Chapter 10: Brother
There are no cars in the vicinity as we approach the end of our driveway, so I dare to keep our speed up as we burst onto the highway. The car fishtails a few times—I do it purposefully—and Seth whoops.
You're the show-off!
"I've missed this car."
Excuses, he teases.
"It's not showing off if I'm doing it for your sake—this isn't fun?"
He laughs. It is very fun. How old are you?
"Seventeen!"
Plus seventy.
"Plus eighty-seven, actually," I admit.
He whistles. Eighty-seven! Then he laughs. You don't drive like a grandpa.
"I don't feel like a grandpa."
That piques his curiosity. How old do you feel?
"Sometimes I feel like a hundred and eighty-seven—and sometimes I feel like seventeen."
Complicated.
"Yeah." I smile. "Apparently life is."
Even for the mega-rich?
"Especially for the mega-rich."
We both laugh at that.
If you ever want to trade in for a newer model, I'd be happy to take this one off your hands.
"I like this model."
Buy me a new one, then?
"What would you do for me?"
He laughs, then quirks a brow. What do you want?
"Let me think about it," I reply, laughing at the quirky things he's picturing. My favourite is the offer of a one-off Seth Clearwater original sketch; he's actually very talented, although the particular sketch he has in mind is less about art and more about comedy—it's supposed to be me chowing down on a bear, and it's hilarious. But then he thinks about giving me a ride on his back, and I find myself strangely curious. "I've never ridden a horse," I tell him, signalling what idea most interests me.
Unlimited lifetime rides, he promises, augmenting the offer to bring it more in line with the purchase of a car.
I stare at him, amazed that he really means it. He doesn't think it would be demeaning or dangerous, though he would be uniquely vulnerable—I am his friend, and he would simply be giving me a ride in much the same way that I am giving him a ride now.
He smiles at me; then he wonders if he's being rude. You prefer this or should I speak out loud? I don't mean to be lazy.
I shake my head. "It's nice," I say. "Your thoughts are smoother."
You like my thoughts?, he teases.
"Yes," I agree. "I like you."
I like you, too. Alongside his memories of me from last night, he thinks about the fun of taking down Riley together and what I did for Leah. You risked your life for us.
"I'm pretty sure my life wasn't in danger; I should have been able to lead him home to get backup."
Were you worried I might attack you?
"Yes," I agree. "But you quickly proved you wouldn't."
I saw your eyes—I knew you were different. He pictures me with Bella last night. I know how much you love her.
"Thanks," I murmur.
Why?
"For seeing past the monster—even when I'm killing her."
You're not killing her. He thinks of the pain I caused her when I left—that had killed her—then hurriedly remembers her from last night: alive and happy. She needs you.
"I need her."
Good—that's how it should be.
"It's not that simple."
It should be. He thinks about the bizarre imprinting experience that might one day befall him. It's like that for you, isn't it? You can't exist without her, and you thought she could exist without you because she hadn't 'imprinted' on you, but you're her soulmate, too.
"I see that now," I reply. "I just wish I had realised before I hurt her—" I wince.
He puts his hand on my shoulder. My coldness doesn't bother him in the slightest. Sure, you fucked up big-time—I glance at him, amused by the impish thrill he feels at having cussed, because, right now, it is as if he has spoken aloud—but you were doing something impossible. It's easy to doubt.
"When did you get so wise?" I tease, before giving him the serious answer he deserves. "I knew that once. Bella made me believe in the impossible."
And then you started doubting.
"How could I ever deserve her?"
You're good—and she deserves you.
"Not Jacob?"
Seth sighs. I get why Jake likes her, but I don't think he's right for her. The others all think of her as the vampire girl for a reason. Then he thinks of another point. I saw what he did yesterday—he hurt her. She deserves someone… He struggles to find the right word—but he is picturing me, and my absolute dedication to her, which reminds him of Sam's devotion to Emily (and the heartfelt entreaties he tendered Leah after his own heart betrayed him). Wiser, he decides eventually. Like her. Jake isn't ready to grow up, and she's already an immortal in spirit.
I watch his memories of her bravery. He'd known something big was going on, but he'd had no idea she was being terrorised by a sadistic vampire. He is distracted by the comparison of Bella and his mother, the strongest woman he knows. Sue had come up with one home-based assignment after another—which he is now incredibly grateful for because it meant he'd spent much more time than usual with his father over the past week—but her especial sternness had motivated him to comply. He'd even stopped asking questions because he saw how unwillingly she told him even the most minor details (or so he had thought them at the time).
He shakes his head. What's Mum gonna say when she sees me?
I answer the real question in his mind. "She heard the change in your voice, and she's seen the changes in the pack—she'll be surprised, of course, but she won't think you're a stranger."
I feel like a stranger.
"No, you don't—you just grew up fast." I touch his forearm. "You like your new body."
How do you figure that?
I grin at him. "Your mental voice has changed."
He likes that—it helps him admit to himself that it's just shock.
"You're still you. You just did four or five years of growing in a matter of hours."
So am I fourteen or eighteen? Everyone will still treat me like a kid.
"I know all about that." He chuckles, liking that I really do understand it. "But unlike me, you are fourteen. You might be a lot smarter than most fourteen-year-olds, but why not enjoy being a kid while you still can? Life is plenty complicated for everyone. You don't need to rush anything."
He ponders that for a minute. And what if I meet my soulmate tomorrow?
I shrug. "Then you worry about it tomorrow."
He likes that idea. Worrying is for grownups.
I sigh. "I hate being a grownup."
You don't look very grownup right now.
I grin and plant my foot a little harder—the car shoots forward and we are flying along the road, laughing and whooping. For three entire minutes, we let the moment be our focus and forget the rest of the world.
When the La Push signs flash past, I start to slow. Seth huffs out a breath, then breathes deeply. My scent still irritates his nose, but he dismisses it easily—and then he wonders how similar it is to the burn I describe.
"Yes, it's similar—nowhere near as maddening, though. Although, after decades of living around humans, it's much easier to ignore."
Why bother? Why stop hunting the murderers and rapists?
"Because I was losing myself to the monster."
Being good is so important to you?
I smile, enjoying the respect underlying the question. "Yes. Although perhaps honouring Carlisle was slightly more important."
He understands that—it's easier to be good for someone than to try to live up to some abstract concept of good. He has always tried harder at school for his mother's sake than his own belief in its usefulness.
"One night, I was hunting as usual," I say, wanting to explain myself more fully to him—to be as open with him as he is being with me—"and I heard the thoughts of a man who'd already found his victim. I pulled him off her, but when I went to leave with my… dinner, I was distracted. She was bleeding, and I was hunting. I hesitated. I looked at her, and even though it was too dark for her to see my red eyes, she thought I was a demon. She was petrified. I realised in that moment that I was losing control. I looked at her, and even though I still saw a woman, the part of me that saw a fresh beating heart was stronger than I wanted to admit."
He is gratified by my efforts to explain—and surprisingly understanding. Although he's not an addict himself, he has seen some of the damage addiction can do, and a little of the desperation addicts feel when they're deprived of their substance of abuse, be it alcohol or cigarettes or something stronger.
I hear the sound of Charlie's cruiser almost half a minute before I'm able to discern his obscured thoughts. Fortunately, Charlie doesn't register that it's my car as he passes us by; he is too distracted by his grief. Seth is as relieved as I am that we stopped speeding when we reached La Push, but seeing Charlie sobers him as it reminds him that we're almost home.
As we pull up outside his house, I hear Billy thinking that he's glad Charlie isn't here anymore. My gentle parking didn't fool any of them; they heard the power behind the engine, so they know it's not an ordinary car.
Emily and Sue had explained the phone call as soon as Charlie left, so they all know it's me, and they know about Leah's injuries. Sue desperately wants to be with her daughter, but she knows she's still in no state to go anywhere, meaning she's especially glad to have her son back.
You coming in?, Seth asks me.
Despite the awkwardness that's sure to follow me through the door, I can't bring myself to disappoint him—and I know Bella is safe with Alice.
Seth sees my indecisiveness and "makes the decision" on my behalf. You can help me tell them what happened.
And then he climbs out of the car without waiting for an answer. I chuckle at his certainty, and then follow. I like that he sees me as moral support in this stressful moment.
Emily is already opening the door when Seth steps up to the porch. Her eyes widen as she sees him, and then her heart goes out to him—it is a lot to cope with all at once, and for one so young. I am impressed that she isn't the least bit afraid of him.
"Hey, Em," Seth says companionably, automatically using Sam's nickname for her; then, as he stands in front of her, looking down on her for the first time, and his hand automatically rises to brush her shoulder in greeting, he realises he's seeing her through the lens of Sam's eyes. "Uh, Emily," he corrects self-consciously, dropping his hand.
Emily flushes and steps aside to let him through. "Come in," she says to me, trying to smile, but the embarrassment makes her look away quickly—she knows I will have heard in her thoughts that she finds Seth attractive.
I thank her and smile to reassure her, but she isn't looking so she doesn't see it, though my kind tone helps a little.
Sue is already hugging Seth when we enter the lounge. Billy greets me in his thoughts, so I nod back in answer. Quil Ateara is alone in his disapproval of Seth being alone with me in the car.
"Where's Sam?" he asks gruffly.
"He's on his way," I reply. "He wanted to stay in contact with the pack." The fact that I can't hear his thoughts yet makes me realise just how quickly I've driven here; perhaps a little too quickly.
Quil's eyes narrow, but the others—even Sue—aren't the least bit concerned by the fact that Sam let Seth go with me by himself.
Sue gives Seth one last squeeze, then kisses his cheek and pulls him down onto the couch with her. "Tell me what happened."
Seth glances at me. You first?
"You were there for the beginning," I point out as gently as I can, as I sit in one of the spare chairs, closest to the door and furthest from Quil.
He sighs, then nods. "After we phased," he says slowly, still gathering his thoughts, "we were suddenly in these huge, totally different bodies, and we could hear each other's thoughts, and it was…" He looks at me for a way to describe it.
"Disorienting," I suggest.
He chuckles. "Yeah. Disorienting. And annoying." He sighs. "We really annoyed each other—and then Jared called Sam and suddenly there were three other minds in my head and Leah was… She couldn't cope with hearing Sam's thoughts—you know, that he—"
I can hear what he is going to say—that Sam still loves Leah, and although everyone in the room knows it, it shouldn't be spoken aloud—so I make a noise in my throat that is too low for human ears to pick up. Seth hears it and realises my meaning immediately.
"—that he loves Emily and feels bad for Leah," he corrects. The others know what he's leaving out, but at least they don't have to acknowledge it formally. "She screamed at him to go away and leave her alone, and all the horrible thoughts she's ever had just burst out of her, and it was awful. I felt so angry—my own anger on top of her anger.
"So Sam left, and he asked Jared to leave, too, and I tried to calm down and phase back, but I couldn't. And Leah was running, and then I started running, too, and I didn't mean to leave the Reservation—like she did—but it was incredible. When I was running, it was easier to ignore her, to just feel and not think—to enjoy having four long legs." He gives Sue a rueful smile. "I'm sorry."
She strokes his arm. "I understand. You should enjoy the wolf—it is part of you." She touches his chest, over his heart, and he places his hand atop hers. "I am proud of you."
"Thanks, Mum."
She smiles, then prompts him for the rest of his story.
"Without really thinking about it, I guess I started following her—veering in her direction—and then Sam came back to check on us. He saw how far away we were and he begged us to turn back—he really tried hard to focus his thoughts and not think about… other stuff, but Leah was just as awful as before. She started running even faster, like she was trying to outrun his thoughts, even though they were beaming directly into her brain. And then she caught the scent of a vampire, one Sam didn't recognise." He shakes his head, remembering Leah's momentary insanity. "She charged off after it, ignoring Sam, and she wouldn't listen to me, either. I felt the urge to hunt, just as she did, but she let it consume her." He is distracted for a moment wondering if that is what the bloodlust is like for me; I nod when he looks at me, and he smiles, pleased to understand a little better.
The others wonder what he asked me, but soon forget as Seth goes on with his tale.
"I raced after her, and so did Sam—but Sam was too far away. Even I was too far, because the vampire stopped running long before I got there." He shudders, then abruptly looks across at me. "Your turn?" he pleads. He can't bring himself to describe the fight.
I nod and he visibly relaxes. Quil is irritated by this display of trust, but the others are more open to it. It surprises them, but they are willing to listen to me.
"I was at Bella's, and I heard a split-second thought from Sam that Leah was chasing a vampire on her own, and he'd never get there in time, so I ran after them. When I got close enough to hear their thoughts properly, I could see Leah chasing the vampire.
"He let her almost catch him before going on the attack, and she wasn't prepared for it. He was only a few months old and much too strong for her." Seth winces, anticipating what comes next; even so, he encourages me to provide all the grisly details. "He broke her leg first, and then her spine."
Sue and Emily gasp. Billy tenses, and I listen to his struggle not to let his own history distract him. Quil glares at me, blaming me for the vampire's attack. Then I realise that Victoria created Riley as part of her vengeance against me, so it really is my fault—and now I will have to admit it to Sue and the others, whose blame will actually mean something. But no, James had been the one to begin this deadly contest; I feel like I can breathe again.
"She collapsed and he stomped on her front leg and then grabbed her head to hold her still, and asked about the redhead." Their eyes widen, but I don't give them a chance to speculate. "Victoria created him to help her get revenge on me for us killing her mate—the one who almost killed Bella last year," I say for emphasis. "When she didn't return this morning, he came looking for her."
"I was running as fast as I could," Seth says, backing me up. "I got there while he was still asking questions, and Sam and I were still trying to figure out what to do—but we knew if I did nothing, Leah would die. And then Edward showed up." He smiles so widely, he doesn't need to speak to explain how he'd felt in that moment.
I smile, too, and take up the story again. "I heard in the vampire's thoughts that she had lied to him, so I knew we couldn't reason with him. He thought she was trying to defend herself from us," I say briefly, in answer to their questions. "He thought she loved him, and she'd told him the Cullen clan was particularly dangerous and that even their thoughts weren't safe, but she hadn't told him any more than that, so he was cautious but not overly careful with his thoughts."
Maybe he assumed you'd have to touch him, Seth thinks.
"Maybe," I say, unable to resist answering his thought. "I know of a vampire whose telepathic gift requires touch—but he lives in Italy, and almost never leaves his city."
Yuck. Italy's out, then.
"I thought vampires didn't establish permanent residences," Billy says.
I regret raising the subject, but it's too late now; they all want answers. "His coven is the largest in the world, and it includes some the most gifted and sadistic vampires ever created. They enforce the one law all vampires must obey—the secret of our existence—and they punish any who risk our exposure."
"You've met them?" Quil asks.
"Not personally."
"Oh?" he replies pointedly, questioning how I know so much about them.
"Carlisle visited them a century or so ago—he tried to show them the benefits of his chosen lifestyle and they tried to show him he was a fool. But even they were impressed by him, so they respected him, despite mocking his compassion for humanity."
To get them back on track, I go on with my story. "I told the vampire that Victoria had told me about him—even though I heard no hint of his existence in her thoughts—and that she hadn't returned home because she was negotiating a treaty with our leader. He doubted it, but it made him rethink his actions."
I can hear Sam's thoughts now, which is brilliant because I can hear Jared and Paul, too (Embry is asleep), and through them, I can see Carlisle diligently monitoring his drowsing patient. And then I hear in Sam's thoughts that he avoids being in wolf form around Emily. Jared and Paul already knew this, but they are still sympathetic, too, and they pity his dilemma tonight. He doesn't want to lose the connection with his pack, but he is ashamed to expose Emily to the wolf that hurt her. I wonder how long it will take before he gets over his guilt—and then I realise the question applies to me, too, and I remember thinking I will have to forgive myself for Bella's sake.
"Edward warned him not to kill her, " Seth speaks up, taking up where I've left off, "so he released Leah's head, and then Edward pushed him away from her—but he grabbed Edward and threw him fifty yards through the trees like he weighed nothing."
"He was many times stronger than I," I agree. "A straight fight would've been risky—even two against one—so I told him I killed Victoria to make him angry, and he was so enraged, he forgot all about the wolves, and I was able to stay one step ahead until Seth was in position."
"Edward led him away from Leah, then herded him back towards me, and I ripped his arm off! Then Edward used the arm to wrench off his head, while I tore off his other arm so he couldn't fight back." Seth grins at me. "And then, when it was all over, Sam finally arrived." Where is now?, he adds silently, not thinking that Emily is asking the same question, and the others are beginning to wonder.
"He's almost here," I say.
"Ugh, so he won't get here till after we finish the story—what a slacker," Seth jokes.
"He ran hard to get there," I remind him. "He was almost fourteen miles away, but he got there in less than eight minutes."
"Still would've been too late if you weren't there," Seth says, speaking aloud so the others are as clear on this truth as he is.
Sue nods in agreement. "Thank you," she says to me, her eyes filling with tears. "I don't know how we'll ever repay you."
"You don't owe me anything," I assure her. "I wanted to help Leah."
"We will be eternally grateful," Billy tells me.
"I'm just glad I could help. Even though I didn't start the feud with Victoria, you've been caught up in her efforts to get to me, and I will be eternally grateful for the protection you gave Bella."
"Does she know what happened?" Emily asks.
I nod. "I had to leave her alone briefly, but I called Alice on the way, so she was able to give Bella a bit more explanation, and Carlisle called Alice after I told him about Leah, so they knew about that."
"You didn't call?" Emily teases.
"I called before I came here," I reply, smiling to acknowledge the lapse. "There wasn't time aside from that—I burned Riley's body and then I called Carlisle about Leah's injuries, and Sam and I tried to make her as comfortable as possible while we waited for Jared, Paul, and Embry. Then we carried her back to my house."
"In wolf form?" Billy asks.
Seth and I nod; then Seth adds, "Embry and I cleared a path through the trees while the other four carried her in their arms."
Sue doesn't think that makes sense. Wouldn't it have been much easier to carry her in human form?
"We were worried her back legs might not change back," I say. "But Carlisle managed to reconnect her spine, and she can feel her tail and twitch her back foot, so he thinks it should be safe for her to try changing back in the morning."
"It looked really complicated," Seth says. "Her body had already started healing, but her spine was still in two pieces. But Carlisle and Edward fixed it—Carlisle set up a whole hospital room in a tent outside the house—and a few minutes later, she could hold her tail up."
Sue sniffles; she feels guilty for the efforts they made to have Carlisle fired from the hospital.
"Carlisle is happy to help," I say. "As far as he's concerned, he's her doctor anyway."
She smiles at me. "We will make sure to thank him in person, but please pass on our gratitude." I like that she uses the word 'person' without even noticing she applied it to a vampire—as Quil does.
"Of course."
Sam trots near-silently into the backyard, but Seth gives him away before he's quite ready to come inside, so he phases reluctantly, then comes in by the back door.
When he walks into the lounge wearing the sweatpants Esme supplied, Seth waggles an eyebrow. "Sexy."
Sam makes a face at him, then opens his arms for Emily, who is keen to bury her face in his shoulder, even though he's slightly sweaty from the run, because seeing him in the same pants as Seth isn't helping her forget her mildly inappropriate reaction to the new, grownup Seth.
"Enjoy your run?" Seth teases. "We certainly enjoyed our transportation."
Sam saw the car on his way in. "Extravagant," he grumbles. He is mildly curious, but doesn't like the idea of being in such a confined space—he still fears being so close to anyone lest he lose his temper. And even though he doubts he could hurt me (or Seth), and he trusts me, he is still impressed that Seth can stand to be so close to me—even though he has heard Seth's thoughts and ought to realise that Seth doesn't see it that way. To him, my being a vampire is almost irrelevant; I am a good man and a friend.
"Edward said he'll let me drive it when I get my licence," Seth brags, teasing me and Sam at the same time—he is one clever 14-year-old!
I can't help but laugh. "I did not!"
"You didn't disagree when I thought it."
"So you expect driving lessons as well, do you?" I tease, referring to another thought he'd had.
He grins. "Would you?" If you want to.
"All right," I agree, grinning back, "although Bella would say I'll be a bad influence—she thinks I drive too fast."
Seth roars with laughter. "How fast have you taken her?"
"Barely a hundred," I reply, remembering her misplaced horror with fond amusement.
He chuckles, but wisely doesn't comment further; Sue is starting to frown. "But I'll be driving," he says, mostly to her.
"True," I agree. "And Bella could always come along to referee."
"She can't fit—"
"You're not learning to drive in my Vanquish."
He pouts in jest, before realising that my other car is also pretty flash. "But the Volvo's okay?"
"Sure."
"When did you learn to drive?" Billy asks, torn between curiosity, a little revulsion, and the genuine question of how much I can actually assist Seth with the modern licencing process.
"I went through the training course and got my licence legally last year."
How long have you been driving?, Seth asks. How many times have you sat the tests?
"I was human when I first learnt to drive," I say, "although I don't really remember it."
"You don't remember your human life?" Sue asks, and most of the others' thoughts echo that question to some extent; Seth, however, is wondering if I think of myself as not being human now. He wonders if I feel like a vampire, even though I have rejected the vampire way of life—and then he realises he doesn't know if he still feels human. I give him a half smile and a small shrug to say that life is complicated, and he gets it.
To answer Sue's question, I say, "After the change, if you don't think about your human memories, they are hazy and soon fade. But my memories were always faint, because I was sick for over a week and Carlisle waited until I was practically dead before he changed me." My thoughts turn wistful and I find myself saying, "If I didn't have Carlisle's thoughts, I would struggle to recall my parents' faces." But I quickly shake myself, and add, "But Carlisle and Esme are my parents now, and I love them very much."
"Carlisle knew your parents?" she asks.
"From the hospital. They died from the same illness I had—my father first, within a day of being admitted. My mother and I held out a bit longer. If she hadn't been so focused on my failing health, she might've recovered."
Sue understands that—she would have thrown herself in front of Riley if she'd been there, giving her life to distract him for two seconds. I decide to tell her the full story, wondering how she'll take it. Will she understand me a little better? And Carlisle?
"Before my mother died, she asked Carlisle to save me—in the way only he could—like she knew he could give me a second life."
She ponders that, trying to understand a mother who would entrust her son to a monster (even an apparently kind one like Carlisle)—but all the while conscious of my ability to hear her thoughts.
"Please, don't feel self-conscious," I entreat her. "Your thoughts are your own—I'm sorry for the lack of privacy—"
She waves me to silence. "If you could not hear our thoughts, you would not have heard our danger tonight. I don't wish to offend you with my thoughts."
I smile, appreciating the sentiment. "I understand," I assure her. "I appreciate your concern, and I'm not offended. In any case, I know the difference between a considered idea and a fleeting thought—and I assure you, I feel exactly the same way about the majority of our kind."
"The majority," Quil scoffs. "I bet you count some of those murdering demons as friends, don't you?"
I don't know how to answer that—we have over two dozen acquaintances who consider us friends, despite our 'quirky' lifestyle, but our distaste at their lifestyle means our relationship is somewhat precarious. "The seven of us can't take on all the vampires in the world. We have to live with them, too."
The others understand my meaning, although the thought of being friendly with murderers is justifiably distasteful, but Quil refuses to acknowledge that it excuses leniency on our part. Some vampires are more humane in their approach to taking lives than others, but I know that that distinction will be difficult for them to appreciate; it is even difficult for us at times. Until Jasper had joined us, none of us had had any real understanding of what it meant to be a vampire. Even I, who had murdered hundreds of men, had had no concept of what it's like to take an innocent life by choice.
Seth sees my sadness and wonders at its cause; is it the thought of innocent lives generally… or something—someone—in particular? Bella, or someone else? Emily is wondering something similar. Sam, Sue, and Billy are distracted by their own pain at all the victims of vampire attacks around the world.
"If you respected human life the way you say you do," Quil observes irritably, "you would do your duty—"
"Hush, Quil," Sue admonishes. "He did. Tonight, he saved our children. He saved us."
"They brought the vampires here, and he's planning to make another one—"
His thoughts go too far. "Bella is a wonderful person," I snap. "She won't lose who she is. She will never become a murderer."
"Never is a long time."
"But I don't doubt her," I reply, and with that, the certainty settles into my bones. If she believes in her life with me, I believe in it, too.
Seth sees the conviction in my face, and he smiles. He believes in Bella, too.
"And neither do I," Sue says. She stands up and walks towards me. "Bella will be wondering where you are," she adds, switching subjects.
I stand up; I hear in her thoughts what she wants to do, but I also hear the conflict, the fear. "Mrs Clearwater," I say, holding out my hand.
She smiles gratefully and takes my hand my both of hers. "Please, call me Sue."
Seth chuckles, glad his mother sees me as a friend but recognising her remaining nerves. He stands up and pats her on the shoulder as he steps past her and wraps his arms around me. Everyone shivers a little, especially Sue, who now knows how cold my skin is, but Seth isn't bothered. He thinks he's hot enough for the both of us. I can't help chuckling at that. I place a hand on his shoulder.
"Thank you, Edward," he says. Brother.
"You're welcome," I reply, then murmur, "brother," so only he (and Sam) can hear.
He pulls back and grins. "Tell Bella I ripped him apart."
"I will tell her the truth," I tease. "In as little detail as possible."
He chuckles. Tell her the whole truth—she can handle it.
I nod. I don't want to underestimate her again. And I miss her. As reluctant as I am to share with her the details of tonight's fight, because I know it will shock her, I want nothing more than to have her in my arms. I say my goodbyes, ignoring Quil's resentment.
"It has been a hard day," Sue murmurs, "but you have made it easier."
"I'm glad to have helped," I reply. Then, though I'm not sure if it might seem less than sincere coming from me, I say, "My condolences for your loss."
She appreciates the sentiment and murmurs her thanks, then leaves Seth to walk me out. It isn't until I step outside that I remember the car. I will have to drop it home before I make my way to Bella's.
Seth sees me staring at the car and realises what the problem is. You could leave it here…
"You can't drive it yet," I remind him. Then I sigh. "Alice would usually drive it home for me, but I don't think I can ask that of her tonight."
I doubt they'd let her pick it up, he teases.
"I would drive it off the Reservation."
Can I come?
"Now?"
Yeah. I could see Leah again. He's thinking of phasing again and either staying with Leah or running home.
"You shouldn't be by yourself, and Leah has the pack—your mum needs you tonight."
He sighs, then nods. And Leah'd probably rather not hear my thoughts.
I shrug; I would certainly rather not know the inner secrets of my siblings. "We can go for a ride again sometime soon," I promise.
This week?
"Sure."
He smiles, then recalls his offer to be my equine substitute. Let me know when you want a ride.
"I will. I look forward to it."
Me, too—just don't mention it to the pack, okay?
I lean closer to him so that Sam can't hear me and get suspicious. "I won't."
I can avoid thinking about it, he insists.
"It'll be good practice," I murmur.
Yeah, for when I have an actual secret.
I nod. "Alice has got pretty good at it—although she usually can't hide that she's keeping something from me."
He is very amused; then he wonders if any of my family resent my gift—the way Leah does.
"Just Rosalie. Personally, I'd rather not know my family's every thought and feeling…"
But you can't imagine not hearing their thoughts?
"I hate not being able to hear Bella's."
He laughs. It fits with who she is. And reading minds fits with who you are. He thinks about my admission that I covet Bella's thoughts, so I like being a know-it-all, despite the immense self-control it must require to endure innumerable external thoughts and emotions being streamed directly into my brain day in, day out. And then he thinks about my willingness to give myself over to Carlisle's control, and the fact that I needed every ounce of that self-control to keep from killing Bella myself. So I am exactly what I needed to be, and so is she.
"Again, how'd you get so wise?" I joke.
What can I say? He shrugs. I'm awesome.
"You are," I agree, stoking his ego. "Thanks for your help tonight—I couldn't have done it half so easily without you."
Make sure you tell Bella.
"I will tell all my family."
Good.
I slide into the driver's seat and start the engine, then lower the window to give him a nod.
See you tomorrow.
"See you tomorrow," I reply, already looking forward to it.