One fine morning, Donni disappeared.
Loghain began his morning ritual as usual, but instead of seeing Donni at the breakfast table with everyone else, there was a note waiting for him. She'd left instructions for the next few days, and had added 'Whatever you decide is fine. I'll be back soon.' No one seemed to have any idea what had happened, other than Donni had asked for a horse to be saddled early in the morning, and she'd set off with Gryphon and a few supplies.
Loghain stuck with his duties for an hour and a half before he gave in and handed the instructions off to one of the older recruits. He saddled a horse and followed her out into the bright sunshine. He'd picked up more than a few survival skills in his youth, and Donni had been making no effort to cover her tracks.
She led him on a pleasant, meandering course across the countryside, avoiding farms and towns but otherwise with no apparent destination in mind. If she'd wanted a bloody holiday, why hadn't she said so? He had to work at being irritated; it felt good to be out of the keep, and unobserved by eager recruits. Out here he was just another man on a horse, his armour nondescript; it seemed ridiculous to be in full plate all the time now.
It was late afternoon, and Loghain was still doggedly following Donni's trail when he heard familiar, friendly barking. Gryphon bounded down the slope, stumpy tail wagging, and looking very pleased with himself. Loghain felt slightly sheepish as he allowed the dog to lead him up the slope, where Donni had set up a little camp, overlooking the valley and the lights of Vigil's Keep on the other side.
"Small world," Donni observed as he dismounted and made his way to the fire.
"Taking a holiday? You could have told me where you were going." He set his pack down and sat beside her. She'd started cooking, and Loghain noted that there was probably enough for two, although she might have been planning on sharing with the dog.
"Why? You had no trouble finding me, obviously. Besides, I didn't know where I was going." She shrugged. "Why are you here? What about everyone else?"
"They can take care of themselves for a while. You managed to stop a Blight as a raw recruit, so I'm sure the others can handle an evening on their own. What happened, Donni?" She didn't appear upset, but there had to be a reason for her sudden departure.
She sighed, "I got a letter from Alistair. He's finally got around to getting a memorial made, for Duncan. It was an invitation to the ceremony."
"I don't really see the problem."
"I promised myself, when the Blight was over, I would mourn Duncan properly. I had to hold myself together until then for Alistair's sake. But that was nearly a year ago. I just realised that I haven't kept that promise. I haven't even wanted to. I just…I don't know what happened. It all feels so long ago now."
Loghain didn't say anything, and Donni continued.
"He was everything. I tried to do everything he would; I tried to live up to his ideal. I didn't always succeed, though."
"You did stop the Blight, I think that counts."
"True. I must admit, I only knew him for a week. It was an amazing week, but still. Long enough for an infatuation, but I can't say I really knew him."
Loghain glanced at her sharply. "Infatuation?"
Donni smiled, "Yeah, well, when a Grey Warden swoops in and saves you from certain death, it's only natural, right?"
"Hm." Loghain tried to sound noncommittal.
She sighed, "He turned me down, of course. I swear if I hadn't gone to the Pearl, I wouldn't know what a naked human looked like."
Loghain made a kind of choking cough, and stared at her with raised eyebrows. She never lost the capacity to surprise him. He tried to avoid thinking too hard about it, but he felt a sudden anger that a nameless human at the Pearl hadn't even known who she was, or how lucky he was-
"What?" Donni said defensively. "What else was I supposed to do?"
He shook his head, "I don't really know. I've never met a woman quite like you before." And that was the honest truth.
"You mean a dwarf girl?"
"No, I think it's more than that," he said quietly. "Anyway," he was determined to steer the conversation back on track, "the way you speak about him, it's as if Duncan is a symbol, an ideal, rather than a person. And in that sense he didn't die. Dead people make better symbols than live ones anyway; I learned that the hard way."
Donni smiled, "Maybe." She offered him some stew, and although he had bread and dried meat in his pack, he didn't refuse. A companionable silence descended while they ate.
"Okay!" She stretched, "I answered your question, now you answer mine; what brings you all the way out here? You weren't worrying about me, were you?"
"You can take care of yourself. I just wanted to make sure, that's all. As it turned out, you did need my advice," he pointed out.
"I half expected you'd show up, actually. Might have been disappointed if you didn't." She grinned at him before tilting her head back and looking up at the stars. "You've been watching out for me a long time."
"I know," he said. "Too long." He spoke so firmly Donni ceased her stargazing and turned her attention back to him. "It's too easy to let some things slide, but I should have said this a long time ago."
He watched her intently, and Donni smiled in an encouraging way. Loghain wasn't one for making grand declarations, but he wasn't one for shirking his duty either, and he owed her this.
"Thank you," he said. "I wasn't particularly grateful at the time, I know. And I know your reasons didn't have a lot to do with me, but I'm glad you made the choices you did." She saved him, although it had taken him a long time to appreciate it. He'd become her right-hand-man, her friend, and had quietly decided it was where he belonged for the foreseeable future. She deserved to know why, to know it was her he was indebted to, and not merely a sense of duty.
"Oh," Donni grinned and shrugged self-consciously. "I'm glad you said that. You're very hard to read, sometimes. I've made mistakes, I know, but you were never one of them."
He nodded. He knew that. Donni was quite an open person, and Loghain wasn't stupid. She admired him quite frankly, and didn't try to hide her affection. But she always kept her distance, and he could never quite find the right time to take back words he'd come to regret more with each passing month. It wasn't a matter any longer of what Duncan would have done; he now understood it was what Duncan did that had kept her out of reach. He couldn't blame her for taking two rejections to heart.
If not now, he thought, then when?
"I've made a few of my own," he began.
"Really? The great Loghain Mac Tir? Mistakes? Well I never." He should have known she'd try to make light of it. It was her way, to laugh off anything that might make him uncomfortable, or damage a friendship she obviously prized.
"Do you want to hear this or not?" He wasn't going to let her dissuade him.
"No, please, go on, I am positively agog."
"In Redcliffe castle." Her teasing smile faded. "I said some things, implied some things." He stared off resolutely at the distant lights of Vigil's Keep, "I said some things that no man in his right mind would have said. It made sense at the time, but now I want to take them back. If you'll allow me."
She stared at him, trying to work out what he was talking about. "Oh," she scratched her head. "Oh." Enlightenment dawned. "Why don't you say these things plainly?" she asked.
"You don't make it easy."
"Sorry."
"No, I don't blame you. We probably should've…"
"Said something a long time ago?" she asked.
"Said. Or…done." He reached out and placed his hand over hers.
She pounced on him. In hindsight, he really shouldn't have been surprised to find himself with an armful of exuberant dwarf. She tangled her fingers in his hair, and stroked his face, wholly unashamed of her desire. And she was utterly greedy. Her teeth scraped on his lower lip, as she kissed him mercilessly, stole his breath, and demanded his mouth. He had to wonder how long she'd been holding this back.
"So, that's okay?" she asked, finally pulling back to get a look at him, her eyes firelit and dark.
"Now you ask?" He grinned at her.
She stared at him, like she always did on the rare occasions he smiled. "Loghain?" She ran her fingers down his cheek, "You're gonna be doing that a whole lot more, from now on, understand?"
"Is that an order?"
She looked at him from under her eyelashes, "Do you want it to be?"
He groaned and pulled her in for another kiss. He let her topple him, landing on his back in the grass. She climbed on top of him, a hand either side of his head. She was a good couple of feet shorter than he was, but he had no doubts they could make it work. He started feeling around for the buckles on her armour, as she bent down to him.
Gryphon suddenly got to his feet and trotted off, as tactful as a dog could possibly be.
"We've wasted so much time," Donni breathed against his mouth.
"Yeah."
They didn't waste any more.
When dawn broke over Ameranthine, the fire was out. Loghain opened his eyes and decided that Anora could marry whoever she wanted. She'd probably tease him, and tell him it was Donni's influence, and given the dwarf herself was curled up against him with her head on his arm he supposed he couldn't really argue.
He felt as if the last piece of something had finally fallen into place. Calm. She hadn't needed him during the Blight; he'd done nothing that Alistair couldn't have done in his place, but now he knew why he'd survived. He knew why she'd saved him; he'd seen it in her eyes when she turned to face the Archdemon, but he'd felt too old, too guilty.
So she'd waited. And he wanted to shake her, call her a fool for such a thing because she reminded him of himself, all those years ago. But he couldn't; he could only be indescribably grateful.
The bedroll wasn't designed for two, even if one of them was a dwarf, and he tried to make himself more comfortable, jolting Donni awake in the process.
"Hmm…" She opened her eyes and blinked up at him drowsily. "We should head back today," she said in a voice thick with sleep. "I need to reply to Alistair."
"I should write to Anora."
She smiled, and it was like the sunrise. "Changed your mind, have you? You're getting soft in your old age-" She squeaked as he rolled on top of her and then laughed. They didn't have to head back immediately after all.