A/N: The title of this chappie is from the Click Five song of the same name. It really helped me when I was going through that loss I spoke of last chapter. Hope you all don't hate me! L Here's the end of Adam and Lilly.

Chapter 10: Say Goodnight

I approached the coffin. Lilly didn't look like Lilly. She had on this simple silk dress she wouldn't be caught dead in. I smiled sadly as this thought crossed my mind. Her guitar was in the coffin with her; that was fitting. She would have been happy about that. I had given her parents some pictures of us; one was in the casket, clutched in her slender fingers, other was blown up on a podium. My class ring was there with her, too. I couldn't bear to take it back when Mrs. Riley offered it to me. It was Lilly's and always would be.

I wanted so much to climb in the box with her and hug her forever. Life seemed so meaningless without her there. There seemed to be less sunshine in my days and no skip in my step. Julie had made the comment that it appeared like my candle had gone out. Yep, it had; the extinguishing blow had been losing Lilly forever.

I walked silently to the back of the church where the memorial service was being held. The rest of the team was there. Charlie motioned for me to take a seat between himself and Russ. I collapsed gratefully.

"How you holding up, Banksy?" Charlie asked, sliding a hand around my shoulder and patting me on the back.

"How do you think, Charlie?" I couldn't help snapping. I was so pissed. It wasn't fair. Lilly belonged with me; we had a future. It wasn't right for God to take her from me. I sighed. "Sorry, man. It just seems like a dream, you know? Like any second she's going to pop up in that thing and go 'Gotcha! WHAT THE HELL AM I WEARING?' I don't know if…" I sniffled. "I don't know if I can go on without her. It'll be too hard to love someone after-" Tears rolled silently down my cheeks. "After loving her."

Russ squeezed my arm. "We know man."

I shook my head. They had NO idea. I kept hearing that from everyone. "We know how you feel." "We understand what you're going through." But the fact of the matter is, they had no idea. NONE. No one knew how empty I felt, how mad I was at God for taking her, how guilty I felt. I kept wishing it'd happen to me. That I had the guts to kill myself. Then we could be together again, for always. Life just wasn't worth it anymore.

In the days leading up to the funeral, I hadn't eaten anything. I slept from the time I got home from school until it was time to go back. I missed practices, meetings, my grades were slipping. What was the point in continuing anything if Lilly wasn't there to share my triumphs and defeats? I kept expecting her to walk down the hall toward me and kiss me. I could almost feel her hands ruffling up my hair as I walked to class. I heard her voice in my sleep; it was laughing, happily chattering away about Algebra and the band.

The service went on around me as I lost myself in my memories. They showed videos of Lilly as a toddler, singing to "Help Me, Rhonda." There were clips of the band's performances during the years. Pictures of Lilly with the Ducks as our manager. Pictures of us, smiling and holding hands. Kissing.

I felt a yearning in my heart. If only I could wish back those days, before we broke up. If I had only fought for her. Talked to her. Not let her go to Florida. We lost so much time because we were stupid. Because I was stupid.

Lilly's mother was crying on the platform behind her casket. "Lilly was a v-v-very tal-ented g-g-girl." She wiped her eyes. "And she had just found something very dear- l-l-love." She found me in the crowd. She cleared her throat. "I f-found this when I c-cleaned out her room." She opened a little book; Lilly's diary. "I wanted t-to read something from h-her diary. 'I've finally found the one. I can't believe how lucky I am. He forgave me after I treated him so terribly. This is the first time in my life I feel like I've lived up to my nickname of princess, because I've finally found my happy ending. I just hope we last forever.' Adam," Lilly's mother smiled at me. "Thank you for making my little girl's last year on Earth the happiest of her life." She left the podium and resumed her seat.

Fresh tears flooded my eyes. I shook my head and stood up. I walked toward the podium, took the microphone. "Thank you, Mrs. Riley. But before you make me out to be some kind of saint, I just want to clarify something." I pointed to the picture of Lilly and I together. "This beautiful girl, the one I loved with my whole heart…it's my fault she's dead." A murmur went out through the crowd. "That night, Lilly and I got into a huge argument because I was too possessive; I was jealous of my best friend, who was getting homework help from Lilly. She walked off toward the park. She called her brothers to come calm her down. She ran out in front of that car from the place I chased her to." I stared at Lilly's picture, crying. "But I didn't mean to kill her. I didn't want to. I didn't drive the car…but it's my fault she's dead."

I dropped the microphone and raced from the room, tears flowing freely down my cheeks.

I waited beside a nearby grave in the cemetery until everyone else had left. Then I walked over to Lillian Mackenzie Riley's grave. I sank to my knees in the fresh earth, tears still staining my cheeks.

"Hello, sweetheart," I whispered to the ground. "I'm so sorry. I wish I could fix everything. I wish I could have realized what I was doing and fixed the problem. I wish…" A sob escaped my lips. "I could be the man you needed me to be."

I sat there crying for hours, long after the sun set. I missed her more than words could describe. It was an emptiness I had never known and hoped I'd never experience again. And I still couldn't fathom why it had happened to me. Why the woman I loved had to be the one who died.

"Is this punishment!" I yelled to the sky. "Is this what I get for being a possessive jerk? Did I have to learn my lesson like this?" I pointed to the grave.

A small breeze played with my hair. My tears started to dry. The wind seemed to be saying something. I listened and gasped. It sounded as if the breeze was saying "I love you."

A smile played at the corner of my lips. "I love you, too," I whispered back. I stood up and wiped the dirt off my pants. I turned around. Charlie and Russ were waiting a few yards away.

"You okay, man? Everyone was worried about you." Charlie clapped me on the back.

"I'll be better with time." I hope. I looked over my shoulder at Lilly's grave; I wasn't going to say goodbye. It wasn't goodbye...Lilly'd never leave me."Goodnight," I whispered into the darkness and then I walked quietly to Charlie's car for a ride home.

A/N: Okay, so you can't exactly get over losing your love in a few hours…but the pain Adam would have experienced would have taken CHAPTERS to write…and I can't exactly put the feelings into words…it's one of those things you have to actually feel to understand the experience. I hope none of you have to experience it ever. It's not the best feeling in the world. Just know that the person loved you too and now they're watching over you. That's the best advice I can give. OH! And don't fight the tears…they'll just come harder later on…Peace and love, my loyal readers…XOXOXO Nellie