Chapter 10
Author's note: Really thankful for the two reviews. You got me scared there for a while when I got no reviews straight after posting the last chapter 9: And I deeply apologize for the grammar errors I made in that chapter. I only noticed them after I had already posted the chapter. Sorry. Hope you enjoy this chapter and tell me what you think :)
Another scrappy motel. More greasy food and sleeping in the car. My neck was starting to be so sore that I was one car ride away from asking one of the guys to massage me. Even if I had my doubts on their performance. I was a pretty good massager myself, I knew where all of the muscles were located and just where to press to really get to that muscle. Back when me and Sam were dating, he'd always massage me out of obedience after I had sorted out the sore muscles in his back. He wasn't any good though. Sure he had the strength, but he just didn't know what to do with it.
"How much longer?" I knew I sounded like a whiny little girl, but..
"Like two hours." Two freaking hours. Two whole hours with them, in this car that smelled like a mix of sweat, feet, perfume and beer. Well at least they weren't teenagers who walked around in a cloud of axe. Sure, the axe-chocolate smelled kind of good, but I had seen teenagers that were hard to breathe around because of it. Says the girl with asthma.
"Then one of you may just as well get in to the back seat with me and give me a backrub. I'm so sore that you are those two hours away from a woman with a migraine." Sam tried to look like he hadn't heard me, when Dean was looking at Sam like he should do it. Was I seriously that disgusting?
"Fine. You don't have to. Save yourself from having to massage my clothed back." I looked out of the window. I knew I was being bitchy, but just a week ago I had saved Dean and he couldn't do this one thing for me.
"It's not that you idiot. It would be awkward."
"Awkward how exactly? You'd just be helping me get rid of my sore neck and back." What was so freaking awkward in that?
"Well.. you're loud okay? When I used to rub your shoulders, you were loud.." That was the problem? Okay, now I was as close to blushing as I could get.
"I can keep quiet if I have to. I'm not some animal." I could almost hear Dean grin as he made the next comment.
"I'll do it. I want to see sweet little Anna turning into a wild thing." Yeah, he was definitely grinning now and I was blushing. But Sam, he was... shaking?
"I'll give you that backrub once we get to a hotel. I'm used to it. Dean would just the wrong idea."
"Massages don't always end in sex Sam." Okay, once a long time ago they did. But like I said, that was a long time ago. And I just realized Dean must have realized what I implied with that. Damn it!
"Now I really insist on seeing what a massage does to you."
"Neither of you is massaging me like that! And if this conversation goes on any longer I'm going to a professional massager even if I'd have to pay for it then." The boys shut up then. Even if they were being good now, I didn't think I should trust either of them with my sore muscles now. Well, we'll just see what happens when my back is so sore that I'd let even them get their hands on it.
-Δ-
"We need to change and then get to the crime scene." A doctor had died. Apparently he had been castrated and stabbed by surgery instruments even if the final cause of death was apparently a heart attack. Ouch. The weird part, the part we were interested in, was that there had been no-one there on the other end of those knives and the doctor was in top physical condition.
When we arrived at the scene wearing our FBI-gear, almost all of the cops were already leaving. We showed them our badges and were directed to the operating room, to the scene of "crime". The corpse was already in a bag and they were closing the zipper. I stopped them though, I needed to see the wounds. There were close to a dozen of them. They weren't clean, the knives had been shoved in to the body up to their hilts, there was bruising around the wounds that indicated that. I gave the guys a meaningful look and we said out goodbyes before leaving the scene. A hospital case. A dead doctor, this gave me a seriously weird feeling.
"They are running the knives for fingerprints, but I don't think they are gonna find anything. Or someone with powers equal to Hulk's could have done that I guess. The bruising around the wounds was bad. The doctor had lots of muscle so not just anyone could have done what I saw." Guys seemed to agree.
"I was getting really high numbers on EMF. Definitely a ghost. We need to check if any of the employees has died recently. Actually we need to check all of his patients too." Research, great. That meant I could take a nap, 'cause my back was still sore. We climbed into the car and drove to the hotel. Sam opened his laptop and Dean told us he would go back to the police station and ask for the patient records. I took my shoes of and lied on the bed, trying to catch some sleepy time. I dozed off with Sam tapping the keyboard in the background.
It was horrible. I was running as fast as I could and something was hunting me. It chased me and it was gaining in on me, fast. I was out of breath. I screamed for help, but no-one was coming. I didn't see anyone and I could already feel its breath on my neck. It was just getting me. The ground was shaking. No, no, the whole world was shaking... I...
"Anna! Anna! Wake up! It's just a dream!" What..? I opened my eyes only to see Sam. He was shaking me awake. Only a dream. Only a dream. I was here, in the motel room.
"Are you okay? I've never heard you sound like that..." He was looking at me looking very unsure, like he didn't know what to do. Like he wanted to comfort me, but he..
"I'm fine. Like you said, just s bad dream." I sat up and moved away from him. Just a dream. My heart was bumping like crazy, I needed to calm down. Just then Dean came through the door and stopped on his tracks when he saw me and Sam on the bed.
"Am I interrupting something?" He had a stupid grin on his face, but at the same time it seemed calming, in a weird way. This was real, this motel room and Dean with his idiotic perverted mind.
"No. I had a bad dream and Sam woke me up. Did you find anything?" He closed the door and set some papers on the table.
"Actually I think I did. I have his patient records as well as the names of all those who helped in his surgeries. There was one name in both of those lists. A nurse intern called Sarah Mallock worked in the hospital and died in on the operation table a week ago. What do you think, a vengeful ghost?" I took the file from him and wondered how he had gotten a hold of it. Patient record were highly classified.
"This says she was attacked when she was walking home from a night shift and the doctors couldn't save her. Her condition was bad by the time the ambulance got her to the hospital. Do you have the police report too? If she was attacked and she wants revenge, I think her attacker is next on the list. We need to see autopsy report too." Suddenly I felt disgusted even by the thought of seeing a corpse even if autopsies were a part of nurse training, strange...
Sam somehow managed to hack into the police database (the security wasn't that great in a small town like this apparently) and got us the police report and the autopsy report. The poor girl had been beaten with a crowbar. What I thought was weird though, was that the wounds described in the report shouldn't have been bad enough to kill the girl. Why had she died on the operation table?
"The attacker didn't kill her."
"What do you mean? Of course he did. The ghost just started from the place she died in"
"No. The wound weren't great enough to kill her. She was a nurse in making, she thinks the doctors should have been able to save her. She blames the people in the hospital for her death."
"Well then we need to get back to the hospital and ask a few questions from the people who were in the operation room that day.
"But her floor was the fifth." The guys looked at me weird.
"Umm, so freaking what?"
"Well, that's pretty high. I don't like high places." Dean pressed his hand on to my forehead.
"Are you sick or something? You used to live in a building higher than that."
"Don't tease me. I just wanna stay here okay?" Hmph...
"You need to come with us. You're a nurse, you understand them." They looked at me and I cracked.
"Okay, fine. But I'm going nowhere near windows." That earned me more weirded out looks, but I didn't care. When we got to car I found myself in another dilemma though. I didn't want to get in.
"Did you know that more people die in car crashes than in airplane accidents?" Dean got a murderous look in his eyes.
"Did Sam tell you?!" Tell me what? I just raised an eyebrow and swallowing my sudden fear I got in to the car.
We drove to the hospital and as the boys headed for the elevator I headed for the stairs. I just told them I needed some exercise when they asked why. In reality I saw the elevator brake in my mind and it felt so real that my heart was razing. When I got to the right floor and saw the guys in one piece I sighed in relief. I could almost see them thinking "what the hell is wrong with her?" Truthfully I didn't know myself.
"We have a list of people who were a part of the team in charge of her treatment when she was brought in." Just as Sam got the words out her mouth we heard some yelling and doctors and nurses were rushing to a room down the hall. We walked over and saw a nurses clinging on to her neck, lying on the ground. I felt sick.
"Are you okay?" I felt Sam's hand on my shoulder and tried to pull myself together.
"Yeah, sure. I'm gonna take a wild guess and say that was one of the nurses that were in Sarah's operating room." I distantly heard someone say that she was bluish in color and that she hadn't choked, but her heart had stopped. I saw her face, eyes wide, staring the ceiling frozen. I puked all over my shoes and then everything went black.
-Δ-
"Anna. Anna. Can you hear me?" I opened my eyes and saw Dean's face. I pulled myself farther away from him, what did he want? I looked around. I was in a hospital bed. Why was I here? Death. The nurse died. I was a nurse too, maybe I was next. I needed to get out of here. I tried to leave the bed, I felt scared, nauseous. Dean grabbed my hand and looked at Sam who just came to the door.
"Did you call Bobby?" I tried pulling away from them. Just as Sam was about to answer...
"You're what's wrong with me. This is all your fault. I never should have gone with you. You're just getting me killed! Was not enough that Sam destroyed my life once?!" I looked around frantically. The boys looked hurt, worried and tiny bit angry.
"Hey, this is the ghost's doing, not ours." Dean made me sit back on the bed. Sam came closer with his face as an emotionless mask.
"Anna, calm down. You need to breathe. Slowly, in and out. We're gonna make it all better. We know what is wrong with you and we can fix it." My mind felt like a maze and there was no way out, but I tried to focus on what they were saying. My heart was pounding against my ribcage, but it was getting a little easier.
"Ghost's fault..?" The guys looked relieved.
"Yeah. This is called ghost sickness. When you touched the dead doctor you caught it. We need to get the ghost before you end up having a heart attack too." Okay, now that didn't make me feel any better. Dean pushed Sam a little.
"Common man! We're supposed to keep her calm, not be the cause of her death." I'm gonna die! I gonna die! I wanted out of here, right now!
"The motel. I want out of here. Back to the motel." I knew I was shaking. I felt crazy, like the walls would collapse on me any second. The guys looked at each other and Dean told Sam to tell the doctors I needed time in my own bed after the trauma. They all but dragged me into the car. I was clinging to Dean with wide eyes and Sam ended up driving. We arrived, I looked at the motel and when they forced me into the staircase and into the second floor I felt like fainting again.
"Dean, stay here with her. I can get the ghost by myself. Don't let her die." Sam left and I curled into a ball on the bed. Dean looked like he had no idea how to calm me down so he tried massaging my shoulders. It should have felt nice, but my whole body was just ridig and my stomach hurt. One tear slid down my cheek.
"Are you hurt? I caught you when you fell, but..."
"My stomach." I choked out. This felt bad, like someone was hammering me from inside out. Dean reached for the bottom of my shirt and I scurried away from him feeling terrified. I was panting, this felt bad, really bad.
"Anna. Please. I'm not gonna hurt you, I have been there. I almost died when that happened to me, but Sam's gonna save you too." Breathe, I told myself. Breathe. I slowly got back on the bed, next to Dean. He looked at me unsure, but when I nodded he pulled my shirt up a little. Ugly bruising was filling my stomach. The whole room felt like it was spinning. Then I saw him.
Tom Silver was the first patient who ever died in my hands. I couldn't save him. He looked at me with eyes that said "You killed me." My heart beat was erratic, I couldn't control my breathing. I looked at Dean.
"They are all here. I didn't mean to. They died on my watch. I'm a killer and now all of them have come for me. I'm so sorry..." I cried and stayed curled up there, hugging my knees. Dean looked like he was panicking too. He put his hands around me and pressed my head against his chest.
"Anna, listen. I won't let them get you. I kill monsters. You are not a monster, I'll protect you from everything. Listen to my heart and try to have you heart beat like mine. I'll protect you, I promise." I listened to his heart. I couldn't make my heart do that, but I felt a little better. I tried to imagine he was my shield from the world, from the guilt I felt from not being able to save everyone.
"They hated me. Their parents, brothers and sisters hated me even if they didn't know me. It was my fault.." I was mumbling and still felt scared, but I couldn't see them anymore. Now... I just heard them. Even if my eyes were closed I could feel coldness passing closer and closer, I could hear their whispers. I was sobbing, clinging into Dean shirt.
"They won't get you. They won't. Sam will save you." Dean tried to be soothing. I saw him then though. Sam. He looked at me arrogantly "You were just a tool. I used you. Jessica was always the only one I really loved. No one can ever love you. You are boring and ugly. You can't even save yourself... You can't save the world. We will die because you're weak." No! No! This can't be happening. He said he loved me, that there were just too many complications. I was whispering to myself..
"No one can love me. I will fail everyone. I'm never enough. No one want me in their lives... I better off dead..." Dean held me tighter.
"No! Don't you dare to say that! You're important. You're the savior of this freaking world and everyone will be so fucking thankful in the end that you'll have a line of people and angels waiting to kiss your feet."
"No, no one. I haven't been kissed in years. I'm hated. No one cares. They'll kill me and no one cares..." They were back, looking like zombies. They were dead and they wanted me dead too, everyone. No one cared. It felt hard to breathe. Dean saw it and pulled me a little away from his chest.
"Anna. Look into my eyes." I reluctantly took my eyes away from the monsters in every corner of the room, they were close to getting to me. Dean had such green eyes, like forest. I eyesight was blurry with tears again.
"Anna. Many people care. I care." I just tried pulling away, no, he didn't care. He couldn't. He should just get away from me.
"Anna. I'm going to show you now. You can hit me later." I turned to look at him again and just as I did that.. I felt his lips on mine. It was forceful first, bruising. His hands were around me and he held me there. It felt right though. I forgot the monsters of my mind and focused on this. He pulled away a little, but I grabbed his face. I clung to his lips like they were my lifeline. The fire that kept death away. My heart wasn't beating painfully anymore, it felt other kind of erratic under my tear soaked shirt. The phone rang. I quickly pulled away from Dean and we sat there panting, looking at each other. I looked around then. No one, no monsters. Dean answered the phone.
"Sam? You got it? Good, you can come back. -silence- Yeah, she's alive." I had kissed Dean, fuck. He got off the phone. I looked at him with questioning eyes.
"You kissed me."
"But you kind of answered. You can hit me though if you want to." I looked at him and then shaked my head.
"No. You probably saved my life with that. Thank you." He gave me a tired grin.
"In your service miss." I hugged him then. My hands were still shaking a little and I craved for someone to hug me back. There was noise at the door then before he could though, so I let go as Dean went to open the door for Sam. Sam looked at me, the dried up tears and reddish face. He walked over to the bed, looking over me.
"Wanna know what was holding her here?"
"No. I just want to get away from here." The guys shared a look and threw all our stuff together before heading for the door. I followed them to the car and when I was sitting in the backseat I remembered the bruises on my stomach. I lifted my shirt a little and saw them. There was green and yellow there though. They were healing at a rapid pace. By tomorrow there would be no physical reminders of this mess. I would still remember what happened. I looked at Dean as he drove and thought about what he had said. I wasn't even sure if I had imagined half of it. What had been real and what had not. Sam saved my life and yet he was one of the things I imagined when I was scared out of my mind. It wasn't fair. But I guess nothing ever really was.
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