A/N: Thanks for waiting, everyone! I really wanted to get this chapter posted this weekend. Love reading the comments and what you are hoping will happen. I hope you enjoy :)
Saturday, Shen's Apartment
For someone who had just witnessed murder, nearly been killed by a crazy lady, and narrowly escaped a crime base all in one day, Donnie was surprisingly calm as Leo glowered at him.
They had moved back to Donnie's room, leaving Shen to talk to Yoshi in the living room. Mikey was still asleep, and so now the triplets were all in one room.
For years Donnie had wondered if Leo and Raph were alright. Some times, more often than not, he'd refused to think about them, refused to dream of a life where they would all be together again. Because if he was wrong, if something had happened to Leo and Raph, Donnie was sure he wouldn't be able to pick up the pieces of himself again.
But here they were. It had felt like a miracle to Donnie in finding his triplets, but in reality, Leo and Raph had never stopped looking. The fact that they'd held out hope even when Donnie was barely getting by looking after Mikey astounded him, even if he never said it out loud.
And maybe that's why he felt no fear, all guilt ebbed away by a resounding, I was in the right. I didn't do anything wrong. After all, if Leo and Raph had picked up his dead weight, his contribution to their family was overdue. And besides, who makes it that easy to get into an enemy base?
Donnie balanced the weight of Metalhead in his hands. Somehow his robot felt heavier now, with the data it contained. He was itching to go through it, but the weight of Leo's livid gaze on him was something he had to deal with first.
"Go ahead," Donnie said finally, breaking the silence that remained in the little bedroom. "Yell at me. Tell me how stupid I was."
"Stupid doesn't even cover the beginning of it," Leo said, his voice hard and if Donnie wasn't imagining it, shaking. "You could have been killed."
"But I wasn't," Donnie countered.
The expression in Leo's eyes did not let up. It grew darker, more somber, making him look even older than Shen and Mr. Hamato despite being fourteen years old.
"Do you really not get it?" Leo asked slowly, dangerously. Donnie felt calm, but also Leo's anger: all fire and wind. Ready to flare. "Are you really that idiotic? Just what were you trying to prove?"
"Prove?" Donnie echoed.
Leo gestured at him to talk. "You tell me. Did you think you could be like us? Like a ninja?"
Donnie scoffed at his brother's ridiculous theory. "Why would I need to prove anything to anyone?"
"Okay, then. Enlighten me. You found out about the Foot base, and instead of telling us, you decided to go there. By yourself. Why."
"Because-," Donnie met Leo's cutting blue eyes. "Because I found out about Angel."
There was a beat of silence, followed by Leo and Raph exchanging blank glances.
"Who?"
"You don't know-" Donnie struggled to breathe, struggled to think about that day. But he looked at Leo. "When… back then… she was there, okay?"
"Back then a girl was there," Leo repeated drily. "You're not making sense."
"She was in our house, Leo," Donnie hissed. "Back when I was getting Mikey's towel from his room, when he was crying and you and Raph were giving him a bath. Back then."
Realization sobered into Leo and Raph's expressions, a heaviness settling in the air, over their heads. Memories from that day seemed to come back stronger than ever. Donnie could remember Angel's voice from back then, sharp and angry, like she was the one being wronged. Boiling rage filled Donnie's blood as he thought of her, the bells of injustice ringing through his entire being.
"And she tried to kidnap me with the other Foot soldiers that day you guys showed up," Donnie continued, trying to keep his voice under control, to not shake out of anger. "I wasn't planning on going anywhere, but then I figured out she was a Purple Dragon member linked to the Foot, and that she had been there that day, and I just had to."
"Had to what?" And this time, Leo sounded even more pissed. Maybe they were starting to see things eye to eye.
The funny thing was, Donnie hadn't really acted on logic and reason, like he usually did on most things. The decision to grab a weapon and walk into the Foot base had been purely fueled on emotions.
"Whatever I could to bring them down."
It felt weird hearing his own voice say that. Donnie looked down at Metalhead, who had stored as much data as he could've. Somewhere in here, there was an answer. There had to be.
"Sure," Leo said, and Donnie looked up. "Because that makes so much sense."
Leo hadn't been convinced. It was clear by the look on his face, the pent-up frustration in his eyes. Raph, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest, looked conflicted, his eyes going between them before settling on the far wall, as if he could see right through it to Mikey in Shen's room.
"You're supposed to be the smart one," Leo said, pressing an index finger to Donnie's chest. "You're supposed to be the rational one. Tell me how your grand plan was going to work if you died down there? If one of them had a gun and saw you?"
Donnie shivered, thinking back to the two soldiers who'd been shot by 'Master', whoever that had been.
Leo poked him harder. "Not only that, you already got strike one when you chose to keep Mikey out of the loop, not telling him anything. He's not a baby anymore. He's growing up. How do you think we would have explained anything to him if something had happened to you?"
Donnie swatted Leo's hand away.
"Okay, sure," he said, bite in his voice, "Bring Mikey into this. I did what I did to protect him. Something you've been a little out of touch with since, oh right, you haven't been with him for the past three years."
Leo's eyes were daggers. "Yeah, I'm aware."
"Are you? Because it's looking an awful lot like you've forgotten who he thinks of first when he thinks of his brother."
Raph's head snapped up to him. Leo took a step back, like Donnie was someone he couldn't recognize. It was a low blow, but it felt good to be mean. Like an invisible punch. Like finally Donnie could make a dent somewhere.
He hadn't meant for it to be in his relationship with his brothers.
Leo no longer looked like he wanted to destroy something with his katanas. Instead, his eyes looked dull and defeated, which was so unsettling Donnie looked away.
"Yeah, Don," and it was Raph who spoke up this time. "We know."
A bitter laugh came from Leo. "No, Raph, leave it. Obviously Donnie is running by the rules of whoever's been with Mikey for a longer time streak has more rights over him than any other brother. Like Mikey's so much better without us. Like he's so much better without us."
"No, that's not what I-"
Leo cut Donnie off.
"You know, we came here because we were worried about you?" he said, his voice low and full of something fragile. "We came running over, breaking our rules and risking being seen because you weren't answering your phone. We were-I was so afraid that someone had grabbed my little brother, that he wasn't safe-and for once, I'm not talking about Mikey."
Donnie couldn't find the words to reply to that.
He didn't even know where to look.
But the sting of Leo's words was strong, carrying a message Donnie couldn't unpack. It was like a puzzle of emotions, based on something Donnie couldn't solve.
And when Yoshi finally came into their room to collect Leo and Raph to go back to their house, Donnie felt nowhere near to solving that puzzle.
Saturday, Shen's Apartment, 7:13 PM
"You wanted to talk?" Donnie asked, and wondered how much wearier his voice sounded to his foster mom since he'd last spoken to her at the door when he'd come in.
Shen was quiet as she pan-fried homemade gyoza, and Donnie braced himself to get yelled at. He deserved it, at this point. He was stupid for leaving, and he couldn't do anything right, and-
"Taste this sauce," Shen said, pointing to a ceramic bowl. "Tell me if it needs more la-yu."
Taken aback, Donie had to stare for a second before reaching for a clean spoon and carefully tasting the sauce. His eyes watered.
"No, yeah, it's good."
"Really? I overdid it," Shen said, assessing his face.
"No, it's good. Promise."
Shen turned off the stove, letting the finished gyozas cool. "It's for lunch tomorrow."
"Oh, cool. Mikey'll love it."
Shen looked at him, smiled, then got to work opening up the refrigerator. "You can sit down, you know."
Donnie obliged, sitting on one of the stools for the kitchen island. As Shen busied her hands in the kitchen, she spoke again.
"I know we talked about this about seven months ago, when you first moved in to live with me, but I thought I might as well go over a few things again."
Donnie shifted in his seat, feeling the oncoming lecture.
"When you come home from school, do you ever see Mikey home all by himself?"
Donnie felt his heart go cold, as if fear personified had it gripped in a fist.
"No."
"No, right? Because I'm there, from my lunch break. I drop Mikey off at school in the morning, and pick him up around two, because that's when his school ends. I use my lunch break to drive him home, and then I'm essentially waiting for you to come home so I can go back to work. Why do you think we have it set up that way?"
Donnie closed his eyes. He didn't need a lecture on this. He, of all people-but he was, because he had really screwed up today. He didn't regret facing off Angel alone, he didn't regret snagging the data, but he regretted snapping at Mikey and leaving him in the apartment all by himself.
Not once since the day their parents died had Donnie done anything as foolhardy as that.
Anything could have happened.
"Because we never leave Mikey at home alone."
"He's too young to be left at home by himself," Shen agreed and looked pointedly at Donnie. "What you did today wasn't cool."
"Yeah," Donnie exhaled.
"You get why it was wrong, right?"
"Yeah."
"Plus you left your phone. Mikey literally called me in tears."
Donnie kind of wanted to cry in frustration himself.
Shen set a plate of chicken and pasta in front of Donnie. "Here's dinner, by the way. Had to heat it up."
"Thanks," Donnie whispered. "And I'm sorry."
"I know," Shen said, tucking some hair behind Donnie's ear. "And I know you. I'm not stupid. You would never, in a million years, have left Mikey all by himself. So obviously something happened to make you dash the way you did."
Donnie stared at his pasta without any appetite.
"And you didn't come back for hours."
Donnie waited for the trigger. The moment Shen snapped at him, and yelled at him. He waited for it to happen, because in all the other foster homes he'd been in, when he screwed up with something, he got yelled at. He got grounded.
And he'd never screwed up this bad before.
"Want to tell me?" Shen asked, kindness personified.
Donnie really wanted to cry.
I saw two people get murdered today, he wanted to sob into one of her warm hugs. Just make it stop, make everything stop.
Shen waited.
And I hurt my brothers. I hurt Leo, I hurt Raph, I hurt Mikey, and I'm turning into someone horrible. Can you make that stop, too? Can you stop me, please?
Silence ensued.
"I'm not that hungry," Donnie said, quietly.
"Eat half of it," Shen said. "You don't want to skip dinner."
"I'm," Donnie fought off nausea. The sound of gunshots rang loudly in his memory. Bang. Bang. "I… can't."
"Donnie." Shen sounded patient. "I know you're not hungry, but try. Okay? You didn't even have lunch."
Donnie brought pasta to his mouth and forced himself. Chew, chew, swallow. Chew, chew-no, don't think of that weird guy in the suit who could be the leader of the Foot, no thanks-swallow.
A glass of water was placed in front of him, and Donnie took a sip.
"You want more vegetables? Meat? What do you think you need?" Shen asked, and there was a silent pleading in her voice.
Donnie wanted to help her help him. He wanted to tell her what she wanted to hear. But the honest truth was, he could barely work up any appetite at all.
Sunday, Shen's Apartment, 3:18 AM
Turns out, he couldn't sleep, either. He stayed up, looking through the data that Metalhead had gathered. There was too much, and it was archived nonsense.
The room was quieter without Mikey's little snores above him. Mikey was sleeping in Shen's room. But even without the noise, Donnie found himself unable to sleep.
Every time he closed his eyes, he would wake up with a jolt, hearing Angel's cackles in his ears and feeling her gloved hands squeeze around his neck.
That's not good, Donnie thought as he stared up at the bottom of Mikey's bed. He rubbed his face and sat up.
Picking up his laptop from his desk, he started looking at the data from Metalhead again.
He didn't sleep at all that night.
Tomorrow I'll get my sleep schedule back to normal.
Monday, Shen's Apartment, 2:37 AM
His parents were dancing, in his dream. His mother was dressed like a princess in a sparkling gold dress, and his father with a Purple Dragon insignia embroidered into the back of his suit, and they danced across a ballroom, their footsteps leaving blood stains on the floor.
Donnie blinked his eyes open into his dark bedroom and debated asking Shen for a sleeping pill.
No, I can't give her more reason to worry about me, Donnie thought. I've already screwed it up with enough people by making them worry.
He just needed to stay out of trouble for a little while.
Calm down.
But every time he thought about Angel or Hunter or anything at all, he could feel his temper flare and his resolve shifting to one of defiance. Like Leo was in the wrong for chewing him out. It wasn't true - Donnie knew he'd messed up.
His oldest brother wasn't talking to him, leaving Raph to do the routinely check-ins. But from the tone of Raph's texts, Donnie could tell he wasn't in the clear with him, either.
The only silver lining to the weekend was that Mikey had recovered from his brief sickness, and was back to being bouncy and happy. He didn't even bat an eyelash when Donnie had apologized to him in the morning.
"S'Okay, Donnie," Mikey had said to Donnie after breakfast. "You're back now, that's all that matters."
He didn't deserve Mikey.
He also didn't stop thinking for the rest of the night.
Tuesday, Shen's Apartment, 3:26 AM
He was back in the Foot base. Donnie blinked, looking around. Leo was going to be mad if he found out that he went back. This was bad, this was bad - Donnie wandered up to a doorway and peered through. Master stood on the stage, and this time, instead of two Foot soldiers, Donnie's parents were there, begging for their lives.
Bang. Bang.
The audience cheered, and Donnie woke up with another gasp.
I hate everything. Donnie rolled over and tried to sleep, but to no avail. He spent the night looking at his phone, looking through his contacts.
Looking for an answer.
He still hadn't patched things up with Leo, and Raph wasn't talking to him. He'd brought it up with April and Casey.
"We sort of… had an argument," he'd said.
April had blinked. "What, with the new kids? Donnie. Be nice!"
"Yeah, I know," Donnie had said, and he must have sounded so dejected that Casey had gripped his shoulder and spun him around. The bruises from his tussle with Angel hadn't healed, and he bit his tongue from screaming in pain.
"Look, man. If you messed up, apologize. If they're chill dudes, they'll get it. Because you're a chill dude. Trust me."
I stabbed a lady's leg with a kitchen knife this weekend, Donnie had thought, miserable as he nodded.
April and Casey had exchanged looks of concern when they thought Donnie wasn't looking.
Donnie continued to play Tetris until the sun came up.
Wednesday, Shen's Apartment, 2:35 AM
Donnie closed his eyes, and filled his mind with numbers and math and proofs. His mind spun, and then Leo was there, decked out in ninja gear, throwing ninja stars at him.
"Strike one!" he yelled when one of the stars nicked Donnie in the elbow.
He got Donnie again, near the ear. "Strike two!"
The third hit was direct, on his chest. "Strike three!"
Then the world shifted, and Mikey was sobbing over a grave, hugging Shen. Donnie peered around to see that they were looking at his grave. Rest in Peace, Donatello Delucci - A True Idiot.
He awoke again, his body sore and aching. The bruises hadn't healed.
Donnie took a sip of water on his nightstand, then laid back down in his bed and hoped for the bad dreams to go away.
They didn't.
Thursday, Shen's Apartment, 1:10 PM
Donnie threw up his dinner in the toilet. He had the shower running in the background, to mask the sound. He didn't want Shen or Mikey to wake up.
This was the second time he'd puked this month. He had an inkling as to why.
He hadn't been eating well for the past few days. Donnie wasn't stupid, he'd knew what the effects of starving yourself had on the body. But it wasn't as if he was denying his body food on purpose. He just felt… too sick. Too sick to eat.
That plus the still-healing bruises on his back, base of his neck, and head where Angel had hit him were still sore, distracting himself from any hunger.
And all the late nights weren't helping, sure.
But his nightmares were relentless. Donnie felt tears prick the corners of his eyes as he dry-heaved into the toilet as quietly as he could.
There was no way around it.
He was sick.
He dragged himself back to his bed and closed his eyes. Nightmares plagued him as usual, but he slept through it all, forcing himself into the deep pit of darkness, submerging himself until morning.
Friday, Shen's Apartment, 5:00 PM
The week had crawled by at a snail's pace, but the end was finally here. Donnie hadn't really done anything all week except school, coming home on time to watch Mikey and try to decipher the data Metalhead had collected. But it was hard, since a lot of the data was just system updates to the system. In other words, it was useless.
Thursday had been possibly the worst days of school Donnie had ever experienced. He had drifted off so many times he'd missed multiple assignments. Clearly his focus wasn't where it needed to be.
And Shen wasn't completely oblivious, either. Donnie couldn't ignore the fact that she kept giving him cautious once-overs when she thought he couldn't notice. But he was doing his best to hide it all from her.
Today was no different.
"Sleeping well, Donnie?" she asked as she served him a plate of eggs with a side of avocado and sweet potato salad at breakfast.
"Sure, yeah," Donnie lied, and it was left at that.
Back in his room, Donnie felt the familiar tight feeling of frustration kick up as he had Metalhead parse through the data. The majority of what Metalhead could find were just reports on system updates, so basically, useless.
All Donnie had to go off was the thing Angel had said to him before he'd made his escape. I'd collect you myself… but why would I want to help Hunter's precious little helper who's trying to take my place?
He hadn't shared this bit with his brothers yet (and how could he, with Leo still livid with him) and it rubbed at his skin in the wrong way, the more he thought about it. Because it meant that it wasn't Angel's job to collect him but someone else's. And that meant that they had another enemy to think about. Another specific person to watch out for.
And maybe that person was among them already.
"Donnie?" Mikey piped up as Donnie scratched his own face in frustration. "Are you okay?"
Donnie blinked and turned around to smile. "Sure, bud."
He allowed Mikey to climb into his lap, like always, and let him play with the various things on Donnie's desk before getting bored and leaning back against his chest.
"Why are you lying?" Mikey asked quietly after a few minutes.
Donnie gulped, freezing stille. "What?"
"I told you," Mikey said knowingly. "You have a tell. I know when you lie."
"That's… an annoyingly resourceful technique," Donnie muttered.
"Plus, you never look good anymore."
"Okay, now you're just being mean."
Mikey giggled, turning around to look up at Donnie. "No, I mean, you're still handsome, just… you look different. Like sad. Like Eeyore."
I should take that as a sign, right?
Mikey wasn't done. "And like, more tired. Like Gandalf."
Okay, that's it-!
"You did not just compare me to Gandalf, pipsqueak!"
"I'm sorry! He's the first one I could think of - ahh!" Mikey squealed as Donnie tickled him ruthlessly, and slid off his lap to move to the bed.
Mikey bounced up and down for a few seconds. "Okay, so?"
"So?"
"Why are you lying about being okay?"
Donnie sighed, slouching back in his seat. "I… I'm just a little… I got into a fight with some friends."
Leo and Raph. They're our brothers, they're okay, they're back, and I know I have to tell you but I'm too scared because -
"Then just say you're sorry," Mikey said with a shrug. "Then you can be friends again. Duh."
"It's not that simple. They haven't been talking to me," Donnie said, raising his phone.
Mikey stared at his phone, his smile slipping off and looking more thoughtful. Donnie watched his baby brother shake himself out of whatever he was thinking.
"Then you can just go to them, right?"
"I've tried, but we don't have any of the same classes, and they're actively ignoring me."
"So just go up to them," Mikey said. "When LH and our new friend Renet had a fight, she moved his seat away from us. So LH went up to her during recess and stood in her swing lane until she listened to his apology."
Donnie looked at Mikey in surprise. "Renet?"
"Yeah, she's pretty cute. I mean, um, cool."
Donnie observed Mikey's ears turn slightly pink, and he tucked that bit of information for later. But Mikey's advice rang clear. Just go to them.
They were his brothers, for crying out loud. Donnie took a shaky breath. "Okay. I'm going to ask Shen if I can go."
"Donnie?"
"Yeah, Mikey?"
"When you come back, will you - can we - I mean," Mikey paused, and looked at Donnie's phone, then back to Donnie. "I mean… never mind."
"Okay," Donnie said, and wondered when it had become so hard to read Mikey's mind. Courage. "I have something to tell you, so… when I come back, can we talk? Like grown-ups?"
Mikey brightened like a summer day, or like Christmas had come early.
"Yes. Like grown-ups."
Friday, 5:47 PM
With Shen's permission this time, Donnie bounded out of the apartment and bolted to the Hamato residence, with his phone this time. Along with his phone in his jacket pocket, in the other pocket was the bo staff that Mr. Hamato had given him.
The bo staff that had protected him back in the Foot base for much longer than the knife had.
A car's horn blared from Donnie's right, and he darted backward over the curb as the car zipped right past him. Spots flickered in Donnie's vision, and he rubbed a hand over his eyes to rest for a moment and gain his bearings. The lack of sleep was really doing a number on him.
"Son, are you alright?" someone asked as Donnie swayed before gripping the traffic light pole to take a few deep breaths.
"Yeah, I'm good," Donnie reassured the concerned passing guy, who stood with his spouse. "Just… not enough water, I guess."
"Well, be careful," the guy said, and the couple continued walking by.
"Stay hydrated, hon!" the spouse called gently.
"Thanks," Donnie murmured, and continued to get to the Hamato residence.
By the time he reached the household, he was panting and his legs were having a hard time to keep him up. Beads of sweat rolled down his neck, and his fingers shook as he rang the doorbell of the residential entrance.
There was no answer. Donnie leaned against the door, hearing his own heartbeat in his ears. Maybe he needed to close his eyes…
No. No! What was he doing? He couldn't just pass out on Mr. Hamato's front porch!
Donnie turned around and entered the dojo front, pulling the door open.
A class was already in session, training on the mat with Mr. Hamato in the front. A few assistants were also stationed around the room. Donnie stared and saw that his brothers were also two of the assistants, both black belts.
"Leo," He called, "Raph, I need to-"
"Excuse me, but are you part of the class?" the secretary from the office asked in the side room through the glass that Donnie had almost walked past.
"Um," Donnie tore his eyes from Leo and Raph, who hadn't noticed him yet. "No, but I-"
"Then I'm sorry, but you can't just barge in like that," the secretary said, clicking her tongue. "Are you interested in signing up for classes, though? We have the beginner's level and the first six months is at the low cost of-"
Donnie smiled. "Sorry, but I'm family."
"To?" the secretary asked.
"Mr. Hamato?"
"Nice try, kid," the secretary said. "You're not one of his adopted kids, and trust me, if you were related to them, I'd know."
Donnie couldn't help but snort. He, Leo, and Raph really didn't look all that alike for triplets. With different eye colors and hair colors, they were already set apart. But while Leo and Raph had inherited their dad's features, Donnie had, like Mikey, features from their mom, like the dimples. And Donnie's glasses set him apart even more, he was sure.
But he didn't want to stand here and banter with Mr. Hamato's secretary.
"You're so right," Donnie said, nodding as he leaned against the door that led into the class. "I totally get it. I can't go in."
The secretary nodded. "I'm glad we agree."
"Me too," Donnie said. He waited a beat and leaned harder, opening the door.
"Yeah. Hey, what are you doing?"
"Do what? Oh, I'm sorry, the door can't support my weight."
"Don't do that, kid."
"I'm not doing anything, promise! Whoa, guess I'm going to fall inside, what a pity."
"Kid!"
Donnie whipped around and closed the door behind the secretary, feeling his head spin as he gained a sense of balance. The class was full of kids only a little younger than him, maybe middle school or younger.
"Leo, Raph," Donnie said, not caring that he was interrupting a class and now everyone was turning to look at him. He needed Leo to look at him. "Leo."
Leo turned his head at the sound of his name, his eyes catching Donnie's, and widening.
"What are you doing?" he hissed, lowering his water bottle from his lips.
"I needed to talk to you. I need - you weren't answering my calls, or my texts -,"
Was it just Donnie, or was the room spinning? A sharp pain erupted in his middle, and he lifted a hand to his side, as if that would help.
"Hey, can you take your friend out of the dojo?" another assistant barked at Leo.
Leo flinched. "Yeah, look, I can't really talk right now, so -"
Donnie wasn't willing to wait. He grabbed Leo's sleeve just as he turned around. "You've been avoiding me, and I get it, I've been a jerk -"
Someone shoved into Donnie from behind, and he stumbled, unable to catch himself. Leo's hands were on his shoulders, pushing him back sharply.
"Give yourself some more space," Leo ordered at the kid who had accidentally bumped into Donnie. Turning back to Donnie, he gave him a cold look, accusing. "That kid is like, half your size, you know."
"I need to tell you that I'm sorry," Donnie burst out. "I didn't mean what I said, and I'm sorry I forgot my phone, and I'm sorry that I just did something so reckless - I didn't think - I didn't even think about it."
"Yeah, you didn't think," Leo said slowly. Then he narrowed his eyes. "Wait, you didn't leave Mikey all alone to come here to tell me that, did you?"
"No, I didn't this time, and I'll never do that again, either," Donnie promised, and found himself meaning it. "Shen's watching him. She let me come over here."
"Congratulations, you know how to ask for permission," Leo said drily, and Donnie felt his heart ache.
Where was the warmth in Leo's eyes? Didn't he deserve forgiveness? Or had he hurt everyone so much, and done the wrong thing for so long, that he wasn't worthy of anyone's forgiveness anymore?
It's me, it's my fault, Donnie thought as the silence between him and Leo grew. Either I can't stop thinking, or I can't stop being angry, and then I can't sleep and I can't eat and I'm a mess. Am I broken? Can a person break from being an idiot?
"Leo… I-," Donnie didn't know what to say.
Spots appeared before his eyes again.
Raph finally caught sight of them, and was making his way over. Panic and anxiety bloomed in Donnie's chest. In his muddled mind, it felt as if he needed to patch things up with Leo. If Raph came and had to help, then nothing would be the same again, ever. Nausea built in Donnie's ever-empty stomach, and another stab of pain hit him, and he bowed his head.
When he looked up, the lights were too bright and Leo was still looking pointedly away, oblivious to what a mess he was, inside and out.
Or maybe Leo had realized, and that's why he didn't love him anymore.
The third strum of pain that struck Donnie was too much, and black spots darted across his vision.
"Leo?" was all Donnie could manage to whisper before he felt balance leave him and his body pitch forward.
"Donnie?"
Hands caught him, and this time, they didn't push him away. Something sturdy, something stronger than him held him up before slowly sinking to the floor.
"Donnie, look at me. Open your eyes. Raph! Dad!"
Donnie couldn't remember when he had closed his eyes and kept them closed. His head was too heavy, though, and he needed whoever's shoulder he was using to keep it from falling over. He could hear people around them murmuring in surprise, and then new hands grabbing at his head, gently easing his head up, turning it to the side.
"Shit, what happened?"
"I don't know! One minute he was fine, and then he collapsed - and I don't know how - I should have been paying attention -"
Donnie could have sobbed in pain, but he didn't have the energy as the hands unknowingly pressed on his bruises.
"Sons, give him water," another voice said, and Donnie felt the mouthpiece of a water bottle being pressed to his lips. He parted his lips to drink. One sip was all he could manage before he felt the last of his consciousness slip away.
Friday, Hamato residence, 6:18 PM
When Donnie opened his eyes, he wasn't in Shen's apartment. He was in a bed with royal blue bed sheets, the same exact shade that Leo liked so much when they lived in Italy. He turned his head up to an organized room surrounded by those sliding Japanese-styled doors that Mr. Hamato liked so much. By the window sat Leo, who was absently playing with a rubix cube, with no real intent to solve it.
"M…," Donnie groaned, unable to part his lips. Licking them, he tried again, but Leo had already heard him the first time, and was coming over to his side.
"How are you feeling, ototo?"
Donnie blinked over the unfamiliar word. But he had a feeling he knew what it meant.
"Less terrible than usual," he tried, and smiled at Leo.
Leo's face, in turn, twisted into a pained expression. "You didn't tell me," he whispered. "I thought you were fine, but you were sick."
"M'not sick," Donnie denied.
"You fainted in my arms, Donnie. I… you don't know what I thought for the first few seconds. I thought… I thought someone had, like, from a distance-," Leo's voice choked up, and Donnie reached up to grab his the edge of his sleeve.
"I'm sorry," he said again.
"You've been saying that," Leo said, sounding angry with himself. "You've been saying that, and I've been too bull-headed and upset to listen. I'm the one who should be sorry."
Donnie shook his head, and then winced. Leo's hand came up to frame the side of Donnie's face - to hold him still or to just hold him, Donnie didn't know and didn't care - and let his thumb smooth over a tear on Donnie's cheek. Donnie hadn't know he'd been crying.
"You had every right," Donnie said, closing his eyes and leaning into Leo's touch. "I shouldn't have gone there, even if I had a way to bring them down. It was dangerous and stupid and selfish and wrong and I won't do it again, no matter how angry I get."
"Don't be too hard on yourself," Leo muttered, pulling his hand away. "We've already made you feel terrible. We went too far, ignoring you the way we did. And Raph didn't really want to, but I made him. So it was all me."
No, no, no - Leo wasn't allowed to feel bad here! Donnie pushed himself up in Leo's bed and couldn't help let out a little shout when he accidentally strained his back where Angel had stomped her boot on him.
Leo's head snapped up.
"It's nothing," Donnie said quickly.
But Leo was already looking dubiously at Donnie. Followed by a look that was a silent order. The silent communication that Donnie had learned with his triplet brothers was a language that hadn't died over the years.
Donnie sighed. How long before Leo gave up on it? "I'm fine…"
Leo didn't give up on it. He grabbed Donnie's shirt and tugged it up. Donnie, sighed, grumbling to himself and took off his shirt so Leo could do his little inspection. Leo's sharp intake of breath had Donnie groaning on the inside. This was going to be a whole other thing, wasn't it?
"Shit," came a voice from the doorway, and Donnie looked up to see Raph, staring at his back.
"Angel gave me a couple bruises that day," Donnie admitted. "They don't even hurt anymore."
Leo gave Donnie a pointed look. "You're not fooling anyone, so don't even start. Raph, get that cream…?"
"Yeah," Raph said, and was gone and back in a flash, ointment tube in hand before he tossed it to Leo.
"This is ridiculous," Donnie complained as he turned over on Leo's instruction so he could better access his back.
"What's ridiculous is that my little brother has a freaking boot print on his back from last week."
"You're only eight minutes older than me!" Donnie complained some more, but it wasn't like he really meant it. It was fun, and by the looks of Leo and Raph's faces, they were amused just as well. Donnie looked at Raph. "He doesn't do this to you, does he?"
"Oh, all the time," Raph chimed in. "Fratellino, do the dishes. Ototo, clean the dojo mat. When I was your age, I never talked back to Sensei."
The three of them snickered. "Hey, I am the oldest brother," Leo pointed out as he applied the ointment on Donnie's back.
Mr. Hamato walked in just then, and smiled. "Donatello. It's good to see you awake and in higher spirits."
"Thank you," Donnie said politely.
"I expect you to stay for a meal," Mr. Hamato said. "I have ordered a casserole dish from a restaurant since no one likes my cooking, ahem, Raphael."
"I appreciate you, Sensei," Raph said candidly. "Just not your culinary skills."
"I do hope you are feeling better," Mr. Hamato said to Donnie quietly. "Forgive me for saying this, but you appear as if you have lost weight since the last time I saw you."
Raph's smile dropped, and he observed Donnie closer. "Shit, I think he's right."
"Language, Raphael," Mr. Hamato chided softly.
"You definitely have," Leo said, pinching Donnie's waist. Donnie slapped his hand away with the force of a punch. "Ow!"
"Don't pinch me, then."
"I was demonstrating that there was nothing to pinch, you beanpole."
Mr. Hamato laughed. "Leonardo, language."
"Beanpole isn't a bad word!"
"But you hurt my feelings," Donnie accused from where his head was buried in Leo's pillows.
"Baby," Leo teased.
"The point I am trying to make," Mr. Hamato said, "Is that the food is coming, and Donatello, I would like you to take some home to your foster mother and young Michelangelo. But please be sure to eat it."
"Thank you, I will," Donnie promised.
Mr. Hamato left, and Leo and Raph looked at Donnie worriedly.
"Rule of thumb, you can't weigh more than ten pounds less than us," Raph said. "I know you have like, zero muscle mass -"
"Hey."
"But Sensei's right. You can't be wasting away over there," Raph said. "Promise you'll eat and start looking like a normal human being again."
"I'm not even that thin," Donnie said. "I just dropped a couple pounds. But I promise, I'll eat."
"Good," Leo said. "And we're going to bug you every day about it, just so you know. No lying to us about that. Deal?"
"Deal," Donnie said, and sat up and pulled his shirt back on. He looked at Leo. "Thanks for catching me."
Leo's smile was immediate. "Of course. Just… don't give me a reason to catch you like that, okay?"
"Sooo," Donnie looked at Leo and Raph. Is Sensei… like… your dad? He wanted to ask. But it seemed like a weird question.
Probably because it was a weird question.
So Donnie settled on the less weird thing to do and jumped to his feet, feeling better than he had in days, and he hadn't even had dinner yet. They chatted until the food arrived, talking about new movies and tv shows and books and video games, Donnie's upcoming science fair ("NERD!" Raph had snorted), and what kinds of toppings deserved to go on pizza. As they talked, Donnie sealed the memory of their conversation away, somewhere safe: Raph blowing over a fuse when Donnie stated that pineapples did indeed taste good on pizza ("We're Italian! We don't do that! We don't do fruit on pizza!" "Tomato is a fruit, Raph!") and Leo laughing in the background like there was no tomorrow.
Then Donnie had to leave, bringing the food back to Shen's apartment, feeling lighter than he had in days.
Friday, Shen's apartment, 8:30 PM
"I should have told you this sooner," Donnie said to Mikey, "But I found Leo and Raph."
Mikey blinked, his face slack and lacking expression. Donnie feared he'd broken him. The words were so simple, too simple, like it shouldn't have been that easy to say it. But he had.
Like ripping off a bandaid.
Shen had gone out for dinner with a friend, leaving Donnie and Mikey a lot of food to eat for their dinner. That plus the casserole, they'd finished with full stomachs and were getting ready for bed. Donnie had been nervous about this all evening.
And as they both sat cross-legged on Donnie's bed, facing each other, Mikey remained silent. It was wreaking havoc on Donnie's nerves. And then he spoke.
"I know."
Now Donnie was slack-jawed. "What?"
Mikey smiled, a twinkle in his eyes. "I kind of thought so. You were lying all the time, and I saw their names in your phone, and then I had a dream when I was sick that they were here."
Donnie's jaw was still ajar.
"Oh. Okay," he said, running a hand through his hair. "Wow. Uh… did not expect that. But… okay."
"Do they… hate me?" came Mikey's next question, and it hit Donnie like a ton of bricks. "Is that why they only want to talk to you and not me?"
Donnie's heart broke into a million pieces.
"No, no," Donnie said, his eyes wide and a different type of shock overlaying his previous one. He held out his arms and soon he had an armful of Mikey, warm and soft hugging him hard. Something aligned with the same emotion as horror filled Donnie when he felt his baby brother trembling in his arms, trying not to cry.
"I was waiting for so long for you to tell me," Mikey said, his voice small and shaking. "I thought it was because you're triplets, and I'm not part of it, and so I didn't know when you'd tell me, and then I thought you forgot, because Leo and Raphie don't care, and I really miss them and I want you to tell them that I miss them too and that I'm sorry I'm not big enough yet but I will be-"
"Shh, shh, you're okay," Donnie said, and held Mikey in his arms. Mikey's head rested in the crook of Donnie's neck. "They could never hate you. Leo was asking for you. Raph, too. And I promise you'll see them. We'll set something up, but it's just not safe for all four of us to be together because we don't know who might be looking for us."
Donnie wasn't sure how much sense he was making to mikey, but Mikey's tremors only grew.
"Mikey, do you understand? Say something if you understand."
"Mmm," came Mikey's little response.
"We love you," Donnie said helplessly, and his voice cracked. How had he screwed up so bad that any one of them had doubted that?
"Ok," Mikey said in a whisper. "I love you too."
Donnie walked to the kitchen to grab a tissue to wipe Mikey's face. Mikey, being the little boy that he was, blew his nose loudly.
"Ew," Donnie commented, and Mikey giggled.
"That's not gross. You know what's gross?" he asked. "Shen's new boyfriend."
"Um, excuse me?" Donnie asked, doing a double-take at his little brother. "Shen doesn't have a boyfriend."
Mikey looked at Donnie. "But she's having dinner with the Shredder. She told me before you came home. He gave her a rose today."
Donnie looked up at where Mikey was pointing, and it was a single red rose on the windowsill. He blinked, and frowned. How had he missed something like that? Shen was on a date? No wonder they hadn't done Little Italy like they usually did.
And more importantly, what kind of creep called himself the Shredder?
Donnie didn't know, but he did know what he could do. Watching his little brother stick his head in the refrigerator, on a quest for cake or something, he pulled out his cell phone and called Leo.
Leo's response was immediate. "Hi, Donnie."
"Hi, Leo, do you want to say hi to Mikey?" Donnie asked.
Donnie was met with silence from the other end, and then a stuttering, "Y-yes. Yes. What the heck? Did you tell him? Yes! Am I on speaker? Raph! RAPH QUIT POOPING GET DOWN HERE!"
Mikey had whirled around, looking wide-eyed at Donnie as he was handed the phone. Donnie smiled as Mikey pressed the phone to his ear.
"H-hello?"
Leo's voice was full of something tender and delicate as he slipped into Italian. "Hi, little brother. How have you been?"
Mikey's eyes were wide, and when he slipped into a response in Italian, coming as natural to him as smiling, Donnie's chest filled with pride, grateful that he'd thought to practice their mother-tongue with Mikey throughout the years.
In succession, as Mikey spoke to Leo and, then Raph, Donnie glanced out the window to see a sleek black car arrive in front of their apartment. From the passenger's seat stepped out Shen, laughing at whatever the driver had said. Donnie frowned, trying to get a better look at Shen's "boyfriend". All he saw was a man with black hair in a nice suit, without a coat and tie. Like he had just come back from a date… and Shen looked nice, too, but she always looked nice.
In the seven months that Donnie had known Shen, she had only been single. There had never been another guy. It was one of the unique things about their home, and Donnie hadn't given it much thought. But now as Shen and this new strange man approached, he felt a twinge of nervousness in his belly. Did he have to make a good impression for Shen's sake? Did he want to make a good impression for Shen's sake?
"Mikey, Shen's coming back," Donnie said gently.
"I gotta go," Mikey said to Leo and Raph in Italian. "Don't forget about me, okay?"
"Like that would ever happen," Raph snorted, but his voice was soft. "Love you, little guy."
"We'll see you soon," Leo said fiercely, like it was a promise he was making to the universe. "We'll see each other soon, and we'll all be together."
They hung up and Mikey hugged Donnie for all he was worth. Donnie saw many phone calls in the near future. Probably the moment Shen left them alone after her lunch break. There would be no end to their conversations with their brothers from now on. Donnie would make sure of it.
The door swung open after a jingle of keys, and Shen stepped in, in mid conversation with her guest.
"Hi, Donnie, Mikey," Shen greeted, stepping into the kitchen. "I thought you'd be hanging out in the living room."
"Hi," Donnie said, and then froze when he saw who stood behind Shen.
He had the same build, same facial features, and same icy blue eyes Donnie had seen back in the Foot base. It was Master.
Or… a younger version of him.
His son?
Donnie's mind gears were working too fast, filling him with horror without any context. He looked from Shen to the stranger, and back to Shen.
"Guys, I want you to meet my friend, Oroku Saki," Shen said. "He took me to dinner today."
"It was my honor," Oroku Saki said with a smile that sent Donnie a step backwards.
It was the same smile as Master. The same, cold, empty shell Donnie had seen in the Foot base - clearly Oroku Saki wasn't the same person as the old man who lead the Foot clan, but… they looked too much alike for it to be coincidence.
So what's the son of the Foot clan's leader doing in our apartment?
Mikey had fallen silent, too. Donnie felt chills roll down his back as Oroku Saki looked at both of them, his eyes narrowing.
Infiltration. This is payback, Donnie realized in cold sweat. He gripped his phone in one hand, and stepped casually in front of Mikey. His heartbeat felt too weak, and his head too light.
Angel's words came back to him once again: I'd collect you myself… but why would I want to help Hunter's precious little helper who's trying to take my place?
Donnie's breath left his lungs.
Moments ago, they'd been safe.
Now the Foot was in their apartment.
A/N: Thanks for reading! You are amazing! And I am so thankful for each and every one of you who takes time to leave a review/favorites/follows or even just reading for enjoyment.
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