T&A in the DA
Disclaimer: I did not create the characters or locations, which belong to JK Rowling and her associates. I gain nothing from this effort, either monetarily or other, except the enjoyment. She built the playground, and I am just playing on the swing set.
Further, I also have no connection with Joss Whedon or any rights to his creations. I only use one quote (or as close as I remember), as it is one of the best distillations of what passes for the 'mind' of an adolescent male that I have ever seen.
Author's Notes: I know that the official chronology says that the initial organizing meeting of the DA was October 5th, but the October 5th 1995 was a Thursday.
Sorry about the dismal tone of this chapter, but it is impossible to talk about the mission of the DA, and the nature of their enemies, without talking about some nasty stuff.}
The "Suggestion"
On the first Saturday of October 1995, at the instigation of Hermione Granger, a gathering of students was held at the Hog's Head Inn in Hogsmeade to form a "study group" dedicated to practicing "Defence Against the Dark Arts" (DADA). The following Tuesday, the selected (and willing) students met in the Room of Requirement to figure out how they were going to make it work. The students were advised to wear clothes that they could stretch and bend in, as some of the spells were going to involve vigorous movement.
The meeting started with Harry Potter, Hermione, and Ron Weasley standing up in front of the group and laying out what they hoped to accomplish. This was essentially gaining practical experience in defence. Harry, having by far the most experience in these matters (although not by personal choice) would be the primary instructor, but Hermione (as the know-it-all mistress of spells, charms, and whatever other topic was likely to come up) would assist, while Ron basically provided moral support.
The meeting started out with a severe reality check.
First off, Harry asked "How many of you know the 'Expelliarmus' hex"? All held up their hands. He then asked "How many can do the 'Stupeify' hex"? Again, all hands but one.
"When did you learn them"?
Hannah Abbott replied "We learned the 'expelliarmus' in first year, and the 'stupefy' in third year".
Harry then asked "What do you do when you are hit with a 'stupefy' or lose your wand with an 'expelliamus'? Dennis, what do you do?" This last was directed to Dennis Creevey who was the youngest student, being in second year (and the one who had not known the "Stupefy"). He replied "The professor stops the duel and you pick up your wand, or he wakes you up".
Harry scowled. "Well people, the ones we're learning to face aren't going to give you back your wand, and they don't want you to wake up. Ever! They are nasty, vicious, mean and deadly", and then, to try lighten things up a bit "and some of them have bad breath too!"
The gathering gave a bit of a nervous laugh, as the horrible truth stated to sink in that this group wasn't just to pass exams or get around an obnoxious teacher. Harry and the others were deadly serious. Their enemies were going to try to kill them.
Harry continued "So what are you going to do when you are disarmed or stunned by spells every third year student is familiar with? I can assure you that Voldemort's bunch know these and more. So what are you going to do?"
Neville spoke up "I guess you could fight them, like with your fists", remembering how he tried to stop the trio at the end of first year.
"Good, Neville. Okay, does anybody here know any kind of unarmed fighting?"
Fred Weasley piped up "Does hitting someone with a bludger count?"
Harry smiled "Good one, Fred! Absolutely! Anything where you can throw something, or hit them with, can work. If you don't injure them, at least you can distract them. This brings up another point – if we can work as a team, one can distract your attacker while another counter-attacks with spells or other weapons. In quidditch, we learn to work together to attack, evade and get the job done. Good point, Fred. Anyone else?"
Seamus Finnegan spoke up "My granddad taught me some things his dad learned in the First World War, and during the Easter Rising. My dad showed me some other stuff he learned in 'The Troubles'. Some of it pretty nasty. Is that what you have in mind?"
Harry replied "Did you learn any hand-to-hand combat, or group stuff?" Seamus answered "Both". Harry responded "Great, that's what we need".
Hermione put up her hand "I have taken karate classes and I can teach people some of the moves." From planning this meeting out with Harry and Ron, she knew this topic was going to come up, and had worn exercise slacks.
Zacharias Smith demanded "What is this carroty stuff? Is it some muggle song-and-dance trickery?" He had been talking to Lavender Brown, who as one of Hermione's dorm-mates had watched Hermione's exercises with increasing boredom over the years.
Fred piped up again, pointing at his hair "I think us Weasleys have the carroty thing down pretty well already". The room laughed.
Hermione started to give a historical lecture – "Karate means 'empty hand' in Japanese. Farmers were forbidden by the ruling classes from having weapons, and so they used their hands and feet, and farm tools, as weapons." Harry said, "Can you show us what you mean?" Hermione said "Sure".
As they had planned this out before hand, Harry and Hermione had prepared a bit of a demonstration, and so Hermione had limbered up before the meeting started. Hermione said "Harry, hold your hand out about face height", which Harry did. Her spinning back-roundhouse kick hit Harry's hand with a sharp and very loud "whack". Harry clutched his hand in his other, and exclaimed "Ouch, you didn't have to hit me so hard!"
Most of the group were stunned by how Hermione had swung her leg higher than her head, and how hard she had hit Harry's hand. Marietta Edgecombe, who had worn a short pleated skirt to the meeting, figuring this gave her legs plenty of freedom of movement, was stunned by Hermione's position during the kick.
Marietta was one of Cho Chang's group of "giggling girlfriends". For all her awareness of the opposite sex, she was rather naive, and a bit prudish. She was one of those girls who didn't realize that behaviour that may have been cute when she was seven years old just made her look stupid at sixteen. Since she was six, even in the shower, she worried that someone might be watching, or that she shouldn't be thinking the thoughts she was thinking. As a redeeming feature, Marietta did have a good sense of self-deprecating humour, and often (but not always) recognized her short-comings as things to be overcome.
She blushed vividly and gasped "I couldn't do that – they would be able to see my knickers!"
Hermione looked at Marietta with a bit of disgust, "If you connect to their jaw or the side of their head, they won't see much or remember it".
George Weasley piped up "Marietta, you normally wear skirts so short that when you bend over to pick up that quill that you keep dropping in class, everybody can see your knickers anyway. Better idea - just don't wear any knickers. That way, when you're attacked, no knickers to see. That would solve the problem."
His twin brother joined in, "In that case, they would be so stunned at the view, they won't remember to duck". Some laughed. Marietta hated Fred Weasley.
Harry, being still a bit slow in the socially aware department, laughed along, and said "That would be a definite distraction – might work". As she was a blonde, Marietta blushed so hard that her face looked like a beet.
Alicia Spinnet, who was in her seventh year at Hogwarts, was sitting with Katie Bell and Angelina Johnson (both in sixth year). She saw how Marietta was virtually paralyzed by the thought that someone might attack her while she was inadequately dressed, and might see her "southern regions" when she wasn't herself in charge of the viewing. Alicia leaned in towards her quidditch colleagues, "Girls, we've got a serious problem here."
Alicia, Katie and Angelina leaned together. Alicia said, "You two know about the nude classes in second term, right?" Katie and Angelina nodded. Alicia continued "We've all taken showers together after games and practices, and sometime even showered with the boys". Katie remarked "Just good clean fun!" The others chuckled.
Alicia thought for a moment, and then stood up, causing Harry to unexpectedly pause in his introduction. She said "Can the girls stay for a bit after the meeting? I have an idea I think might help, that I want to discuss. Girls only". The rest of the group looked puzzled, and Hermione looked a bit out of sorts – this hadn't been something that she planned to have happen, and she didn't have a clue what it was about. Given the seriousness of the task at hand, and her bossy nature, she didn't like being uninformed of what was going on.
After the main part of the meeting was over, and the trio had had a short discussion as to how the meeting had gone, the boys left (Ron and some others going to find some food). The girls gathered around Alicia.
Alicia spoke "I really hate to do this, girls, but we need a bit of a reality check. Why are we here? Marietta?"
Marietta said "Aren't we here to learn Defence Against the Dark Arts because Professor Umbridge won't teach us anything?"
Alicia spoke again "Not really! How many of you believe Harry Potter, when he tells you that he faced the guy whose name we are all too afraid to say?" All put up their hands, although some were a bit hesitant. Alicia continued, "Alright then. We agree that we can trust that Harry is telling the truth about what happened last year. Right?" All nodded.
Alicia spoke again in a somewhat harsher tone, "Okay. We are here because this guy, who has scared the pants off us since we were children, murdered Cedric Diggory. We are here because Harry is the only person who has ever faced him and survived. We are here because this guy wants to take over our world and we have to know how Harry defeated him and survived, and we have to learn how to do it too. We have to know how to fight him, anywhere, anytime, in any condition, and regardless of what we are wearing or not wearing when it happens." She looked sharply at Marietta. In a gentler tone, she continued, "Marietta, I know you're scared. I'm scared. We're all pissing-our-pants scared. THAT's why we're here."
"We need to be able to help each other. Like Harry said, we need to work as a team, helping each other fight, or defending each other. And we have to be able to trust each other to do the same for us as we are doing for them. I know you are uncomfortable in the idea of having to be ready to fight in your school robes, in your underwear (Marietta blushed again), or starkers!" Several girls blushed at this.
Susan Bones spoke up, "If you consider what happened the first time what's-his-name tried to take over, before Harry somehow defeated him as a baby, the best you could hope for, if you fought him, was to be killed. My aunt says that 'He-who cannot-blah-blah-blah' always killed, but his followers tortured and raped, sometime both at the same time! If we don't win, we can all expect something along those lines."
Ginny's perverse sense of humour came to the fore, and she piped in "You mean we're really here to learn Defence Against the Dark 'Parts'?"
Some girls grinned slightly and nervously, until Angelina broke the ice "Hey, watch it, Red!" She then put on a phoney thick African accent , "Some of us good guys got da dahk pahts too, you know!" at which the Patil twins and Alicia all yelled "Yeah, watch that!" To a degree, this broke the tension.
Alicia spoke again, in a softer tone. "I have an idea which I think will help. We need to learn to trust each other, and to be completely comfortable with each other, because if it comes to it, we will be fighting for our lives together. It may happen in the Great Hall, it may happen at the Quidditch Pitch, or it may happen in our dorm bathrooms. We have to be ready to stand together."
"By now, you've all have heard about the Advanced Charms, Runes and Transfiguration classes. I am suggesting that we do something similar to the way the classes work to make students comfortable with being undressed, by having the students split into boys' and girls' groups, and work on their spells while gradually having less and less on. I have been through the first part of the courses, and I know that when you are focussing on complex spells, you forget about the fact that you're only wearing your skin."
Katie grinned and said "Talk about revealing your 'Charms'". Again, the group laughed. "Okay, Alicia, what's your idea?"
"I suggest that we get together, here in the Room of Requirement, this weekend for a party. Just us girls. We'll get some food, some butterbeer, maybe some Firewhiskey or other stuff. Get the Ravenclaw phonograph and have some music. Just get together for a couple hours. But completely undressed."
Cho Chang complained, on behalf of the giggling girls, "Isn't that going to be kind of sexy? How can we be comfortable with that?"
Alicia looked at her quidditch rival and said "Nothing sexy about it. It's like if you were swimming, or taking a shower after a game of quidditch. Sex has nothing to do with it, and the idea is just to get comfortable being undressed together."
"Why not be sexy?" came a remark from a very unexpected corner. Luna Lovegood. "What's wrong with sexy?" She paused, looking around at all the girls. Her next statement forever changed the understanding that the other girls had of Luna. "We all have wombs. How many of us expect to have children?" Almost everyone put up their hands, looking puzzled.
Luna continued, "If we're going to be fighting for our lives, let's be aware that we're fighting for all aspects of our lives. If I understand it, Harry lived because his mother loved him. She conceived him, she bore him, she loved him and she died for him. Let's fight for all parts of our lives!"
Stunned silence.
Ginny Weasley spoke up. "Luna's right! Let's make this a real party, lots of food and drink, and some sexy entertainment".
"What do you mean by sexy entertainment?" asked Hermione, rather grumpily, and somewhat puzzled by the suggestion (although she had an unsettling feeling of where Ginny's idea was headed).
"I don't know, maybe as we are getting undressed, someone could do it as a show, like with music. I think they call it a striptease."
Stunned silence again. Some of the girls knew about this muggle "art-form", but many didn't.
Luna spoke up "Striptease? How does it work?"
Ginny thought about how to explain it for a minute. "A woman comes out on stage, dressed up fancy. As the music plays, she takes off her clothes bit by bit, in a sexy way, and ends up completely naked."
Luna smiled and spoke up "That sounds like fun. I'll do it."
Alicia spoke up "I guess this was my idea, so I guess I should take the consequences. I'm in too". The group chuckled.
Marietta added "I'm in too". More stunned looks. Alicia said "If you're not comfortable with it, why?" Marietta looked thoughtful, and said "You all are doing this to help me get comfortable. The least I can do is to join in too." Alicia responded "Only if you really want to". Marietta was a bit put out that Alicia felt that she needed help. She looked even more thoughtful and a bit worried, but nodded.
Hannah Abbott spoke up, with a bit of a wicked smile "You Gryffindors and Ravenclaws can't have all the fun. I think we need a little Hufflepuff loyalty to the cause, and as no other Puffies (looking at Susan Bones, with a smile and a phoney scowl on her face) are volunteering, I'll do it"
Lavender Brown choked "Puffies!"
Hannah laughed. "Sure. What nickname do you have for your housemates? Puffies is how we refer to each other", and with a slight smile, "particularly at that time of the month", she giggled.
General laughter.
Alicia commented "Well, at least that shouldn't be a problem. I think we're pretty much all locked-on by now".
{A/N: The so-called 'dormitory effect" of menstrual synchronization was documented by Dr Martha McClintock in the journal Nature in 1971}.
Nervous giggles again. Alicia raised her voice "Okay, we've got four. Any more?"
Ginny said "Me too." Again, stunned silence – This was continuing to be a side of Ginny Weasley that most of the other girls had never seen.
To everyone's further stunned surprise, Hermione said "Me too!" This was getting completely out of her control, and she had to be part of it or get left behind. That was just not acceptable, in spite of how uncomfortable she was with the whole thing!
It was generally agreed that six performances should be enough, Katie and Angelina were put in charge of making the arrangements (phonograph from Ravenclaw, food and drink from the house elves, booze from various suppliers, etc). The Room Of Requirement, as always, could be depended upon to provide chairs, tables, staging, lighting and sufficient fireplaces so nobody got cold.
Katie raised her voice so all the girls still in the room could hear "Remember to wear your prettiest undies. That way, we all get to put on a bit of a show as we get our kits off." This was greeted with much snickering.
At the end of the gathering as the girls were ready to leave, Katie, Angelina and the "performers" got together to discuss the logistics. It was agreed that each of the girls doing the strip would decide on their own music, costumes, etc, and either use some of the music in the Ravenclaw's collection, or provide discs of their own.
Marietta asked "What exactly do we have to do?"
Ginny, who still surprised the rest by appearing to be the most knowledgeable about the topic, suggested, "How about we each pick a theme or story, find music that matches, and then act it out, as we undress. Either that, or just dance. I think that should work. What do you think?"
Hermione asked "How long do we have to dance?", being still rather shocked that she had actually volunteered, but determined that she was going to be part of it, even if she wasn't leading it. Ginny thought about the things she had read (surreptitiously of course) and said "One or two songs worth, maybe three minutes or so?" The rest shrugged "Sounds okay".
Still worried at the thought of undressing in front of a crowd, Marietta blushed, and said "What about the other girls? I thought the idea was that everybody got naked".
Angelina nodded, "Good point." She raised her voice so the rest of the girls could hear. "How about when people first get here, we peel down to our underwear. As Katie suggested, everybody wear their 'pretties', or whatever they like. We chat and eat and drink for a bit to get relaxed for a while, then someone puts on the first show. Then everyone strips down completely, and mixes some more to get more relaxed, then the rest of the shows. How does that sound?" There was general agreement, and those not scheduled to dance started leaving.
Marietta asked, "When do I have to go on?" She looked increasingly nervous about the process (causing the older Gryffindors to look at each other and silently agree that the group might have some problems with this one in the future).
Alicia spoke up, "How about I go first. I came up with this crazy idea, and it seems to be getting nuttier by the minute." The others chuckled. Alicia continued, "How about Marietta goes next, just after everyone else strips down – they say one way to get over nervousness when public speaking is to imagine your audience naked. They would have just got naked, and might be feeling a little nervous themselves. Do you think that will work?" Marietta nodded, but obviously still a bit reticent.
Hermione said "What about us?" Ginny's Weasley sense of humour came to the fore, "How about you old ladies go first, then us spring chicks (gesturing to herself and Luna) will show you how it's done?" The others didn't seem to think much of that, so she shrugged, "Alphabetical order?" Hermione (even the pedant) asked "First or last name?" Ginny said, "I don't know. First?"
Hannah, Hermione and Luna agreed, and the schedule was set. Angelina said "Okay, that all sounds like a plan. Get your music to me by noon on Saturday, and we get together at around 7".
All headed back to their dorms.
Unbeknownst to the girls, the Weasley twins had left a recording device in the room when they left. They were very suspicious when it became apparent that the girls were up to something that excluded the boys. Somehow, this had to be going to be good. If they couldn't be part of it, they had to at least find out what "it" was. After the girls had left, Freed snuck back into the Room. When he and George looked at the recording, they were delighted at the prospects, but totally shocked that their little sister had been the one to come up with the idea for the show (after all, in their perception, their magazine collection, which in their opinions Ginny could not possibly have found out about, could not possibly be related to this bizarre mental aberration of their pure, innocent sister. If nothing else, their mother was never going to hear about it, at least not from them.