Chapter 10- White Lies
"Narumi? You seem a little preoccupied today…" Miss Yamada commented.
Narumi looked at her. He suddenly remembered the incident at the library…it was her…he was sure of it. He sighed. Until now, he…
"Is something wrong with my face, Narumi?" Miss Yamada asked, awakening him from the trance of memories.
"I-it's nothing…" Narumi stammered.
"Come on, spit it out…you're not acting all weird if there's no reason for it." Miss Yamada said suspiciously.
"Just forget about it Serina…I'm not in the mood to talk about it yet." Narumi said avoiding the topic.
"Suit yourself…" Miss Yamada shrugged her shoulders and went on with the paperwork.
Narumi exited the room quietly. "I'll have lunch early today. Wanna join me?" he said to Miss Yamada.
"No thank you…I'll have to finish this pile first." Miss Yamada gave a "no" wave and smiled apologetically. The door closed behind him.
Miss Yamada sighed deeply…"so until now…she's still in your mind…huh, Narumi?" she thought with sadness in her eyes.
"You're early today Mikan." Yuu said greeting Mikan at the doorway.
"Are you feeling okay now?" Nonoko asked worriedly.
Mikan looked at all their worried faces and it touched her deeply. All of her friends were there with her…putting up with her, and staying with her even though she pushed them away. And they're still here for her. They never left…
"Yeah…I'm fine now." Mikan put on her best smile and it hurt her but she has to.
Anna sighed happily. "I'm so glad…" she said.
Mikan knew right then that the painful smile was worth it…for their sake, she was willing to wear that mask as long as her heart can take.
But someone knows the truth, Hotaru…she can't hide the truth around her.
She glanced at Hotaru but she just sat there, not saying a word. Mikan sighed.
"So you're feeling well now, Ms. Sakura?" Jinno-sensei walked into the classroom.
"Yes sir." Mikan bowed lowly.
"That's good; you've been missing a lot in class." Jinno-sensei said.
"I'll try my best to cope up Jinno-sensei." Mikan said her head embarrassedly bowed.
"Great. Now let us start the session. Students, you may take your seats." Jinno-sensei started the class that day like he would everyday, not noticing sad eyes looking emptily at the sky.
Mikan heard a knock on her room door. She dropped the magazine to the floor and went to answer the door. As she turned the knob, she forced a smile, wore the mask again. She opened it and Hotaru came in.
"You can stop wearing that face, it's only me." Hotaru walked straight in.
Mikan sighed and gently closed the door.
"Weren't you supposed to be working on a new invention today?" Mikan asked softly.
"I'm not in the mood to right now." Hotaru sat down the bed.
"I see…" Mikan said picking up the magazine and started to read again.
"What are you reading?" Hotaru snatched the magazine from Mikan's hands.
"It's a travel magazine…I miss traveling you know, it's been six years since I had contact with the outside world." Mikan said.
"What are you here for anyway?" Mikan asked.
"Narumi asked me to check up on you." Hotaru said. "It's not like I wanted to go here in this musty old room of yours." Hotaru added.
"Everyone seems to be worried about me…" Mikan said with guilt.
A long pause took over…the orange sunlight poured in through the window.
"So…you told him?" Hotaru suddenly asked.
"Huh? I told what to whom?" Mikan asked,
"Natsume…did you tell him?" Hotaru asked again.
Mikan blushed…but she sadly gazed down for an answer.
"Is that supposed to mean no?" Hotaru asked.
But Mikan just helplessly sighed.
"Why didn't you?" Hotaru asked.
"I…I'm not ready to…" Mikan looked away.
"So when are you planning to tell him? Let me guess…when he's six feet under the ground?" Hotaru said with sarcasm.
"How can you talk like that!" Mikan snapped teary-eyed.
"See? You're so afraid to lose him…but you're not doing anything." Hotaru said.
"But it's not funny!" Mikan said, annoyed.
"I didn't say it was funny." Hotaru said.
"It's just that…I don't know what to do anymore you know…" Mikan turned serious again.
"What are you talking about?" Hotaru asked.
"What's the use of telling him the truth…it will only be much harder for us if I did tell him. It will not help anyone, will it?" Mikan explained.
"That's not the point here…" Hotaru said.
"Then tell me what the point is…coz I don't know it, do you?" Mikan said.
"It's not just about Natsume and me…I'll be so selfish to think of my feelings in this situation…what he really needs is help, not my stupid feelings!" she added.
"Would just snap out of it? Natsume has the right to know…you know what I think? You're just using his condition as a reason to escape from your true feelings. He needs to know. If you don't have the courage yourself, maybe it's better if he hears it from other people." Hotaru said.
"That is my decision to make…" Mikan said hardly.
"I don't know, Mikan. If you claim to know what's right for you, then do what you have to do. I'm tired of arguing with you, you hard-headed idiot. Just don't come knocking on my door, crying your eyes out because you realized you should've done some things before it's too late." Hotaru stood up and went to the door.
Mikan sighed. "Okay, I'm sorry…maybe you are right, Hotaru…but I just don't know how to say it…it's all too soon…"
"It's not too soon when you have only a month to live." Hotaru said before turning the knob and going out of the room.
Mikan was left silent. She listened to Hotaru's fading footsteps along the wooden corridors. She has no choice now, but to tell him…tell him the truth.
Natsume heard his door creaking open slowly. He turned and saw his best friend tiptoeing his way towards him.
"Sneaking in, Ruuka?" he almost laughed.
"Shhhh…" Ruuka whispered stealthily.
"It's just they won't let me come in until tomorrow morning." Ruuka added softly.
"Visiting hours is finished, you know…" Natsume joked.
"Of course I know that…" Ruuka said.
"So what are you up to?" Natsume asked.
"I brought some new comic books…" Ruuka raised a paper bag and placed it on Natsume's lap.
"Cool…" Natsume said checking out the mangas Ruuka brought. Then he stopped browsing…this is one of the things he'll be missing when he's gone…sure, he had accepted his death…but he can never accept the fact that soon enough…he'll say goodbye to all the people dear to him…his best friend, his classmates, his friends, and…
"Hey Natsume, Didn't you like them?" Ruuka asked, noticing Natsume's silence.
"I liked them…never mind…thanks anyway…" Natsume said picking up the comic mags and piling them up neatly.
"So how's everything going outside?" Natsume changed the topic.
"Well, so far…everything's fine…" Ruuka answered crossing his fingers.
"Natsume…" Ruuka started but…
"Don't talk about it…" Natsume said.
"It's just that…it's" Ruuka stammered.
"I don't want anyone acting weird around me…got that?" Natsume said authoritatively.
"Yeah…" Ruuka sighed helplessly.
Mikan walked silently across the long hospital corridors silently. Hoping nobody will catch her sneaking in past visiting hours.
This is it…the moment of truth. She is going to tell him tonight or she blows all her chances. She nervously approached Natsume's room…her heart beating fast. Is she really doing this? She stopped by the door of Natsume's room. She breathed in deeply, mustering all the courage she can get. She heard someone talking inside. She stealthily peeked inside and saw Natsume and Ruuka laughing softly. Her heart melted at the scene. Sadness enveloped her. To imagine…that soon enough, these two friends are…
Mikan was about to change her mind and turn back when…
"You can come in, little girl…" it was Natsume's voice.
Mikan heart jumped in surprise. She gulped down her nervousness.
She opened the door slowly.
"So what do you want?" Natsume asked demandingly.
"It's uh…it's…" Mikan stammered, not knowing what to say.
"Ruuka…can you leave us for moment?" Natsume said seriously, his eyes hidden in the shadows of his hair.
Ruuka nodded and looked at Mikan meaningfully before going out.
"What are you doing here past visiting hours?" Natsume asked seriously.
"I was just passing by…" Mikan said
"Don't lie!"
Mikan sighed and looked down the floor. Silence…
"Don't waste my time, little girl…" Natsume said coldly.
Mikan painfully closed her eyes and big, hot tears fell.
"I…I…" Mikan trembled.
"What?"
"I'm scared Natsume! I'm scared to death!" Mikan sobbed.
Natsume was dumbfounded.
"I don't know why I am like this! I can't sleep or eat…and this is all your fault!" Mikan started to explode.
"I just don't understand…why I am being like this! I don't want to think that…"
"What are you talking about?" Natsume asked coldly.
"I was supposed to hate you! It has always been like that for six long years…"
"And now…I just don't know why I'm so scared…" Mikan paused. Maybe she has said too much
"I'm so scared to lose…to lose you!" Mikan cried.
"What are you saying?" Natsume hid his surprise…
"I love you! I love you, Natsume!" Mikan clenched her fists tightly, tears flowing continuously.
Natsume was silent…and it made Mikan nervous. This time she was sure she had said too much…
The ticking of the wall clock was deafening as she waited for his answer.
Natsume raised his gaze and look into her eyes…
"You disgust me…you hopeless little brat…" His eyes, colder than ever bore into her…
"I'm sorry..." Mikan said.
"You're letting those things get into you're stupid head, aren't you?"
Mikan's heart was torn to tiny little pieces.
"You can get out now…" Natsume's voice was demanding…
"I never expected for an answer…I just wanted to…" Mikan trembled; trying her best to take control of the situation…fighting back her tears with all her strength that it stung her eyes.
"You're sick!" Natsume said, driving her away.
"Are you deaf? I said scram!" Natsume said.
Mikan couldn't take the pain anymore. She has to run away…those words were the most painful thing she heard.
"I'm so sorry…" Mikan trembled.
"I don't want to see you again…" Natsume said softly…
Mikan knew what she has to do. She turned around and run out of the room as fast as she could.
Outside, Ruuka saw Mikan running out, covering her face with her hands.
'Why did you do it…Natsume? Why?' Ruuka thought sadly.
Why has Natsume suddenly turned cold on Mikan? There must be a good reason for it…right? Find out Natsume's side of the story in the next chapter before you judge him…hehehehe. Meanwhile, I'm sorry for this boring chapter. but nevertheless, please R&R...arigatto!