Hm. I have a plot running through my head, so maybe I'll start working on another fic. Eventually. Or not.

Title: Messing With Mortal Morons

Theme: #28- Trap

Claim: Robin

Words: 905

Rating: T

Warnings: AU... and a possibly disturbing ending. And some Spandam bashing. Poor guy.

Once, in a forest in some distant land, there lived a man named Spandam. He didn't mind that he lived all by himself, or that his friends never bothered to visit often. After all, he was too busy making a living out of capturing rare creatures and selling them on the black market.

After his confidence and ego had increased some after catching a Kappa from the lake, Spandam stopped using cursed baits and lures and downgraded to normal bear traps and snares used for regular animals. Spandam didn't stop to consider that no magical creature would fall for such obvious traps, but then again, he considered those to be as dumb as any ordinary beast.

And so Spandam was stomping through the forest, knocking over saplings and cussing loudly whenever he stumbled over a tree root. All of his traps had been set off, but there were only squirrels and rabbits and bears caught in them.

Then he went to check on a wire snare he had set up beside the tallest oak tree in the forest and saw a woman with the wire cutting deep into her leg. Her right arm was hanging uselessly at her side, bleeding and shredded. She must have been attacked by a wild beast before managing to drive it away.

"What the hell?" Spandam thought out loud. The woman was casually leaning against the tree and was wearing some sort of animal fur. She didn't seem all that concerned that her leg and arm were bleeding heavily.

"Are you the one who set this trap?" the woman called, noticing the man gawking at her from the edge of the clearing.

"How can anyone be so stupid as to fall for a wire snare?" Spandam burst out laughing. "You're such an idiot!"

"I would think it unwise to mock a forest spirit." the woman's eyes flashed. Spandam stopped laughing. He had heard of the forest spirits, who lived in the trees of the mountain. Then he remembered that forest spirit blood was very valuable and sold at high prices in the potion market. Spandam grinned and bravely approached the trapped spirit.

"Put the knife away, mortal." the forest spirit rolled her eyes when Spandam took out his hunting knife.

"No way! I'm going to sell you for cash. I'll be set for life!" Spandam grinned. He held the knife to the woman's neck and prepared to slit her throat.

"Wait!" the forest spirit said loudly. "Don't kill me quite yet, mortal."

"Why not?" Spandam asked indignantly, moving the knife away.

"If you cut this wire away and spare me, I'll lead you to the Manticore's cave."

"What for?" Spandam demanded.

"Manticore fur is worth ten times as much as forest spirit blood. The teeth are also quite valuable."

"Hm..." Spandam frowned. He knew that the spirit was probably lying, but he reassured himself that if she was, he would just kill her on the spot. "Fine. Lead me to the Manticore, you stupid spirit!" He cut the wire away and the spirit began limping away into the forest. Spandam held his knife at the ready, the point directed at the back of her head.

"My name is Robin, by the way." the spirit said without turning around.

"Like I care! Walk faster!" Spandam barked. Robin smirked, unseen by the hunter, and continued limping.

--X--

"There. The Manticore's lair is up there." Robin said after an hour of hiking. Oddly enough, she was still fully conscious even though she had left a thick trail of blood from her wounds.

"Then I have no more need for you, forest spirit!" Spandam advanced towards Robin, knife held up. "I'll just kill you now and collect your blood. Maybe I'll also use your corpse to distract the Manticore. Haha! I'll be rich! Filthy rich!"

And with that, he stabbed his knife through the forest spirit's eye. She vanished in a poof of green smoke without a sound.

"D-damn it! Coward!" Spandam shouted up to the sky. "STUPID COWARD!"

"Mortals are so fun to mess with." Spandam looked up to see Robin sitting on a high branch, looking down at him.

"Hey! Get down here so I can cut your head off, forest spirit!" Spandam shouted.

"Oh, I'm not a forest spirit. Those delicate little things never come out of the trees. No, no, I'm a Maenad." Robin chuckled.

"What's the difference?" Spandam shouted, trying to climb the tree with little success.

"They never find their way to our territory. It's a shame, really." Robin said, ignoring Spandam. "Every time, I always have to send an illusion to guide one here."

"Illusion? What illusion?"

"Hm. You're a noisy one." Robin looked down at Spandam. "But it's dinnertime for my siblings. Too bad for you."

"The hell are you talking about?"

Robin glanced at the rocky cliffside. Shadows were beginning to drip down, vaguely shaped like people. They gathered around Spandam and materialized into a circle of men and women, all wearing animal furs and with hungry looks in their eyes.

"About time, Robin." a green-haired man growled. "I'm starving."

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU PEOPLE?" Spandam screamed, suddenly very nervous. Robin dropped down from the branch and joined the circle.

"MEAT!" a younger Maenad shouted, leaping foward and sinking his sharp teeth into Spandam's arm. The hunter screamed and flailed as the boy growled. The circle advanced.

And Spandam the hunter was no more.

Sorry, Spanda. :3
Reviews will be greatly appreciated.