Hey guys! I know it's been a long time but life was just so hectic for the both of us!

Chapter 10: Facing the Past
Rose's POV
"You are quite sure you want to do this, Roza?" Viktoria asked, fixing my bonnet. Seriousness reflected in her eyes as she held my gaze. I opened my mouth to answer, but only succeeded in looking like a beached fish. The dryness in my throat prevented me from making a sound, clearing the scratchiness; I tried to swallow as my gaze slipped down from hers. Speaking wouldn't have helped anyway; I couldn't find the correct words to describe the storm of emotions inside of my head.
"Will you be alright here on your own?" I mumbled, trying to get the subject off what I was about to do. If I could only express the fear and trepidation flowing through my veins at this very moment, I might actually feel better, but the turmoil kept it locked tightly in my chest.
"I'm not worried about me!" She blanched, "I am worried about you! I know your past with your father and know-" Lissa swept up behind her and grabbed her shoulders, effectively silencing Viktoria's worried ranting. The worried look in Lissa's eyes said volumes, but I could see she was trying to hold it together for my sake.
"Viktoria will be fine here while you are out, Rose." Lissa said reassuringly, speaking to me over my sister's head.
Frustration crossed over Viktoria's face as she huffed and turned around, heading into the kitchen, clanking around with dishes and what not.
Lissa sighed. "I don't think I can deal with another pie." Shaking her head and patting her rounded protruding stomach. "I am already too big as it is."
That little moment broke the tension in the room and made me laugh. Slipping on my riding gloves, I mentally readied myself for what I would face. "I know. Just tell her that you'll have a piece later and then throw it away during the night. That is what her mother does." I said, commenting on my sister's way of making a perfectly delicious pie when her emotions become too overwhelming for conversation. "She does it all the time, and as long as it's scrumptious I don't mind." I said, patting my stomach.
Lissa chuckled and leaned against the wall, a satisfied look coming over her. "She really is something. Spit fire just like you."
I smiled. "She is. Any man would be just thrilled to have her." I winked at my best friend, making her giggle, just like old times.
After laughing, the smile lingered on our lips. Lissa reached out holding my hand with one strong squeeze for support. Making sure, I knew my best friend was there for me no matter what. Then with a small but decisive nod of her head, Lissa allowed me to depart with only a supportive and confident grin thrown my way.
The butler opened the door and let me step into the warm afternoon sun. A slave stood next to the horse I was going to take, and handed me the reins as I approached. Thanking him, I hefted myself onto the horse, something I could pride myself on. Not all women in the south can ride like I can in a saddle and a hoop skirt.
Another thing to thank my father for, he raised me like a daughter, but made sure that I knew how to do anything necessary. I shoved my heels into the horse's side and took off at a steady gallop, not wanting to rush towards my father.
Sadness ripped through me, and I fought off the urge to cry as I realized that I was riding towards my father only to say goodbye. Goodbye to the only parent I have known. I loved him, no matter what we may have done to each other.
I slowed the horse to a stop as I reached the archway that led into the Tara plantation. I looked up at the wooden ach and took a deep breath, hesitant to enter my home. It didn't seem to look much different, besides the few paint scars and trampled bushes- but why should it? It was only months ago when I had last seen it. I closed my eyes and got down from my horse, grabbing its reins, and walking through the archway. It was about a quarter of a mile to the house, but I wanted to take in the area, knowing that this would be the last time that I could look at all of the shrubbery and the fields and the trees without horrible memories seeping into the atmosphere about me.
Flashes of the happy childhood I had swept through my mind, but then the dark ones crept in, muddling my thoughts. I closed my eyes and continued walking with my horse, gripping the reins until I could feel the burn in my leather gloved hands. I let out a deep breath when I knew that my short walk was over, sad to open my eyes and face what I needed to see. I slowly opened my lids, taking in the scene in front of me.
Home.
Joy filled my heart as childhood memories flooded my mind, me running through the house being chased by my father, it was a beautiful vision. Then as the entire scene materialized in front of me, the black wreath hanging grimly against the white door brought my heart down, even further than it was before. The hopes that he was alright and it was all a big lie shattered and I collapsed to my knees as I realized this too, was being ripped away from me. I was alone. I let out a strangled wail, making the dogs howl and the horse huff in annoyance. I let go of the reins and pounded on the ground, wishing that if I pounded hard enough, the ground would open up and swallow me whole, letting me rest in peace.
My pounding hand slowed, and I just cried like a baby for a moment longer. Stupidly I stood up and ran sloppily to the white door, shoving through it and into the house.
More memories crashed down on me, and the more I felt trapped and defeated. Stumbling and falling against the wall, yet another scene playing in front of my eyes. I pushed it away and clamored blindly up the stairs. Crashing again, against a door, flinging it open, not knowing where my knowledgeable feet had taken me until the bed with my pale and weak father came into my tear-clouded sight. I scrambled back, hitting the wall as the doctor jumped up, coming toward me, ready to offer his assistance.
Before he could though, the figure that held no resemblance to my father spoke. "Get out." It groaned.
The doctor paused. "But sir-"
"Out." There he was. That one word established that no matter what, no matter how hurt or in pain he was, he could still do terrible damage to you.
His voice carried me towards him, slowly in a daze I crept to him, pulled in by his strong commanding voice, one that nurtured me and supported me throughout my life.
No matter what, this man was my father; no matter what, I loved him and he loved me.
"Did you marry Belikov?" He said gruffly.
Blinking rapidly, I was taken aback by his straightforward question, but he never was one to tread lightly around anything.
I nodded stupidly. "Y-yes, papa."
He sighed and closed his eyes. "Good. He is a good man no matter what the fools in the South say about him. He will take care of you."
I nodded again, though he couldn't see me through his closed eyes. In his silence, my eyes drifted down to his arm furthest from me. It was open and bloody, but worse, it was infected and disgustingly colored.
"Rose," He said, my head snapping back to him. "Come here." He moved carefully over to the side so I could lie next to him, just as I did when I had a bad dream when I was young. I rested my head on his chest and listened to his heart, bringing back all those incredible memories from years ago. It was still comforting, and I closed my eyes, breathing in time with the beat of his life.
"I'm sorry my darling. I shouldn't have driven you away like I did. Mr. Ashford, he-"
I cut him off; "No need to explain, pa, just hold me like old times, let's not ruin this." I said, not moving. He rested his arm on my back, hugging me to him.
We laid together for a few more moments, just loving that we could spend this time together.
"You're going to be a grandfather." I whispered.
His body went stiff, but then relaxed. "I am only sorry I will not be able to see my grandson or daughter." Tears echoed evident in his words. "I trust Belikov will take care of you and his child."
I nodded, not wanting to tell him that Dimitri may also be somewhere dying.
"Forgive me darling; forgive me for all I have done to you, for all that I put you through, for driving you away from me."
Lifting my head up so I was able to look directly into his glistening tear filled eyes, I wanted to set him at ease. "Pa, you did nothing wrong-"
"Please darling, for my own peace of mind."
Tears started to trickle down my cheeks again, and I looked to the wall above his head as I swallowed back the thick lump in my throat. "I…" I looked back down at him. "I forgive you." With that I buried my head into his chest again, and he squeezed me in a final hug.
"Thank you, Rosemarie. I love you, I always have." He said, happiness clear in his voice.
"I love you too, Pa." I said, choking back the downpour of tears. I listened to his heart only a few beats more, and then he was gone, leaving only silence around me.
I didn't dare move, only allowing the sobs to shake me. His arm fell from my back, and I gripped onto my father for the last time.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry Pa! Please come back," I cried, picking up my head and looked at his peaceful and pale face. "I should have been there! If only I was there! If only I was there…" I wailed as I lowered my head slowly back down onto his chest and just let everything go, only feeling the pain and sorrow coursing through my limp and weak body.
**VA**
Distraught and upset, I stumbled out of the room. Wiping away the dried smudges under my eyes, forcing my shoulders up straight, I closed the door. I had no desire to see my father like that any longer. No need to burn those images further into my mind.
The staircase seemed miles away but finally I managed my way to the top and started to descend. Halfway down the massive staircase, I stopped in my tracks as my stomach started to churn. I backed up to the wall, needing some sort of stability behind me. I kept the bile down my throat, and closed my eyes, trying to keep my breathing even.
My thoughts becoming clouded, images of Dimitri lying in my father's spot drifted into my mind.
"Ma'am?" I jumped, startled at the sudden voice next to me. "Are you alright?"
I opened my eyes, searching for the figure that had thankfully interrupted my dark thoughts. His hand was outstretched towards me, ready to catch me if I was to keel over.
Did I really look that bad? Was my face in such pain that others cringed at the sight?
His hand turned, now offering me support in my descent. I took hold of it, and he helped me down the stairs, obviously worried. He brought me into the parlor and sat me down at the table, calm and controlled… just like I imagined Dimitri to be. I sighed as my mind brought me back to him once again. I had only known him a few months, but I was so in love… He was my husband, my life…
"Susanna, please go and prepare some tea for the room." The man said, talking softly and kindly to the maid.
"Yes, sir." She said, nodding and fleeing into the kitchen.
There were a few moments of silence as I looked at the lace doilies that were the only remembrance I had of my mother. My mother, who was cruelly taken away from this world in exchange for my life. What if I died in childbirth and Dimitri never came back? What would my child do with no parents? Would Lissa take him in? Would Viktoria?
All these possibilities swam inside of my head. Wrapping their angry and slimy black tendrils around every memory, and worse, around every premonition I may have of happy future.
The clank of silver brought me back to the lonely parlor, and I thanked the maid as she poured me a cup of tea, allowing me to prepare it with one cube of sugar and dash of milk. I was so focused on getting my tea just right, that I didn't even notice the man staring at me intently, while sipping his own tea.
When I looked up, I quickly looked back down, shy under his piercing gaze.
I cleared my throat, reminding myself that this was my house and I was in control here.
Taking a deep breath, I assumed the role of hostess, as i was taught from a young age.
"Do you plan on staying here much longer Doctor…"
"Castile. Dr. Edison Castile." He said, picking up his small gold laced teacup, and taking a swallow. He set it back on the table and shook his head. "I would love to, Georgia is beautiful, but since your father… well, I have nowhere to go except home which is in Savannah."
I nodded, taking a sip of my own tea. "How did you know my father?"
"Ibrahim and I have only known each other for a few weeks now. He came into Savannah shortly after he was injured, refusing to stop looking for you. He had already been in Atlanta, and he wanted to try all of the major cities before going out of state."
"Oh…" I whispered looking down, guilt washing over me. All that pain that I caused him- emotionally and physically…
"He collapsed while there and he was brought to me. He was unconscious for quite some time, in which he kept repeating your name over and over again, Rosemarie." Edison continued the story of how my father asked him to stay as an in house doctor for a vast amount of money, but he did it only for the sake of knowing he had done something fair and right.
"You are a very honest man, Edison. Here you could have said my father offered you Tara and I would have given it to you because you have been so generous to my father in the past."
Edison chuckled, slicking his short brown hair to the back of his head. "I could never take this wonderful plantation from you. It is something that should be kept within the family."
"Well, see, I plan on raising my family-" My hand instantly rose to rest on my stomach, "In Montana, so really there is no one to leave it too."
Edison eyed my hand. "Ms. Mazur, are you pregnant?"
I nodded, wiping a tear from my face. "Yes. I only just found out, and I am not sure what to do- look for my husband or leave and go back to Montana to have to child in a safe home."
There was a moment of silence as Edison thought. "Mrs…"
"Belikov."
"Mrs. Belikov, you do know that with the war coming, there will not be a single doctor in the south with enough time on their hands to birth your child, correct?" He said softly, his soft brown eyes showing only tenderness.
I gasped. I hadn't even thought about that. I was so stupid! "Wha- well- what if I were to offer you the position? What if in payment for helping me through my pregnancy I give you Tara?" I said, hope brewing in my heart.
He smiled kindly. "You wouldn't even have to give me Tara, I would have done it either way. For your father."

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