10. Gamble

The Cerberus fleet was terrifying.

How could a terrorist organization that was believed destroyed be able to build a strong force without the rest of the galaxy noticing it? Looking at the fleet, realizing its threat, Kaidan shivered slightly. His throat was dry when he swallowed and his heart was racing dangerously fast. Blinking without seeing, the Alliance Major took a deep breath.

"Any transmissions?" he asked, one hand braced on back of Adam Bell's seat. A flash of memory from the depths of his mind surged forward. He recalled seeing Commander Shepard's back in the Normandy's bridge, hand placed on Joker's backrest. The Commander had seemed calm, certain and heavy with purpose.

"None, sir." Bell's voice had regained little of his usual calm since Kaidan had appeared in the cockpit. The Major could tell that the pilot was still nervous judging by the speed at which his hands danced over the control board.

He's not Joker, Kaidan had to remind himself. He had gotten so used to flying with the best pilot in the Alliance, sometimes he forgot to indulge the lesser experienced pilots serving under him. He took another deep breath and exhaled. He had hoped that the flush of oxygen would clear his mind, but its only effect was to remind him that, if the Perseverance took another hit, there would be no more oxygen for his lungs.

"Why aren't they firing?" Bell asked, voice trembling slightly. "What are they waiting for?"

It was true. After Kaidan and the clone brothers rushed out of the observation lounge, the Cerberus fleet had ceased their attack. Now, they hovered in black space, waiting. In silence, the six Cerberus cruisers and their fighter squadron opposed a single Alliance frigate called Perseverance.

It was clear that the rogue Spectre had been betrayed.

"Sir?" Bell asked.

Kaidan didn't answer but continued to gaze out of the viewport, studying the Cerberus ships. Obviously, Cerberus had been waiting for them. Otherwise they couldn't have responded this fast. Normally, cruisers were based closer to the actual station while small fighter squadrons patrolled in the area. But what Kaidan was looking at was the great gate of a blockade.

Their position and the time of arrival must have been known to Cerberus. Someone had compromised his mission. But who? Who would betray him? Who knew of his crusade?

Liara had given him this information, but no matter what happened Kaidan was certain that Liara would never betray him. She had loved Shepard just as much as Kaidan had done, she wouldn't betray his legacy at any cost.

His students, maybe? Varov had been suspicious, even tense in the war room. Maybe she hadn't doubted Kaidan's loyalty but had been secretly hiding her true intentions? But what motive would she have? What did she hope to gain by helping Cerberus? No, it couldn't have been Varov. The young Lieutenant was his best student, his most trusted one. She had been a victim of Cerberus' crime before and trained by Jack. Her hatred for Cerberus was what proved her innocence.

But who else could it be? The Clones? As the thought crossed Kaidan's mind, he shivered. The possibility that the clones had betrayed him was indeed very high. They could have lied to him from the beginning. They could have deceived Kaidan about the functionality of their control‑chip. They could have acted their innocence, their affection, to gain his trust.

There were too many possibilities out there, too many suspects. Everyone on this ship could have done it. Everyone off the ship would have guessed what Kaidan was doing. Could it be that Councillor Tralor really did have Cerberus ties?

"Sir?" Adam Bell interrupted Kaidan's thoughts. "What are they waiting for?"

"Our move," Kaidan said with his voice flat. No doubt Cerberus knew that Kaidan was surprised to see them. No doubt they knew that Kaidan was without support.

But what they didn't know was that Kaidan was never without friends.

"What should we do, Sir?" the pilot asked again, face turning ashen.

"Move us into cover," Kaidan said, thinking.

"Where, Sir? We're in space!"

Kaidan didn't answer immediately. He leaned forward and his fingers reached for the control panel. Sometimes, even today, Kaidan had the urge to helm a ship. He remembered his first days on the Normandy SR-1 when he assisted Joker in their flight. Though Kaidan had never trained directly to be a pilot, he always took time to get familiar with a ship's controls.

His finger waved over the orange interface and a screen popped up. He typed in a few commands and leaned back, hand resting on the headrest again. When he spoke, his uncertainty was hidden behind his military tone. "There. Bring us into the asteroid field. I bet the cruisers can't follow us there."

"The fighters can," Bell pointed out.

"They won't," Kaidan said.

"I don't understand." Bell's concern was justified.

"Cerberus wants to be seen as the heroes of humanity," Kaidan explained, hoping that his assumption was right. "Blowing the only human Spectre from the sky won't buy them any sympathy with the Council or the people. It would aggravate them and might even cause another war."

"So, as long as we have you on board, we're safe?"

Kaidan nodded. "I sure hope so."

"If you say so, Sir." Bell didn't argue and started to plot the course.

Kaidan watched closely as his pilot checked the systems. He didn't need to but the routine gave him a false impression of security. And he needed that, because in his head his world and plans were falling apart. He had never expected a fleet here. He had never though this through before he led all these young soldiers and innocent victims into his battle.

In his heart, Kaidan doubted himself. He didn't know what had made him assume that Cerberus wouldn't wipe him from existence. He had no idea what would make his plan succeed. He felt as if he was seventeen years old again, foolish and passionate about protecting the people he loved. He felt small, so meaninglessly small against the pressure of so many lives in his hands and the threatening darkness around him.

But on the outside, his face was carved from stone. Motionless and cold.

"Make a fast move, Bell," Kaidan commanded. "Direct all energy to the shield and thrusters. Once we're behind the asteroid, cut all power."

"Without power, we'd be drifting."

"Then find a big asteroid," Kaidan said.

"Yes, Sir."

Kaidan counted the seconds as Bell started the Drive again. When the Perseverance's thrusters came back into life, a Cerberus squadron responded by moving into attack formation. But as Kaidan had calculated, the enemy didn't engage.

"Now, Bell!"

With a lurch, Perseverance pierced through the space. The small frigate was made for recon, not war. Through its bulk was reinforced with Reaper plate and its engine enhanced with a Reaper core, it still was only one ship. One single, vulnerable ship; a lone wolf without a pack.

When the asteroid came into closer view, Perseverance's Captain rushed into the cockpit. His hair was ruffled by sleep while dark rings hung under his eyes. He pursed his lips but didn't question the Spectre's orders. He only watched and Kaidan saw the sweat gather on the Captain's forehead.

In the cockpit, Bell was the only one talking. He didn't chat, but gave voice to what his hands were doing.

"Incoming fighters!" Bell shouted as the little icons of Cerberus fighters showed up on their sensors. "Looks like they decided otherwise."

"Lose them," Kaidan said but knew that the pilot didn't really need the order.

Perseverance was bigger than the fighters and the fighters had less firepower. Their small form allowed them to reach places closed to Perseverance, but they lacked the strong shields. They were flawed. Projectiles flew past the front window and a small tremble went through the hull. An alarm started to ring, telling them that the cargo bay had caught fire.

Captain Riley's face bleached and Kaidan's hand clenched into a fist so tight his knuckles hurt. He didn't say anything but trusted his life and the lives of all the inhabitants of this ship to Adam Bell.

Kaidan remembered something that Shepard had told him once. At a time before Ilos, before they had reached out for each other's hearts, the Commander had whispered to him in confidence that dying on a ship was the last thing he wanted. Shepard had wanted to say goodbye to life with a weapon in his hand and comrades at his side. Aboard a ship during a space fight the Commander had felt powerless against the mass destruction outside.

This was how Kaidan felt right now. Seeing the Perseverance carve its way through the asteroid cluster and knowing that a squadron of fighters was pursuing them, Kaidan wondered if his plan would fail. He wondered if Bell's skill was enough.

"Major!" Bell sounded anguished. "You better get to the escape pods! Another hit and we're gone."

"You can do it, Bell!" Kaidan's hand rested firmly on the pilot's shoulder. He wouldn't abandon ship. Not again! Not while Shepard was still aboard.

"Major, I… What the hell!"

A shrill noise blared through the cockpit along with a flash of light. Something cold reached out for Kaidan and his body tensed. In that instant, all of Perseverance's lights and screens flickered and then it was silent. And dark.

But not dead. Numbers ran across the displays while the ship changed course. The artificial gravity wasn't enough to keep the Major on his feet while the ship made a full turn in mid‑space. Kaidan felt the tremble as the hull scratched an asteroid's surface. Pieces of small debris bounced off the window while sparks of fire vanished into vacuum.

"What are you doing, Bell?" Kaidan shouted, reaching out to catch the falling Captain.

"I'm not doing anything!" Bell shouted back. "It isn't me!"

"What do you mean?" Captain Riley's voice was pressed from stress.

"I lost control, Captain! I… She's…handling herself!"

"Who?" Riley shouted, coming back to a more stable stance.

Another shift threw Kaidan against the back of Bell's seat. For a second, the air was pressed out of Kaidan's lungs and he gasped for breath. Without the protecting plates of his armour, Kaidan's chest was squeezed and his ribs hurt more than he thought they should. Again, he considered the chance of dying in space and shivered.

"Who's handling the ship?" Captain Riley shouted. His hand closed firmly on a handgrip.

"Herself!" Bell shouted back, hands flying over the panel to regain control.

A flash of bright light illuminated Bell and Riley's terrified faces. In front of the ship two fighters burst into flames as oxygen escaped from their cockpits. The fire died and they saw four other fighters coming closer, gun's blazing.

Perseverance shot again. The accuracy of the newly installed Thanix Cannon was inhuman. Two perfect shots sent two fighters into the realm of fire while her body dodged the incoming missiles gracefully, without ever moving a meter too far.

Then, realization dawned.

"Stop trying, Bell," Kaidan said with his voice calm, though he know that he should be worried. "She can handle herself."

"Who's handling the ship?" Riley persisted.

"Perseverance." Kaidan didn't turn to see the Captain's face, but the lack of response painted a clear image of Riley in Kaidan's mind. He didn't wait until his ship was done with the two remaining fighters; instead, he moved to touch her skin and said. "Finish them, then bring us into cover. Cut all power but life support!"

"Are you certain, Major?" Captain Riley asked finally. "Without power, we can't defend ourselves when they find us."

"If they find us," Kaidan replied. "Trust me, Captain. I know what I'm doing."

Captain Riley opened his mouth again, but closed it before any words escaped. He watched Kaidan as if the Spectre had gone insane. Between pursuing fighters and a self-handling ship, Captain Riley was obviously bewildered.

Kaidan swallowed and hid his uncertainty behind a frown. He watched the Thanix Cannon's beam raze the last remaining fighter and flinched when the light went out. He felt the vibration of the Core and closed his eyes. When he concentrated, he could almost feel Perseverance becoming weaker.

When the screens blacked out, Bell winced. Kaidan patted him on the shoulder but didn't say anything. His mind was full of possibilities. Full of dangerous thoughts and dying moments. Eventually, Perseverance became still. Though the ship had never been loud, it was like walking through a corpse.

Outside the cockpit, horrified faces stared at him. Kaidan braced himself against the unwanted attention of so many, but didn't falter. He forced himself to walk. He avoided the eyes of Jon and Jared. He couldn't look at them right now, didn't dare to see the doubt in their eyes, afraid they might mirror his own. He didn't talk, didn't whisper. He had no strength to explain, no words to make his plan clear.

He trembled inwardly, angst filling his body. The possibility existed that he was making a mistake. A mistake that would cost the lives of so many; so many young men and women whose lives he had already ruined. So many innocent souls who desired nothing but justice and love.

Step by step, he moved closer to the service ladders. Without energy, the elevator wasn't moving. He only hoped that no one was trapped inside. His hand found the cold metal of the rail, shiny as the day the Perseverance was finished. His footsteps echoed in the narrow tunnel, reminding him that he must do this alone.

His paces slowed down when he reached the ship's core. He didn't know if it had to be this place, but if a ship had a heart it would be here. The two engineers stationed here weren't around. They likely had been rushed into the evac‑rooms with its belted seats. It left Kaidan alone with a slightly crackling orb in the centre of the room.

He took a deep breath and extended his hand. His fingers touched the blue surface he hated so much. How many times in his life had he glanced down at a Reaper corpse and hated it until hate was the only thing he knew? How many times had he stepped on it, punched it, screaming at it, cried at its side, expressing his desperate want for an answer?

But today, he was begging.

"Listen," Kaidan whispered slowly, eyes hot with moisture. "Maybe I am only talking to a metal wall, but if I'm not mistaken, you can hear me! I know you are watching me, but I don't know why. I don't know who you are anymore or what you are, but if you still have any feelings for me; help me!"

Kaidan sighed, chest trembling. "I am gambling with the lives of my crew, the lives of your clones. We are trapped and vastly outnumbered. You've seen the fleet for yourself. I don't know who is commanding them or what they want, I only know that without reinforcements we will die. I can't put out an SOS without the risk of giving away our position. But if you still have the powers of communicating without detection, send me help!"

Kaidan took another deep breath and fought back his tears. "Help me destroy this abomination! Help me finish what you couldn't! Help me protect the peace our friends died for. You died for! Shepard, send me a sign. I need you!"

In the abandoned silence and darkness, a voice sounded from afar.

I hear you.