Lyte Anderson, D6
Shinju was remarkably still when I stitched her up. The girl kept talking about being a monster. She probably didn't want to give it away that it actually hurt. She glared at me all throughout the procedure, and inspected the work when I was done.
"I would have healed anyway," she said.
"Nice of you to let me do it then," I said.
"I hope you don't think this means I'll let you live," she said.
"You have so far," I said.
"I didn't feel like it yet," she said. She paused, trying to make it look like she didn't care about the next question.
"What does that mean, 'you're worth it'?" she asked.
"Just what it sounds like. You're worth saving," I said.
"I killed a girl," she said.
"You're still worth it," I said.
"I tried to kill more. I killed half a dozen people before I got Reaped," she said.
"That's pretty bad. But not bad enough," I said.
"What is bad enough?" she asked.
"Nothing," I said.
"You mean if I killed a hundred people, and then I tried to kill you, you'd still want to help me?" she asked.
"Yep," I said. Shinju glared at me, as though trying to look right through my baloney and find the real truth. She was going to have to look a long way.
"No one starts out like this," I said. "Even the Careers were little once. We all start out as innocent little kids. The ones who go wrong, something happened to them. Something happened to break that innocence and turn them mean. That's all I see when I look at them, even the ones that like killing. I wonder what went wrong, and I wish they could be little kids again. But I can't heal that."
"Can anything heal that?" Shinju asked.
"I hope so," I said. "I think so." There was another lull. "I can fix some things, though. I'm pretty hungry. How about you? I can fix that. Sit tight, I'll be right back."
Shinju Matsushita, D3
"You should be careful," I told Lyte when he came back with a box of cereal and a jar of peanut butter.
"You worried about me?" he asked.
"No," I said. I pretended to be very interested in my handful of cereal. It wasn't my ideal food, but there was precedent. The books said vampires drank from animals if they couldn't use people, and they could go a long time without food. One got buried a hundred years and came out fine. The cereal was just to get the ache out of my stomach.
"You were right," I said.
"About what?" he asked.
"I used to be a normal little girl. You're right. It doesn't happen just like that," I said. I wouldn't normally talk about it, but Lyte was different. It wasn't that he was just that sweet or that understanding. I just knew there was no chance someone like him would live, and dead men told no tales. He waited for me to continue.
"You want to know what makes someone turn out like that? First her parents die. They don't care enough to live for her. They die and leave her all alone in a cesspool orphanage. Everyone around her is smart and can move up in the world, but she's dumb. She can't do math or science or anything else anyone values in Three. She's a useless little leftover girl. The only thing she can possibly stand out in is hurting people."
"You don't have to do anything to stand out. You stand out all on your own," Lyte said. What is this boy, a living fortune cookie? No wonder he died like ten times.
"You think I'm the victim here. No, the people I killed are the victims. I'm the monster, remember? No one made me into this. It's what I am. I chose it. It's done and over. No going back."
"You chose it?" Lyte asked.
"That's right," I said.
"Then you can choose not to be," he said.
"I didn't choose it," I backtracked. "It's what I am."
"You're a vampire," Lyte said, in a rather bored tone for such a statement.
"I'm a vampire," I said.
"Guess it would be really bad if I did this, then," Lyte said. He reached up over the bathtub and pulled the windowshades open, flooding the room with light. I hissed and knelt in the tub, crossing my arms over my head and waiting for the burning pain. But nothing happened.
"Would you look at that. Guess you're human after all."
Vera Busattil, D4
It hit me hard to see Floki's face projected on the ceiling after the Anthem played. We were three days into the Games, and only four of us were left. Lyte's luck wouldn't run out forever, and Shinju couldn't hold up against me or Chrome. Just me and Chrome, then- she must have gotten tired of her ally. Only one real opponent. I could finally start thinking about victory.
I could actually have a real life. Being a Victor wasn't entirely normal, but it was more so than this back-and-forth life I led a few weeks at a time. I still wasn't too far behind Frankie. We could make it work. Of course, he wouldn't care even if I looked half a century younger. To him, I would be the same Vera. I could finally have something other than fighting and running and hiding and dying.
I'd changed so much from when I first volunteered for the Thirty-Second Hunger Games. Back then, it was practically a lark for me and Whyte. We had no idea what we were getting into, and we paid the price. It had been so long since I'd seen Whyte. There was a time I wanted to be his girlfriend, but we drifted apart. I wished him the best, wherever he was, but it seemed he'd found someone else, too.
What would I even be without the Games? I could start a family, but I didn't know if I wanted a child in this world. I'd already lost one before I even knew her. I didn't know if that scarcely-formed child was a boy or a girl, but I'd always thought it was a daughter. I thought about her every time I came back. She was a lost future for me. Everyone had a million possible futures, and she was one I'd never have back. I didn't even know if Frankie wanted children.
It wasn't just Frankie I'd see, either. It had fifteen years since I'd seen my little sister Elsie. She was the reason I volunteered early in the first place. I hadn't seen her around the Capitol, which meant she made it to eighteen without getting Reaped again. What was she like now? Was she married? Was I already an aunt? And what about Zale? Did my hyperactive little brother make it to adulthood without getting himself killed? Did my parents still hope I'd come back, or had they given up on me? My life was in limbo ever since I first died. Frankie broke free, but I was still stuck. Even if I never got out, he would always be waiting.
Yay no one died this time! Since there are only four left, I slowed things down a little. Still, we're pretty close to the end. Like five more chapters tops.