Lucy squealed in happiness as the swing went higher. Harry smiled at her childish joy, hating himself for how much he'd missed of her life. It wasn't his fault, but that didn't seem to make a difference to how he felt. Slowly he stopped pushing the swing as hard until Lucy was just swinging gently in the breeze.
"You stopped?"
"Yes," Harry said with a smile. Lucy stood up on the swing and Harry instantly felt the need to grab her so she wouldn't fall. He resisted as it looked like she did this often, but walked closer to her so he could catch her if she lost her balance. Lucy tilted her head to one side, looking at him.
"You're here all the time now," she said.
"Yes, I am," he agreed.
"Are you going to live with us?" she asked.
"If that's okay with you."
"Yes. Mummy doesn't cry when you're here," she said, much to his surprise.
"She's been crying?"
"Mummy always cries," Lucy said with a shrug which made her seem a lot older than she was. "In the bathroom when I go to bed."
Harry had no idea what to say to that. A little girl had left him completely speechless. When he got his senses back, he picked her off the swing and took her to the bench, both of them sitting down. The park had been renovated since he'd last been here with his pregnant wife, and it now looked bright, child friendly and not a spot of rust anywhere. He wondered if Ruth had used her influence to have it renovated.
"I've got to talk to you about something grown up." Her eyes popped open, bright and alight with interest.
He couldn't think of any way to do this gently, and a child wouldn't pick up on subtlety either.
"I'm your dad."
"Okay," she said simply. "Can I go on the roundabout?"
"Do you know what me being your dad means?" he asked gently.
"Well… Matthew has a daddy. He drives a tra-or."
"Tractor?" Harry suggested.
"Yes, tra-or," Lucy said. "Julia has a daddy. But Chloe doesn't have a daddy. Susie doesn't have one. Jamie and Lizzie don't either."
The way she was speaking, it seemed like having a father was a possession, rather than anything relating to family. Ruth had been right, in that Lucy didn't really understand what a father was. She wasn't old enough. Maybe that was a good thing. When she was grown up, she wouldn't remember that there'd been a time when he hadn't been around.
"Roundabout?"
"Sure," he said. "Then home to mummy." Lucy smiled at him in a charming way that had echoes of Ruth. He carried her over to the round about and started to push it around, hearing her beautiful laughter.
"I told her," Harry said. "That I'm her father. She doesn't really understand."
"No," Ruth said softly. "No, she doesn't. I didn't lie to you, it just hasn't entered her head that she has another parent."
"Mm," Harry said.
"Are you upset?" she asked, reading his tone.
"No," he said. "I don't quite know how to handle her, that's all."
"Just love her," Ruth said with a smile. She reached up and caressed his face gently. "That's all you can do." He kissed her, intending it to be a light, reassuring kiss, but her lips were so warm and inviting he couldn't resist deepening the embrace. It became hot and frantic very quickly, with Ruth's heart racing. He put his arms around her, pulling her body tightly against his own as they kept kissing. His hands on her waist slipped lower, curving against her bum and she sighed pleasurably at his touch. He fondled her gently and she closed her eyes as her pulse raced. Harry kissed her jaw for a moment then whispered in her ear. "I still want you." His voice was low, full of desire and very seductive. She didn't need him to tell her that, she could feel his body reacting against her. "Do you still want me?" he asked, pulling back only so he could look into her eyes. He wanted the truth, whatever it might be. She knew that.
"Yes," she said. "I do want you." He looked at her for a moment before a small smile appeared on his face. She was being honest and he knew it.
"That's good," he whispered. He kissed the corner of her eye before drawing away from her, turning to look out of the kitchen window and get himself under control. She could tell without asking that that was enough physical contact for him. For now.
Just a small chapter as the next part needs a chapter all of its own. Thanks for being patient while I was away!