With all the giddiness and nerves that had built up inside him, Steve had felt like a school girl with a lame crush.
Bucky hardly responded, and that terrified him. If stupid kiss in the semi-rain hadn't worked, then he was sure nothing else would seem quite to Bucky's liking. Maybe he didn't even like guys. That would just be Steve's luck, really.
Together they went inside the tattoo parlor, wiping their wet shoes off on the rug like they were coming home for supper. It was a simple, childish act that made Steve feel sadly nostalgic.
Bucky seemed to not care, which was nothing out of the ordinary. The brunette simply went over to Thor's desk and pulled up a spare chair so both of them could sit and eat. Steve wasn't expecting Bucky to shun him after a kiss like that, but this seemed just as bad.
With nowhere else to go, Steve grabbed the plastic bag of food and hefted it up onto the desk. Luckily for them only one box of rice had broken open, as well as some sauce leaking from another one. Despite that, their take out still seemed edible. After a few years in the military, Steve was sure he had eaten worse anyway.
The larger blonde man sat down beside Bucky in the spare chair he brought up. His somewhat wet sweatshirt clung to him, but he was scared to take it off. He felt like such a wimp for needing to hide under laying of clothing as if it would make him disappear.
Bucky was the first to reach out and grab some food. He went for a box of Mongolian beef and a packet of chopsticks. His hazel eyes focused on his food the entire time, but his gaze still seemed distant.
When Steve finally managed to stop staring at his boss, he grabbed a box of chicken something-or-other, he wasn't quite able to pronounce it, but it looked good, and a pair of chopsticks as well. For a moment, it was silent except the cracking and rolling of take-out utensils.
"Thanks for lunch." Bucky said, his voice only a notch quieter than usual.
Steve just nodded his head, his pale lips pulling into a grin of half-fallacy and half-genuineness. His head tilted down to stare at his food blankly. A thousand thoughts rushed through his head as he stared at some sketchy boxed food, but he couldn't concentrate on just one.
"I thought you said you'd been kissed in the rain before." Steve finally said. He picked out a piece of chicken and plopped it into his mouth.
Bucky did the thing again; the thing where his body reacts, he hesitates and stops everything for just a second, then acts like nothing ever happened. A clump of damp brown hair fell in front of his face, but he blew it away. "I have. Would I lie to you?"
"Probably." Steve retorted quickly. By now, he wasn't exactly eating; he was just stabbing his food with his chopsticks out of aggravation.
Bucky's omni-colored eyes immediately turned up to stare at Steve. They were wide and doe-eyed, but his jaw grit angrily. "I wouldn't lie to you, don't be stupid." He murmured.
Something mixed between a sarcastic huff and a laugh left Steve's lips. "I am stupid if you couldn't tell. What kind of smart person goes around kissing people in the rain?"
At that, Bucky groaned and rolled his eyes. "Just because I said I did it before doesn't mean anything like that. I don't have to be an idiot to kiss someone." He said, taking a deep breath.
Steve hadn't even meant to be talking about Bucky, rather himself, but it did come out that way. His head hung slightly, his hand poking lamely at his food. "Not to kiss someone."
Bucky sat back in his seat, one leg tucked up into his chest. "What?"
"You don't have to be an idiot to kiss someone." He said in agreement, though his blue eyes couldn't bring up the nerve to look at the other man beside him. "I'm just exceptional like that."
There was a small few seconds when both of them smiled, picking at their food and having just one moment where they were feel alright. It was over too soon.
Steve licked his lips as he tried to figure out what to say. He didn't have to, though, as Bucky beat him to it. "I didn't know you were like that."
The blonde's eyebrows furrowed together deeply. "What?" He asked through a mouthful of vegetables.
Bucky smiled weakly, his face somewhat embarrassed. "Gay. I didn't know you went for the other side." He added the last part teasingly as if it would make things more humorous. It really didn't.
Steve had never thought about it. His broad shoulders moved simply one time in a soft shrug. "I'm not, or at least I don't really care. If it's someone you love, there shouldn't be a problem, you know?"
If it's someone you love. Bucky almost choked on his own breath, however that was possible. His hands faltered grabbing his chopsticks again, and he cursed silently at how hard they were to use. It took his mind off the L-word for just a moment.
The brunette seemed to still again, his body slightly curled up in a way that looked like he too wanted to hide and disappear. At least now they found common grounds. "No. I really don't." He admitted his confusion with a small, shaky laugh.
Steve didn't mind. Seeing Bucky smile like that, even out of pure anxiousness, was uplifting. "It's different for everyone I guess. I just like people, regardless of who they are." He said. He leaned back in his chair slightly, trying to ease away his own tension.
"Well there's the problem." Bucky said, his stubbly cheeks pushing up in a small smile. "I hate people."
Steve also let out a weakly humored laugh. "Yeah, that may be a problem." He nodded. His long legs stretched out in front of him restlessly.
Bucky set his food down in his lap, instead using his hands to tie his hair back into his signature sloppy ponytail. The robotic tattoo on his left arm was so realistic that it seemed to catch the light as well. Steve must have seemed so childish being so entranced with it, but he couldn't help it.
Bucky was a walking mess, but he looked like art.
Clearing his throat, Steve looked away and tried to finish eating as well as he could. "So you aren't then?" He asked. When Bucky looked up with the same quizzical look, Steve added, "Gay, going for the other side?"
That was another moment that made Bucky smile, and Steve's chest ached in the best way possible. The brunette shook his head, only a small strip of hair by his temple falling free. "I don't know."
"You don't know?" Steve raised a brow.
"I dunno." Bucky repeated. His hands grasped the chopsticks again, yet they still failed to cooperate with him.
Steve looked down at his food, plopping another cut of chicken in his mouth. "How does one not know what one finds attractive?" He asked dumbly, chewing on his food in a way he hoped would annoy Bucky. After a rejected kiss and "I don't know," he was a little aggravated.
Bucky raised his hand and pointed to himself to make it clear. "I hate people, remember?"
"People like Natasha." Steve said quickly.
Bucky was still albeit the visible swallowing of the lump in his throat. "Why do you say that?"
"Gee, I wonder." Steve sighed, tapping the top of his chopsticks to his chin. "You can't hate people just because one bad relationship ruined it for you. There's more to it than that."
Bucky raised a brow, and he sat forward quite seriously in his seat. "What exactly is there more of, huh? More assholes to screw me over? More hearts to be broken? Yeah, sounds dreamy." he retorted with a huff, slumping back in his chair.
His sense of hope was so far gone that Steve had begun to lose his. "More memories to build, the good kind. Hearts are bound to break, assholes are bound to screw." Steve said gingerly, and Bucky snorted at the last part. "It doesn't change the fact that you're wasting your life by being afraid.
"I never said I was afraid." Bucky said slowly, carefully.
Steve shook his head. "You didn't need to."
Bucky's throat shifted again with another nervous swallow. His hands were shaking so much that he ended up tossing his chopsticks away in the garbage can under the desk. Instead, Bucky pulled open one of the drawers and grabbed a disposable plastic fork, which made Steve wonder exactly how many times this guy had tried and failed to eat Chinese food the traditional way.
Despite the small humor of Bucky's repeated mishaps, Steve couldn't help but notice him shaking. Bucky's nerves were as delicate as wildfire, his anxiety easy to swell like a fresh injury. Steve pitied him, but more than anything he just wished he could take some of it.
There were times like these that Steve didn't mind being selfless. He didn't mind helping a friend during war, whether it be the kind with guns and bombs or the kind with your own mind. Steve sought happiness in other people's relief, and Bucky needed a lot of it.
"Are you ever going to know someday?" Steve asked.
Bucky looked up at him in questioning before realizing Steve had gone back to their random sexuality talk. He just shrugged. "Someday. Who knows, I may not really care." He shrugged, mocking Steve's own words.
The blonde man sighed, a crooked smile played over his face. "Figure it out soon, will ya?" He said. His smile had faded slightly as his eyes met Bucky's.
It was clear that Bucky didn't know what to say. His head just hung down to stare at his food, lips pressed together in a thin line. "What for? You in a hurry to leave or something?"
Steve shook his head as he took another nonchalant bite of his food. "No." He said. Reaching for a soy sauce packet, he added, "Kinda the opposite actually."
Steve wasn't looking, so he missed the sight of Bucky's colorful eyes widening. The brown, the green, the blue all jumbled together and staring back at Steve with something just shy of admiration. "What if I don't figure it out soon then?" He asked.
The blonde took a moment to answer. He tossed away the empty sauce packet, his chopsticks poking around his food just to keep busy. With a small smile, Steve turned to Bucky and said, "Or I'll have to help you. And that would probably be a pain in the ass."
How he would even 'help' Bucky, Steve wasn't sure. There was something in his mind that bordered on the idea of many more kisses in the rain and crappy takeout. He felt so daring to admit it, but Steve wouldn't mind making sure his feelings to clear. God knows Bucky wouldn't do the same.
"Oh," was all Bucky replied.
Together they sat there, picking at low-quality takeout and wondering how long it would take for another kiss to emerge. For Steve, he could wait months. For Bucky, he only prayed Steve would do it soon since they both knew Bucky didn't have the courage.
i hope you enjoyed this story! thank you for reading!