss you.
Love, Lissa
Was she checking her e-mail constantly to see if I responded? I let myself open up to her feelings and saw that she was. I also hoped (a little guiltily) that if she kept saying she missed me that I would come back to her without going after Dimitri. I quickly typed a reply, skipping over where I was and complementing her on her spirit progress and said that the rumours were bullshit and nothing like me. I sent it quickly and then, not as excited, opened Adrian's e-mail:
Rose,
How's it going? I'm great, thanks for asking. Lissa is doing amazing with her spirit training, but it drains her a lot. I'm starting to get a little better hold on the healing, but not nearly as much as Lissa. People are saying that you're pregnant, that you got scared and ran away, oh, and that you're the new Hunter. They say that you got so pissed about what happened at the Academy that you dropped out so you could go hunting to kill all the Strigoi you could get your hands on. They aren't wrong, well, at least, they're not that far off point.
Where are you now? You don't have to tell me anything that you don't want to.
Love, Adrian
Whoa, wait. "Love, Adrian"? Oh, boy. Looks like I'm going to have a bigger problem with him than I was expecting. Honestly? I was expecting that I could just tell him off, but I'd promised…and did I really know what to expect anymore?
Adrian,
I'm great; it's good that you're okay. Are the auras still getting to you? I heard about the rumours and Lissa's progress from Lissa. I'm at an academy. I'm a guardian. I'm getting more molnija marks and I'm a mentor. Visit my dreams I've got to ask you something.
Thanks for the money; I bought a lap top and cell phone. You don't know how much this means to me. Thank you. I miss all of you guys too.
Rose
There. He shouldn't get the wrong idea from that; at least I hoped he wouldn't. Well, I sighed; this could get a little tricky. I shut down my lap top and climbed onto my bed and stared at the ceiling.
What's the worst that could happen? I thought. Well, Rose, I thought sarcastically, you could die, no wait—even better: I could become a Strigoi. I shoved that aside and wouldn't think about that little issue right now.
So Lissa wasn't mad at me anymore. I remembered the time I'd gotten pulled into her head, two days after I'd left the Academy…
I felt a tug in the back of my mind as I entered my hotel room. I set down my bag, lay down on the bed and let myself fall into Lissa. She was in her room and someone was at the door, though she didn't want to answer it. She wanted to be alone. The one person she had wanted to see was me, so she didn't move from the bed and kept bawling her eyes out.
"Lissa! Let me in, Lissa. Okay, fine; I'm coming in," a male voice said from outside of her room. Then the door knob turned and I was just as surprised as Lissa was to see Adrian walk in and gently close the door behind him. Lissa lost interest in his presence and kept sobbing.
"You're a mess too, cousin," Adrian commented almost silently as he sat down in Lissa's computer desk chair and took a swig out of the wine bottle he'd brought with him. "It is okay, Lissa; Rose will come back. She promised,"
Lissa was surprised to hear Adrian say that, so she stifled her sobs, wiped her face and studied him. He looked much like I'd last saw him: his hair was actually messy, he had bags under his eyes, but there was some look in his eyes…like something else was adding to the taxing of the auras. I looked at him through Lissa's eyes and saw that it was my leave that was adding to his aura based distress. I groaned internally and felt only mildly guilty that I was adding to his problems, but it wasn't my fault that he felt for me that way. I could see it so clearly; how he cared for me-so could Lissa, for that matter. She leaned forward and bunched up her comforter as she watched him. Adrian was the first to look away. He ran his fingers through his hair and let out a huge gusty sigh.
"You care about her, more than you let on." It wasn't a question, but Adrian still answered her.
"Yeah, I do," he admitted quietly as he met Lissa's sad gaze. "You really are a mess, Lissa; and everyone is going to start noticing that both you and Rose are missing. Just keep moving on, pretend like you don't know anything and ignore the rumours. She'll come back, I know it. Rose promised," the unsaid longing in his voice hurt to hear. I was putting everyone through so much pain. I couldn't take it anymore. I pulled myself out of Lissa's head and permanently blocked her out. I stared at the hotel ceiling and wondered who the hell I really was…
My leg and ribs throbbed, but only a dulling pain now for now; I was sure if I moved that they would hurt more. Putting my laptop aside, I decided that I needed to take a shower. I reached for a towel,-damn that hurt! - Pulled myself off the bed, wincing a lot in the process, and hobbled out the door with the towel draped around my shoulders. I ran straight into Mercutio Scot, one of the guardians who were at the gate when I left and returned with Dereck. I stumbled backwards and was caught by Mercutio's strong hands before I fell flat on my ass. He made sure I was steady before gently easing his hold on my arms.
"Hey, Rose, great job with the Strigoi earlier. How's the Hays boy?" Mercutio asked.
"Thanks, Dereck's okay, just a bit shaken. He used to joke about Strigoi, but I don't think he will anymore, it was pretty serious out there."
"Well, yeah, he's never had much respect for anything but himself, you know?" he said, uncomfortably shifting under my hard stare.
"You'd be surprised," I said sharply and stocked off down the hall in my tank top and black guardian pants. I passed a few guardians and said hello as I made my way to the washroom. Finally, I got into the shower and washed my body and hair twice. Then I just stood watching the water run down the drain. My head started to hurt- the pain of one of my shadow-kissed headaches. I was too tired and confused to try to stop it; I closed my eyes and let myself fall in.
At first it was just as if I was watching the gray hays of the ghosts in complete blackness. Then I clicked into the fact that I was actually in the world of the dead. Oh God. Then everything suddenly went silent and I was left in complete and utter darkness. Then, just as I was beginning to panic, the darkness lightened in the distance, which confused me. I strained my eyes to see what the hell was going on. I made out a ghostly shape moving towards me with a light glow behind it. It was a ghost- which would explain why they looked "ghostly". When I finally saw who was approaching me, I stopped breathing.
It was Dimitri.
He was looking as good as ever…but faded; he was so pale- almost translucent. It broke my heart to see him like this, but it was better than seeing him as a Strigoi.
"Roza…" he started as if unsure what to say to me.
"D-D-Dimitri?" I stuttered almost silently. His face crumpled in sadness as he watched me. I stared at his gray-ish face and started shaking my head furiously. "You can't be here. No, no, no, no. You can't be. No!"
"I'm here, Roza," he said softly and the way he said it; confidently, strongly, but yet gently, and compassionately, pushed me to believe that he was actually standing in front of me. Dimitri always had a way with conveying a hundred different things in so few words. I sagged and glanced up at his painfully.
"What is it?" I said meekly.
"Rose, you can't stay here and hunt me. You need to leave,"
Somehow, I found my strong voice. "Well, I'm going to and I will and I am! No one can tell me what to do anymore, I'm an adult and I can make my own decisions."
"You can't,"
"Too. Bad. And you cannot stop me," I defiantly said.
He groaned, "Rose…"
"I promised; you'll be at peace soon." Dimitri looked at me pleadingly, but I raised my chin and he sighed.
"You've come so far, and I am so, so proud of you, Roza." He whispered; his voice held so much and tears welled up in my eyes, threatening to spill over, but I used all the control I had not to start sobbing at his feet.
He reached out again, like he wanted to comfort me…I saw the passion, love, worry, pride, adoration, pleading, faith- all on his face and one tear rolled down my face, I really couldn't help it at this point.
"You are so, so strong, Roza, you know I'm proud of you, I'll love you forever."
And with that, the only person who I wanted vanished into nothing. I snapped back into myself and was staring at the water again. I numbly climbed out, dried, wrapped the towel around myself and walked back to my room, closing and locking the door behind me. I crumpled down on my bed and pulled the covers up to my chin as silent tears streamed down by face.
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